Ok. changed the passcode on phone and no more of that stuff.

He's been attempting contact and acting decent and whatnot.

But then came today. He was acting all wierd at the soccer game. I kept my distance and then somehow we started talking...He mentions that "I should just get over things b/c he is going to "start a family soon" with Family Values and then get married. I said "what is she pregnant again already (bkg..she's an unmarried mother of a 3 yo son out of wedlock)...golddigger might I add also?

Then he adds that he's been looking at expensive real estate for his new home and says "I always move up" and then says more and then I walk away. I say..."ok. you've heard the last words from me ever." I walk without any hint of anything, very cool, to opposite side of field and then kept my cool praying the while. Then he moves over to other side of field. I finally have had it and say to him very qietly where nobody could hear ..."DON'T YOU EVER SAY SUCH CRAP LIKE "STARTING A FAMILY" WHEN YOU CAN LOOK OUT ON THAT FIELD AND SEE A BOY RUNNING AROUND WITH YOUR NAME AND A WOMAN STANDING HERE WHO STILL CARRIES YOUR LAST NAME OUT OF COUREESY TO HER SON. MAYBE YOU FORGOT JETHRO, BUT YOU STARTED A FAMILY OVER FIVE YEARS AGO AND FORGOT YOU HAD ONE...AND YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF HER...I MEAN IT IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING EVERYTHING THAT'S GONE ON WITH HER AND WITH YOUR LIFE. IF YOU THINK IT'S OK, THEN TELL ANY MINISTER WHO MIGHT BE BRAZEN ENOUGH TO MARRY YOU ABOUT YOUR OTHER FAMILY YOU LEFT. JUST TAKE IT TO GOD. SEE IF YOU CAN WASH YOUR OWN SIN AWAY AND HERS TOO AND TRUST ME I KNOW FAR TOO MUCH ABOUT HER THAN I ACTUALLY CARED TO EVER FIND OUT...AND IT MUST BE NICE TO BE ABLE TO BUY A FANCY NEW HOUSE WHEN YOU LEFT US IN FINANCIAL RUIN. SO YOU LIED ABOUT THE FINANCIAL TROUBLE AND EVERYTHING ELSE. SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH AND THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW. I'M DONE AND SEE YA."

So I walk away. He stares at me and I say nothing. Nothing. Son and I walk away and then we leave. Son did incredible today making again seven or eight goals. He's so awesome. Then about fifteen minutes my phone starts ringing and It's jethro. He calls on my cell 3 times. He doesn't quit calling, and even called me at home so I answered and said "what?"...He goes on to say that he could tell that I had worked with son in soccer and then says something like "you don't need to say you don't like somebody (Family Values) or talk about somebody when you don't know someone." I said "one's life speaks for itself..." He gets kinda hot and calls me "stupid" and says to "shut up" and I say "JETHRO, YOU HAVE FOR THE LAST TIME, LOST THE PRIVILEGE OF SPEAKING TO ME AND CERTAINLY ANY PRIVILEGE OF SPEAKING TO ME WITH ANY HINT OF AUTHORITY AS YOU ARE NO LONGER MY PARTNER...OH, IN FACT, YOU'VE STARTED ALREADY MAKING ANOTHER FAMILY. CONVERSATION PERMANENTLY ENDED." i HANG UP ON HIM.

So that's that. He is trying to control everybody. He's trying to find out why I am looking better, why I don't tell him anything about my life when he blabs about his. Even tries to access my voice mail at home because I am in plan B basically still and he's wondering what I am up to. And then I guess SHE'S PREGGO. Must be. How else does one first start a family and then later on get married? Plus, when I asked if she was "again pregnant" he was very silent and didn't answer. His silence spoke enough.

So he's trapped with the golddigger. Has to marry her or her family has put pressure on him..And he knows that I am aware now. And he did the worst thing he could do...Discuss how he lied about his finances again.

So...I am faced with a quandry. I think I need to get the asset search again and somehow consider court once more. The other soccer moms who heard him speaking told me they would do it and also castrate him if he were their xh who did the same..

Please pray. Had an awesome interview on friday that lasted four hours and they are coming back on mon. with a salary offer and I want this job. Heck we need it with a playboy x who doesn't think that his "FORMER" family is worth spending a fair or honest amount of child support on. After all he has to keep up a preggo golddigger...Before she can become Mrs. Jethro no. 3, I need to get ahold of the assets and make sure my son is provided for. And I am frightened to death. One of the soccer moms says she has a killer attorney who just represented her neighbor and her husband did some contracting work for her and she "owes him" so she said that she'd call her and try to get me some free legal work done to get the balls rolling. I think it's time for new counsel.

I am Hurt and angry but in my heart believed that Family Values was preggo...After all, she showed up earlier a few weeks ago at the game wearing a baggy sweat shirt and tight jeans when it was hot...hide her stomach? hmmmm. And the keeping him on such a tight leash? Hormonal maybe. Makes total sense to me. And he can have her. She's such a WINNER. I MEAN WHAT MAN WOULDN'T WANT FOR HIS WIFE TO BE A MODEL IN PRACTICALLY A PORNO MAGAZINE, AN UNWED MOM, NOT EDUCATED AND PARTY GIRL WHO SLEPT WITH HER ROOMMATE FIRST AND THEN HER? I MEAN, SHE IS JUST THE KIND OF PERSON TO TAKE HOME TO MEET THE PARENTS...BUT THEN AGAIN...JETHRO'S DAD WILL PROBABLY LIKE HER AS HE'S ALSO A CHRONIC WS AS WELL.

I am done. Running on pure anger and angst right now. He has lied about his finances...In the same subdivision he's looking in is a famous ATL braves guy...Smoltz...And he's supposedly on the verge of bankruptcy? How can this be? It doesn't make any sense. We are scraping by and then this? His comment to me earlier in the week about "my should have taken the first offer so we'd have more money" was cruel, but this is absolute arrogance and the sure sign he's NPD. And she's his narcissistic supply (read up on this if you think your WS has it)...

I saw him waffling a bit. And I know he is. He has to be after all she's forcing his hand. And in doing so, he will lose me forever with no chance of reconciliation if he marries her. And somehow I know it won't last. That there will sadly be another child with a dad who will eventually walk away or cheat or leave. He's already lost me, now I am really gone for good. Nothing he can do or say will change this. I see what he has done and I am sickened.

Pray for us. Pray for him. He didn't look very happy and when he spoke to me it was in a flat and very matter of fact tone. Like he was a robot or something. Zoned out. Turns out also my son has told him that he doesn't like Family Values and told his dad that "he wanted him back with us and that she just didn't belong in the family because she HAD HER OWN FAMILY ALREADY." My son is so wise. Again, jethro when he called me back to say that I should stop telling our son things ( I did not) finally got the answer he didn't want to hear and I hope she was listening in on his cell...I said "well our son is understanding what you've done and what she has done too. he doesn't like it and that's just how he feels period. nothing to do with me sorry. You'd better face up to your own actions ok?"

I cried after he left and buried my head (son was on two fields away with another child on our team and his mom(she knew I needed a bit of time alone) and my friend Helen just held me and cried too. She endured this 6 years ago. All the soccer moms heard him say the comment about "starting a family" and they along with their husbands wanted to vomit on the field. After my cry I gave it to God. I guess I had held on to that .00000001 percent of hope that there was a way out of the fog before it was too late. But now an OC is probably on the way. Oh well...At least she can't have the biggie white (well maybe really off white for this ho)wedding she dreamed of. Seems there's not much to choose from in the "MATERNITY WEDDING DRESS AISLE" AT THE BRIDAL SALON. So either they run off now, or after el bambino is born. And I am still guessing mind you, but his silence and not saying no she's not preggo, confirms to me that she is...

I felt the ultimate betrayal today when he said he was "starting a family " when I almost lost my own life giving birth to our child (in hospital 9 days and almost died from severe preeclamsia and son was very tiny preemie almost 3 pounds). And this is how he honors us. His child was a miracle from God and my making it through was also a miracle as they were in fear I would stroke any time b/c my blood pressure was over 200 systolic pretty much constantly. This is the same man who wept in the surgical suite when they performed my emergency c section and went out into the waiting room and cried and cried thinking I was going to die and the baby too. And he does this. I think personally that's the lowest thing one could ever do...Deny your child. As a wife, I have already been denied but to deny your own child, named after you, and say such a thing is beyond my comprehension. I let it go and just cried with Helen. Know alot of people are praying for us and we are having a MB friend fly in town to goof off w/us for 2 days and tomorrow Helen and her son and another former BS and his kids are all going to go with us to Stone Mountain Park for the pumpkin festival.

I think now that Jethro quite possibly after knowing me as long as he has and knowing that I keep good boundaries from him that he did something so awful, so unspeakable today and in the recent past, that his telling me is the point where I say no more. Where I stand up and start the good fight over again.

I may be a betrayed wife. But I was a good wife and I am an incredible mother. God gave me a kind heart and a decent brain. I never was someone my family would be embarassed of. I have improved myself and somehow found the strength (from God I know) to make it through the darkest hours of our lives, my son and I. To survive for a week with only eleven dollars earlier this year. To survive the most horrible of emotional abuse from Jethro (not to mention the physical the year before). To survive his breaking in my home with no remorse. To survive four court sessions. To survive the most horrible deposition (8 hours). To know temporary futility and give up my fight because I was broke. To know he had planned all of this and would even cheat his own son out of money.

I think I am going to change my by line back to my old one when I first started this fight..."God will give me JUSTICE."

I don't like this place I am in right now. But I feel like I am walking a gangplank and am going to have to jump off again. I see legal sharks swimming all around and I am still bleeding from this wound. I know that it's done forever now. That he has done it. That I cannot erase the words of today. Maybe God can, but I can't.

Well see if he and FV fall into the 90% FAILURE rate of third marriages (or shack ups)...Pray hard about the job, about us right now, about our healing, about wisdom to do what's right and should i fight again knowing that possibly OC is on the way (changes child support for sure) and asset lies from jethro...Also find it in your heart to pray for him and to let the good Lord speak to his soul..because I am now gone totally dark with regard to him and will be in the strictest plan B one could imagine. No contact whatsoever.

This is just so horrible. I hope and pray that nobody on the divorce boards even hears these words like I did..

bump

Peachy are you still there??? I'm going to try to find your e-mail, get dressed, hope my cell phone works and call you. Give me 5

Peachy, I'm so sorry for the pain this man keeps dishing out for you. Start a family and then get married??? The depth of his fog certainly does seem endless. Despite all his antics, I see very good news in your post peachy. It looks to me like you've finally said enough is enough and this will be the time that you hold firm in your resolve for no contact.

I don't know what to say about pursuing a search into his assets. It is grossly unfair for him to cause the financial hardships, past present and future. OTOH, wouldn't he continue to be a player in your life if you do pursue it? You WILL get a new job that pays well and you will provide for you and your son handsomely. I believe that in my heart. Jethro is toxic and I would love to see you make zero room in your life for him. Hang in there peachy. Faith is tested by fire, and you'll be the strongest person on this planet after what you've been through.

Peachy - I am so sorry for all the pain and the continuous betrayal. A man that cries in the hospital after your c-section and threatened life and the threatened life of your son. How can a man change from those caring words to this insanity.

Your words show that you have a great support system. With those moms and parents hearing Jethros words and the comfort you received. What Jethro spoke was immature language. He was I feel trying to see what kind of reaction he would get from you. Well, you did well hon. You basically told him how you felt, and no contact.

I pray for a good call from the interview. I pray that you get your job landed with great benefits and good work hours. Your son is needing you and mommy will be by his side.

It is hard being a betrayed spouse. The actions of our husbands causes severe pain. Moving ahead will take us further to finding ourselves. I think you are there and Jethro is seeing you as leaving him. Could be a pain he is experiencing. But no contact is needed now more than ever.

Prayers for you tonight as well for your husband. Please put myself and my hsuband (who posts here too), in prayers. We had a confontation, and he is blaming me period for all of it. Just like the oldest daughter is too. I am not to blame, and xhusband has to see that he is acting irrational. I will and have not cried in front of him in months. I won't, cause there is no need to cry in front of him.

Glad you have friends, and MB buddies to come over. Hope you feel better by tomorrow and have a wonderful night sleep. God bless you and your husband Jethro and your precious son.

Dear Peach,

What?!?!? He is starting 'another family'? Such a loser. He couldn't take care of the good one he has now he wants one with excess saddle bags? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Don't worry Peach, he isn't moving up in life, he is moving down. No rich house can hide the fact that she's an OW and he's a WS even still, remember he cheated on FV also?

He had to tell you he is moving up otherwise you wouldn't know he is standing on his head thinking down is up!

Hope your interview goes well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

Peachy,
I am sorry for this, but you are still focusing on him, instead of on your own life with son.
I know you are focusing on your life because of your job & soccer comments, and that you just vent here, but try to focus less on this.

Your life will be better than you ever imagined, and it will be without J. And she probably is preggo.

And he gave you the opening about the assets. Forget about going after him now, wait until he gets the house and have his mortgage application included as discovery. He won't think you'll do it, but you will.
Take Care. Prayers for you and your family.

Peachy
It's such a shame the story ends this way. Through all of your posts I've always noticed that your ex approaches you and shares things with you he really doesn't have to, as if seeking some reaction from you. He clearly has not been fully in control of all in his life thusfar and sat down with himself and decided for himself what he wants. So if he gets no direction from you, he is steered by whatever influence Monkeyho has over him, clearly by appealing to his ego. Some men are easily manipulated that way without even realising it, and if Jethro hasn't woken up to that fact yet, then I feel really sorry for him, since regret will come almost certainly too late. Unfortunately, there is little you can do to stop him on this course. I would advise you to refrain from having any emotional reaction to what he tells you whatsoever, neither validating or contradicting.
Your 1st reaction, to walk away was the best option. Don't let it get to you, or just don't let him see it get to you. Act disinterested, and even bored with his life. Yours is far more interesting, anyway, you have more to live for. I'm sure it gives him some satisfaction to know that it still gets to you, the whole Family Values thing, or that you care at all what happens to him (this is still very obvious through your posts). It feeds the need in him to be wanted. Leave him alone with his own thoughts, and don't be there and available to him when he comes running like a little boy, with his little issues in his life. Family Values obviously has little "value" in that department (listening & helping), that is why he abuses the intimacy he still has with you, by sharing with you all the time.
Next time he tells you something, say.."that's nice,honey", and end the conversation, or ask him about something w.r.t your son.

muzohead

Thanks Muzo

I had a wierd night last night...HE called two times...Once on my cell and one time at the house and did not leave a message.

I don't think if it was important he would not leave a message. So I just ignored it. As if it were, he'd email me.

NEED HUGE PRAYER REQUEST FROM ALL MB BUDDIES:

Yesterday was informed of job offer and told by the director of marketing (very cool job) that today I'd get a call (in the am) after they concluded salary and income talk with Human REsources. I haven't heard from them yet and it's noon. Am kinda scared. Ate two muffins b/c of nerves. I vascillate between eating and being too nervous to eat when stuff like this and the jethro thing surfaces btw...The job is awesome! A radiology/imaging consultant for a large hospital corp. It's a new position for the corporation but they are very big and stable. Would mean hopefully decent salary, monthly commission, laptop, and cell phone paid and a portion of my car expenses paid towards the note and expense account. Would be awesome! Even much more flexible schedule which all single parents would love to have. I doubt myself alot still...Heck if you had somebody telling you that you were ugly ,fat, stupid, or an idiot for three years, you'd almost come to believe it as well...In fact, the last time I heard the "stupid and shut up comment" was saturday from Jethro while on the way to the church fair.

PlEASE pray for this job. It is the one that would be the biggest blessing right now and even if the salary is a tiny bit less, it would also allow for other expenses to be lessened, but a job that I would enjoy and also allow for growth in the future which I didn't really have before.

As far as other stuff goes: woke up feeling really poopy and tired again. I know it's the jethro thing. I am staying away as I am happier and stronger when I keep away. Plan B is for me and since he's tripped off into the sunset with (not totally confirmed but I really believe) preggo OW, Family Values, I need to keep my distance.

And sure, I know their relationship is a ticking time bomb and I hate that possibly another child will come into the world into this situation. Mentioned the previously suggested idea of subpoena'ing the mortgage application when he gets new house and think it's a wonderful idea according to two women from church and another MB friend whom is as close as a brother to me.

And thanks John, GG and Orchid and Bill and everybody who's been here for us. I will always love you guys.

This whole situation for the last 2 years has been horrible. One thing after another. He's hell bent on destroying everything in his path. And the really hilarious thing, or morely ironic, is that he will now be stuck in a home with three kids (two full time) under the age of 5. That is not cool for a playboy. He couldn't handle one child...his own. I give it less than a year. And if he left his own child, his namesake, then it is certainly easier to leave another child..

It's going to be disaster. But I am detaching. I am sick of the whole awful crappy thing. It is toxic and it is hurting my recovery. I think almost that it's time to get a bit selfish and for me to act like a WS now. With regard to jethro that is. Not to everybody else. That I should forget any need or anything that involves him and will only address as I have been, but much briefer in ever speaking, child issues with him..school..soccer, whatever.

Deep down I do think that he has realized that he's done it this time. That I have wiped my hands of this whole thing. And like my sis says, when a controller thinks that he's totally lost control, he will do whatever to get attention or take that control back so I'd best be prepared and expect something coming. And I do. But I will answer that with nothing...unless it is about son and something pertinent to his well=being. That's it.

I feel like, with the exception of the nine days spent in the hospital giving birth to my son, that I wasted totally nine years out of my life that could have been spent doing something else. My son is the only good thing to come out of this and that's that.

And after the comment from Jethro at the soccer game (the "I am gonna start a family soon thing"), he said that "you know things were so hurtful for the both of us"...that I know that he's the biggest liar in the world. Nothing ever hurt this man. Nothing. He has danced into the deepest fog out there. And now, the fog has trapped him...He's stuck with an OW and her child and his child there 40% of the time and her child there 75% of the time and he has to deal with this...And also know that I am starting my life anew with my child and that there's nothing holding me back, except for the debt he left me with, but a clean heart and bright future.

Keep praying. It's so hard. Detaching is the easy part. Hurting for their bad choices and how it affects our children is the hard part. Hurting because never an "I'm sorry..I really am for what I did..I was wrong" never comes our way. Closest thing I've heard was "the d was painful for both of us". Never an admission of guilt. Nothing. Wish I had been like a FV sort of in that wishing I could have just gotten preggo by jethro from some one nighter (although that's not in my character) and then raised son all by myself without him ever. One day FV will wish she'd have kept her skirt down and taken the daily pill or if those two suggestions were still too difficult for her miniscule mind to comprehend, then to just have "left out" the fact telling jethro she was preggo so she'd never have to deal with what I have had to live with. The dollars will never come her way when either he leaves her or she leaves him because of the abuse and adultery. Or she's gonna stay because she can't make it on her own. I mean, she's answering phones at the office...What is so hilarious is 6 mos. ago, Jethro asked me to come to work with him again as a sales rep and helping him with the product line. I declined.

peachy-

Any calls yet? I do hope you hear from this group soon. Oh, and ease off those evil muffins! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Make sure you get a 'real' meal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

HoFS

Jethro did it again. After calling for 2 days and not leaving any message, he calls tonight and says that "he's left messages and wants to talk to his son." REally? No messages. Just shows he calls. I have vmail on both phone and cell.


So I call and say "heres your son". They talk. Then when son passes phone back to me, he says..I have something to ask you...Can you get together some of son's old clothes for secretery (someone else other than FV that I have known a few years) because she's poor and needs them? Like the polo bluejean jacket and stuff? I say well no because I am saving t hem as remembrances of my son being little and that I have already given some stuff to charity for a tax break. He says that "don't worry. It's NOT for FV, as I BUY HER SON CLOTHES ALL THE TIME>" I fume. I say, well no. My answer is no. I say that I need money too and can use a tax break plus want them for sentimental purposes and that it's my business. He then goes off the deep end (I am not yelling, just being to the point)and says "You STUPID B#TCH! DON'T MAKE ME MAKE THINGS HARD ON YOU." I reply that "haven't you done that already"? I then say that this is enough. I hang up. He calls back and says "WHEN WILL YOU LEARN PEACHY? WHEN I ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING JUST ANSWER "YES" AND EVERYTHING WILL BE EASY. JUST SAY YES. YOU WANT THEM EASY RIGHT?" I SAY THIS IS OVER AND THAT I AM DONE WITH THIS AND THAT AGAIN, THERE IS NO MORE THAT I WANT TO SAY TO HIM.

He also mentions during the stupid conversation that the outlaws are driving in town (to enable him moreless) and see son's saturday and last soccer game. I am sure FV will attend in her preggo best and that they will pretend to look like a real family. Wonder if outlaws know she's knocked up? I haven't even gotten real confirmation for myself.

So he's being verbally abusive again. And I am done. I am not going to give him my son's clothes.

Think it was a lie. a huge lie to be cruel to me. To have probably knocked up your whore and then call your betrayed wife and ask for your son's old clothes for "the secretary" is just too much. Does he think I am stupid? I wouldn't give him anything if he asked. He claimed "I gave you the money back you spent on son's school lunch money (what he was supposed to pay anyway according to divorce decree) and paid you back for soccer expenses (he did not)". He is evil and a liar. And he is abusive to me. I am cramping all over and my head hurts.

Job is playing games. Coming in with salary negotiation in my lowest range of acceptable and saying that "I should mull it over" and then get back to them over the next day or so while they interview the last few candidates. So I am also looking at the other 2 clinical positions as they may end up being best bet.

I am exhausted, tired, and feeling awful. Please pray taht I get some relief.

This is gonna be horrible. So please pray@ this and we need prayer asap.

Peachy,

I don't normally post here, but I have been following your situation. Why did you talk to him AGAIN after saying you'd never do it? It reinforces his belief that he can tramp all over your boundaries. And from what I've read, he enjoys pushing your buttons to cause reactions. Don't let him do it anymore. It's filling a sick EN of his.

I hope this was perceived as a gentle 2X4. I have a great amount of sympathy and respect for you and don't mean to be rude. I've seen the progress you've made. Keep up the forward momentum and don't let him provoke you into sliding back.

Peachy:
Hope you get the job you want. I think you'd do well to avoid conversations with your ex., as you tried to do the last time you let your son speak to him.
The issue around the kids' clothes show how unreasonable he can be..obviously there are issues he hasn't dealt with, which is why he insists on you agreeing with him, no matter what. I can compare this to my relationship with my ex- everything is fine, as long as I do not disagree with her, or contradict her in any way. Then all hell breaks loose. The truth is, he might have mailed you about the clothes, but he needs the reaction from you to feed off, when he throws his tantrum, so he can blame you for it.
I would learn to say goodbye sweetly, if I were you. That, or send me an e-mail, or call back when you stop shouting, or something. At the moment you're a willing target for his outbursts of anger. He now has something he can moan to his friends or FV about you, so he doesn't have to face his own problems.
If you continue to allow him to do this, you are only empowering him to exhaust you emotionally like this.
Save your energies for your job interviews!!
Holding thumbs for the job. I was unemployed for 8 months, so I know how bad it feels.
Positive power!
muzohead

Just got IM from Jethro apologizing for calling me a "stupid B#tch" last night. I wrote thank you and clicked off.'

Here is the scenario: if I don't facilitate some communication about son he will attempt to expand upon a very small portion of the decree which states "there will be reasonable communication involving the child's upbringing and involved parenting" from both sides. When the state had a restraining order in place to protect ME from HIM, he used the RO as an excuse to draft up bogus papers saying I was in contempt of the divorce decree (never mind his blatant disregard for anything moral). So I just have minimal contact at best. And he has to learn to respect and abide by the boundaries I set in place.

The whole clothes thing is classic NPD. I am not feeding his NPD. I am defying him, thus I am to be devalued. People with NPD either treat people wonderfully (if they are the primary source of their narcissistic supply) or will villify them and devalue them if they choose to break away and not feed their narcissistic disorder. Thus, that's me to him.

I understand this now. And it was funny, he just IM'd (I am not going to respond) that "he was sorry and in the future If I can just say "ok" or be agreeable then things like this won't happen anymore."

Geez. When any mental abuse or the incidences of physical abuse happened, he gave same excuse. That his actions depended on what I did...that is if I agreed w/him and did things his way. Well, that's FV's problem now not mine. We shall see how long it takes for her to not want to live the life of a kept slave. Like being a slave in the castle of a king. Guess that's what I was like. And if the king thinks the slave girl is not obedient, off with her head!

Thanks friends for reinforcing my keeping good boundaries. Working on that too. Making the wall a bit more fortified than before when dealing with him.

justpeachy -

I'm not a praying person, but if I were, what I would pray for would be for you to be able to let go of your X. You've said a couple of times that you've finallly let go of your .0000001 % chance that things will turn around, but you obviously haven't. It's all over your posts, the way you can recall every little detail of every contact you have with him, and your in-depth analysis of what's going on behind the scenes or in his mind.

You have nothing good to say about him, and your derogatory words and names for him (not saying they're not justified) and his family, etc. make it clear that you don't respect him or love him. If you really feel this way about him, why hold on to that shred of hope that he'll change his mind? Would you really want him back even if he did?

I think it would be so much healthier for you not to converse with him. If he calls, you don't need to speak with him. If he comes up to you, you can walk away. Believe me, he knows how much power he still holds over you, and relishes it. Regardless of how well you think you're able to put aside the chaos that he causes you, I would be VERY surprised if its not affecting other areas of your life, including your job search.

I know its way easier said than done, but PLEASE find a way to detach from him, both emotionally and communication-wise. Its only going to continue to hurt you if you don't. I think medication is WAY over-used, and I don't know if perhaps you're already tried it or are trying it, but you might find that this could help you to detach from him. I don't mean this as an insult, or a crticism, but your focus on him borders on obsession, IMO (Please don't be angered by that term, I don't mean to insult or injure). You can't control what he does, you have to let it go and not let it affect you.

"there will be reasonable communication involving the child's upbringing and involved parenting"

I can't imagine why this couldn't be done thru correspondence (mail or email). Correspondence would also give you "proof" of any wacky/threatening communications on his part. Requiring you to keep in contact with him about parenting doesn't mean you have to put up with his other crap.

Just IM'd me and said that "He is marrying Family Values and that he wants to have me communicate with her on Saturday at my son's soccer game."

I denied.

He's marrying her.

She is preggo.

He even said that I should accept her as also a kind of "mother" to my child...I am sickened.

I am sickened.

Peachy - I am so sorry - you don't have to accept her but you have to accept that she is in your childs life - and you have to accept it for yourself...So you can get through it - she may not be someone you would choose to be in your sons life but unfortunately your ex has so - Actually now they won't be living in sin so to speak-- either way I don't think one is much better than the other - but she has to deal with who he is - not you ... You have to move on - your son will be part of their lives whether you like it or not...But you are causing yourself more pain by hanging on to it - believe me I know I do it all the time... Don't you wish you could be one of those people that said - oh you cheated screw you it is over - you are not worth the pain???? Obviously you are not - but there has to come a point where you owe it to yourself to let go - move on and make yourself happy... who cares what he does !!! You are better than him and you deserve so much better - but you are not going to get it hanging on to his mess of a life...Listen to me I should take my own advice - let go... move on - smile - don't think about him or the situatio n - he screwed you over - but you will be stronger for it in the long run - when who the hell knows but everyone says that... Don't let this get to you too....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> there will be reasonable communication involving the child's upbringing and involved parenting" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just the facts Peachy. My x ignores all communication. This is something the courts can't really uphold.


And I think UGLY is right, you are still entwined with Jethro. Please let go, foryour sake. I know you will be better for it and have a wonderful life. Let go of the string, and soar as you are meant to soar.

I am not sure if you have followed my posts off and on for almost two years..

I am and have been mentally and physically abused by him. Yea, I thought for a while that small percentage of him would change, but not.

Reason I have to focus on it is that he keeps coming back with stuff at me. Even with no contact...As I said earlier, he attempted to file bogus contempt order against me for "not contacting him"..actually used that as impetus. It was not even filed by his attorney who told my counsel that it was bogus and the judge would laugh at it.

I post here because I vent and need to find ways around him. Been told by professionals I am "fine and actually very sane considering all he put me through" and still working through some things that are the end result of years of emotional and sporadic physical abuse..not to mention the adultery.

Since becoming aware of his problem (he very likely has NPD) it is taking me a long time to finally admit and see that there will be no change in his behavior. Nope. People who live with those who have that suffer alot at their hands...Just ask anybody here dealing with a WS who has NPD. Lately, even today, I find myself after talking with a dear MB friend from here that I am answering my own questions regarding how to deal with him.

I have to expect this behavior. Have to. Anything else will allow for disappointment. Plus when he bashes and lashes out at me for no apparent reason, it throws me back down into despair and makes me kinda relive the abuse again...He also left us in financial hardships among other things.

And after speaking with two friends today I realize that I have to get tough. Get tough and just stand up to this. I am fighting a sick man who for all practical purposes, is spiritually vacant and been a perfect tool for the devil. It's been really hard and I've had to stand alone here. My old counselor told me that women who are abused frequently wish their abuser would "have an awakening or say they are sorry". I know I have wished that. But today after crying and crying and praying I understand and now see that there's just no way that this family is gonna be put together after what he did. Nope. So I am praying that God will make me strong and will guide me well. I am working on getting tough.

That is my new direction. Getting tough. Knowing that I have to is not enough...I have to become tough. And it's hard. I've had to be tough for almost four years...From delivering a two pound baby and almost die yourself to burying your father and grandmother to seeing your marriage fall apart due to selfishness and adultery is alot to stand up to. And then recently, losing my job.

Been basically one thing after another. And after another.

So I am going to try once more to get up after getting the wind knocked outta me. If I had been born a male, I might have made one good prize fighter.

But I have been down the meds route...and what was determined was they didn't do much good as my diagnosis was situational depression b/c of the above reasons. No physical basis for it, just external. And one doesn't pop a pill to get over being abused. Only if you need a brief spell of clarity. I am probably going back very soon to see somebody who's an expert to get some direction and to get really tough again. He's a phd and said along with my counselor I don't need meds, just need new vision.

I vent alot here because alot of people have unfortunately endured this as well.

Unless you've walked in our shoes, you just don't get it. Nobody could. And sometimes after posting, you see your own mistakes and a bit more of clarity.

I am blessed to have some really good MB friends here...as close as family. One's practically a brother to me. And I am grateful.

This day has been really hard. The whole coming together of the preggo and the outcome of what was a two year rollercoaster ride.

What I also noticed today is this...in the email forwardings today (he forwarded to me a very dirty "blonde" joke earlier)...a name that is significant is missing in the listing of names in his usual mail-to list...Monkeyho. That was the original "soulmate" affair. Guess she's too been informed of the pregnancy and their status.

Got an interesting call from my bro in law before he went to do a surgery...My sister called him and informed of what had been told me today. He said that "he is lashing out at you because he is miserable. this guy is trapped and is a womanizer and is being forced into doing the socially accepted right thing...by giving a baby a name. that he would certainly hate you and lash out at you b/c you are moving on with your life and not prematurely nor sinfully tied down to somebody mere weeks after the final signing of the papers..he jumped outta the frying pan into the deep fryer.Plus he is sick and has problems and will focus his anger on you b/c he is really angry and out of control himself." Bro went on to say that he would continue controlling or trying to control me until he realizes it is a moot point and that I totally cut him off again and he said to revert back to primarily limited email and only allowing him to speak to son via phone during a designated phone time.

I know what I have to do. The culmination of two years of pain and seeing the end here...the destruction, final destruction of what was once a family is horrible. But it's not my doings.

It's so funny, but when these WS start spinning out of control with affairs, so much other seems to come into play such as spousal abuse and mental cruelty. It's like until they suck the life out of us and the life out of what was once a marriage, they arent happy and when they do, they move onto another person to suck the life out of.

But I am going to pray and start taking active measures again to get tough. When the restraining order was in effect, I had much more of an easier time and was doing very well. It's been since he has reestablished contact (and been cruel) that my feelings have surfaced again. I have to stay away and keep boundaries and get tough again. Guess I let my guard down, saw him be nice for a little while and then had ideas he might have wanted to change but I was thinking wrongly. People with his disorder don't just change that quickly. And his actions have shown it. In fact, people with NPD don't usually change at all. Not even with therapy.

Keep praying. Job hunt is closing and I feel in my soul I will have one very shortly and begin working within a week and a half at the latest. Pray for courage and clarity for me. Thanks and God bless everybody.

{{{{{Peachy}}}}}

I am and have been mentally and physically abused by him. Yea, I thought for a while that small percentage of him would change, but not. I was abused mentally, not physically, but I definitely empathize.

I post here because I vent and need to find ways around him... and still working through some things that are the end result of years of emotional and sporadic physical abuse..not to mention the adultery. Good for you. Keep venting as long as you need to!

Since becoming aware of his problem (he very likely has NPD) it is taking me a long time to finally admit and see that there will be no change in his behavior. Nope. As you said, you answered your own question.

My old counselor told me that women who are abused frequently wish their abuser would "have an awakening or say they are sorry". I know I have wished that. This has been a hard one for me to get over as well.

I am working on getting tough.That is my new direction. It's hard when you've been through as much as we have. My mom died of breast cancer and 18 months later, I was dx'd with breast cancer, had a mastectomy, chemo, radiation, and tram flap reconstructive surgery. During all this, my H was crying on MOW's shoulder about how tough it all was on him! He left me with 6 teenagers in the house (none my biological children) and a business to run that we'd previously been running together.

I vent alot here because alot of people have unfortunately endured this as well. Unless you've walked in our shoes, you just don't get it. Nobody could. And sometimes after posting, you see your own mistakes and a bit more of clarity. Very true.

Got an interesting call from my bro in law ... He said that "he is lashing out at you because he is miserable... he is sick and has problems and will focus his anger on you b/c he is really angry and out of control himself." I believe this, too, that when they're lashing out at us, it's their own misery driving them, but even knowing this, it's still hard to be the brunt of it.

It's like until they suck the life out of us and the life out of what was once a marriage, they arent happy and when they do, they move onto another person to suck the life out of. Yes, from what I heard, WH has been at least as abusive to MOW as he was to me. But she's even more vulnerable than I was because she's so much younger, has no job or job skills, has a young D, and gave up her relationships with her family as well as her H (D's father) for my WH.

It's been since he has reestablished contact (and been cruel) that my feelings have surfaced again. Good observation. Good insight!

Pray for courage and clarity for me. I will.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong> I am not sure if you have followed my posts off and on for almost two years..

Thanks and God bless everybody. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've followed your Posts since Day One for you, JustPeachy. Can still remember when you were 'NotPeachyInGa' and I still pray for you and your son.
I do feel for you, you've been thru so much! God WILL give you justice and make up for the bad times you two have been thru - just like He did Job in the Old Testament.
Hang in there, my friend!
Harold
PS - We miss having you hang out in 'The Kingdom' of Caerlon...
PSS - And good for you! saying you didn't need to communicate with whomever your ex-H is with now. Only communication either of them need is a SKITA from you and your son. (This is not a slam) but I fail to understand why you have the dope still on your IM?!! He's just going to keep using it to keep giving you grief.
JMHO, Harold Lee

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

The above outburst was because of jethro's recent actions.....ick ick and more ICK! Add an S to that and it describes him pefectly.

Now, I agree with Harold...take doofus off your IM buddy list and then you can't see him. BLOCK him from sending to you next time he does, as well. Block his emails and only take his calls for your son. ONLY talk to him about your son, and business if that is still necesary, but if you are like me, the only money sense you get is through the lawyers.

When I couldn't stand X's attitude to me anymore, I got my son to answer the phone. Even at his young age, you can teach your son to pick up the phone by role playing with him. When X asked to talk to me, I pretended to the kids I was too busy. I did have him on IM because he communicated to the kids that way sometimes, but I always made myself look like I was offline, so he couldn't see me and badger me.

I NEEDED that distance from him to heal, and it really helped me. Although I will now speak to him directly, I do not have a clue what his new life is like because I do not make small talk with him. I do not tell him anything about my life either.

He is stamping his size 12 NPD boot because he cannot get his own way with you, so what, let him...not your problem anymore. Do not dwell on his pettiness....it is bringing you down.

It is SOOOOOOOO important for you NOT to talk to him, Peachy. Your recovery depends on it. And about visitation....get through that by having someone AT YOUR SIDE the whole time. He won't play his games with you so much then, because the NPD person wants everyone to think YOU'RE the crazy one, and won't do anything too rotten in public for fear of his image being shattered (that is, his PERCEIVED image of himself in public - we all know the soccer people see him as he really is by now).

I am so sick of these kinds of WS's who think they will always have control of us. Just tonight I had my X being condescending to me about raising the kids....well, excuse ME! I have been doing it all on my own for two years now, and just because he wants to waltz back in and play weekend Dad, he thinks everyone should just be so happy about it (OD isn't). I told him not to talk to me like that....he says like what, so I told him he was being condescending and I was well capable of handling the situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Doofuses, huh?

Okay, enough said....get that man out of your hair and GET THAT JOB!!!!

Love and light,

Jacky

just peachy - I'm in Plan B, and so much happier with no contact. Yes, you have to let him talk to and see son, but that can be done. If he is really planning "new" family (what a dummy), it'a time to stop talking to him about anything personal, your relationship, his plans, etc. This guy is in deep fog - I can't even imagine how he thinks discussing something like this with his betrayed wife is appropriate. I think we all should put in a dollar a month, and send it to the person whose spouse is in the foggiest fog. Kind of like a pool, then the winner could go out for a nice treat. I've read a lot of crazy things here, but your H takes the cake. Hang in there.

peachy -

Please don't take what people are saying here as criticism or attack. Not that I think you're doing that, but it can sometimes feel like people are kicking you when you're down. Everyone here is concerned about you and has your best interest at heart.

I had a spouse who I believe was NPD. I'm not a clinician and can't make that diagnosis, but the symptoms and patterns were there without exception. So I do have some sense of what is involved and I know the pain and damage first hand that can be inflicted. You have GOT to protect yourself. Learn to ignore. Let him bluster all he wants about bogus legal action or whatever BS (Not "betrayed spouse" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) he wants to. You saw how much credibility that had. There will be more and more of this as he senses you disconnecting. Please see it for what it is, an attempt to remain in control. But it won't work unless you let it.

I found it tremendously helpful to simply block as much communication as possible. If it were me I would block his IM and his email from your accounts. Maybe you can't do that because of your son, I don't know. But in any event, any communication you get that isn't directly about son, just ignore and delete it. Don't read stupid stuff like dirty jokes and waste your time thinking about who is on his email list. IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!

And the suggestion about having someone there with you during communications is an excellent one. NPD's will protect theire public image, no matter what. He will behave himself if he thinks there is a risk other people will see who he really is, without a doubt.

I'm not a physician, but I do think that situational depression can lead to physiological brain chemistry changes. These can be helped by meds. I think far too many people run for meds far too quickly. But I know that they were tremendously helpful for me when I had to make my break. It doesn't mean, as I'm sure you realize, that you're weak or defective in any way.

Each moment you spend thinking and hurting about him is a moment that you could have spent in a better way, for yourself and for your son. Don't let him continue to do damage by wasting your mental and emotional energy on him.

In reality, as you know, there is absolutely nothing you can do about his actions. He's remarrying, having another kid. Sure, it sucks. But you can't change it. And I'm sure you know that, please just let that part go. Focus on you and your son.

dear dear peachy,
I do know how hard it is to let go of your life as it was. It is like the rug has been pulled out from under your life and with no input from you you have to start over from square one. This is hard to do considerely that you had time, hopes and dreams invested on track number 1 and the train jumps the track and now you have to re-orient on track number 1. It is so not fair but you have and continue to handle it like a trooper.
As for the email thing, just a work of warning, I speak from experience... I found out that my ex was still sending out those little joke, etc to his very own monkeyho ... I learned about BCC .. Blind Carbon Copy ... he probably is still in contact with her he just doesn't want new monkeyho to catch wind of it ... he can send her a BCC and no one on that list is the wiser. Don't trust what you see ... it ain't the whole truth.
Just a note from personnal experience.

Hey Peachy!

Been a while since I posted to you but, as always, I have been following your threads. I agree with the others, the best possible thing you can do is minimize contact to the maximum extent possible. How? First, set one method in your mind for how you want to have contact with him (okay, okay I know you don't WANT to have contact...you know what I mean! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) Then, block all other methods he has for contacting you. For example, if you decide you will only speak with him by phone, then block his e-mails and IM's. Quite frankly, I think e-mail is your safest bet because you have record of everything both you and he say to each other. If you choose to go the e-mail route, your caller id (which I surmise you have based upon previous messages) will tell you when he is calling and have DS answer the phone. Tell DS that if Jethro asks to speak to you, DS should tell him to send whatever he has to say via e-mail.

One of your big challenges will be how to deal with him at DS' events such as soccer, school programs, etc. When he approaches you (because we know he will), look him straight in the eye and speak to him first. Your words should be a very curt: "I choose not to communicate with you in any manner other than e-mail and only about our son. LEAVE ME ALONE." Then, walk away. If he follows you ignore him, play like he isn't there.

The more you engage with him the more he feeds off of it and goes after you. If you stay nice and calm, limit your interaction with him by only responding to factual information about DS, and keep repeating the "I choose not to communicate with you in any manner other than e-mail and only about our son. LEAVE ME ALONE." It will drive him absolutely crazy and, since you will no longer make yourself available to be the target of his ire, he will vent it elsewhere - perhaps on FV.

Hugs,

Brit's Brat

PS- You know, with each child our womanly bodies change a bit...since this will be her second, maybe FV's figure will blimp out - the lets see her be a MAXXIM girl!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yep, we're NOT attacking you, JustPeachy. You're a friend and a fellow MBer just like the rest of us. I was only offering a suggestion (albeit humble one at that) to remove him from your IM -- it's like, why let him continue to INTRUDE into your life like that? He's already screwed it enuff, and this is only another crack he's been allowed to throw CRAP at you.
Block his sorry butt! He's not worth having as a 'Buddy' on your IM anyway - I'm sure there are lots of MBers who are better buddies anyday!
Nice to hear from you again, NinaToo! Long time no hear from ya!
Harold

Thanks everybody. And I know a good loving, whack with a MB 2 x 4 when I see it..You guys love and are supportive and I understand that.

Hey Mad Maxx aka Harold...Maybe you could post two song lyrics for us... One is the ULTIMATE WS SONG. "Lying from You" by Linkin Park. Other is how we feel after all is said and done "Don't Stay" by Linkin also. In fact the whole cd is probably best thing we could have in lieu of good therapy (lol) next to prayer.

Well, I've just gotten the cherry on top of the sundae sent to me by JEthro. He wants me to get this one...go to work with him again. I am in shock and almost needed defibrillation...This is all about control and now she's preggo and he's locked into this with her as she's trapped him, he's trying to grasp any microscopic bit of control with regard to me and with regard to my life. I am gonna print his email here. I did not respond to it. Too dad gum wierd and will just download it and send off to attorneys.

Gimme your thoughts and intuition regarding what it means really...I think he's trying to say that 1)he makes alot of money and that he's been lying and 2)I told him that I had ability to "get a real job unlike FV who can only answer phones and stuff envelopes like she does) and 3)keep tabs on me.

Pray that I hear back from the job stuff today as businesses like to wrap up stuff at end of week.

Pray like mad. Pray for us as tomorrow is the soccer showdown and end of year thing. The ENABLING AND ADULTEROUS OUTLAWS WILL BE IN ATTENDANCE AS WELL AS MS. FAMILY VALUES AND BUN IN OVEN AND JETHRO OF COURSE. I am praying and praying and need some huge and strong prayer warriors to get me through tomorrow as unscathed as possible. Oh, here goes the bizarre email of this morning:

From Jethro:
Dear Peachy,
You could be working part time and earning over 200k per year. Most of your time could be spent right at your home on the computer. With all your contacts and expertise in the medical field, you should put your personal feelings aside and make a good business decision that affects your future. Don't forget about the difference you could be making in peoples lives. This is something that you would feel rewarded doing and good at. Selling education, not insurance, not anything. Simply put the word and brochures out and we do all the rest. The insurance industry is still keeping this a secret and only the policy holders are suffering. Please take a close look at the brochure and open your mind to the possibilities.
Have a good night and your welcome to call at any time if you want to talk to son. I will under no circumstance make you feel uncomfortable on Saturday. Your wrong about Family Values and one day you will see it. I know that this is hard for you and I will try to be a little more considerate in the future. It is hard for me to keep calm when your constantly throwing your personal comments and feeling in my face. If I want your opinion on something then I will ask for it. If not then keep it to your self and I will then be able to show you the respect that your wanting. It's that simple.
Thanks,
Jethro

Please consider what I have proposed with an open mind.

__________________________

Ok ok. Yea, he will make me feel uncomfortable on saturday as that's what NPD controllers do. HE vascillates between being "nice" and very hateful to me. And the part about FV is sooooo classic. And one day guess he will see how he lost everything to his impulses and urges and lack of faith. HE's so NPD that it is unbelievable...I know he's just trying to control me as I used to be his no. 1 source of narcissistic supply and am no more. Somebody somewhere is NOT giving that supply and he is trying to get that back ..But I see it for what it is now. He doesn't want to change and very likely couldn't change unless he sought some very intensive psych help and continous therapy. But what he is doing is trying to get me back in the role of being controlled and manipulated by him..How? By him paying me money, by him wanting to be in a position of authority over me, and by him as in that authority position to have constant contact and face to face contact with me. And if I did that, which I WILL NOT DO IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, I'd be handing him that control on a silver platter along with my head on it and what's left of my sanity. Personally, I'd rather live meagerly and honestly and stick it to him this way.

Peachy - just go and smile - don't let them make or see you sweat --- Dont worry about your inlaws - ex or other woman - just enjoy the day - and breathe - breathe - !!! It sounds like he is throwing up the white flag - so the next outburst from you or comment he can say - "look I told you I would be civil but forget it" - so don't take the bait - just smile and enjoy - good luck... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ICK!

As Forest Gump says, "Aggggaaaaaiiiiinnnnnn!"

Here's the plan. Keep away from HIM, Pregnant Ho HER and FV HER, and look GOOD. Get someone's brother to be there in your group, showing you LOTS of attention, and laugh a lot and look like you are having a great time. NPD people HATE it when you move on. Walk away if he tries to talk to you. Rude? Sure, but the people at the soccer have seen him, and heard what he has said to you. And he would be a very stupid NPD person to let out at you with people around. Come to think of it....he is pretty dumb sending those emails....all proof of what a doofus he can be. Show him you have moved on and do NOT answer that stupid email.

Did you read our suggestions Faux <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> here? Block him from all computer communication and allow contact only through the phone, and then have your son answer it. It is the ONLY way. He is just SICK, and you need to SOOOOOOOOOO not hear his drivel. You are divorced, he is not part of your life and he cannot tell you what to do, period. You do not have to TELL him that, you just have to show him, by way of strict, and I mean STRICT, barriers put up by YOU.

You are enabling him Peachy, and he will continue to hurt you until you stop it.

With an official kick with the size 9 MB BOOT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , and

Love and light,

Jacky

Peachy, based on what you mentioned a long time ago, I had a feeling J was in the insurance field. I even had pictured him involved in viatical settlements (and ifyou know what these are - than he is in them).

Stay strong. He knows how smart you are, he just wants to control you to keep you down.

MAke a new life for yourself and son.

I'll be passing through ATL on 11/11, but only with a short layover. Want to meet at the airport?

peachy,
it's a known fact that this man is only out for himself. His email sounds like the smooth talk of a con/salesman that he is. He would never want to do anything purely for your or your son's benefit. The only thing this man does if for HIMSELF> Don't get sucked in. That email makes my skin crawl.

peachy, this man is not going to cooperate in your desire for no contact. Once again he has contacted you and given you more material that upsets you.

When I think of a boundary, I start with a visualize image of a garden gate where someone can knock. A person who honors boundaries will stay outside if an invitation is not forthcoming. A person who violates boundaries will barge right in. When I think of a boundary that might work on jethro, I think of trenches, barbed wire, constatina wire, machine gun turrets and helicoptors flying overhead. He's not going to honor no contact just because you ask for it. It then becomes your responsibility to devise a plan that is effective in keeping him out.

I wonder if there might be a trusted friend who could filter his correspondence for you? I understand that things regarding your son are legit. Those items need to reach you. There must be a way of protecting yourself from everything else. It won't be easy to stand down from the pattern in place at this time. He is succeeding in keeping you off balance because the road that reaches you is still open. My suggestion is to consider a 'road closed' sign and for you to stop reading his emails. It might be as realistic as trying to keep spam out of our inboxes, but putting in some filters can at least stem the flow. I pray that you can find someone to be your filter and that it will make more room for peace in your life.

peachy,
one more input on that email. I think he wants you to work for him because 1. You would be a great benefit to him with your skills, knowledge, and contacts, and 2. You are probably cute as the dickens and that's good for trying to get somebody (ie .. customers to jump on the band wagon and buy or whatever he needs to convince people of. and 3. He is a control freak end of story.
So, why don't you tell him. Jethro, thanks for the vote of confidence with the job offer. I know I could be a great benefit and assest to any business especially yours but we are through you've seen to that and in more ways than one I'm moving on. Besides, I wouldn't feel confortable and I doubt that my future husband(because we all know you will have one) would like it and I'd just have to end up quiting then so thanks but no thanks. One up him Peachy!!!

I have since last posting found out today she's much further along than I thought..

That 1)they've been ENGAGED SINCE JUNE...We did not sign divorce papers until after July. End of July at that and they kept it secret from everybody except his family.
2)he threatened me again when I responded with no, and that FV will be around my son more than I will.

I am crushed. I am not going to have anything to do with him ever again. He has made me sick for the last time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong> Thanks everybody.
From Jethro:
Dear Peachy,
You could be working part time and earning over 200k per year. *YEAH RIGHT. IF I CAN MAKE SO MUCH DARNED MONEY, HOW COME YOU'RE ALWAYS WHINING YOU'RE BROKE AND CAN'T PAY ME? CAN I RAISE MY BOOTS NOW, THE [censored]'S GETTING PRETTY DEEP NOW*
Most of your time could be spent right at your home on the computer. With all your contacts and expertise in the medical field, you should put your personal feelings aside and make a good business decision that affects your future. *OH, I'M SORRY JETHRO. I JUST NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME TO RECOVER FROM THE HELL OF THE PAST 2 YEARS YOU PUT ME THRU: CHEATING ON ME WITH NUMEROUS CRACK-HO'S AND TRYING TO BE MR. ROCK & ROLL SHAG-TASTIC MORON. THEN LYING UNDER OATH AND PRETENDING IT ALL DIDN'T HAPPEN AND THEN AFTER STOMPING ON MY HEART AND THAT OF OUR CHILD, YOU JUST EXPECT ME TO PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED? NOT!* Don't forget about the difference you could be making in peoples lives. *I'M DOING THAT VERY WELL SOMEWHERE ELSE WITHOUT YOU NOW, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. AND SINCE WHEN DID YOU SUDDENLY BECOME CONCERNED ABOUT MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLE'S LIVES? THE ONLY DIFFERENCE YOU HAVE SHOWN ANY INTEREST IN MAKING IS TO STOMP ON THE HEARTS AND FEELINGS OF THOSE WHO LOVE YOU.* This is something that you would feel rewarded doing and good at. Selling education, not insurance, not anything. Simply put the word and brochures out and we do all the rest. *I'M NOT THAT STOOPIT TO BEND OVER AND LET YOU SCREW ME AGAIN, THANK YOU!* The insurance industry is still keeping this a secret and only the policy holders are suffering. *I BET IT IS A SECRET - JUST LIKE THAT OFFSHORE BANK ACCOUNT YOU HAVE AND ARE HIDING ALL THAT MONEY IN THAT RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO US AS A FORMER COUPLE AND OUR SON, IN CASE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOU HAD ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE.* Please take a close look at the brochure and open your mind to the possibilities. *THE ONLY POSSIBLITY I AM INTERESTED IN IS ONE WITHOUT YOU IN IT.*
Have a good night and your welcome to call at any time if you want to talk to son. I will under no circumstance make you feel uncomfortable on Saturday. *EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO RAISE MY BOOTS AGAIN. I MIGHT DROWND IF I DON'T.* Your wrong about Family Values and one day you will see it. *HA! THE ONLY THING I'M WRONG ABOUT IS HOW FAST YOU'RE GOING TO KICK HER OUT AND DUMP ALL OVER HER TOO LIKE YOU DID ME.* I know that this is hard for you and I will try to be a little more considerate in the future. *LORD HELP ME, I NEED AN BOAT TO KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE THE LAKE OF CRAP YOU'RE SPOUTING HERE.* It is hard for me to keep calm when your constantly throwing your personal comments and feeling in my face. *THROWING MY PERSONAL COMMENTS IN YOUR FACE? ARE YOU FOR REAL? IF I AM THROWING MY COMMENTS IN YOUR FACE, AS YOU PUT IT, THEN PLEASE REMOVE ALL THE CRAP YOU C-R-A-M-M-E-D DOWN MY THROAT FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS!* If I want your opinion on something then I will ask for it. *I WISH YOU WOULD REMEMBER THAT FOR YOURSELF - I GET SO TIRED OF YOU CRAMMING YOUR OPINIONS AND SHOUTING JUNK, FALSE ACCUSATIONS, AND OTHER BULL-[censored] AT ME WHENEVER SOMETHING IS NOT GOING YOUR WAY AND YOU HAVE TO PAY A TINY SOMETHING FOR THE MONSTROUS ACTIONS YOU HAVE DONE FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS AND CONTINUE TO DO, NOT TO MENTION YOU ARE NOT KEEPING YOUR PART OF OUR AGREEMENT.* If not then keep it to your self and I will then be able to show you the respect that your wanting. *RESPECT FROM YOU IS TANTAMOUNT TO HITLER LOVING THE JEWISH NATIONS. IT'S JUST A FANTASY.* It's that simple. *REALLY? I DON'T THINK SO - AT LEAST IT ISN'T FOR YOU, AS YOU APPARENTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT RESPECT IS. YOU CERTAINLY HAVE NOT SHOWN EITHER OUR SON OR ME ANY, AND NEITHER OF US HAVE EVER DONE ANYTHING BUT LOVE YOU AND TRY TO WORK THIS OUT.*
Thanks,
Jethro

Please consider what I have proposed with an open mind.

__________________________
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmmmmmmmm. I think he is taking the HITLERIAN View on this: "If I lie with really big whoppers, it's easier to believe than a few tiny white lies."
Tell him not no, but HELL no!
As if you haven't had enuff misery from him already, JustPeachy.
JMHO, Harold

Soccer Showdown.

I made it clear that I want no more contact except for reasonable (and extremely short and limited) communications about parenting only and preferably via email with Jethro from now on. I also made it very clear that I was not to be bothered nor approached by FV, his preggo ho or by him during game and that I was only there for supporting my boy.

Earlier in the week, I had decided to bring a friend with me...mind you, just a friend. But he's cool and also a BS and a soccer coach. Definitely a strong personality and somebody Jehtro wouldn't push around to ensure the peace and to help me feel like today wouldn't be open season emotionally on peachy.

So Nick meets me at soccer field and brings me a cup of coffee. We walk onto the field and one of the parents recognizes him as a soccer coach from a league, very competitive one, in Roswell. All the parents knew what I had done as the eyes began rolling in the direction of Jethro as soon as I walked onto the field heralding that FV and the outlaws were there...

For those new to the divorce game, and to MB, remember that blood is usually much thicker than water. I knew my inlaws (I call them the outlaws) for 10 years and had a good relationship with them. At one time, but not since they chose to be faithful to their adulterous and abusive lawbreaking son whom signs their paychecks.

I stand there and by God's grace keep a pleasant look on my face and my composure as I see the outlaws standing beside the ho that's carrying my xH's baby. She's not that far along but wore a jacket to cover up. I did not flinch and basically pretended that they were not there. And lo and behold! Across the field was Jethro clicking away with his expensive camera and acting as the sideline coach again putting on the pretense of being a good and responsible father and man. Kept my gaze away as I don't want anything else to do with him.

At first break, son is still on the field and says in not that quiet a voice but thought that everybody around couldn't hear (they sure could)..."Mommy...Don't look over there...SHE'S HERE...Once again this has happened and he points to her while standing on the field like she's some freak or a dirty word. I say "Don't point baby and it's ok...I am here for you." Son then comes over and says "I want to go home with you mommy." I tell him that I will see him in a few days and to enjoy visiting his grandparents.

Son today plays worst game ever. He just wasn't into it as he had alot of distractions...He kept looking over at them and had a wierd look on his face but when he'd look at me he'd give me the thumbs up like "I am going to do great and I know you are here for me." But he only scored one goal and althought still proud, it was clear that the presence of FV and her illegitimate child along with seeing his grandparents standing beside her made an impact on him...a negative one.

Then my father outlaw walked over to me and to Nick and started making small talk. Stuff like "won't you give me a hug? You look so good. and "isn't he doing great?" I smile nicely and agree with everything. Then the whole knife in the back thing is felt by me and I do this in a kind voice yet never change my pleasant expression. I say..."you know this is absolutely disgraceful. Your enabling of this situation and what is going on. I don't have anything else to say. He then got a wierd look on his face and then he started to change the subject and we talked briefly about soccer. I say that I would like to just kinda watch the game now and that he could rejoin his son's preggo live in on the sidelines once more.

After the game, they are handing out trophies and a commemorative soccer ball. Jethro this time walks closer and asks to take a picture of me and my son. I say quietly to leave me alone and no pictures please. He does it anyway. I don't look at his camera as I am not having anything to do with him. Then the mother outlaw comes up to me and says "weren't you even going to give me a hug?" I say "looks like you were doing fine over there in the corner with the live in." She then says that "we didn't want any of this to happen." I say, you sure look just fine to me. And then that "I told Larry that I am absolutely sick to see how you two have enabled this whole sordid affair and that they need not worry however...that they don't as grandparents have to worry about my son seeing me shack up with men and have guys sleeping with me under the roof while my child is here. That they can rest assured. She said that my "son seems to be doing fine." I say that I am sick of them enabling everything and that that's it. She says "people have to ENABLE THEMSELVES TO DO THE RIGHT THING." I almost laughed at her. I said that standing up for what is good and moral is what's expected. That their passivity and toleration and today, encouragement is enough for me." She then says something about "you look good and we have missed you" and I say that I have to go shortly after the game as I was going with friends to hike Kennesaw mountain. I make my break and go to the sidelines with my son to hug him and to talk with the other soccer moms and dads and give them end of season hugs.

Suddenly across the field comes Jethro striding up to Nick. He stretches out his hand and with a fake smile says "Hi I am Jethro." Nick says he's nick. Then the outlaws come up to nick and do the same. I see FV starting to walk over towards my direction and I say that I have to leave. Nick says we are going to breakfast and that I have plans and need to go. I walk out ahead of everybody calmly yet resolutely. I do not look back. My son is standing ironically by my buddy and is talking to him. Jethro sees that my son knows him (kids play together along with some other soccer kids) and they try to start talking with nick again. Nick doesn't say much and says he has to go as well. Jethro asks him how he knows me and he says..."that's awful personal there." I would not and will never enable anything.

So in the end, I remained a lady and never raised my voice. I would not accept the outlaws spending half of the game with the mistress and the other half of the game with me, the mother and former 10 year daughter in law and woman whom got slapped in the face by OW/Son's adultery. I kept my cool compeletely yet told them what they did not want to hear.

I get to the truck and nick says "you did good. they were trying to get to you and it's a good idea that I came along or they'd have pushed themselves onto you even more." I agree. He said that for once, Jethro has to see what it's like to see some other guy talking with his son and seeing his son like them. Unlike FV whom son is embarassed of, at age five.

We went to breakfast and he told me how his xw's new sister in law came with her and that the sister in law of the man who was sleeping with nick's wife tried to come up to nick and be all friendly and foggy. Nick thinks that it's amazing that these people want the whole world to sweep the affair thing under the rug and if we, the BS only pretend along with them then the whole world is just fine. And nick also said that to remember anything I do whether it's blink, or swallow, or breathe or express my disgust for the public betrayal today will cause them to label me as bitter. He said I was not but to just expect it anyway.

Yea, it really hurt seeing the outlaws and their standing near her. And then when I guess they realized that they were being offensive to me, they come and stand by me, I didn't like it and didn't want it. I had very little to say to them. Funny, but I don't have anything to ever say to them again after today. I think they understood what they did and how wrong it was, but they are bought with a price paid by their employer, jethro.

Now I don't have to see them anymore for a very long while. The last time I saw them was right before my son's birthday party when they came to my door and walked in and said "we sure wish you'd come to the party jethro's giving (FV was there too)"..And I said to them.."well, that would be a possibility but as you know jethro is on probation for breaking into my home and the county has a restraining order against him so he is not to be around me whatsoever."

I didn't sleep much last night. I knew it was a lie when he emailed me and promised that nobody would bother me at the game...He can do nothing but lie. So I kept true to my instincts and brought backup. And it worked.

The WS' like to really force things upon us to legitimize their affairs into something decent or acceptable. I choose not to ever be ugly, or loud, or show any outward actions of disgust and keep my cool. And I have learned to express myself and my beliefs and convictions without sounding hateful or cruel. Think the key is to detach and not enable them. When we enable their choices to destroy a family because they are listeining to their crotch not their brain or soul, they win. I have a duty to raise my son differently than jethro does and trust me, ourkids need to see at least one parent who is good , just, honest, and moral.

justpeachy --

I haven't posted to you before, but I've been reading your story.

You handled this so well and beautifully-- I'm happy and proud of you! Good foresight in bringing Nick along!
It will be interesting to see how that plays with Jethro in the days and weeks ahead.

If he has been so interested in controlling you -- he may just go a little nuts with this new development. Nick sounds like a good strong guy -- and a good friend.

praying for you!

way2

Peachy:

First of all, I want to say that I am truly sorry for your heartache.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> )..."Mommy...Don't look over there...SHE'S HERE...Once again this has happened and he points to her while standing on the field like she's some freak or a dirty word. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That statement speaks volumes to me. He really does not need to know that you detest her this much. It is sweet that he is trying to take care of you, but please try to keep him out of this mess. Awful big burden on a little fellar.

One more question, in 20 years say your son does this same thing. Are you going to abandon him? Note I did not say "disapprove" of the action(and you really don't know how much his parents have disapproved of Jethro's actions as that is between them). But it sounds like to me, that you are asking Jethro's parents to "choose you" and abandon their son. It ain't gonna happen, and I would bet (if I were a betting person) anything that you would not abandon your son.

Please let go and move on for your sake and that of your son.

Best wishes for a remarkable recovery from this.

becontent --

At some point a parent needs to stand up and stop enabling behavior. When my x wanted his mother to stand by him against me and my new life she said "You're kids are better off with way2 and her new husband than living with your violence."

It spoke volumes and I never had problems with her ever seening of visiting with the kids.

I haven't recently approved of my daughters lifestyle with "baldboy" -- so I stayed out of it ... I sent her a subscription to "Guideposts" as a protest ... but stayed out ...

I'll be there in an emergency and if she really needs me ... but I'm not going to give tacit approval by having "normal -- just act like there's nothing wrong" relations"

I haven't abandoned her .. just not supporting her lifestyle and her choice.

It's Tough Love -- and sometimes it needs to be used for an wayward child (no matter how old that child is) and even WS.

way2

Hey guys..Doin better but really sore after the hike.

Really down today but did go to women's bible study @ church and then to lunch with some friends.

It was raining cats and dogs, still is in fact and just a blustery day (winnie the pooh says this in his books my son loves)

I understand that his parents aren't gonna change their path...Heck, he's the one who signs their paychecks. Plus, if you have followed the posts for the last year or so, his dad had several affairs on his mother so they both are enablers of this kind of behavior...probably extremely passive in it yet on saturday they sure were in my face about it...and still lying and trying to pretend they were "there for me". But I know and can smell a rat when I see it.

And if my little guy does this, even if he's forty years old, as my grandmother says "I will bend you over my checked apron and give you the business--you'll never be too old for that.." I won't enable truly negative choices that could ruin a family or hurt my own granchild ever.

Thankfully, no word from Jethro as I think my actions or lack thereof and maybe the last time I looked at him when he tried to take the photo of my son and I was more than enough. I think he gets it now.

And I don't really care what he thinks about my buddy. And no, nothing would ever come from my friendship w/Nick as we are just that and nothing more...with a heart that's been trampeled on so much, it's gonna be a while I think...

But I sure hope for once although one can never tell what goes through the minds of the foggy, that Jethro was able to feel a bit of what it's like to walk in my shoes. And I don't, unlike most would think, say anything about FV in front of son. In fact, I don't mention him to her at all. She's nothing to me or to son really. She's just the woman that sleeps with his dad. She may be the woman who gives birth to my son's half brother, but she's not my son's mother and that's that. I just do and say nothing with regard to her. My son, however, at age five, has a firm knowledge and grip of right and wrong and he knows that her presence is wrong. That what she's doing with his daddy is wrong.

Pray for our recovery and fresh new start and about the job thing as I want and desperately need for resolution to come this week in regard to that.

Jethro: "Like Father, like Son..."
Kinda explains it, doesn't it? He sees his parents being STOOPIT, so he does it too..
MONKEY see, MONKEY do.
I'm sorry you had to go thru what you did, JustPeachy, and your son too. At least, YOU have the morals to bring him up right.
Keep on keepin' on!
HlT

Doin' good on a bleary monday here in the ATL. Colder and rainy kinda.

Got final interview with company tomorrow for clinical position and will decide before end of week on job. Hoping that the job with hospital corp comes through as it may be the best although two to three grand a year less...but comes with good tax breaks that in the long run could equal out or come close to the other salary. Plus less stress, and more flexibility with regard to my schedule which trickles down to my having more quality time with my son (biggest gain).

Here's a hoot. Got an "inspirational" chain email from jethro today. And once again, there is along with my email addy, FV's as well. I of course do not respond and am sickened by it. Nuff of him. Went to church yesterday and read up in my "read the bible in a year" book. Actually read five days' worth to start catching up (thanks John!).

Still incredibly sore and feel like poopy. My whole entire body aches. Oh well.

and then today I get this book...Sent from CA by my great aunt (one who may be moving to ATL next year) and it's entitled..."How to Find a Husband after 35". I am not yet 35, but she figures according to the note in the package that I shall be when I finally decide to start dating again...

So now my relatives are pushing me and I am not at all ready. I am still licking my wounds and dealing with the poop from jethro knocking up and shacking up with FV, the incredible, unwed, buttfloss adulterer model and serial outta wedlock mom.

But some things have dawned on me. What have I been scared of? 1)growing old alone 2)not having more kids or not having more time with my son as he's #1 3)being celibate forever 4)financially struggling for next few years when I should be living it up like Jethro has done...5)that I will never feel anything again for another man and 6)that I will continue to wish I were living back home in TN vs ATL and 7)that jethro and FV and the outlaws will somehow by virtue of an unholy union pretending to be a good family take me to court and try to get my son from me...he is all about that.

But I know and am getting real about a few things. For starters, without his ever getting mental help, I know for a fact FV will and is already emotionally and probably physically abused by him (hence her desperate call two months ago). That he will slowly alienate her and treat her like a slave in a while. That the trinkets and the toys will come less and less while she becomes totally dependent on him. And that's not a way to live. I miss the "dream" of a family. It was never that great after jethro got to making alot of money anyway. He slowly siphoned the life outta me and my poor thinking has come from basically the aftermath of separating yourself from somebody who's NPD. I read a website called "malignant self love" and there was an article about leaving the NPD and victims of NPD. I fit the bill perfectly.

Sure, they are suave, they are slick. Life's more exciting because hey, it's a rollercoaster. But after riding it for almost ten years now, I want off forever. So I am off.

Just trying to start some new thinking to combat all this poop. It's time to start reclaiming life somehow. I pray that for all who end up here in the d/d forum.

And Maxx, if you can, PLEASE PRINT THE LYRICS TO THE ULTIMATE WS SONG IN THE WORLD..."Lying from You" by Linkin Park. I think everybody here needs to hear this song and its lyrics because nothing I've ever heard totally describes how the WS think. This song I listened to yesterday and it made so much sense.

I want to heal so badly now. I want to be stronger and so self confident and not just be putting on the act of doing so when forced with horrible and difficult public scenes like the soccer game. I want my inside to match my cool outside now. That's the struggle.

After thinking some more, it is clear to me that the outlaws are not lovin' life as they've grown so much more in diameter...(something jethro is embarassed of and hates) and that even jethro isn't happy either as what playboy would be happy when his one chance to grab freedom and pretend life is one dating sushi bar where you can order a different roll as often as you want is thwarted by a golddigger who gets preggo even before the divorce papers are signed? That's baaaaaad news for a proven serial cheater and playboy. And the struggles are gonna come even more fast and furious then they did when I was in the picture. Poor FV. But then again, this golddiggers' earned this one.

Kinda like when the european chicks on "Joe Millionaire" find out that he doesn't have the money and isn't the guy they think he is. Laughs on the euro trash golddiggers!

peachy,
things are moving fast in your life right now what with the pregnacy and all. I'm so sorry for that news. But if you get a chance could you clarify for me ... I've been trying to follow. When you and Jetro were still living as a married couple he had an affair with "monkeyho" and that is when you split up? Is that right? Then FV is not monkeyho? or is she? when did FV come into the scene? How long had you been apart when she showed up?
If you get the chance, it would be good clarification. Meanwhile, I'm praying for the job thing to go very well for you.
Keep the faith.

"He who angers you, controls you."

Food for thought.

With my ex having a weeknight every week, and every other weekend, I see him 2-3 times more often a week than I'd like to. And things tend to only be smooth sailing for a limited amount of time.

Block his IM. Block his email. If he calls, son answers. If he tells son to give the phone to you, you hang it up. He can spend $.37 on a stamp and put whatever he has to tell you in writing. Period, new paragraph.

Peachy,
I am sorry that you are still being hurt by your XH. He definitely knows how to push your buttons. Why do you let him? Over and over people tell you not to talk to him. He will continue to hurt you as long as you allow him to. Have to question you on the XIL's, from what you recanted, they sound like they were trying to be nice to you while still showing their son that they love him. You might want to cut them some slack. Just a thought. They are in the middle here and lose whichever way they go. I'm sure your XH's latest squeeze didn't like it much when they came over and made nice to you.

This latest woman wasn't in the picture until way after you and you XH separated was she? At least that is what I recall you posting. She isn't the woman that helped breakup your marriage. Why are you so jealous of her anyway? You put her down at every turn when she isn't really an OW. I can see no reason to make friends with her, but really, what did she ever do to you? You make yourself look cheap and small everytime you call her filthy names JMHO. If this was Monkyho, I could understand it.

Best of luck to you and your precious son.

Feminine side,

You haven't read Peachy's posts as carefully as you think. There have been many times she has had to take crap from FV, so please don't judge Peachy so harshly. Some new partners of our X's can and do play stupid and subtle games with the BS you know, because they feel threatened about the past and any residual ties that may linger between X and wife/husband. Peachy has been subject to that.

Way to go on the soccer game and outlaws Peachy!

Love and light,

jacky

Hey peachy, at least your's is living with a woman!

Hi Peachy,
sorry your still dragging that stone around..
you do need to let go of him forever..he isn't yours now, and your not his..

BUT..you do need to realize the marriage is dead now..and he is a corpse..a dead horse..and you need to leave it...bury it..and grieve..the process next is grieving, there is nothing left, no relationship..except his responsibility to your son and that all can go through courts..

Sweetie don't frustrate yourself..and don't belittle yourself and lower your self to their level..no name calling..

what does God want..HE wants us to pray for our enemies..He wants us to bless those who persecute us..
He also says we need to think on what soever things are lovely, and a good report..and praise worthy...do that for now..

Please make sure your X, is that and stays the distance he had when you had the court order..
you can always re-enact it.

as far as the girl..your X's fiance' (there I said it..blah...) well you and her will probably have to communicate if son is ill or something.

I felt bad for your son...at the game it was his day..and a Picture of him with his mom smiling would of been a great thing to blow up for his bedroom to remind him of mom standing next to him being proud..after all..to him it was all about him that day..not about the fiance' as I am sure he saw it in his childs mind..

but the picture time..was a nice gesture of X's for son...in a way..it would of been a great pic for your dresser also..because you looked great..and your son was in his glory..

anyway..love ya and think your doing great only thing I see is she is getting to you..and she is in the background fearful as all get out..like a caged animal..

as far as he goes..money is not everything..look at people in calif..you can loose it all over night as you have found out..

God will not reward him, there is a curse from God on husbands who divorce their spouse..so don't worry..Let God do the revenge..
for God says..I shall repay..Vengenge belongs to God..HE will do it better then we can...

just pray for them and don't be blessing them and cursing them with the same mouth, it don't seem right..

I picture you as a sweet lil southern, lady, and
when I see you saying some things sometimes..my heart hurts for you..I do know the pain been there et all..lost alot..including him..being dead now..lost big time..but you know..what..
your son is yours till he takes a wife..

have you heard this my mother in law ues to say it..but the thing is..WE are suppose to grow up and away from parents..not hang on to apron strings..

a daughters a daughter the rest of her life..a son is a son till he takes a wife..

something like that..maybe that saying is what caused my husband to be like he was..cause he never felt like he belonged in his family..because the girls were so dotted on by mom..and dad..no time for the boys..except they helped do the heavy stuff..and expected to make an appearance at holiday functions only if convienient to mom..oh well..that is all over..everyone is gone now..

someday you will be old but heck peachy you are young yet and only just begun I am sure when you put God first, HE has the right person for you..so Keep on keeping on..

this was not a slam reply nor judgemental..just way I see things and feel God wants us to do..be kind one to another..

the bible also says..Submit yourself to God and the devil will flee from you...
so I am sure that God is in control..don't give a foothold to satan..

remember the song
Be carefull little eyes what you see?
Be carefull little ears what you hear
for the Father up above is looking down in love
be careful little eyes what you see..

Be carefull little feet where you go?
be carefull little hands what you do?
for the Father up above is looking down in love
be careful little hands what you do!

teach it to your son..so he can sing it..maybe hum it to yourself remember we are ALL HIS CHILDREN...and we are to be as children..oh Gosh..
Peachy..I know how much your gonna hurt for awhile but once you get through it you will be stronger..Grow in the wisdom and knowledge of GOD..God bless you and pray God will give you a job that will meet your needs..and HE will provide for you..Take Care..
Jesus Love you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

To Fem. Side:

He's been living with her for a year and half and she overlaps with his other OW...Yea, they both helped and were conscious they were sleeping with a married man. Guess I just bowed out. So save it. She's been sleeping around in front of my son and is a poor moral example in her own life being a practically naked model and having a child outta wedlock and shacking up with several men during this time.

So please do not say I am jealous of this thing. She's not worth it. I am upset at what my son saw and is still seeing and being forced to endure.

And the picture thing when his father came up to me and tried to take a photo was not at all in a decent spirit. He was told to stay away from me and he does not respect any boundary. I informed my attorneys yesterday of more he has done as he emailed me threats yesterday and one was of bodily harm. He has physically and mentally abused me as it's well documented.

I don't think this is up for debate TFS. So save your comments about me looking cheap for the ones who do really look cheap and are. I've spent last 2 years standing up for my boy and trying to do what's best for him. There isn't a lot I can do until I go back to court and until I save up enough money to go back to court.

And when my son comes back today from visitation, he comes back to a loving and stable home. Where he doesn't feel like a second class citizen and where he knows he is safe and loved and doesn't see things that are immoral or indecent or abusive (jethro has abused FV also and it's documented via her phone call to me). I stand tall for him and pretty much do everything for my son.

My faith has kept me going and that's that. I'd actually prefer you not post to me anymore TFS, as I find your words disrespectful and don't think this is the first time you've done this. One thing I do is try to be supportive and if I don't agree, in a loving way and not attack anybody here as we are here because we NEED support during some of the toughest moments of our lives.

Oh might I add, they "acknowledge" their involvement for a year and a half but I know she has existed during my marriage and when we were together ok? So don't think she's some innocent.

{{{{{justpeachy}}}}}

Good morning. Just wanted to say I hope your son enjoyed soccer and I think it was great of you to not only sign him up for this experience but also for being there for him and watching every game.

Take care and good luck with that job search.

HoFS

Hi Peachy! Sorry I took so long to get the lyrics you asked for..
here they are:
Lying From You - Linkin Park
When I pretend
everything is what i want it to be
i look exactly like what you had always wanted to see
when i pretend
i can forget about the crimnal i am
stealing second after second just cause i know i can.. but
i can't pretend this is the way it will stay
i'm just trying to bend the truth
i can't pretend i'm who you want me to be
so i'm
Lying My Way From You...
----------------------------
Man! After reading these lyrics, I see exactly what you're saying about this being the WS's theme song. I feel for you, JP. I do hope you continue moving ahead with your son and that you WILL find a new and better life w/o OBJ in it - with 'friends' like him you sure don't need any enemies!
This is no 'pat answer' (pat answers are BS) but I believe that in time... you WILL find love - from one who will truly care for you and your son and who will show you what love and marriage are really supposed to be.
I have been there in the dark days right after divorce, when my ex-wife and her fiancee were 'happy' and she had turned both my sons against me and none of our friends would have anything to do with me - I was 5,000 miles from home in a state (Alaska) all by myself. I had God, myself, and a book called 'Growing Thru Divorce' by Jim Smoke.
I made it. It took awhile but I made it. The Lord sent me a wonderful Christian lady who is EVERYTHING and I do mean everything my ex-wife wasn't.
It happened to me. It can happen to you and I believe in time, it will JP. Just keep hanging in there - you've come so far now! You can finish the course, and I honestly believe you will find you happiness, peace, and healing in time.
And do know that you have LOADS of fellow MBers here for you!
Keep that chin up, JP! You're in a good career field and someone like you WILL find that right job!
Here's lookin' at you, kid.
Harold

peachy, let it go. Ivana Trump summed it up best!
Living Well is the Best Revenge. Although we all understand your anger and rightly so!!! You have every reason in the world to be angry with what happened to your marriage ... let it go. Fight like h#** to make YOUR life without him. He is gone. He is not coming back and THAT is a good thing and you will realize that one day. It IS SAD and Hurtful but thus is life and you are young and you will have more hurts in your life if you are lucky enough to live a long one that is the only given!!! But you can have happiness too and only you and YOU alone can control that and make that happen. Let the worthless jerk go ... grieve ... have a closure ceremony, invite friends and family over and bury your dead marriage so you can get on with the business of living. I look forward to your happy post when you do.

one last thing peachy ... you have a lot of will in you and you are a very blessed girl with that. Use it hard and wise. Believe me I know how hard it is. My ex married his monkeyho too and he runs around on her like white on rice. But that is them and I am me. It did take me a few years to get totally me again but I did and you will too. You are going to make it too. You've got the "I'm going to make it goods"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
And I promise you ... you will look back on this and them and only feel lucky that you got out and got on with your life. PS Good luck with the job stuff coming up.

how are you doing justpeachy?

I am concerned -- as I read you said that he sent you some threatening emails in the past three days?

Okay maybe I've transposed a post of two .. is this true. My xh was very controlling and very abusive (in one abuse sessions I was beaten and have a full bookcase pulled down on top of me all because I didn't want pizza) ... I am concerned that he will rachet up because you had temerity to show up to the game with another man .. his questions were probing.

Like I said before I think you should have and I applaud you ... but his mind might screw it up to look totally different.

When my xh remarried I almost sent his wife a condolense card <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .. like I said ALMOST <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
There is violence in that relationship too, I've heard.

Thinking of you and your son
way2

Hi JP! Hope things are going better for you and son today. ReneeK had the right idea: 'Living Well Is The Best Revenge' and it's so true!
I sure hope you BLOCK him on your EMail and IM - there is nothing he could possibly want to say that would do you any good at all - just more BS, Fog, and trash-talk.
Block him out of your life, JP! Sure, you gotta talk to him once in awhile on phone or face to face, but you sure as shootin' do NOT have to put up with his CRAP online too!
Do it now.
Free yourself of him one small thing at a time.
You'll be better off when you go online not having to wonder - is he online and what JUNK is he going to send my way now.
You owe him NOTHING!
He owes you a debt he can never repay..
Best wishes for you, JP, and your dear son. May the Lord bless and comfort you both.
PS - You WILL find the right job for you and then after you begin raking in the Bux, you and son can look back at all this as dark days just after the divorce and know that things will get better for you.
I know. I've been there before, fighting overwhelming odds by myself against my ex-wife.
She lost. She is no longer in my life. She leaves me alone because I made her look like a [censored] every time we tangled and she, the judge, and everyone else knows it.
You will win - it just takes time. Moving on without him and showing yourself, your son, and him that you ARE making it without him is Step One and you are on your way!
Sincerely, Harold

Peachy,

I'm not sure I understand the reasoning behind NOT blocking his I/M. It's very easy to do - and makes you appear offline to that one individual, instead of going dark on everyone.

And I've seen MANY people over the past six months encourage you to block his e-mails AND his I/M access to you.

Is there a reason I'm not seeing that REQUIRES you to allow this perp to contact you in spite of a restraining order?

Just Peachy,
I've been reading your posts for the first time today as I've decided to move to the D/D board. I wish I had noticed you before.

I too am married to a NPD. I've had 20 years of torture and have contemplated writing a book entitled "I said 'I do' and got 20 years to life." Upon our 20th anniversary, I decided I've had enough.

WH was charming and wonderful during our courtship. I always had fresh flowers delivered when the former ones started looking wilted, jewelry and taken to the nicest places in town. After the 3rd day of our honeymoon in Hawaii, he refused to speak to me. He decided on the flight home (I too am a Tennessean) to begin speaking again. My father spend an absolute fortune on our wedding, I had quit my well paying job, and as a Christian knew I had to abide by my vow to God. I was trapped.

In the past 20 years I have been treated as if I were the dog poop that was stuck to the bottom of his shoe. We've had sex less than 30 times in all these years and only twice since daughter was born almost 18 years ago. Both in laws desperately wanted grandchildren and we were the only possiblity in both cases. My MIL was also NPD. The things she did were mind boggling. She never could understand why noone liked her or had anything to do with her. Fewer than 20 people came to her funeral. Most of them were waitresses at the restaurant where they ate every meal.

I discovered that WH had a drinking problem 5 years into our marriage. Then came the affair that occured shortly after his mother's death. The first affair was with his mother. She told me right after we were married, "You know sex is sin." She was a piece of work and fashioned herself to look like the nyphomanic character that Elizabeth Taylor played in Butterfield 8. I recently saw that movie for the first time and sat there with my mouth hanging open. They could have been twins.

His parents treated me as well as everyone else that touched their lives like garbage. His mother was so hated at her work, that they created a "job" for her to do and put her in a room by herself. Noone my husband works with likes him either nor them he. Typical NPD. Her home was filthy and her husband was a wimp of a man. Went into WWII as a private and after years, came out as a private.

Three years into our marriage I told my father that I had enough and was leaving. He told me to stay and make it work. I adored my father and complied. My mother now says that if he knew the truth, he would have helped me pack. (Father now deceased and the morning after he died, my husband called me every name in the book-he could have made sailors blush)

Shortly after MIL died husband began A with her duplicate. She didn't look like a nypho but acted like one. Male or female. That's been over for 2 years and the mention of her makes him sick. She stalks him/us to this day. She's as sick as he is. They deserve each other and it's my wish that he go to her and leave us alone.

I recently found an old phone record of my husbands in the garage. For curiousity, I looked up the numbers and found where he had called prostitutes. This record was before his mother died. That explained the no sex. I always thought he was gay.

I'm beaten down beyond what I can describe. To compensate for the torture I've endured I turned to food. I am now very overweight. At almost 50, it's very difficult to find good employment. I have B.S. in Business but my appearance doesn't match my qualifications. I'm taking a job beneath me to just get away. I was a stay at home mom and dearly love my daughter. She's wonderful despite her father.

I haven't spoken to him in two months. It's better that way. He's done his usual routine of being mean, being nice, destroying things in the house, crying, talking bad about me one day and then claiming I'm an angel the next. It' maddening and I want off the rollercoaster!

I know what you've endured and want to reassure you that one day soon you'll get to the point to where it doesn't matter whether he lives or dies. The opposite of love isn't hate-it's indifference. I've arrived there and it's much easier.

Just Peachy:

I'm just a casual observer, so I apologize if I've got this wrong. But I think you are hiding behind your son, masking your hurt and anger as concern for him. I don't doubt you love your son, but you seem to be denying that you have any responsibility for your failed marriage, and putting the blame on the third party who really didn't have anything to do with the breakup of your marriage. A "poor moral example"? Really. Accept the situation, and make the best of it for the both of you.

I dont' mean to upset you, but sometimes objective feedback is helpful. You need to get over it. Accept that he is not coming back, and that for whatever reason, your marriage didn't work. You are not his wife anymore, but you are raising a wonderful child with him. Be adult and mature; stop causing a scene at children's soccer games. You only appear bitter and pathetic. I'm sure you are neither, so start showing that.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hugs Peachy,
thinking about you and praying for you.

I know how hard this has been for you and son.

I am hoping your busy starting the new job I am hoping you got and is why we haven't seen a post from you..

other then that..if Jethro threatened you..I guess your not posting so he won't read..

God bless and know you are being prayed for..
and oh yeah..don't take that sarasara's post seriously, perhaps she hasn't read your posts.
because you have been through hell and back and we know your protecting your son as well as yourself..and doing a great job, but it is ok to get angry, stomp your feet, lay on the floor and throw a tantrum where no one can see you..
go someplace where no one else is and scream
and get it out..so it don't eat you alive..

PLEASE keep safe...and keep trusting God to carry you through..HE is able..
Keep on Keeping on..

LET's support peachy here, she is probably in a real rough spot right now..she just needs to remember it is sandpaper getting the rough edges off..

pray that Jethro paid her support she was due..
I am concerned for her..how much more could she take, she has gone through alot..hey
sarasara? are you ms fv???
hrmmmmmm...
Peachy soon things will be peachy again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I don't know all story as well and have just read this thread... and know how difficult it must be... but... let it go, dear...
isn't just divorce too much on the kid's shoulder?
hatred&despise won't help him nor to anyone else.....

Believe it or not SadEyes, some people see Peachy has having some work to do on herself. Her XH is a piece of crap, that is apparent to all. I highly doubt that Sarasara is FV, just as I'm not and another poster who posted about the same thing isn't either. Peachy needs to get herself out of this mess that her X keeps tempting her into. Her behavior at the soccer game was harmful to her son. It's not bad enough he has someone like J for a father, but his mom is contributing to hurting him too. I know this view will not be popular. There seems to be a theme of, cheer the member on no matter what when it comes to some members on this site. I disagree with that train of thought. A little boy is in the middle of all this, and he is the one being harmed the most. Did you catch the post a week or so ago about the little guy, quote "praying for FV to disappear"? Where do you think he got that from? His little head has got to be totally screwed with loyalty issues right now. A child, in order to have a healthy mental state, NEEDS to hear good things about both parents because they identify with both. It's always harmful for one parent to put down or treat the other parent badly in front of the child. If J really is going to remarry, FV will be in this little boys life. It's unfair to put him in the middle of disliking her. Now if she does something to him, that's an issue to take to the judge. Otherwise, Peachy has an obligation to put her jealousy and hatred behind her regarding this woman FOR THE SAKE AND WELL BEING OF HER SON.

Peachy, discount my post if you like. But take it for what it is... trying to help you and your son. The course you are on is not good for either one of you. J is a jerk who will continue to harm both of you. You have the power to show what a strong, caring woman you are by rising above his actions. Sorry to say, but the lastest on the soccer field wasn't one of them.

JMHO

<small>[ November 03, 2003, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: TheFeminineSide ]</small>

TheFeminineSide --

I think JP has said that she has not said anything to her son or in front of her son ... but he knows, he's seen Mommy cry .. and from the sound of it they are in a social situation where everyone knows and they talk too.

How much worse could it have been it she'd have been forced to deal with Jethro and FV? Much, much worse.

Jethro put his son in the middle.

She kept her distance .. she knew Jethro wouldn't ... he didn't .. she shouldn't be forced to interact in situations that she isn't 1. being respected in and 2. that is very hurtful and harmful to her.

Yes, FV is in her son's life ... she shouldn't degrade Jethro or FV in front of him .. but she also doesn't need to put herself into situations of interacting with them. And she sure shouldn't be expected to be the cherring section.

And when son asks about it all she has to do is say "I'm just not very happy with your father right now."

He will understand that, because he distances himself from friends he's not very happy with at particular moments too.

She's also doing some good modeling here. Instead of exposing herself to a situation that may just become explosive she sought to keep her distance and remove herself ... how many kids in our schools need to learn that lesson instead of shoving a knife in to someone or fist fighting with someone they feel wronged by?

way2

<small>[ November 03, 2003, 12:09 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

Coming out of lurkdom to say I think Sara Sara and TFS's post offer some sound advice and are not intended to instill any lack of respect to Peachy, but rather to help.

As someone who's been on both sides of the betrayal fence, I think I've learned alot in the years I've struggled with all the emotions which accompany an affair and subsequent divorce: guilt, disgust <at ex & myself> anger, insecurity, jealousy, resentment. It's taken literally several years to find a semblance of peace in my life. I think THE most important lesson learned is to NOT allow your son to be in the middle. Peachy, your son, while young, appears to be a very bright & intuitive kid. Aside from the negative comments his little ears may pick up, if you think he doesn't register all the non-verbal tension and vibes between you & Jethro, FV and the out-laws, you're mistaken. It wasn't until my 11 yr old son basically reached his boiling point and chastized me for making a snide comment about his dad's new wife <I never thought he'd pick up on it>, did I realize the negative impact MY emotions were having upon the well being of my child. I felt about 2 inches tall at that moment and have learned to speak postively about his dad and his wife...or not say anything at all <even though my tongue may be bleeding from biting so hard> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yes, your ex is a narcissistic, womanizing, abusive control freak by your depiction, but he is still your son's dad. Your child has his entire adult life to observe his fathers shortcomings and reach his own conclusions. In the meantime, no need to contribute to the already mixed feelings your boy already harbors.

As for the hatred you feel towards FV.....perfectly natural. You are deeply hurt by the man you once loved and I suspect you will resent any woman he's with for a very long time. Remember, before the Maxim girl it was Monkeyho and if/when things fall apart with FV, there'll likely be another. Wasn't Jethro still legally married when you hooked up with him? Seems to be his pattern. People aren't taken away, they GO away. I see you wasting precious time and energy obsessing on his life with his latest 'ho-du jour'. This misguided anger can be better channeled into focusing on your life. Sure, venting to friends is a great thing and it's obvious you have a large support system on MB, but I think some posters feed into this anger as they speak from similar circumstances.

Please don't resent another perspective from those outside your usual group of supporters.....there might be some wisdom in our words.

<small>[ November 03, 2003, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: Who's Hurting Now ]</small>

I agree with Who's Hurting Now. There comes a time when you need to stop obsessing over this guy and move on. You will never recover yourself (and that should be your main emphasis) until you learn the art of forgiveness. If you are not to the point of forgiveness yet, fine, but understand that you will continue to battle emotional turmoil until you choose to let it (and him) go. Focus on yourself and your child. You'll be better off in the long run. Chalk this up to experience, learn from it, and MOVE ON.

Who's Hurting Now,
I hate to admit it, but I too learned my lesson about veiled remarks, faces and just plain attitude toward my XH and his W (former OW) from my kids. Wish I could say I didn't do anything to contribute to harming them, since I was the innocent party in my opinion in the divorce. But I did. And as time has gone by, I see where I made mistakes in the marriage. Not saying I was responsible for his cheating, HE was. And he did it several times before I gave up and threw him out.

Anyway, glad you see that I am only trying to give Peachy some useful advice that I wish I had gotten earlier than I did. My in-laws and I did stay friendly to one another. It was a real struggle for me, as they backed their baby boy. But I wanted them to stay in my kids lives, so I kept the ties. I've been forever grateful that I did as it has paid off for my children. Also for me, as I came across as the one with class and srength. Family is important to children. Both sides of their family, not just one because they are part of both.

" 'ho-du jour'." LMAO at this comment! J will most likely go through many women in his life.

I don't want to say much. I said something to peachy before, and I too was accused of being the other woman. That was very odd to me, and I have never said anything since. I have read some of this thread and also agree with recent posters (sara, femside, promkeeper). To me, it seems as if some of peachy's friends that regularly post to her are "enabling" her more than helping her. I don't use many of those psychobabble terms too often, but it really does strike me as that way often. She seems consumed with rage and hatred. Understandably so, but "enabling" her isn't going to help her let go of it.

<small>[ November 03, 2003, 04:37 PM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

anyone get the creepy feeling that there are a lot of "dis-peachy" posters all of a sudden showing up in concert?

Yah know Miss Feminine Side and LoveMyEx - I know that you two are separate and distinct personalities. And you have both been asked very firmly by Miss Peachy to not reply on her threads anymore.

Why should she pay attention to ANYONE who disregards boundaries so similarly to her terrorist X? I mean, come-on ladies! Get a clue! No matter how much truth you might have to expound upon Peachy's head, it's meaningless in the face of the greater fact that you have been asked to keep your wisdom to yourself?

You might as easily say that Osama has truth to tell us too - that America has lost it's moral center. (By the way a few of our courts have ruled lately, I'd tend to agree with that truth.) But his method of dispensing that wisdom? Instead of unleashing an army of missionaries to teach the peaceful way of Islam, he's decided that we need to be purged instead of allowing His all-powerful God to take that "moral" burden off his shoulders.

Now you've decided how Peachy should respond to terrorism in her life and her son's life - and you are going to serve that wisdom up to her in the same boundary-violating manner that her X dispenses it?

Allow God to take that burden off your shoulders. Trouble yourself no more with someone for whom you lack sufficient respect to honor a simple request.

Kayla, no, I was never asked not to post to Peachy. I posted only once to her... a very long time ago and under a different name, when I was here for 2 or 3 days under that name! It was the last/only time I posted to her because several people accused me of being the OW, and it was very wierd. I left MB altogether then because it was "creepy" to me. I joined many months after that with another name (couldn't remember my first name) but have never replied to one of peachy's posts until today.

I do not think anyone is "dissing" her. But I do believe that many of her friends are "enabling" and not helping her. If she doesn't want me to post to her, that is fine. I actually have no intentions to get involved in this particular dialogue and haven't until, like I said, today (to which I haven't seen her ask me not to reply to her).

I don't see anyone violating her boundaries here on this website simply because it is a public website. I would not anyone's posting here "terrorism." Peachy is taking the "risk" of posting in a public forum in which people might say things she does not like (or you do not like), but that is the dynamics of public internet forums. No one is calling her names or slamming her, but rather is encouraging her to let go of her anger/bitterness, etc.

Now, if you honestly believe that mine and other's posts are "terroristic," then I suggest you report them to the moderator using that little "report post" button at the bottom of the post. But I guarantee, the moderator isn't going to find anything in our posts that is "terroristic."

I do hope that Peachy "recovers" from all of this. It seems that she has been told many times that she needs to "let go." I also think that she would benefit from a professional counselor (although maybe she has already gone to one?) simply because there is alot of anger, etc. there (understandably so) that doesn't seem to be lessening any, from what I've read here.

<small>[ November 03, 2003, 06:53 PM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

LoveMyEx,

It's been done.

BTW, You might notice that not all the posts that Peachy gets are enabling. But since some have been through the terrorist torture that her x has put to her, we know what the cycle is to getting self-esteem built back up sufficient to gracefully turn away all attempts that the terrorist x makes to resume abusive ties that he has used.

Since you obviously still carry a torch for your x, could it be that he never burned his bridges in quite the same manner that Jethro has his? Could it be that your x doesn't belittle you and mock you in front of your children? Could it be that you simply lack empathy to understand the grief process as it applies to Peachy?

When you are in the war, you don't see the legions who are on your side. All you know is that weapons of mass destruction are pointed directly at your heart.

Naw. You can't empathize. Or you'd have a different name.

Kayla, yes, I know not all are enabling her. That is why I said "some" of her friends. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ November 03, 2003, 11:06 PM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ex Princess Buttercup:
<strong> "He who angers you, controls you."

Food for thought.

With my ex having a weeknight every week, and every other weekend, I see him 2-3 times more often a week than I'd like to. And things tend to only be smooth sailing for a limited amount of time.

Block his IM. Block his email. If he calls, son answers. If he tells son to give the phone to you, you hang it up. He can spend $.37 on a stamp and put whatever he has to tell you in writing. Period, new paragraph. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We old-timers are not all giving the same advice. ;}

Peachy, IMO you need to stop playing the betrayed ex-wife and just be a co-parent. You are putting your son in a terrible position no matter how rotten the things are that his father does. No matter what kind of stain on the planet Jethro is, he is still and always will be your son's father.

I KNOW that one of the hardest things is letting your kids think that YOU are the bad guy when that lying abusive ex did so much to you and the kids look at them like they are perfect. IMO you are letting your hate for FV taint your son's relationship with his father.

You can ignore my post if you want, but I am not the only one that sees this. I am not trying to hurt you, not at all. Sometimes I hate not being able to tell the kids the truth about how horrible their dad was to me. But its my burden, not theirs.

In the country I live there is a law against terrorism and terroristX as well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Simply, you cut off ties, and someone neutral does (when necessary) talk&#8230;
And you, free from the &$@*$, make new steps in your life&#8230; Should be happy!
Having a kid, your carefully choose the path&#8230; no kid growing without peace, no-hatred, thought a good manners and having a solid education &#8211; could become one day&#8230; &#8220;terrorist&#8221; himself&#8230;

This forum is nice, brings consolation when needed, and helps as well.
But some things here should be distinguished &#8211; are we coming just to find a shoulder for crying and consolation or a good advice AS WELL? I know the answer I could hear, but, in practice sometimes we neglect it&#8230;

I could comfort JP very well. No need &#8211; JP has a few of you already&#8230;

I&#8217;d like to comfort her son&#8230; To tell him that he, in the middle, is guilt of nothing&#8230;
To tell him that he came to this world with love, is beloved and always will be&#8230;
From BOTH parents&#8230; Just they are not happy when together&#8230; And he should not have negative feelings for FV (whatever this abbrev. Means), moreover for his father&#8230; Because it&#8217;s HIS father&#8230;
Because, one day he will understand&#8230; maybe do the same&#8230; &#8220;wrong choice&#8221;, divorce&#8230;

Eh&#8230; <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I know it&#8217;s difficult&#8230; It took me two months to prepare & promise to myself &#8211; never ever talk negative about his daddy&#8230; Who likes to have bad parents?? And not only for that &#8211; what about genetics???
&#8230; and we have to accept&#8230; our choice our consequences&#8230;
One day he will SEE his father, no need that I open his eyes&#8230;
One day he&#8217;ll see ME AS WELL&#8230; that&#8217;s why I&#8217;m gonna try that he sees me as a good and positive and full of love and understanding (for everyone!!!) mom!

JP,
the most difficult part is to accept that it&#8217;s over&#8230; moreover &#8211; that your X might be happy with someone else and make her happy as well&#8230; (At least this was the hardest part for myself&#8230;) And it's not your fault! Nor his... (FORGIVNESS for everyone!)
Maybe he never will, but once you accept that possibility and throw away your hurting ego, vanity and self-pitty &#8211; you are FREE

Will he or not shouldn't botter you - you have much better things to think & do - with your son, to organize and live a happy! life...

And life brings many nice things &#8211; cannot see them if looking at the wrong direction&#8230;

And your son won&#8217;t see them if growing occupied with....... negative thoughts...

All I said to you I have been saying to myself for a couple of months...
And it worked! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
(Just even feel sorry for my X... his life with himself isn't easy I can tell you, poor baby... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Hope you'll come too to the same happy ending of this nightmare - life is beautiful! and just my son's HAPPY smile is enough to confirm again - I found the sense of my life... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LoveMyEx
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now, if you honestly believe that mine and other's posts are "terroristic," then I suggest you report them to the moderator using that little "report post" button at the bottom of the post.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KaylaAndy
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LoveMyEx,

It's been done.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Done? "Report post" button used?

Please be kind and add my nick as well.
Calling spade a spade is my middle name <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
And cannot leave without freedom of speech. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 09:29 AM: Message edited by: Belonging to Nowhere ]</small>

Wow this post is getting interesting and without Peachy's participation no less.... I think that most of the people here really have valid points - I mean you learn from your own experiences and then you try to share with other people further behind in the process to try to save them some pain - that is what I think that most of the people here are doing... I again can only speak from my experiences... I mean I will tell you I have put myself through hell the last two years trying to figure out the whos, whys, what ifs and how comes ???? And when I say I put myself through hell I really did - Nothing was going to change what my ex did to me - how my ex treated the children when they were with him - how my ex interacted with my family or vice versa... Divorce bites to put it bluntly and it hurts that a family you were so close (inlaws) act like you were never a part of their life - but the simple fact is that the other half of your marriage is their child and if they want to continue to see their grandchild they will probably always side with them... I think what everyone is trying to say - is that - you have no control over what your ex other half does with his life - I mean yes he has put you through h*ll and yes he screwed you and your son over - but the fact remains he is your sons father - nothing is going to change that... And you cannot control what your son does when he is with your ex - you can only help your son deal with it..And as for the other woman - FV - really you should only feel pity for her because if he is everything that you say he is then she will get hers... But it shouldn't matter - that she has a child out of wedlock or posed for some magazine or that she slept with him out of wedlock -- whatever- that she is becoming part of your sons life now should be all that matters... and you are the one that is going to have to help him deal and accept that... And as for the letting go - really for yourself you must do that - I have finally just recently stopped trying to figure everything out and have decided that you know what - I don't like what he did, who he has become and I am worthy of so much more in my life - so be it - He is out of my life - yet he is still in my childrens and I still go out of my way to try to get them all to have a better relationship --- Even though I don't think he deserves it - they do... So you Miss Peach must take the high road - let it all go - don't talk to him unless absolutely necessary - don't even think about him - he is not worth it - and just try to help your son deal with accepting this other woman and child into his life... And once you get passed this why, what if, etc... you will be able to move on to a new chapter in your life with someone new and be happy - and this will all be a distant memory -- You must move on.... And I didn't say you should forgive - just learn to live with it...

Dear Peachy,
At the risk of setting up camp with the "enablers," I just want to give you an "attagirl."

Your son is 5. I can remember clearly being 5 (it's the second childhood thingie...) and having opinions about my family members. Even at that young age, a few of them seemed selfish, exhibitionistic, mean, immature. And others were safe, protective, and incredibly emotionally generous.

I don't believe what you do or say has much impact on your son's feelings. That Jethro has imposed FV and her child upon the little guy is an insult to him. Your son had a home. Now, essentially, he is homeless. He lives "nowhere." He doesn't even have his own bed and toys when he visits Dad. He doesn't even have his own Dad when he visits his Dad. The other child demands his time and attention.

He's had his time with his Dad cut in half by the fact of Jethro's leaving the marriage and the home. Then, the fraction of time he sees his Dad gets divided again, because Dad needs to attend to his [now pregnant] girlfriend. Their time together is further fractured by the needs of the child of the woman his Dad is sleeping with, instead of sleeping with his Mommy.

He's only 5, yet he sees clearly that Dad's behavior with the OW is shameful. At 5, I remember being ashamed by actions and behaviors of my caretakers. Somehow, there's an instinct within us, even before we can read and explain it, about wrong behaviors.

I don't know how you are able to maintain the poise and equilibrium you have achieved, in the fact of that man's behavior. He is provocative and cruel. I don't know how you managed to state your case so calmly and with such dignity to his enabling parents. But when I read the account of the day at the soccer field, I ached for you and your son. And I admired your courage.

I see how you struggle to keep your head above water. I also see your fight to protect your son from the evil he has in one half of his life. You're a good mother.

KA,
I give my opinion and advice, like I stated, in order to possibly help Peachy and therefore her son. I have not attacked her. It was not my aim. The fact is, this is a public forum and we have free speech and I am exercising both, hopefully to open a mother's eyes to what she is doing to a little boy. I really don't care that she doesn't want to hear from posters who have a different point of view than her own.

Can I ask you why someone voicing a different opinion than your own upsets you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now you've decided how Peachy should respond to terrorism in her life and her son's life - and you are going to serve that wisdom up to her in the same boundary-violating manner that her X dispenses it?

Allow God to take that burden off your shoulders. Trouble yourself no more with someone for whom you lack sufficient respect to honor a simple request.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Feminine Side and others, BIG clue - the method matters. Creating additional identities to "validate" your POV, is nothing new here. It's annoying, but clearly predictable to someone who is more than a tiny bit invested in their opinion being taken as "God's Truth".

There have been many tell Peachy that she needs to cut off contact. A few of those have been over-the-top in their accusations that Peachy has manipulated her son. Let's talk about five year old moral development for a minute, shall we, before we jump to such conclusions.

My son made a very CLEAR statement about sin when he was five years old. I was sent to a convention at the last minute by my employer. There was no time to get a sitter. My husband came with me to handle the driving. We had a serious money shortage at the time because I had been unemployed for three months before that. I had made arrangements for my husband and son to stay in a friend's hotel room during training sessions, so they played in the pool, etc. But the only access to food on the first day that we got there required us to walk past the slot machines and the people who were having "the good time" like Jethro and MFV like to have. We went hungry quite a bit on that trip because he could feel the difference between the atmosphere in the casinos and the Convention Hall where I was attending training. At one point, the little guy screamed at me, "Mom, don't make me go in there! It is killing my spirit!"

Mind you, we had not said anything about people who hang on each other while they're drunk. We had not said anything about profanity - except that he rarely hears it in his home. We had not said anything to him about gambling or immodest clothing (the posters that line the walls featuring tonight's entertainment), raucaus music, and the regular lifestyle of Vegas. No judgments. He'd just never been around it before. But he knew where God's Spirit WASN'T.

And so can Peachy's son tell that very same fact. The only thing Peachy does, if she accepts and embraces MFV is to confuse her son about what he already knows to be truth. That his daddy is living a lie. He knows it. Peachy didn't tell him that.

Five years old - they're fresh from God and they can TELL when they are around people who are not congruent with the moral code in his home. You have no idea what Peachy is or isn't saying to her son about his father and his current whatchacallit! They form their own opinions very very young, independent of their parents!

Five years old may be too young to bear the emotional burden of divorce, but who caused that? Peachy? Should she have taken more abuse on?

Peachy asked you not to post to her threads any more. That's my main point. And no, it's NOT a public forum. The moderators remind us of that frequently that this forum exists by the grace of the Harleys and free speech does not exist on private property! Study up on your Constitutional Law sometime dear!

There are a few things that I don't understand here. First, how come every time peachy doesn't like what someone says she tells them not to post to her anymore? I am sorry but that reminds me of my daughter trying to cover her ears when I say something she doesn't like. Most are just calling it as it is written. That is not attack.

During my recovery, many of my friends, mostly Christians, have said things I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to hear it but I needed to hear it. The points they have made have help to make me. Sometimes I need to look at myself and I need others to point this out to me. I don't like everything everyone says to me but, I don't go around with my ears covered up anymore. I ask God to change me and this is part of the change. This has set me free and gave me peace.

Another thing I don't understand is why peachy situation is considered worse than others going through separation or divorce? I could tell of all the things my husband and in-laws did to me, I could tell of how awful it was to lose my home and be homeless. I did start out like this but praise God, He put people in my life and I saw my sin and turned from this over time. That is when I truly began to heal and grow. I have read and story that are a lot worse here. She has a good home and a large amount of child support. Many don't have that. So I don't understand all the attention needed here. There are people with really big problems.

Many here have been hurt and abused. I know peachy was hurt. But who can say she has been hurt any worse than anyone else. I feel for her, not because of what has happen to her but, I feel for her because she is not growing. She is stuck up in the "poor me" game.

Everyone here has been hurt. Everyone has a story to tell. There are all kinds of betrayals.

By the way, she has also ask me not to post to her. I wonder how many are in this club. But I am posting to the rest of you. It feels great to surround yourself with people that agree with you. But isn't that what the wayward spouse does also? Just because it feels good doesn't make it right or good for you.

Yes, I have read her story from the beginning. I pray for her often. I pray for her healing. I am sure God is working. I pray she is free soon. Again, I know she has been hurt, but her story is not the worse story told or that could be told.

I also don't understand why when people post to her, other come back and ask if the poster is the OW. If not this, then they have registered a new name and post under it. No one else gets all this attention. That should say something.

I am sure I will be ask not to post again. That is all right. It will just confirm the denial and enabling here. If this post is considered an attack then so be it. To me none of this makes sense.

gentle

Feeling a little mean and nasty today Kayla? Sorry you are, but don't take it out on me. I've done nothing to you except disagree with you.

You simply refuse to see that any viewpoint other than agreeing with Peachy could be beneficial for her. No one is trying to harm her or cause her pain. She doesn't need you to mother her, she's a big girl. She can either take the advice offered or ignore it. You don't need to pick fights with those on here who don't see this the same as you. You are the only one being mean on this thread.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Five years old - they're fresh from God and they can TELL when they are around people who are not congruent with the moral code in his home. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with this, but what do you think the impact will be on a child when he learns that his mother was FV 10 years ago and has condemned FV for doing exactly what she herself has done? I really think he would understand it better if there had been less focus, hate, anger and bitterness towards FV. You can teach a child right from wrong without condemning the people and making them think the person is evil. She better look at the big picture here because if Jethro thought he could hurt her by telling the child this at some point in his life, my guess is he would do it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was young and naive and met my STBX H when he was separated. ...in my very early 20's and from a sheltered life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Peachy 8/2002

Peachy, I am not bringing this up to hurt you, but I cannot understand why/how you can have so much focus and hate for FV. I am not saying you need to love her, but she doesn't deserve a place in any of your thoughts - she is the least of your problems. I think if you would look at it from this view, you might find it easier to get over some of your hate and bitterness.

IT IS KILLING YOU and YOU alone. Please let FV go, please let Jethro go, and move on. You deserve so much more than this, but only you can choose more.

Well, Miss Feminine Side,

You've given me a chuckle for the day. Yes, you are picking up on the premenstrual vibes. No. I'm not being mean.

I'm simply asking you to be respectful. You were asked. You refuse. Lack of respect. Interesting way to win friends and influence people.

And no, I'm not the one being mean on this thread. When someone accuses a mother of using her child as a weapon... I call that mean.

When someone tells a mother to accept a virtual prostitute as his step mommy when that little boy, of his own spiritual awareness knows that woman is behaving badly, I call that twisted.

and this advice:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And he should not have negative feelings for FV (whatever this abbrev. Means), moreover for his father… Because it’s HIS father…
Because, one day he will understand… maybe do the same… “wrong choice”, divorce…</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">that's simply misguided.

I agree that Peachy needs to cut all contact with her X - he delights in twisting the knife, and I would love to see her shield herself from that. But learning HOW to do that in her situation is going to take time.

Call me "mean" if you like. Whatever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Sorry. I know what mean is.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

...........

... actually, if you relate my quote to becotent's post... might understand it...

errare humanum es

KA,
Don't you think you've judged a complete stranger just a little by calling her a "prostitute"? This amazes me. She might be, but I've not seen a post by even peachy saying the woman is. Why the name calling to a person you don't know?

I disagree that posting advice to Peachy is disrespectful. You choose to call it that. Now what you are doing is getting closer to disrespect to other posters on this board. Rolling eyes, making snide remarks. Only done by you Kayla.

Not sure what the quotes are about? YOu aren't quoting me. Reread. I didn't say she was using her son "as a weapon". Where did you get that from?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TheFeminineSide:
<strong> KA,
Don't you think you've judged a complete stranger just a little by calling her a "prostitute"? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A prostitute is someone who uses her body in a sexual way to make money. And btw, the woman is not a "complete" stranger. I have seen her picture that was posted on a radio station web site advertising a demonstration of "oral" on an all-day-sucker! The woman's public behavior would have any five-year-old child's mother going nuts at the thought that this woman is going to be "STEP" mom.

A Maxxim model is not there because she's got Christie Brinkley looks.

The rest, snide remarks.. yeah. you're probably right. end of thread jack.

<small>[ November 04, 2003, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: KaylaAndy ]</small>

just checking back in to see how this post is going. Wow, A LOT of valid points both sides have been addressed. This certinaly shows why divorce is such a crappy thing doesn't it?! AT least why the process sometimes gets so muddled. I have posted to peachy many times as well, some very supportive some very blunt. I hope Peachy if you are still along reading this that you dig all this info out and use what is relevant and useful ... I didn't say supportive or hurtful because some times we need a shake up, wake up call to get us in gear. I have also tried to put myself in your place with FV. I think that if my ex had left with OW #1 and then dumped or was dumped by OW #1 and hooked up with OW #2 (FV) I would also probably be angry with FV but for all the wrong reasons. I would only be angry if I was still harbouring the desire to reunite or to win and that's why I would not like her. Otherwise she would be no threat at this point. I think you may have, for far longer than you admit, and maybe even still now in the deep dark areas want your ex back... or is it your life that you want back? There is nothing wrong with that ... it's still normal so soon after someone leaving you. You loved him and your life was ripped out from under you but you are going to have to be honest with yourself above all to sort this out. Our fear of rejection is a powerful thing and as Emerson once said (I think it was Emerson) What you are DOING speaks so loudly I can't hear what you are SAYING. Please don't think I'm bashing you. Believe me I understand I did the same thing. For a long time. It wasn't until I finally got honest with myself that I got on with my life. There was a lot I had to admitt to myself that I was trying to hide from ME. My hurt, my anger, my FEARS. But you can't fight them if you ignor them. I know this hurts. It's a good thing it does so the smart ones among GOD's chidlren who learn their lessons don't go about repeating the pattern. Let us know how you are.
My prayers are with you.

Geez.

My son gets sick over the weekend and I continue my job hunt and get so busy that I cannot post and there is a huge controversy...

I think this topic is dead.

And for the record, I am healing nicely this week and working on me.

I do not put my son in middle of anything...In fact, I do my best to guard him from this negative situation.

My son does fine with me and I have allowed his father to call him during the week at certain times and I have encouraged him to do so.

I am actually quite offended by some of the psueudo advice given here as I don't think these people understand much at all. You may think so. But I've been here for two years and getting through things.

And doing much better. After having a while to let the FV/preggo thing sink in, I am doing much faster and beginning to detach much faster than I thought...

And yea, FV is a bad person morally. She's not somebody that I would choose OW or not that is, to be around my son due to her personal decisions in her life and think she's a poor example for any child muchless her own or mine. And as for Jethro, she can have him. He is still very broken and needs some work.

And for the guy who posted that I didn't "work on my marriage or fix the problems that were there or take responsibility for my side of the failure" I say this...When I went to 2, count em' two professional counselors, I laid it all out on the table. What and where I had supposedly failed Jethro. One was I had gained ten pounds and the other was that I didn't cook enough dinner. His complaints he had given to the first counselor during the one session he attended did not, in either counselor's opinion, warrant any of his actions...He is a guy who's out for himself and his pleasures ok? And yea, I did work on the areas he did and did a good plan A and plan B ok. That's why I came here initially. To save the marriage...

It didn't work and like those with NPD and other mental issues, he got worse...and worse...

And I would love to write more, but actually I am attending tonight a book club meeting and that's good.

So stop the controversy and work on you and if you had followed everything for the last two years, then you'd understand and know and quit the accusing.

I had gone through the darkest park of my life and needed to meet friends here to get through it. I had been the victim of spousal abuse (mental and physical) and adultery and was worn out from it.

And if a person can't find a safe place to vent their frustrations then that's bad.

Honestly, after reading some of the poop here, I am going to rethink my posting here as much. Think maybe my life needs to take a backseat and only offer good and founded advice to those hurting and who need help and who have found themselves walking in the shoes I had to walk in the last two years.

Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

You got a lot of good advice in there between the opinions and debates.

Please read BRIDGE OUT too.

Peachy - I will pray that you get that job. You are a wonderful, bright, energetic, career & mother oriented person. Your values and morals are wonderful, and God is with you. Yes, life has been terrible for you for the last 2 years, but you are disconnecting, and moving on. Forget about Mr. Jethro and his darling OW. You know as well as the rest of us, it isn't going to last with the two of them. And shame on the two of them, if there is a baby on the way. It was made out of lust and not love. Any marriage out of an affair doesn't have a chance. It is a unnatural love, a euphoria, and Peachy, you are doing great.

Yes, some of the comments here have been tough, but look at it as words to [censored] your awakening. Look at them, and wonder what they exactly meant. I have been given harsh words, but it really doesn't mean I don't like the people, I read, reread, and am starting to realize that I see things differently, STRESS being a result of most of the disparing words. Most of the people here are here to help you, and themselves. Maybe they are asking questions to help themselves, more than you? But we all are here to help you, and learn from you! You have been a heroic woman in my eyes. Your little son has been a wonderful trooper, and the Lord has given you such strength, determination, and power. Keep on trucking, through the muddy path, The Lord will find the dryer path, and step by step you will be landing on ground that is strong, straight, and to the point. God Bless you hon, I am right behind you, and think of me as well as many others here, patting you on the back, and hugging you with all my love.

Thanks faith.

Just think this whole thing has gotten out of hand...I wish people knew me and what I am doing now..

And I did get the job...and am still looking at possibly others if they come in soon enough so that there's not some huge committment where I am going to on monday..

Alot of people have made sweeping statements without knowing me or taking the time to know that I have and am making huge steps.

I just don't want to see any more posts or comments under this thread. It's done and it's dead.

peachy, congratulations on the job! I really admire and applaud your willingness to put yourself out there the way you do by just expressing exactly how you're feeling at the time. I think this is why you got some of the responses you did - because people are responding to your vents as though they were how you were thinking and acting all the time and they don't really know what you've been through. My H is another one of the sick ones, but for now, he has disappeared - I actually got a letter from my lawyer with a copy of a fax from his lawyer asking ME to help her find him! Even that got my juices flowing, so I can only imagine how I'd be feeling and reacting if I had to deal with what you've been going through.

peachy,
I'll not post to you again. Good or bad. You only want vidication of what you want to do ... be that the right thing or not. You do not want consturctive advise. You seem to want an audiance only. I for one will not give you that. There are people on this board that want both sides of the coin so to speak so they can learn and grow. It takes both side to do that. Your response was shallow and rude. You put the sincere responders of this board in your double bind world. I will send a sincere ... good luck.

Arrrrgh.

Sorry renee. I think the responses that were made about me in my absence were quite rude.

I have posted here to VENT...I thought it was safe and that others here were here to get things off their chests and deal with them and sometimes it is simply to vent.

When I've asked for advice I have taken the good advice. I don't want an audience as there are much better ways one can get that. Trust me. I just thought this was safe. A place where I could come and work through this and heal. Initially it was a place where I had hoped I could learn real techniques to save my former marriage, but it was not to be and that's ok.

I am sorry you think I was rude..

There's been alot to get over and deal with and honestly, I try when posting to others to give some kind advice, and just be decent as let's face it...the simple fact we are posting on divorced/divorcing means that life isn't exactly the way we wish things could be and some people here need encouragement when they are having quite possibly the hardest times of their lives.