Mad X Disease Worsens... - Marriage Builders® Forums

I have decided to dub this friday the thirteenth, "LOVE STINKS DAY" in GA. I cannot believe I ever was duped into marrying anybody like my x...of course, he's degraded about a thousand percent since first meeting the man..

As if he could sink no lower...Yesterday evening the man actually attempts BLACKMAIL. And stupid blackmail of me.

And I was away from my phone..from my recorder. But alas, stupid one will goof soon again and Iw ill catch him once more..But here's what he did..First of all, my son went back to Dr. yesterday and if it were not for the visit, I would have had no contact but I was worried about son's condition (he's doing better btw..)

I spoke with the cute and well-educated hilltop neighbor the other day and he suggested giving Jethro a "way out" to save face since he's a pure narcissist and sociopath. He suggested that I in a very kind tone if I should speak to him, suggest that we could avoid court if he would just permit the legal change of the status of the hummer to be totally in his company's name and have my name removed from the information and all information relating to it. That way no legal fees, etc...I tell Jethro this gently and am very kind.

Once again, he flies into rage in one second flat. He says "WHO GAVE YOU SUCH STUPID ADVICE?" I say it's either this or court and you lose. He goes on to say that IT MUST BE A GUY giving me such lousy advice and that he knows more THAN ANYBODY about finances and such...Yea right. If he knew it then he'd not be placing his xwife and family in such dire straits..He then says "if you file the papers with the attny next week, I WILL SEND OUT A COPY OF YOUR CREDIT REPORT TO EVERYBODY THAT I HAVE AN EMAIL ADDRESS TO THAT YOU COMMUNICATE WITH." I was speechless. I said "What? Are you on crack now?"...He goes on to then say that he will send them also sensitive documents relating to my having been depressed over a year and a half ago. I remind the psychonut control freak that "It is because of YOU that I HAVE HAD A CREDIT PROBLEM AND IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I WAS DEPRESSED THEN..NOT NOW B/C I AM LEGALLY RID OF YOU AS A HUSBAND." He then goes on to imply that since he has financial control over the school sitch and final say (b/c he was to be one to pay it) that he will put son in school that I don't want and implies that too.

Well Da Peach flips. I hang up. I cry and cry and am madder than heck. I call hilltop neighbor and he is dumbstruck. He can't believe my x would do that. He said "what criminal would even put his family through that when he's clearly to blame?" He said "well you tried and you were a lady."

X calls back and says to vmail, "I would not do that and I am sorry." Yea right. I tell him that it doesn't matter b/c everybody has his number now. That if he sent it out, I'd just drag him into court and also get him on a civil suit and that I am one inch off of filing charges against him for pain and suffering. I tell him that no, he's not the smartest man in the world and that I've gotten good advice from one of his neighbors whom I trust and who's character I know.

I swear. The man is losing his marbles completely. He is out of control. Knows he can't control me anymore. Knows that the law will uphold me. He hates it. And he knows that there are OTHERS in my life now. HE then said "well you get your little Mr. MBA to meet me for a beer and I will talk some sense into him." Ha. No chance in h#ll for that Jethro. Today, HN (hilltop neighbor) calls on his way to remote location for his company and says that "he's figured out why he's being such an idiot." He says that b/c his NEW WIFE IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER FOOL AND UNEDUCATED, she is no challenge for him whatsoever. That if he is to be happy, he has to have interaction with me and that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference." I get it. He was right. He said that he is miserable (my x) and that he must seek out some sort of interaction or confrontation with me or else his world would be in chaos. He said that a guy like him thrives on pure adrenaline. Work gives it to him. His homelife has been lacking b/c he has to deal day in and day out with a pregnant, uneducated woman that does not FEED HIS EGO...maybe she is nice to him, but WHO WOULD SEE HER AS SOME SORT OF A TROPHY? She's nothing but his arm candy. He can't brag about how smart she is. What she has accomplished. Or her being respected in her profession. HN says that he knew me in Memphis and that my college bf would say those kind of things about me (smart, good at my profession, my accomplishments) and that it fed college bf's ego bigtime. He said that Jethro is the same way.

It's amazing but HN said this...I mean some guys will dump a girl because they find somebody prettier but in the end, it's the package. Whole thing not just the wrapper. That my x wanted the new wrapper but when he unwrapped it, inside the box was a piece of @hit. And now x is mad b/c he screwed his whole life up and is going to be a dad again with a woman most people don't consider honorable or worthy of respect. That his partner in his business (x's) said that "x speaks very highly of you and I can't believe all you've done in just two years...you the same housewife I knew before?" Hilltop neighbor then said "it has to be sad that he still brags about you to others but how he hates you when he deals with you himself. Truth is he hates himself now. His EGO IS STILL TIED TO YOU AND WHAT YOU DO AND WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON."

Geez. That was so eye opening.

I have had no further contact with the potential blackmailer, Jethro, but received a very strange email from him today asking if I was wanting him to buy for my son and I "front row tickets for the circus" coming in 2 weeks. On one hand he attempts blackmail and to ruin my name, and then on the other hand tries to reward me.

Personally I think he should be in the circus. He and his ho. It would be great for the sideshow.."Ladies and Gentlemen...direct your attention to the INCREDIBLE LYING SOCIOPATH..He will attempt lies like never heard before. And you will get to see first hand how good he is because the INCREDIBLY STUPID MODELHO is here to believe all of them. Every last one." I think that would sell alot of sideshow tickets.

Again, this all happened over the phone with him in less than three minutes. Two sentences about son and then I try to be nice and whammo. I know now there is only one way to deal with him and that is harshly. My friend, HN agrees 100% and says he is really hoping he doesn't have chance to see him at gas station again b/c he wants to punch him.

So I am going to go back to taping everything and am buying the cellphone taping/recording system from radioshack this weekend so I can make sure everything is completely taped and that all is completely documented. Being nice or even trying to deal with him like a normal person is totally out of the question as he's certifiable as of now.

Does anybody know if narcissist/NPD/sociopaths just keep getting worse and if so, when or how does it stop? I know they don't respond well to any sort of therapy but when is enough enough and when do they stop? If he keeps threating stuff up, I will turn it over to his probation officer and he will do jail time and then I will sue him in a civil suit besides the hummer sitch. He still scares me alot though. He always will.

Peachy - You are still talking to him - I have been trying the not talking at all except and only if it involves the kids - I don't talk at all - and I have got to tell you I feel better - I mean you are letting him get to you - don't let him - you are still giving him power over you - Don't worry about him and his wife - he is over - he is done - only concern yourself with your own life - and whatever he threatens you with say ok fine - but talk to my lawyer - you are letting him get you upset.. You know he is pretty much dead to you - only the father of your child - stop all of the interaction - it will make you feel better - block his email - don't pick up the phone... Try the mail.. It works wonders....

Yours has gone stark raving nuts and mine has turned into a passive/aggressive manipulative b@s......

Email is the only contact I have with mine now. If at all possible. Right now we are having a fight over email about where son will go to school next year. He is in a wonderful school and doofus, the manipulative, issue-riddled idiot that he is, wants to take him out because he has latent issues about his own self and he is in serious denial about these issues. And he wants to save for the down payment on a house so he is willing to sacrifice his son's academic and social/emotional well being and development.

Where are Bubba, Akmed, Jamal, and Vinnie when you need them? Anyone of them could take care of thes men on the lunatic fringe. Just imagine what a quartet of them could do!

Peachy,

I would have just calmly said--do what you think you must---

And if he sent your credit report to anyone--WHO CARES!! It's not like most of those who really know you--don't understand the situaition--and it would only make HIM look foolish to them--NOT YOU!

And IF he did that--you could in turn speak with your atty to see what type of legal action you could take against him--

-- Knows he can't control me anymore. Knows that the law will uphold me. He hates it.

TR--Contrary to what you said here--by your loosing control like you did--it shows he does still control you---in many ways--

WHOA!
Take a minute here: when I had the verbal abuse problem with my ex- (notice I said had ), I started hanging up in her ear. After a few tirades, and after additional abuse, she finally got it! No point in screaming into a dead phone, is there?

Also some times I got the distict impression she was going off at me for the benefit of someone else listening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Oh, and you only have to warn them once- say: "if you can't talk decently, I will hang up"

Worked like a charm for me.
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Whole thing not just the wrapper. That my x wanted the new wrapper but when he unwrapped it, inside the box was a piece of @hit <hr /></blockquote>LOL!! Love this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I would agree totally with your (hillbilly?)neighbour. Sounds like an OK guy. Is he cute as well?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Your ex ain't over you yet. His ego will not allow him to admit that to himself, or anybody else. He attempted to soothe himself, and drive you insanely jealous, by hooking (pardon the expression <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) up with a sexy vixen, and it's now back-fired. The sexy vixen outsmarted him, (as women often do, as dumb as she may be), and hence the ball and chain for him. His plan hasn't worked, but now he's trapped by his own pride, since he CANNOT admit that he royally screwed up.(pun intended <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

The credit story? Don't be intimidated by him. It's his only weapon, so don't show him it works, or he'll continue to try this.

The apology to voice-mail?...it's because he still cares deep down, and he knows he was deliberately being a pig. Deep inside, he still has some humanity (you probably find this hard to believe). Hopefully, for his sake, he will get out of this mess he has created for himself, (and you), and return to planet earth.
<blockquote>quote:<hr /> He is out of control. Knows he can't control me anymore <hr /></blockquote>Precisely. The reason he wants control over you, is because he still sees you as HIS .

You need to limit his access to you. I recently had my ex disappoint me again as a human being.Why do we insist on keeping on trying? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Time to wake up and smell coffee. (me too)
I read in a post more than 2 years ago, ( I thnk it was Formerely Confused), that a counsellor had given the advice: "..if you expect the worst, you cannot be disappointed..."

muzohead

Got a bug. Got it yesterday. Stayed in bed and did not go to church. I had consistently about 100 and my whole body aches. Actually am missing day from work...one of coworkers on wednesday last week left (he does what I do)vomiting and was fevery and nauseous. But it was in/0ut in about forty eight hours so this is good.

I am o.d'ing on theraflu. Great stuff. Makes you nice and loopy. Wonder if anybody ever got addicted to theraflu? ha ha. That is flu humor.

Just emailed work to let them know I ain't coming in today...but if my throat feels better I will make some sales calls for half a day. Problem isn't my throat but my glands on either side as they are swollen and it hurts to swallow or talk or eat...basically anything to do with swallowing or could cause me to want to swallow. Am about a hundred now and feel like I've been hit by a mack truck. Finally got to bed at two thirty last night and am up at six. Going to try to go to bed again in a bit.

This stinks.

V day was ok. HN called and asked me to brunch. I went to a nice place about five min. away and it was funny. HN is not good at the Valentine's day thing. At brunch, he asked me to dinner. lol! Asked what I liked and I said sushi. We like same place. So he picked up some takeout sushi from the nice restaurant we both like (wait was like an hour and a half if we had gone in)and went over to his house and watched some movies and ate sushi. He actually has a very nice house for a straight guy. Owns his own sushi plates and fancy chopsticks too. That is a bonus. Was fun and we avoided the whole stuffy stupid romantic thing. He said to me when we were watching Ocean's Eleven, "you look really cute tonight." And then later on he said..
"Believe it or not I am a romantic kind of guy and I am just wondering what it is going to take to get you to show any hint of that whatsoever..You seem as though YOU WISH VDAY WOULD JUST BE OVER AND DONE WITH AS IT SEEMS LIKE A FORMALITY TO YOU." And he's right. I was like "uuggh. Vday. Yuck." Then he asked me "knowing what you've gone through lately, what do you say that you and me when your little guy is gone, take off for the coast in a few weeks for a few days so you can clear your head?" I drop my jaw to the floor. I said that I wasn't ready to spend the night with anybody yet but that it was nice. He said to think about it and that if I needed my own room then so be it. I also asked him which coast and he said it's either FL keys or CA. You pick. So that was nice. HN just got an offer on his house (been for sale only a month) and is looking for a nicer house about equal to the one I once called my dream home, and is looking in other golf subdv. on other side of my old one and then one a few miles down the road. I know he wants to settle down and he's kind of spelling it out for me. He looks at me goofy and it makes me feel wierd. He had a very nice fire going in his fireplace and had bought several very very nice bottles of my favorite chardonnay for dinner on saturday (we only opened one..no lushes here)and was a complete gentleman. No cheap moves or anything. Still keep getting some triggers though as he has the same watch Jethro did (same bezel and style and band too) and I couldn't help notice it. But at least I know he worked hard for his. Yesterday when I was freezing and burnign up at the same time, he called to say that if I wanted to, he'd come and get me and would have plenty of theraflu for me and would let me just relax on the chaise in his sitting room by the fireplace there and if I felt like sitting in his hottub that I could do so (I swear I ache completely all over) and that he'd stay out and let me relax there all day if I wanted to and would bring me home at a decent hour). I said no but thanked him. He's trying and I am running in the complete opposite way the more he tries. See? The WS syndrome is working and it even makes me think less and less of Plan A.

Let's see. He tries harder and harder and I run away and push away faster and faster. Does that sound like what happens to alot of us in Plan A when we try too hard to win back a WS? I guess I am the foggy one here...And I am supposed to have dinner tonight with the cute resident...he was working on Vday and worked the whole weekend basically so this is his night and I am sick. He's so sweet. He told me that he got me a few things and also got something for my little guy (that was very thoughtful). Enough of the dating stuff. That stresses me out too. I swear this whole weekend I did not want to do a thing. Just relax. I sometimes think that we romanticize relationships too much. I mean, these WS get out of a marriage (as serious as you can get)and jump into another relationship and some of the doofus' out there (plural now as mine has joined complete doofus ranks along with Cindy's)even marry the object of their idocacy. I wonder now if the WS feel "trapped" suddenly like I feel. I feel trapped when the HN or the cute resident do nice things for me and I want to just get as far away from everybody as possible. Where could the WS run? Nowhere if the idiot marries his mistress or OM. It's gotta be a thousand times greater than what I felt. When that "gee this is new and cool" thing wears off, you just see stuff more clearly. Sure, they throw in a little sex and stuff and although haven't done that yet myself, I could see how it might complicate things more for the WS. But someday, it wears off. For example, I really thought during the shivers about going to a nice hotel and just relaxing on the white beach of key largo for a few days. But then I thought that I'd have to be with HN for three whole days. Three long days with the SAME person. I don't know if I can do that even with my own hotel room. I honestly believe now it's gotta be bad to be the WS. And they put so much energy after divorces into their new relationships and I know why. They failed with us. If we did the MB thing and let the light of day expose the A, then everybody knows and I think it might fuel their fire to prove us wrong even more. So now I have a new addition to plan B. Let them stew and don't give them any preaching reaction or outrage or anything. It's just glue that makes them stay together longer. I say to shake your head and walk away and leave them alone and give them as little of a reaction as possible. If everybody did, they'd put their energies elsewhere. And the "geez, what did I do and how fast enough can I run to get away from this idocacy I've created" would happen faster. My friend John here from MB told me that I should " QUIT BEING THE REASON THEY ARE STAYING TOGETHER". And although I don't want him back the way he is at all, it's so true. I think this is some good advice to those here who aren't at the point of no return. Quit being the reason they are proving their stupid point.

And you guys are right. Cindy am sorry you're going through this crapola too. I will read on yours in a bit (inbetween shaking and freezing and wishing I were just knocked out) and can only give you a hug for now ((())))). And muzo, righto good chap! And Maw I only got sucked into talking to him on the premise of my son being sick. I actually do a good job of NOT having anything to do with him.

It's been nice and rather Jethro free and I like it this way. I do believe he's rather kicking himself now. I hope so. Serves him right. And if he does send that out (I don't think he will now after hearing the lamo apology)that I can get him on charges of "malice of forethought, slander" and it would definitely be a violation of his probation. Plus I have in my arsenal now copies of earlier emails he sent me where he swore at me and was abusive even by email.

Now back to the other dilemma. When in the heck did anybody here feel like they had a heart still beating in their chest. I swear if I did not own a stethescope I would believe I was clinically dead other than the fact I feel for my son, family and friends. I feel absolutely NOTHING when I have gone on these dates. I feel like I need to get on with life and am desperately trying to do so. My aunt told me yesterday that I should keep going out so that it will clear my head and that this will take some time.

Last night when I was shaky and feeling even grosser than I do right now, I kept having that old tape playing in my head. The one you guys know of that will pop in from time to time. The whole flashback of what we lived through. And it's like I can't believe any of it really happened to me. And then it dawned on me. I think I am feeling some sort of dread b/c saturday night is their shotgun wedding reception. My aunt made me feel better about that too as did my sis yesterday. They said that who'd be all that happy even his relatives? That all of them knew that the very house they are holding it in is the house I designed and lived in. And that beneath their well wishes will be rolling eyes and comments about his third marriage in 12 years. Not to mention, the excitement might throw her into labor..lol.

I just want to one day feel something and to never have that tape play again. Especially when I have the flu or feel bad to begin with.

Now remember, that hasn't happened in a while. Guess it's part of the whole moving on thing and know in the kubler-ross death and dying stuff that this is part of the grieving process. While I was shaking and loopy from the theraflu, read some very good stuff last night from my One Year Bible that one MB buddy gave to me. Thanks JOhn! I swear, David must've gone though alot of this junk b/c his psalms were all about his going thru heck and feeling betrayed. Read it and let the stuff work its magic. I am just trying to let it go and let God do His work. Doing that and been doing it well.

Sorry you have 'Flu.
Down here in S.A we have SinuTab (Red), which contains codeine amongst other stuff, and you literally fly! I believe it IS addictive. (John Travolta used to be an addict)

Woow! Long post, some good stuff tho'--
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Let them stew and don't give them any preaching reaction or outrage or anything. It's just glue that makes them stay together longer. I say to shake your head and walk away and leave them alone and give them as little of a reaction as possible. If everybody did, they'd put their energies elsewhere. And the "geez, what did I do and how fast enough can I run to get away from this idocacy I've created" would happen faster <hr /></blockquote>So damned true isn't it?
Anyway, regarding the party thing with ex & OM: after the whole debacle, I just left it, and chose not even to discuss it, or comment, or anything. Ex has called me thrice this weekend past, on silly issues (probably trying to gauge what I may be thinking, or feeling). I kept it short and to the point. Methinks she & friend are now stewing in guilt. Good.
<blockquote>quote:<hr /> When in the heck did anybody here feel like they had a heart still beating in their chest I feel absolutely NOTHING when I have gone on these dates. <hr /></blockquote>I know exactly what you mean, trust me. I get so easily bored by the company i may be in, or totally turned off by romantic interest of some woman in me. I sometimes think the attention I get is just so false, and forced, as if it has some desperation in it. It may be a bit of a generalisation, but are all younger women boring, and all older women desperate?? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Sometimes I think so.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />He actually has a very nice house for a straight guy <hr /></blockquote>..did you really say this!!?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I'll have you know we straight guys actually are capable of having good taste <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
I'm remodelling my house to have wooden flooring, my bedroom has Chinese theme, and I'm putting natural sandstone in my bathrooms. And I'm NOT gay!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

muzohead

So...JT had a sinutab addiction? Hmmm. I only had theraflu two times today so I am kicking the habit...lol!

Am not doubled over with aches as I just got out of bubble bath. Work was very good and very nice to me and they called to actually check on me and make sure I was ok as "well your family isn't exactly in the same state and we just want to see if you're ok". Very sweet.

HN calls and asks how I am doing. Very nice too. The cute resident has IM'd me again and is in surgery (seven today) and if I am up to it, will go for a very relaxed dinner. That would be nice, providing I don't shiver to death during it. Fever broke.

Muzo they do have a case of the guilties..I hate when x's get all warm and fuzzy and try to "act" like they care. Like this is the new millenium attitude to have. To feign caring. Yea, right. You worry about the party but didn't worry when I found you two in bed together? Hmmmm.

So you're doing the feng shui thing in your bedroom? Cool. And I don't think older women are desperate. And what exactly do you consider older?

That could be a topic in and of itself. I consider myself a much younger looking than I actually am 34.

Seems my other buddy here, the one who gave me the killer quote (about not being the glue that holds them together) has been inundated yet again with women wanting to get together with him. See? You do all this HNHN and stuff and voila! The women come a flocking. He is so modest but he is not going to check his email and actually read all of them until he gets off work and goes to his home computer. Now I think younger women are sorta aimless. They don't really know what they want. But the younger ones who go after guys in their thirties do. Take for example Family Values. She needed somebody with dinero to take care of herself and her brood. I think us somewhat older women in our thirties are a bit more substance minded. Desperate? Not. At least not in ATL.

Seems there's not a lot of very attractive and educated women in their thirties here who are still single but lots of bachelors. Lots divorced (like I said ATL is one wicked city; lots of adultery), those devoting the last decade getting ahead in their profession, etc.

It's just wierd that's all. Very very wierd when it comes to dating. And I think that the mere fact we are trying is cool. I just wish I could have the kind of hormonal storm I had when I was a teenager. Heck, I didn't do anything about it but that was cool. I haven't had one of those since I saw Ricky Martin dance on a bar carved out of ice on the today show...that song has lasted for the last two years in my "hot" department...lol! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And did you know that there's a new show coming on this month on comedy network...called "Straight Plan for the Gay Man". Some slobby men's men are going to de-gay some metrosexuals/gay guys. This should be a hoot.

I think HN and definitely the cute resident are probably both 100 percent metrosexuals. But that's cool. Both take pride in appearances, use "product" in their hair (yet not as spiky nor dangerous to the touch as my former's hair is)dress very well (overabundance of banana republic and polo and diesel), and have decent taste in decorating. However, some of the stuff in HN's house would have to go if he ended up with me. And although I love to watch the fab five do makeovers on guys who need it, I instead look to Veranda magazine for my decorating tastes. That's what we did in TN anyway.

I sure am glad there's not a show for straight women where gay women teach us about fashion and decorating. That is too much to consider. Eeeew! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Peachy,
He’ll never get better, and probably will get worse. Under stress from reality, he could mentally deteriorate.

Record everything. Save everything. Including your side. Do not trust him. Talk to him as little as possible. And here’s the most important thing: Give him as little information as possible.

When you admitted you had had advice from one of his neighbors, you were supplying him with possible ammunition. I don’t know how he’d use it, nor do you. But, the fact is any information can and will be used against you if necessary to bend you to his will.

Tell Jethro nothing unless it relates directly to your son. Nothing. Don’t tell him you cleaned the house. Don’t mention a party. Don’t let him know if you bought anything. He needs zero information about you.

Hey GG...No, HN does not know JEthro. He lives on hill overlooking Jethro's subdivision. His subdivision is right beside it.

And I am not giving any info to the fogged one at all. Nada. Nothing. Zilch.

Short day at work. I am getting ready to take a nap (got off at one pm) and am vacuuming and cleaning hardwoods today. But nap in between. Tonight I am supposed to go to dinner w/cute resident as he had surgery last night and got out at about 10 pm too late for me to go with him last night.

And as if I want life to get more complicated on the dating forefront...cute P.A. from cardio practice says to me "hey peachy..have you seen 50 first dates yet?" I say no. He says..."How about we go and catch it when your x has visitation and maybe get some sushi?" (everybody knows I love sushi). I said "well, I have my son this week and weekend so not sure how to do that unless I get a sitter." So I am thinking...do I add to the list of frogs? I don't know. He is cute. Nice guy too. And I am thinking to cool things a bit off w/Hilltop Neighbor b/c last night HN said (now this guy was trying to be gallant and all nice because he knows I have had it terribly rough over the last 2 years)..."you haven't been shopping lately have you?" No. He then asks if I have a passport and I say "No". I am not exactly well traveled. And he asks if I had ever been shopping in Paris and I said "whoa there..I have not even decided if I wanted to go to either coast with you and that's a bit much." That spooked me. I keep having triggers off and on about certain things that remind me of my x. That sounded exactly like something Jethro would have said to somebody. Now I know this guy and he's not that smooth. But it has got me a bit puzzled why he's kicking things up a notch in the dating arena. First he mentions going to the coast in two weeks, then asks if I have a passport and if I had been shopping there.

I am telling you if you are a single woman with a decent education in your thirties and are remotely cute in any way whatsoever, ATL is a good town to be single in. It's causing me tons of confusion now. I told my buddy from MB last night that I am for sure doing the run away thing now...from all of them. And I am ready to date. It's not that. I don't know why even. Deep down I think it's fear of being taken advantage of in any way like Jethro did to me. Whenever a guy tries to pick up the check on a date or imply that he wants to do something for me at all, I get scared that he's going to become like my xh. I guess that's my greatest fear now. And I don't know why. In sharp contrast to when I met Jethro, I know the guys who have asked me out. Their character seems to be much much different and I know others who can attest to it as well. Jethro was from a different state, basically new to where I used to live...he was the new kid in town and mysterious. Said what I wanted to hear and looked rather easy on the eyes and knew that most women wanted flowers, nice dates, jewelry, and was overly attentive to me and made me think that he really cared for me. Now I know that what I thought was his love was only control and the fact any guy wants to do anything for me makes me a bit stand offish. Well, a lot stand offish. I never thought that just a month and a half after my divorce that I'd be facing a problem of too many dates and too little time. Wierd. My sis said last night that maybe soon I will wake up and realize once and for all that Jethro's famous run on sentence of insults he called me for the last three years (you stupid, fat, ugly [censored]*ng b&%ch) just isn't the truth whatsoever. But I can tell you that damage has been done because I am very critical of myself now. Sure, I am a hundred percent more laid back and can say (thank you Lord!) that I have NOT HAD A PANIC ATTACK IN OVER EIGHT MONTHS!

Can you ship some of those dating prospects up to the Northeast, I'm not running into as many choices as you are.
So maybe rethink your attraction level and forget all that cra* that J said about you. Live it up.
And know your boundaries.

I'll go to Paris anytime!

I think your instincts are right on HN. A travel date seems a bit… possessive. Aggressive. And plus, it raises the issue of … sleeping arrangements. Who needs to deal with that so soon?

My thought is he wants to hog tie you before anyone else comes along.

I’m glad you’re being very closed mouthed with your X.

Hey GG...No, HN does not know JEthro. He lives on hill overlooking Jethro's subdivision. His subdivision is right beside it.

And I am not giving any info to the fogged one at all. Nada. Nothing. Zilch.

Short day at work. I am getting ready to take a nap (got off at one pm) and am vacuuming and cleaning hardwoods today. But nap in between. Tonight I am supposed to go to dinner w/cute resident as he had surgery last night and got out at about 10 pm too late for me to go with him last night.

And as if I want life to get more complicated on the dating forefront...cute P.A. from cardio practice says to me "hey peachy..have you seen 50 first dates yet?" I say no. He says..."How about we go and catch it when your x has visitation and maybe get some sushi?" (everybody knows I love sushi). I said "well, I have my son this week and weekend so not sure how to do that unless I get a sitter." So I am thinking...do I add to the list of frogs? I don't know. He is cute. Nice guy too. And I am thinking to cool things a bit off w/Hilltop Neighbor b/c last night HN said (now this guy was trying to be gallant and all nice because he knows I have had it terribly rough over the last 2 years)..."you haven't been shopping lately have you?" No. He then asks if I have a passport and I say "No". I am not exactly well traveled. And he asks if I had ever been shopping in Paris and I said "whoa there..I have not even decided if I wanted to go to either coast with you and that's a bit much." That spooked me. I keep having triggers off and on about certain things that remind me of my x. That sounded exactly like something Jethro would have said to somebody. Now I know this guy and he's not that smooth. But it has got me a bit puzzled why he's kicking things up a notch in the dating arena. First he mentions going to the coast in two weeks, then asks if I have a passport and if I had been shopping there.

I am telling you if you are a single woman with a decent education in your thirties and are remotely cute in any way whatsoever, ATL is a good town to be single in. It's causing me tons of confusion now. I told my buddy from MB last night that I am for sure doing the run away thing now...from all of them. And I am ready to date. It's not that. I don't know why even. Deep down I think it's fear of being taken advantage of in any way like Jethro did to me. Whenever a guy tries to pick up the check on a date or imply that he wants to do something for me at all, I get scared that he's going to become like my xh. I guess that's my greatest fear now. And I don't know why. In sharp contrast to when I met Jethro, I know the guys who have asked me out. Their character seems to be much much different and I know others who can attest to it as well. Jethro was from a different state, basically new to where I used to live...he was the new kid in town and mysterious. Said what I wanted to hear and looked rather easy on the eyes and knew that most women wanted flowers, nice dates, jewelry, and was overly attentive to me and made me think that he really cared for me. Now I know that what I thought was his love was only control and the fact any guy wants to do anything for me makes me a bit stand offish. Well, a lot stand offish. I never thought that just a month and a half after my divorce that I'd be facing a problem of too many dates and too little time. Wierd. My sis said last night that maybe soon I will wake up and realize once and for all that Jethro's famous run on sentence of insults he called me for the last three years (you stupid, fat, ugly [censored]*ng b&%ch) just isn't the truth whatsoever. But I can tell you that damage has been done because I am very critical of myself now. Sure, I am a hundred percent more laid back and can say (thank you Lord!) that I have NOT HAD A PANIC ATTACK IN OVER EIGHT MONTHS! That is great. Last one was after jethro broke into my home and they hooked me up to ekg at work and my bp was throught the roof and hr extremely high.

Think the worst thing this week is the impending reception for them on saturday night. Yea, it's a trigger for me. I see anything to do with a wedding and I get sick. I wonder if in say ten years I will feel any of this or if it all goes away? Are there any MB'ers who have had alot of time pass and if so, does it go away, the residual pain that is? Romantic love for x is non existent now. Been that way since I found out she was preggo and when they shacked up. until the preggo thing there was that one percent of hope that could have been kept alive but that took care of that percentage. Obliterated to me. Plus, he's worse.

I am going to take a nap. Just got text'd from cute resident on cell. He is really nice. Note to let me know he can't wait for us to go out to dinner tonight...he's reducing a gallbladder right now. Gallbladders are gross. Personally I don't know how I could eat after doing that. And I'm used to blood and stuff.

So...how do I stop doing the runaway date thing? How am I ever supposed to get on with my life, start a new one, and get on with things if I keep running away from everybody and everyone? I keep everybody except family and friends at an arm's length and when they try to break through that wall around me, I quickly re-brick it. How did anybody here do that? Am I ever going to trust and quit worrying that a guy will try to take advantage of me or control me? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Peachy - I can see where you are feeling used and not wanted for you. I would lay back on the cute PA, state your claims on no sex, no touching, etc. State that a friendship is all you want, and nothing else. That you will pay for your meals if you go out. I would not at this point get a sitter to take care of your little guy. Peachy, look at your little sons face, do you want to leave this guy for someone that you have reserved notions about. No way. The only way that I would take time from my son is for someone that I am totally very much interested in and will take the time to be with this man away from my son. The way you are stating, I would just say to the guy, not this weekend, it is my weekend with my son, and I would like to have quality time with my son. I do think he is coming on a little too strong. I would be cautious.

Yes, I will be cautious in any dates that I should have. I see a guy now, just only in a conversation way and I do some work for him, and nothing else. He is not my type, but he is a gentle talking man, but I laid it out straight, that I am not looking for a relationship with anyone now. If you want more, I will not see him, which he does pay me for the jobs that he would like done. I am making curtains for a room for him, he picked out the material. And I will get paid $50 for simple curtains. I believe, he is content to be by himself after a 27 year marriage. His wife took quite a bit from him, and he was a gentle soul that gave her what he thought she should have, after being a stay at home mom. He gave her everything, except his retirement, and gave her two houses and the property. He said, she is already living with a guy, cause she is the one who had the affair, like my XH. But he is not going to get married again. He would rather live alone, and get his financial matters straightened out, and beable to give his 2 kids some money and property when he dies. He is a very kind man, but not my type at all, and I am not looking at all.

Peachy, you are an intelligent woman, very pretty, and have a sense of well being. I would wait wait wait. With Gods help, he will one day find that someone that is special for you, and you for him.

Take this weekend and do something special with your son. That is what counts the most these days, your children. I have just my two boys with me this weekend. And I am thinking of doing something with them. Since I don't work, and have little income. I have some ideas.

I took my oldest son to the Dr. yesterday. He has a severe case of pink eye. I thought it was, but he didn't have the telltale itch side-effect. So I was puzzled, but everything else was there. I didn't realize that some cases don't have the itch. His is severe, and the Dr. put him on anti-biotic drops. He went back today, and the redness under the eye is down somewhat, and the swelling is a little down. You can see the anti-biotic is working. His eye drains continuously, and he is doing well with the heat. I do his eyedrops. I was so concerned Yesterday, morning, cause his eye looked so bad. And eyes are nothing to take lightly.

Peachy, your son needs you, and give him quality time and love and he will see this in the future. Good Luck Hon.

Faith,

You did good. Curtains for fifty? And he bought material?

There's an awesome book by Southern Living about decorative curtain making.

You could advertise placing cards up at fabric stores and at different stores and offer your services. Good prospects for money. That book is awesome for decorating. You could be a curtain designer...make fancy ones too. And faith, a date isn't a bad thing. You can and legally should go out now. What are you waiting on? Nothing except for you to realize you're single. Sounds like a nice gentleman. Sounds like he values family. You both have that in common.

And eventually you could charge an arm and a leg for your valuable work.

And I do everything with my son. Sure do. He has come first with me since his birth. Never the case. Today I am going to purchase tickets to circus for us. He's going to love it.

And yea, I am taking stuff slow. Newly, I'd love to ship a crateload of frogs up to ya girl. We got plenty down yonder. And GG you may be right. My deal is how to decide to let somebody in..How to let down the walls. It's about time for me to move on and rebuild this life of mine. I just want to learn how to trust a man again. Get son back tomorrow from Jethro and am so happy. We're going to have a blast at the circus. Heck, I am excited. We're going to go downtown/midtown and go eat out and buy cotton candy and one of those flashy-light toys. If we get there an hour early we can get up close wtih the animals. He's going to love it...last year he did and he will love it even more.

And GG..HN may be moving in for the kill. All the signs are there..single dad and custodial dad 100 percent. Selling house to buy even bigger house for himself and a three year old? Asking me to go to Paris shopping? To beach? I'd say he's looking rather hard. He slipped up during our sushi and a movie on saturday and said "this whole single dad thing is enough now." He knows me and my character and we have common friends back home. On one hand he's a good catch. On the other hand I need to date around. I do. I ended up marrying JEthro b/c it was a rebound thing after my college bf and I broke up. Not repeating that mistake. My college bf cheated on me and it mortally wounded me...I was really hurt. And to get back at him, I went out with this mysterious smooth stranger from LA. Now I must look at the facts...Jethro just got married suddenly to his preggo ho. Yea, it destroyed everything that was my marriage. Did it hurt? Am I still vulernable? Would deep deep down I feel avenged if I "ended up better than Jethro?". Sure. But it would be rebound. Ok. As of today, no serious relationship plans to be made by me regarding dating until 1)I can trust better 2)I have dated them for six months and 3)I want to cut off dating everybody else after dating that person and just want to see them. My sister told me last night she predicted that it would be less than 2 years I'd be single. So does my best friend. I can't see that. Even if my hunka burning love dream guy (and I don't care if he is gay or not) Ricky Martin tried to give me a five carat diamond (you know you've dreamed this too...he is sooo adorable..hottest man on the planet), I'd say Ricky honey...Let's just have a physical thing and say this is a "friendship ring". That's about my mindset now.

Peachy,
I just don't think you are ready to date quite yet. Give it a while and when the time is right and the right man comes along you will know that feeling again. Just remember not all men are Jethro there are some pretty decent guys out there.

Hope you are feeling better

Jill

Jilly, thanks...but I know that I need to move on. And I think it has been a case of the full realization of everything...especially his "shotgun dinner reception" on sat. night...He he he...It's supposed to rain saturday night..

New stuff: Got wierd call from x the other day. He was calling after son was crying and missing me at night. He then got on phone after son went to bed and said that he'd sign a paper about transferring the hummer to him completely and get it notorized and we'd send it to the creditor. That would avoid court and I told him I wanted to avoid court if all possible..He then rambled on and on and then said that regarding my financial dilemma, he should be the one to help and that "my little MBA friends" don't know what to do and that "he employs MBA's". So I calmly ask him what would he do (since he's omniscient)..he said that "I couldn't probably understand what he would advise me to do". Uggh. Then he went on to say that his company could "help me secure a car loan" and that "if I'd be good that I'd be amazed at the things he'd do for me". Wierd. Then he went on to say that "I want to be your first person to babysit son and for you to be that same person for me". (Fog crap). I am kind and decent and short. I say that (and yea, I know I shouldn't have mentioned this but I couldn't help it since he's tied down with the very preggo one and her smal child)..I thought about seeing if I could switch weekends for you as I was considering going to Paris for a few days but have since changed my mind...He stumbles and sounds wierd at that. Then he rambles a bit more and says to me that "it's not what you own but what you control". Pure narcissism at it's finest ya'll.

But I am keeping the peace and being civil in less than seven minutes and hopefully finding way out of court and resolution that will keep the irrational one from doing something wierd again. Oh, and he told me that he has purchased 2 ringside seats to the circus this weekend (on saturday nonetheless) for my son and I. Wierd again.

Then heck broke loose last night. After helping my son outta the tub, I notice a small bruise on his right lower butt region. I ask him if he fell down playing at school or was goofing off and what happened? He says "FV was on the phone in the kitchen and I was yelling with her son and playing and she got mad and I wouldn't stop yelling so she spanked me hard". I calmly went and got my camera and took four photos of it. I then proceeded to gently write an email informing my x as well as my attorneys of the happening. I did not accuse nor did I do anything tht could be perceived as anger and did not call names or anything. Just the facts documented and approached it from the viewpoint of a concerned mother and a loving mother.

My son said not to tell his dad about it. I asked him several times after that to make sure he was telling the truth..I believe him. When I check emails and vmail at work this am, Jethro is denying that she even spanks her own child and denies that she has done this. He says HE is the disciplanarian in the home and that she DOESN'T EVEN SPANK OR DISCIPLINE HER CHILD MUCH AT ALL and THAT'S WHAT HAS CAUSED SOME PROBLEMS (problems are starting to rear ugly head I guess..no honeymoon here)but denies she did this. I have documented this and will go to authorities if she does this again. Saving and printing emails and having the photos handy will be good if court ever comes up again. I am trying to deal with this proactively and in an adult manner.

Last thing I want is my xh to not see it at face value for what it is and reduce the information to "his bitter and jealous xwife made it up to make his new wife look bad". I am sure that's what FV said anyway. But it is only about my son. I know they're doomed anyway so that's not my problem anymore. I just don't want her spanking or dealing out corporal punishment to my son and especially not as hard as he demonstrated to me and never leave a mark on my child. Instead of immediately going to authorities, I reported it to attorneys and took photos and reported it to his father. I doubt she'll ever raise a hand to my son again...But of course, he defends her and says she didn't do it.

Well...gues that might put another damper on their reception. Plus my son gave me another revelation about her...and this one is mean...and funny too.

Seems she wears "fake hair". That she clips some "big hair" into her own hair and son said that "she thinks it makes her pretty but her hair is nasty". He told me that immediately after we finished discussing the spanking. I don't talk about her at all. Son just offered it up. I, on the other hand, have no need for fake hair. Son said he thinks it's funny she has fake hair.

Enough of the crapola.

Am excited about the circus. Handled the above rather cooly and although he was confrontational at first, he simmered down quite fast and my son and I will be happy to use the tickets. We're going to go downtown early and eat in CNN Center at Jocks' and Jills and then go one hour early to the circus to see the performers and animals as they will let you sign autographs and make photos with them and it's soooo cool!

Tonight I will be getting off a bit later so I am not cooking dinner. We're instead having a "PJ and Pizza Party" at home. Just he and I. I am ordering for us the new pizza hut square pizza and we're going to jump into our pj's and have some fun together.

Might go out with one of them this weekend for a lunch date though.

You know..after letting alot of this sink in, it's amazing. People who leave their marriages for another person don't get it. They complicate their lives so darn much. There are child issues if both sides have small children. Lack of time and energy to put into their legitimate real-life relationship vs. their former fantasy relationship that didn't include real world stuff. There's laundry to do. Lots of it. My son says FV just "sits around the house and does lots of laundry. She goes to media room and watches tv and talks on telephone". And there's kid discipline problems and obviously other issues as well. Sounds romantic huh? Not to me.

But I am detaching nicely as most of this is sinking in further and further each day. I think I've finally dealt with his elopement to the OW. And I want my own life now. I am slowing up in the dating dept., but I am still gonna forge ahead. And ...ironically only one of the frogs has a child. Rest are single with no kids. I am all about simplifying things and would love to find that right guy with preferably no kids or just one kid and basically start over completely...can't control fate but that's what I'd ask for if life were a menu and you could order from it...oh and that he'd look like ricky martin too...lol!

Job's going great! Thank you for your continued prayers. God bless and pray for more strength ok?

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Last thing I want is my xh to not see it at face value for what it is and reduce the information to "his bitter and jealous xwife made it up to make his new wife look bad". I am sure that's what FV said anyway. But it is only about my son. I know they're doomed anyway so that's not my problem anymore. I just don't want her spanking or dealing out corporal punishment to my son and especially not as hard as he demonstrated to me and never leave a mark on my child. Instead of immediately going to authorities, I reported it to attorneys and took photos and reported it to his father. I doubt she'll ever raise a hand to my son again...But of course, he defends her and says she didn't do it. <hr /></blockquote>You should have gone to an emergency room and had this professionally documented -- he can always say you fabricated the pictures and rehersed son.

But beyond that you seem to have skipped over a very telling statement about the way he viewsd YOU and will now treat you.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> "it's not what you own but what you control" <hr /></blockquote>He doesn't "own" you any more because you are no longer married but he seeks to control you. He's just laid out his entire plan for life with you.

And he is already trying to find every weak spot you have to control you

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> "I couldn't probably understand what he would advise me to do". Uggh. Then he went on to say that his company could "help me secure a car loan" and that "if I'd be good that I'd be amazed at the things he'd do for me". Wierd. <hr /></blockquote>No it's not weird. He's saying if you act the way he wants you to (if he controls you) you'll have manna from him.

You accepting those thckets just makes him feel that he is gaining control over you again. Break those chains and never let him even get a hint that he's got an inroad.

way2

Th anks. You're right. I inferred that if I was in his opinion, "good" then I'd get rewarded.

Tonight a good turn of events took place. Most likely to avoid a conflict and keep the peace at his home, Jethro called about seven thirty pm from his cell and it sounded like he either left on a drive or just deliberately left to get to the bottom of this.

At first today he defended her in one email. But then he left a vmail saying he completely read all of my email and didn't know what to say but commended me on being so decent and keeping my cool and informing him and not doing anything rash.

My lawyers agreed that their receiving the information and the photos was sufficient. That if there is another unexplained bruise or any comment from my son that I will immediately call DSS and that will be that.

Anyway, Jethro calls and asks our son ( I was in other room listening in quietly on other line to make sure what was going on and Jethro knew this..) At first Jethro said to him, WEll FV does love you and you know your mommy and I love you very very much right? He then says to son "I know this is very hard for you living like this with your mommy there and me here, but your mommy and I are here for you and love you." (first sign that he has done something wrong to our family ever...any sort of admittance of guilt at all) Then he asked our son the magic question. Did she spank him? Son answered "yes Daddy, MS. FV spanked me." Jethro was speechless.

Earlier in his email today, Jethro said that FV in his opinion from what he has known of her, has NEVER laid a hand on my child whatsoever.

Seems he's married to a liar...sounds like an equal match...but his fog was fading tonight.

She lied. Basically she has lied and I don't trust her.

Jethro said to my son "but she didn't leave that mark on you did she?" Son said "I don't know. I think so." He then said she spanked him hard. JEthro got really frustrated and quickly hung up the phone. I could hear the anger inside of him and knew it was not going to be a good night at that home. And it's sad. What did either of them think they were getting? Truthful people? No. But I think my x has seen that he needs to stand up always as a dad for the rights of his son finally. That the OP should never be placed above one's own child. OUr son was here first..I am saying that with me OUT of the equation btw..

And it makes me sick to my stomach to see that their web of lies are now all tangled up. They're stuck. He's stuck with a liar and so is she. gosh when the fog clears it clears and the scene is ugly.

I do believe that this was a good thing and I praised my son for being brave and for telling the truth. His dad, btw, also told him that he was so glad he told the truth too. Don't think she will be touching my son whatsoever anytime soon. The good part is my son now knows we will always listen to him and that he matters to us. He knew that with me all along. And hopefully his dad has finally come around in that one regard. Doesn't take away the other crap in his life, but this is at least a positive move for him as a dad.

And I am glad I didn't lose my cool or my temper and let it get the best of me. I can say one hundred percent that things came down in the end for the better, because I did not lose it. I remained calm and thought for once. Did what I needed to do. The attorneys said after I emailed them copies of the bruise (one hour photo and got cd burned) that it was visible and that their being notified as my counsel would suffice in any future courtroom hearing if need be and would be very valid in a court of law. They also said they were glad to see me conduct myself so fairly and decently and that should things go south about this, they'd fly into action.

So we're excited about the circus. And I believe my son feels a tiny bit more secure now than he did yesterday so that's huge. He knows his dad will listen to him as well as me. I told his dad btw...that I was greatful for the tickets and for that opportunity to go with my son, but that I will always continue to be the woman I am doing things as I see fit and that that's just the way I am. He got the picture.

Doesn't it make you just sick that families are torn apart for nothing? I mean, it's like they all suddenly wake up one day and find out that the OP isn't what they thought they were. From hearing that she was a "good and wonderful mother" knowing fully well that she was in reality an uneducated, unwed men's mag model and was at the time shacking up pregnant with my then husband. I guess he's seeing some of that fog lift but its too late now. They're married and she's ready to have the baby within a few weeks. But that would also mean that he'd have to blame himself for some of this and that some of that huge ego would have to wash away...a tiny tiny bit did tonight when he admitted that it must be hard for our son having his mommy here and his daddy there and for our family not to be together anymore. And situations like this will happen to many other families when children are forced into situations they don't deserve to be placed in when people place their own desires ahead of the good of their own family..

A damn affair isn't worth any of this.

Oh..btw..I first asked attorneys if I needed to go to ER and they said that (after five pm today) that they knew I was a medical professional and what was my opinion of that? I said it's a small but visible bruise. Little bigger than a nickel now and one tiny one above it a few inches. Plus, I did two externships in peds back home in college and worked doing alot of bone scans for pediatric abuse cases...Attorneys concurred that we had enough information now.

The fog slides in...the fog slides out.

He's back in his usual mode. I got email this am saying that I should not say things about being "unhappy or alone" (where in the heck did he get that one as I am neither???) and that FV heard my son say that I was...Can we say she's flinging mud back at me.

I replied that no, I was neither but that our personal lives are not what this was about and to kindly take care of his and I will take care of mine. And I thanked him for seeing the light regarding believing our son and reminded him that he will have to deal in his own house with that issue and I am glad to find out he knows the truth about how and who exactly spanked my son...FV did it.

So then he emails me again and I tell him no, I am neither. I say that this is now a dead issue and that there's nothing else to know and that I had already told him that I had considered going to Paris for a few days but couldn't get my passport ready in time. I said does that sound like a lonely and sad woman? I ended by changing subject and thanking him for the tickets for the circus and told him that I appreciate the concern, but his wistress (said wife in email believe it or not) just has it wrong as her belief that I am either lonely sad is wrong...Just like how she said she did NOT spank my son and has never laid a hand on him.

My Lord! The fog of some idiots. But I think he's seeing the light now. That he's stuck. He said in email that I should get used to them and do a bit of lip biting if I have to. I said lip biting is and has been done by me for quite some time and I'd wish same in return when one is making invalid suppositions about my life.

He he.

Used the "fogging the fogger" technique Orchid used on me. When they say you are sad or lamenting over them, change it around. I said that I was not and was instead getting a passport and would be probably going out of town soon (he would assume not alone and quite right). You diffuse the x's by saying something they would understand and then blow them off. I did. And then I followed it up by forwarding him a silly office email. He's gonna be like..ok, she thinks this is absurd now so I am not goin to pursue this any further.

Eating lunch @ work now. Subway today and baked doritos. They are soooo yummy.

And yea, boundaries have gone back up. Waaay up. But it was fun to see him have to admit he's married to a liar now. His adamant defending of her then showing me he doesn't trust her by having to leave his own home to make a cell call to get the real truth spoke volumes to me. he he. I assume that they made up after a huge fight yesterday and their "shotgun dinner reception" at my once dream home is still on. But newlyweds shouldn't be having worries about partners already lying, children being punished severely, discipline issues, and the like. Can we say together BIG LUV BUSTERS? Like my buddy from here told me, I am proud not to be the glue that holds them together now.

Got very sweet text from the adorable resident. He is absolutely scorching. He wears glasses, but looks like my kinda guy basically. And he's conservative and about six two and built well...very well indeed. Green eyes and brown hair. Problem is that this other one on the scene now, the other cute executive that asked me out last year when I was unavailable temporarily (getting the d) is coming around too...he is six one brown hair and green eyes and same kind of build. Also well educated and cute. Then there's the Hilltop Neighbor. Cute but nowhere near the other two. I am getting confused but this is fun confusion.

And two of them definitely get that "ricky martin" thing for me. Tall, well built, brown hair (kinda similar to his), green eyes..etc. But can they sing? I dunno.

today my sis emailed me and guess what...she's already picked out my next wedding dress...yea, I told her that it would probably be outta style when I would buy it...that I am taking stuff slow. She still adheres to her belief I will not be single in two years or less. It is cool...and unlike FV's, it WON'T BE A MATERNITY WEDDING DRESS...Very un-traditional and rather...um...even sexy? Guess it's in sync w/new me all right.

Although tomorrow night will probably pop into my mind, I am lovin life now. MB has taught me how to handle difficult sitch's with the x, overcome issues with tact, and how to be an effective divorced person yet also I know what I am going to do exactly when Mr. Right pops the question and forks over the ice. Learned great stuff and am continuing to do so. Plus it is great healing for me to help others or at least attempt to do so. I try.

Happy Friday to you.

Gotta work now.

Peachy,
I don’t think you should be telling him even something as innocent as you were thinking of going to Paris. This was the kind of thing I was talking about when I said not to give him any information.

This man wants to control you a la Svengali. The more information he has, the better able he is to manipulate you. He knows where you work, where you live, and your social circles will have some overlap. It would not be hard for him to find out who you are seeing, what you are doing and everything.

My concern is that the more stuck in a corner he becomes, the more volatile and unpredictable he’ll become, and he’ll be armed with all kinds of information you let slip.

You’ll probably disagree with me, but I’d give up the satisfaction of rubbing his face in your awesome life in order to guarantee some security against any curve balls he may throw at you.

Peach,

Warning claxons going off in my brain. MFV is likely to turn into the step mom from h*ll for your son now that she's been outed.

First of all, Jethro beat you without provocation. MFV has just violated his son. You think he's going to have any self restraint????

Second of all, it would be very wise of you to be very aware that your son could come home withdrawn, not daring to talk with you because of some threat, etc. because she threatens to kill his mother if he tells anyone that she was anything but nice during his last visitation with daddy...

Amoral animals don't mind harming babies and little ones when they're cornered. And she's definitely cornered now. Jethro is not a peach to live with.

Peachy I hate to say this but I feel you are falling backwards.
Quit talking to him via in person, phone or e-mail. If it doesn't pertain to your son then it doesn't pertain to you. You need to make a full break here. Right now Jethro feels he has two wives to control and he is loving every minute of it.

Peachy - you are doing what you told me not to do. Not to talk to XH. I still do occasionally, and I think we are talking civilized to each other. I really don't tell him very much of my life now, for he is not interested in my life, just his life and probably his other woman. So I am working on myself, and making my life easier, and hopefully happier.

You need to just be very short in statements with him. And don't DEFEND yourself. There is no need to defend ourself from your XH. I was told this over and over. And I finally realized that, XH doesn't give one iota about me, so I said, I don't have to tell him things in my life. Therefore there is not much to talk about. Just a little interaction with the kids. Just like my son, who had pink eye, XH showed his pattern and it may of been caring, but he was trying to control me and telling me what to do. I have the nursing degree, and I am a mother that has been taking care of these kids for 25 years. I took the call, and called the Dr. for an appt. and got one that day. And I was pleased, cause this was a severe case of pinkeye that came on very aggressive.

I just agreed with him on what he said, and still did what I planned on doing. Part of it is control, and I am glad that he felt like showing concern, and I felt I did very well in the intervention of my sons health. So not much more was said, cause there was nothing else to say. Action was taken, medication was taken, and a followup visit the next day was instilled. With good results. That is one thing that I am good at, is taking action and getting things done. That is why my kids are healthy, paperwork was tiptop shape, and house was tiptop shape. I filled his dislike for doing these things, and I was very good at my position.

Peachy, you have to do what is needed. Give little information, and if he says things like you are lonely and sad. Just say something like my life is turning around. Cause that is true. It is turning around for the good? for the bad? you haven't really said. Just be noncommital. And that way you don't have to defend your words. Except when it comes to your son, you should be more specific, for the sake that he is the father of this son.

I have learned that I really don't give out information as I used to. I usually would tell XH everything, speak about every little detail. Now I don't, for the reason he really doesn't care. Actions have shown that. And he is not obligated to care. Part of the divorce.

Peachy, the continous interaction with him is going to cause you to slide down that pathway of misery. He will suck you into his panoramic mouth, and mind. Stop it now, just like you told me. Also, I realize that we will slide backwards and then forwards. I have done this many times, and it hurts like heck.

I am praying and looking at your posts as often as I can. I am praying for you hon & your son, cause I care.

I have just a moment before we need to take off for the weekend but I have the same feelings as KaylaAndy.

I really feel that FV will now begin to blame your son for the state of her life and marriage because she got outed -- and you should not EVER depend on Jethro to stand up for his son to her.

He may do it at times and he may not and HE will not always be there.

I wouldn't go to Paris, not unless someone you know and trust can look in on your son. FV might just feel she has X number of days to get even with your son and either phsically or emotionally abuse and terrorize him.... you may get back a broken little boy.

If it's true that she never has laid a hand on her kid BUT felt it okay to touch yours .. your son is already devalued and worth little in her eyes (she may even view him as something or the final thing that takes Jethro's attention and money away from her and her kids) ... and this could be the tip of the abuse nightmare for your son... history is repleat with step-moms who do away with kids from previous marriages for the reasons I listed above) it may have now begun here.

Don't go to Paris, find something fun to do here or close ...you need to be there to protect yourson.

way2

[ February 20, 2004, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]

Nope. I am not going guys, if you had really read it, you'd know it.

But our communication lately has been limited to maybe the emails and the one night of the phone call about the issue.

And according to my son, FV lost it when she was interrupted by two yelling playing kids and spanked BOTH her child and mine rather hardly. So that's what happened. And yea, she may see my son as an extension of me (he looks nothing like my x or her and exactly like me...x has black hair and I have blonde btw). I have had NO interaction with him whatsoever since this.

And I have a minor in child psych. I know what to look for when a child is abused. And if his demeanor changes or he gets suddenly tight lipped or there is any unusual markings on him I will not hesitate and take him 1)to the child psych I used once to establish any foundation to th is and 2)will call DSS here if it is discovered she spanks him again and leaves a mark.

Plus abuse is also verbal. My son and I have a wonderful relationship and he tells me everything fully aware that he can and there's nothing to hold him back. Personally, I believe FV is backed into the corner and will tow the line b/c she has to keep her "money train" happy and pretend to be a good wife and mommy now that she's about to give birth.

And faith, I love you hon, but there are lots of differences. First, he's never allowed inside of my home and he doesn't have access to any of my things muchless my computer. I also wanted to warn you that if he uses your computer HE MAY BE SEEING WHERE AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND WHOM YOU'RE COMMUNICATING WITH. People can install spyware on your computer to see your exact keystrokes you've made on there and the sites you've visited recently. This is common and I would competely prohibit him from having use of your computer ok? I had to have my computer checked out last year when my email was broken into by my x and documented by the detectives and AOL. Had to change everything. Including accounts. I forgot to tell you that the other day on your post. I have only had limited contact with him recently and it's been because of the FV spanking incident. Other than that, it's gone black. And last week only called to deal with hummer.

GG, you're right. He wants to be in control and I know it. I only let him know a little to reconfirm to him that he IS NOT in control of me anymore.

Whoever made the point about he's got 2 wives now and he's loving the control was right.

Way you made some good points as well. But she hasn't done anything else b/c I would know it. My son has fully spoken to me about everything. Unlike some moms who might find out too late about their kids and the proverbial wicked stepmother, I do have the child psych minor and also alot of experience in both trauma and child abuse cases from the externships I did. Nope. That woman will never be able to slide anything by me.

I decided not to go to Paris b/c 1)I don't want to be outta the country after this issue reared it's ugly head 2)I don't think I could stand seeing the same person for three days in a row as of today...might change in near future, but not today...3)it would cost over a hundred bucks to rush getting a new passport and the heck I would expect him to buy it for me. outta the question.

I was exhausted last night. Work was hard yesterday. But made good strides in sales and hoping and praying it will be made evident when the exec. board meets on monday morning. I need a raise or something.

And the only thing that might cause any backslide is the event tonight. But alas! Thank Goodness for distractions! What better than spending a gorgeous day here w/my boy. It's going to be about sixty five and we're going to take off for the centennial olympic park about three thirty. Play until five. Go to eat at five until six and then go into the arena and meet the clowns and animals and get cool pictures made and then watch the circus! Ironically, usually on friday nights his father calls to speak to him. I immediately pass phone to son and they talk a bit. Well no call last night as I am sure he's swamped with FV's family descending down on them as this is the closest thing she's ever gonna get to a real wedding and they're probably giddy with excitement that some man finally married the serial preggo outta wedlock uneducated butfloss model. I am sure he's having tons of fun (not) with his third wedding reception. I think he'd rather probably have yet another root canal. And it will be just more difficult probably b/c they just had this skirmish about her lying to him about spanking his only son and suddenly they have to appear to be "all smiles and happy newlyweds".

Last night I had a very very wierd dream. It was so vivid. About my college bf. He hada few same characteristics (physical ones) as Jethro, but completely different character. During the dream, I was in FL at place where my friends and I would always go to during college for spring break. I was with college bf and only difference was that we were married. My sister, son, bro in law, and the kids were there too. We were eating at a favorite Destin restaurant (where my friends used to go- Harbor Docks) and when my college bf signed the check he wrote Jethro's name. I freak out in the dream and say, no, you're not him. You can't be. But my family was fine and said that I was just being silly and that he was not Jethro. I tell them that he signed the credit card slip "jethro" but they say that I didn't really see him do that.

I woke up today and realized what my dream meant. It meant that my fear is that I will find somebody that I care for and that they will turn into the same person Jethro is. Freud had a few good points btw.

But I am going to just deal with today. It's not like today's their wedding day and I didn't even know for sure when it happened. It's just the "perceived legitimazation" of their sleazy union. Attempt to make everybody ok with their adultery, lies and whatnot. A little cake cutting, some toasts, and a white dress makes everybody forget everything you did to your family right? I don't think so. Plus, FV will have to live with the fact that it was me who had the gorgeous white wedding and was married not because we had to do it. I'm surprised she hasn't burned those pictures or video.

Enough of that. We're going to have a good day together. Hilltop neighbor tried to take us all to dinner last night but I was too tired. It was he who asked to go to Paris btw. Cute resident has been working his cute little patootie off and didn't see him either. I was alseep on a friday night at 9 pm from exhaustion.

Am going to go jogging at the greenbelt before we go to the park for a playdate with my friend Jackie and her son. She's got an interesting story...She's engaged to her son's father. Her son is almost six now. THey were engaged first and she got pregnant and then they broke up. He wasn't ready to get married and wanted to see other people and it broke her heart. Went separate ways. He came back and had a change of heart and wanted his family back and voila..now they're getting married in April in the Yucutan peninsula at a gorgeous resort and her son is giving her away. So I guess some foggy people come back ...but then again, her fiancee did not get another girl preggo and then marry her. Thus no hopes of ever reconciling with me. I just want to know there's gonna be this happy ending like..."and the new king, queen and the adorable little prince lived happily ever after". Maybe one day but as of today it's going to be good for now.

Enjoy your saturday friends.

Oh...forgot to add GG that Jethro and I do NOT run in the same social circles. He doesn't have that many friends if truth be known anyway. He has party buddies and only a few.

He's always been a loner pretty much.

Thus the man doesn't have a clue about my personal life and I like it this way...He doesn't come in my house. Doesn't even know the number of my second cell phone (one I use for local calls now)or any possible password b/c I change everything about every other month.

Made it thru yesterday w/flying colors!

We had an incredible day together...Went to nearby park for playdate with my buddy Jackie and her son. Her son fell in a mud puddle (usual little boy stuff) so it was called off rather quicky..

We then left for centennial olympic park and played there for a good while. Then we went to eat and had an awesome time. Got to circus box office and picked up tix.

We got "club seating" in the nice area. Third row seats. I'd never been in the club area before...Very nice. Nicer concessions, restrooms, and everything. Less lines and carpet in the concession area. Guess Jethro does make some money after all...

We went down on the arena floor an hour earlier and we had a blast. Met some clowns and got incredible pictures with them. He felt so special...but all kids with a ticket can go onto circus floor hour before showtime and meet the cast so fyi that if you go to the circus...

Loved it~afterwards on way home son announced "he's hungry again" so we stopped at IHOP and he ate like a piggy. He must be getting ready for another growth spurt.

Decent day and I made it thru the events of last night. Only had one bad dream last night and it wasn't about that..or not directly anyway.

Am not focusing on it at all. So I guess that means I am recovering better? I hope so.

OH my goodness..forgot to add that "cute resident" has broken his arm...was playing rugby yesterday and he broke his radius. Cool huh for an orthopedic resident to do that? Just joking. He said that he will be more sensitive to his patients b/c he's never had a broken bone before..he has a good attitude...He's feeling poopy and rightly so..six or 8 weeks to heal so he's worried about his rotations now and getting behind b/c he wants out like all med residents do..

I'm doing fine. Really. It's wierd. I've had no contact w/Jethro and it's a good day.