The fog slides in...the fog slides out.

He's back in his usual mode. I got email this am saying that I should not say things about being "unhappy or alone" (where in the heck did he get that one as I am neither???) and that FV heard my son say that I was...Can we say she's flinging mud back at me.

I replied that no, I was neither but that our personal lives are not what this was about and to kindly take care of his and I will take care of mine. And I thanked him for seeing the light regarding believing our son and reminded him that he will have to deal in his own house with that issue and I am glad to find out he knows the truth about how and who exactly spanked my son...FV did it.

So then he emails me again and I tell him no, I am neither. I say that this is now a dead issue and that there's nothing else to know and that I had already told him that I had considered going to Paris for a few days but couldn't get my passport ready in time. I said does that sound like a lonely and sad woman? I ended by changing subject and thanking him for the tickets for the circus and told him that I appreciate the concern, but his wistress (said wife in email believe it or not) just has it wrong as her belief that I am either lonely sad is wrong...Just like how she said she did NOT spank my son and has never laid a hand on him.

My Lord! The fog of some idiots. But I think he's seeing the light now. That he's stuck. He said in email that I should get used to them and do a bit of lip biting if I have to. I said lip biting is and has been done by me for quite some time and I'd wish same in return when one is making invalid suppositions about my life.

He he.

Used the "fogging the fogger" technique Orchid used on me. When they say you are sad or lamenting over them, change it around. I said that I was not and was instead getting a passport and would be probably going out of town soon (he would assume not alone and quite right). You diffuse the x's by saying something they would understand and then blow them off. I did. And then I followed it up by forwarding him a silly office email. He's gonna be like..ok, she thinks this is absurd now so I am not goin to pursue this any further.

Eating lunch @ work now. Subway today and baked doritos. They are soooo yummy.

And yea, boundaries have gone back up. Waaay up. But it was fun to see him have to admit he's married to a liar now. His adamant defending of her then showing me he doesn't trust her by having to leave his own home to make a cell call to get the real truth spoke volumes to me. he he. I assume that they made up after a huge fight yesterday and their "shotgun dinner reception" at my once dream home is still on. But newlyweds shouldn't be having worries about partners already lying, children being punished severely, discipline issues, and the like. Can we say together BIG LUV BUSTERS? Like my buddy from here told me, I am proud not to be the glue that holds them together now.

Got very sweet text from the adorable resident. He is absolutely scorching. He wears glasses, but looks like my kinda guy basically. And he's conservative and about six two and built well...very well indeed. Green eyes and brown hair. Problem is that this other one on the scene now, the other cute executive that asked me out last year when I was unavailable temporarily (getting the d) is coming around too...he is six one brown hair and green eyes and same kind of build. Also well educated and cute. Then there's the Hilltop Neighbor. Cute but nowhere near the other two. I am getting confused but this is fun confusion.

And two of them definitely get that "ricky martin" thing for me. Tall, well built, brown hair (kinda similar to his), green eyes..etc. But can they sing? I dunno.

today my sis emailed me and guess what...she's already picked out my next wedding dress...yea, I told her that it would probably be outta style when I would buy it...that I am taking stuff slow. She still adheres to her belief I will not be single in two years or less. It is cool...and unlike FV's, it WON'T BE A MATERNITY WEDDING DRESS...Very un-traditional and rather...um...even sexy? Guess it's in sync w/new me all right.

Although tomorrow night will probably pop into my mind, I am lovin life now. MB has taught me how to handle difficult sitch's with the x, overcome issues with tact, and how to be an effective divorced person yet also I know what I am going to do exactly when Mr. Right pops the question and forks over the ice. Learned great stuff and am continuing to do so. Plus it is great healing for me to help others or at least attempt to do so. I try.

Happy Friday to you.

Gotta work now.

Peachy,
I don’t think you should be telling him even something as innocent as you were thinking of going to Paris. This was the kind of thing I was talking about when I said not to give him any information.

This man wants to control you a la Svengali. The more information he has, the better able he is to manipulate you. He knows where you work, where you live, and your social circles will have some overlap. It would not be hard for him to find out who you are seeing, what you are doing and everything.

My concern is that the more stuck in a corner he becomes, the more volatile and unpredictable he’ll become, and he’ll be armed with all kinds of information you let slip.

You’ll probably disagree with me, but I’d give up the satisfaction of rubbing his face in your awesome life in order to guarantee some security against any curve balls he may throw at you.

Peach,

Warning claxons going off in my brain. MFV is likely to turn into the step mom from h*ll for your son now that she's been outed.

First of all, Jethro beat you without provocation. MFV has just violated his son. You think he's going to have any self restraint????

Second of all, it would be very wise of you to be very aware that your son could come home withdrawn, not daring to talk with you because of some threat, etc. because she threatens to kill his mother if he tells anyone that she was anything but nice during his last visitation with daddy...

Amoral animals don't mind harming babies and little ones when they're cornered. And she's definitely cornered now. Jethro is not a peach to live with.

Peachy I hate to say this but I feel you are falling backwards.
Quit talking to him via in person, phone or e-mail. If it doesn't pertain to your son then it doesn't pertain to you. You need to make a full break here. Right now Jethro feels he has two wives to control and he is loving every minute of it.

Peachy - you are doing what you told me not to do. Not to talk to XH. I still do occasionally, and I think we are talking civilized to each other. I really don't tell him very much of my life now, for he is not interested in my life, just his life and probably his other woman. So I am working on myself, and making my life easier, and hopefully happier.

You need to just be very short in statements with him. And don't DEFEND yourself. There is no need to defend ourself from your XH. I was told this over and over. And I finally realized that, XH doesn't give one iota about me, so I said, I don't have to tell him things in my life. Therefore there is not much to talk about. Just a little interaction with the kids. Just like my son, who had pink eye, XH showed his pattern and it may of been caring, but he was trying to control me and telling me what to do. I have the nursing degree, and I am a mother that has been taking care of these kids for 25 years. I took the call, and called the Dr. for an appt. and got one that day. And I was pleased, cause this was a severe case of pinkeye that came on very aggressive.

I just agreed with him on what he said, and still did what I planned on doing. Part of it is control, and I am glad that he felt like showing concern, and I felt I did very well in the intervention of my sons health. So not much more was said, cause there was nothing else to say. Action was taken, medication was taken, and a followup visit the next day was instilled. With good results. That is one thing that I am good at, is taking action and getting things done. That is why my kids are healthy, paperwork was tiptop shape, and house was tiptop shape. I filled his dislike for doing these things, and I was very good at my position.

Peachy, you have to do what is needed. Give little information, and if he says things like you are lonely and sad. Just say something like my life is turning around. Cause that is true. It is turning around for the good? for the bad? you haven't really said. Just be noncommital. And that way you don't have to defend your words. Except when it comes to your son, you should be more specific, for the sake that he is the father of this son.

I have learned that I really don't give out information as I used to. I usually would tell XH everything, speak about every little detail. Now I don't, for the reason he really doesn't care. Actions have shown that. And he is not obligated to care. Part of the divorce.

Peachy, the continous interaction with him is going to cause you to slide down that pathway of misery. He will suck you into his panoramic mouth, and mind. Stop it now, just like you told me. Also, I realize that we will slide backwards and then forwards. I have done this many times, and it hurts like heck.

I am praying and looking at your posts as often as I can. I am praying for you hon & your son, cause I care.

I have just a moment before we need to take off for the weekend but I have the same feelings as KaylaAndy.

I really feel that FV will now begin to blame your son for the state of her life and marriage because she got outed -- and you should not EVER depend on Jethro to stand up for his son to her.

He may do it at times and he may not and HE will not always be there.

I wouldn't go to Paris, not unless someone you know and trust can look in on your son. FV might just feel she has X number of days to get even with your son and either phsically or emotionally abuse and terrorize him.... you may get back a broken little boy.

If it's true that she never has laid a hand on her kid BUT felt it okay to touch yours .. your son is already devalued and worth little in her eyes (she may even view him as something or the final thing that takes Jethro's attention and money away from her and her kids) ... and this could be the tip of the abuse nightmare for your son... history is repleat with step-moms who do away with kids from previous marriages for the reasons I listed above) it may have now begun here.

Don't go to Paris, find something fun to do here or close ...you need to be there to protect yourson.

way2

<small>[ February 20, 2004, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

Nope. I am not going guys, if you had really read it, you'd know it.

But our communication lately has been limited to maybe the emails and the one night of the phone call about the issue.

And according to my son, FV lost it when she was interrupted by two yelling playing kids and spanked BOTH her child and mine rather hardly. So that's what happened. And yea, she may see my son as an extension of me (he looks nothing like my x or her and exactly like me...x has black hair and I have blonde btw). I have had NO interaction with him whatsoever since this.

And I have a minor in child psych. I know what to look for when a child is abused. And if his demeanor changes or he gets suddenly tight lipped or there is any unusual markings on him I will not hesitate and take him 1)to the child psych I used once to establish any foundation to th is and 2)will call DSS here if it is discovered she spanks him again and leaves a mark.

Plus abuse is also verbal. My son and I have a wonderful relationship and he tells me everything fully aware that he can and there's nothing to hold him back. Personally, I believe FV is backed into the corner and will tow the line b/c she has to keep her "money train" happy and pretend to be a good wife and mommy now that she's about to give birth.

And faith, I love you hon, but there are lots of differences. First, he's never allowed inside of my home and he doesn't have access to any of my things muchless my computer. I also wanted to warn you that if he uses your computer HE MAY BE SEEING WHERE AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND WHOM YOU'RE COMMUNICATING WITH. People can install spyware on your computer to see your exact keystrokes you've made on there and the sites you've visited recently. This is common and I would competely prohibit him from having use of your computer ok? I had to have my computer checked out last year when my email was broken into by my x and documented by the detectives and AOL. Had to change everything. Including accounts. I forgot to tell you that the other day on your post. I have only had limited contact with him recently and it's been because of the FV spanking incident. Other than that, it's gone black. And last week only called to deal with hummer.

GG, you're right. He wants to be in control and I know it. I only let him know a little to reconfirm to him that he IS NOT in control of me anymore.

Whoever made the point about he's got 2 wives now and he's loving the control was right.

Way you made some good points as well. But she hasn't done anything else b/c I would know it. My son has fully spoken to me about everything. Unlike some moms who might find out too late about their kids and the proverbial wicked stepmother, I do have the child psych minor and also alot of experience in both trauma and child abuse cases from the externships I did. Nope. That woman will never be able to slide anything by me.

I decided not to go to Paris b/c 1)I don't want to be outta the country after this issue reared it's ugly head 2)I don't think I could stand seeing the same person for three days in a row as of today...might change in near future, but not today...3)it would cost over a hundred bucks to rush getting a new passport and the heck I would expect him to buy it for me. outta the question.

I was exhausted last night. Work was hard yesterday. But made good strides in sales and hoping and praying it will be made evident when the exec. board meets on monday morning. I need a raise or something.

And the only thing that might cause any backslide is the event tonight. But alas! Thank Goodness for distractions! What better than spending a gorgeous day here w/my boy. It's going to be about sixty five and we're going to take off for the centennial olympic park about three thirty. Play until five. Go to eat at five until six and then go into the arena and meet the clowns and animals and get cool pictures made and then watch the circus! Ironically, usually on friday nights his father calls to speak to him. I immediately pass phone to son and they talk a bit. Well no call last night as I am sure he's swamped with FV's family descending down on them as this is the closest thing she's ever gonna get to a real wedding and they're probably giddy with excitement that some man finally married the serial preggo outta wedlock uneducated butfloss model. I am sure he's having tons of fun (not) with his third wedding reception. I think he'd rather probably have yet another root canal. And it will be just more difficult probably b/c they just had this skirmish about her lying to him about spanking his only son and suddenly they have to appear to be "all smiles and happy newlyweds".

Last night I had a very very wierd dream. It was so vivid. About my college bf. He hada few same characteristics (physical ones) as Jethro, but completely different character. During the dream, I was in FL at place where my friends and I would always go to during college for spring break. I was with college bf and only difference was that we were married. My sister, son, bro in law, and the kids were there too. We were eating at a favorite Destin restaurant (where my friends used to go- Harbor Docks) and when my college bf signed the check he wrote Jethro's name. I freak out in the dream and say, no, you're not him. You can't be. But my family was fine and said that I was just being silly and that he was not Jethro. I tell them that he signed the credit card slip "jethro" but they say that I didn't really see him do that.

I woke up today and realized what my dream meant. It meant that my fear is that I will find somebody that I care for and that they will turn into the same person Jethro is. Freud had a few good points btw.

But I am going to just deal with today. It's not like today's their wedding day and I didn't even know for sure when it happened. It's just the "perceived legitimazation" of their sleazy union. Attempt to make everybody ok with their adultery, lies and whatnot. A little cake cutting, some toasts, and a white dress makes everybody forget everything you did to your family right? I don't think so. Plus, FV will have to live with the fact that it was me who had the gorgeous white wedding and was married not because we had to do it. I'm surprised she hasn't burned those pictures or video.

Enough of that. We're going to have a good day together. Hilltop neighbor tried to take us all to dinner last night but I was too tired. It was he who asked to go to Paris btw. Cute resident has been working his cute little patootie off and didn't see him either. I was alseep on a friday night at 9 pm from exhaustion.

Am going to go jogging at the greenbelt before we go to the park for a playdate with my friend Jackie and her son. She's got an interesting story...She's engaged to her son's father. Her son is almost six now. THey were engaged first and she got pregnant and then they broke up. He wasn't ready to get married and wanted to see other people and it broke her heart. Went separate ways. He came back and had a change of heart and wanted his family back and voila..now they're getting married in April in the Yucutan peninsula at a gorgeous resort and her son is giving her away. So I guess some foggy people come back ...but then again, her fiancee did not get another girl preggo and then marry her. Thus no hopes of ever reconciling with me. I just want to know there's gonna be this happy ending like..."and the new king, queen and the adorable little prince lived happily ever after". Maybe one day but as of today it's going to be good for now.

Enjoy your saturday friends.

Oh...forgot to add GG that Jethro and I do NOT run in the same social circles. He doesn't have that many friends if truth be known anyway. He has party buddies and only a few.

He's always been a loner pretty much.

Thus the man doesn't have a clue about my personal life and I like it this way...He doesn't come in my house. Doesn't even know the number of my second cell phone (one I use for local calls now)or any possible password b/c I change everything about every other month.

Made it thru yesterday w/flying colors!

We had an incredible day together...Went to nearby park for playdate with my buddy Jackie and her son. Her son fell in a mud puddle (usual little boy stuff) so it was called off rather quicky..

We then left for centennial olympic park and played there for a good while. Then we went to eat and had an awesome time. Got to circus box office and picked up tix.

We got "club seating" in the nice area. Third row seats. I'd never been in the club area before...Very nice. Nicer concessions, restrooms, and everything. Less lines and carpet in the concession area. Guess Jethro does make some money after all...

We went down on the arena floor an hour earlier and we had a blast. Met some clowns and got incredible pictures with them. He felt so special...but all kids with a ticket can go onto circus floor hour before showtime and meet the cast so fyi that if you go to the circus...

Loved it~afterwards on way home son announced "he's hungry again" so we stopped at IHOP and he ate like a piggy. He must be getting ready for another growth spurt.

Decent day and I made it thru the events of last night. Only had one bad dream last night and it wasn't about that..or not directly anyway.

Am not focusing on it at all. So I guess that means I am recovering better? I hope so.

OH my goodness..forgot to add that "cute resident" has broken his arm...was playing rugby yesterday and he broke his radius. Cool huh for an orthopedic resident to do that? Just joking. He said that he will be more sensitive to his patients b/c he's never had a broken bone before..he has a good attitude...He's feeling poopy and rightly so..six or 8 weeks to heal so he's worried about his rotations now and getting behind b/c he wants out like all med residents do..

I'm doing fine. Really. It's wierd. I've had no contact w/Jethro and it's a good day.