Divorce Final Today...hmmm... - 03/30/04 02:55 AM
I got an email from my ex-h this morning at 9:27. The subject line was "Done". He said only that he had gone to court and the judge signed off on our papers and we are done. Well, stick a fork in me.
Very odd feeling. We have been separated for 6 months - we were waiting for house to sell and shared debt to be paid off - that happened (yay) and then he filed and today was what I have been waiting for. And I have this weird, sad, single feeling inside.
I tried to do the things I normally do - and please understand while ex-h brought up divorce - I was relieved that he did so -so this is not a situation where I went screaming or kicking or even that he did. We just agreed it was the best thing - no beating, cheating, addictions etc - and we were only married just shy of our 22 month. But the relationship has been around for right at 5 years...so now we are DONE! I called him - we are civil on the phone - and I asked if he could have at least CALLED me as the email seemed so...cold. He told me he didn't really have anything to say - which was typical so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at all.
SO here I am. Sober(perhaps I shouldn't be), on the web, trying to figure out what this weird feeling is. I don't want him back, don't miss the marriage, don't miss him - in fact I am busy rebuilding my life SOLO (for now)- I really did not expect this feeling at all.
I shoot - and I had my appt with my instructor this afternoon and I told him the news. Within 15 minutes of my lesson he told me to go home. He said I was doing more damage then good and I needed to go home and breathe. This morning I didn't do a darn bit of work. In fact - once I read the email - my brain just shut down and I played like I was working, left the office with some lame excuse hanging in the air behind me and came home and took a nap. My escape - lovely sleeeepppp. And watch - tonight I will just toss and turn...and I didn't even sleep that long. Maybe an hour and a half if even that. So a day blown - all because of one little email. And the funny thing here is I have been calling my attny asking if it was settled yet - and joking how I wanted to have a cake and bottle of champagne ready.
Poor me. I wish I could identify this feeling - maybe a mixture of happiness, relief, freedom, sadness, anger (i am sure a dash of that)? I don't feel like a loser - cause I am not. So there is no negative self feelings - just other mucky stuff. I hope I feel better tomorrow! And I hope I sleep well tonight.
Very odd feeling. We have been separated for 6 months - we were waiting for house to sell and shared debt to be paid off - that happened (yay) and then he filed and today was what I have been waiting for. And I have this weird, sad, single feeling inside.
I tried to do the things I normally do - and please understand while ex-h brought up divorce - I was relieved that he did so -so this is not a situation where I went screaming or kicking or even that he did. We just agreed it was the best thing - no beating, cheating, addictions etc - and we were only married just shy of our 22 month. But the relationship has been around for right at 5 years...so now we are DONE! I called him - we are civil on the phone - and I asked if he could have at least CALLED me as the email seemed so...cold. He told me he didn't really have anything to say - which was typical so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at all.
SO here I am. Sober(perhaps I shouldn't be), on the web, trying to figure out what this weird feeling is. I don't want him back, don't miss the marriage, don't miss him - in fact I am busy rebuilding my life SOLO (for now)- I really did not expect this feeling at all.
I shoot - and I had my appt with my instructor this afternoon and I told him the news. Within 15 minutes of my lesson he told me to go home. He said I was doing more damage then good and I needed to go home and breathe. This morning I didn't do a darn bit of work. In fact - once I read the email - my brain just shut down and I played like I was working, left the office with some lame excuse hanging in the air behind me and came home and took a nap. My escape - lovely sleeeepppp. And watch - tonight I will just toss and turn...and I didn't even sleep that long. Maybe an hour and a half if even that. So a day blown - all because of one little email. And the funny thing here is I have been calling my attny asking if it was settled yet - and joking how I wanted to have a cake and bottle of champagne ready.
Poor me. I wish I could identify this feeling - maybe a mixture of happiness, relief, freedom, sadness, anger (i am sure a dash of that)? I don't feel like a loser - cause I am not. So there is no negative self feelings - just other mucky stuff. I hope I feel better tomorrow! And I hope I sleep well tonight.