I got an email from my ex-h this morning at 9:27. The subject line was "Done". He said only that he had gone to court and the judge signed off on our papers and we are done. Well, stick a fork in me.
Very odd feeling. We have been separated for 6 months - we were waiting for house to sell and shared debt to be paid off - that happened (yay) and then he filed and today was what I have been waiting for. And I have this weird, sad, single feeling inside.
I tried to do the things I normally do - and please understand while ex-h brought up divorce - I was relieved that he did so -so this is not a situation where I went screaming or kicking or even that he did. We just agreed it was the best thing - no beating, cheating, addictions etc - and we were only married just shy of our 22 month. But the relationship has been around for right at 5 years...so now we are DONE! I called him - we are civil on the phone - and I asked if he could have at least CALLED me as the email seemed so...cold. He told me he didn't really have anything to say - which was typical so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at all.

SO here I am. Sober(perhaps I shouldn't be), on the web, trying to figure out what this weird feeling is. I don't want him back, don't miss the marriage, don't miss him - in fact I am busy rebuilding my life SOLO (for now)- I really did not expect this feeling at all.
I shoot - and I had my appt with my instructor this afternoon and I told him the news. Within 15 minutes of my lesson he told me to go home. He said I was doing more damage then good and I needed to go home and breathe. This morning I didn't do a darn bit of work. In fact - once I read the email - my brain just shut down and I played like I was working, left the office with some lame excuse hanging in the air behind me and came home and took a nap. My escape - lovely sleeeepppp. And watch - tonight I will just toss and turn...and I didn't even sleep that long. Maybe an hour and a half if even that. So a day blown - all because of one little email. And the funny thing here is I have been calling my attny asking if it was settled yet - and joking how I wanted to have a cake and bottle of champagne ready.
Poor me. I wish I could identify this feeling - maybe a mixture of happiness, relief, freedom, sadness, anger (i am sure a dash of that)? I don't feel like a loser - cause I am not. So there is no negative self feelings - just other mucky stuff. I hope I feel better tomorrow! And I hope I sleep well tonight.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But the relationship has been around for right at 5 years </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No matter how it ended or why it ended or wether or not you wanted it to end, You are probably feeling a little grief over something that is now gone from your life.

Time heals and the lesser the pain, the lesser the time. I think you'll feel much better soon.

WIWH

The D is the end of a very emotional period. And while the D occurred, the feelings do not end.
Take cues from your body and get what you need, sleep, etc. It's all part of recovery.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Yay4Me:
<strong> I got an email from my ex-h this morning at 9:27. The subject line was "Done". He said only that he had gone to court and the judge signed off on our papers and we are done. Well, stick a fork in me.
Very odd feeling. We have been separated for 6 months - we were waiting for house to sell and shared debt to be paid off - that happened (yay) and then he filed and today was what I have been waiting for. And I have this weird, sad, single feeling inside.
I tried to do the things I normally do - and please understand while ex-h brought up divorce - I was relieved that he did so -so this is not a situation where I went screaming or kicking or even that he did. We just agreed it was the best thing - no beating, cheating, addictions etc - and we were only married just shy of our 22 month. But the relationship has been around for right at 5 years...so now we are DONE! I called him - we are civil on the phone - and I asked if he could have at least CALLED me as the email seemed so...cold. He told me he didn't really have anything to say - which was typical so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at all.

SO here I am. Sober(perhaps I shouldn't be), on the web, trying to figure out what this weird feeling is. I don't want him back, don't miss the marriage, don't miss him - in fact I am busy rebuilding my life SOLO (for now)- I really did not expect this feeling at all.
I shoot - and I had my appt with my instructor this afternoon and I told him the news. Within 15 minutes of my lesson he told me to go home. He said I was doing more damage then good and I needed to go home and breathe. This morning I didn't do a darn bit of work. In fact - once I read the email - my brain just shut down and I played like I was working, left the office with some lame excuse hanging in the air behind me and came home and took a nap. My escape - lovely sleeeepppp. And watch - tonight I will just toss and turn...and I didn't even sleep that long. Maybe an hour and a half if even that. So a day blown - all because of one little email. And the funny thing here is I have been calling my attny asking if it was settled yet - and joking how I wanted to have a cake and bottle of champagne ready.
Poor me. I wish I could identify this feeling - maybe a mixture of happiness, relief, freedom, sadness, anger (i am sure a dash of that)? I don't feel like a loser - cause I am not. So there is no negative self feelings - just other mucky stuff. I hope I feel better tomorrow! And I hope I sleep well tonight. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm truly sorry for this day for you. Mine is just ahead myself. I DO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!

Listen, what you're feeling is the stage of ambivalence. Mixed feelings that are incompatible. Good. Bad.

Please consider buying the book CRAZY TIMES: Surviving a Divorce That book describes you right now to a "T".

It's helping me.

God be very near you just now is my prayer.
High Flight

Thanks for the responses. Today is Thursday and I had a divorce support group last night. Talked about the d being final a little. How do I feel today? Well, I have people in my life who are telling me that they think it will take me another 6-8 months before I am healed - okay that would mean that my healing would take longer than I was actually married! Honestly - I know how I am and I don't waste too much time on things that happen to me good or bad - I just slow down a bit, then pick up speed again. So today - I have thought about it on and off because of my the task I handled, I have been busy changing my name back, email address, new business cards, and other misc items I can change without official documentation and that part has been a little weird - not too weird because I hyphenated - but still..I suppose once I have done this and there is nothing left to do I will pick up speed again and just keep moving forward. I do feel lonely - but that is a new feeling. I have been quite content being alone - maybe that is a sign of healing - happy but restless and wanting to be out doing things with people. I have been sitting around the house since September - yay4me wants to be out doing things...OH yes - which brings me back to the d support group..one of the things we covered was the six basic steps to recovery and the last two were rebuilding and recovery. Basically at this point, you are looking forward, making plans, working on self, being involved socially - and I am there and I like it - I suppose that is why I am restless in the evenings. Tired of sitting around on my rear, petting my dog and watching tv. Poor dog, she has gotten spoiled with me being home. I did renew my gym membership, bought a bathing suit so i can do laps (i used to swim competitively and haven't done it in a long time). The trip to the bathing suit store was a hard one - we will just say that was an excercise in personal growth - but I went through with it found a suit I am pleased with and tomorrow morning - splash! I am doing some laps! I think it will be good for me - physically of course, but mentally another hurdle crossed. I love to swim but have always worried about being out of shape, looking not so great (i am 20 pounds heavier than when I got married) and today I said screw it - I am not there for anyone else but me and with every lap I am making some sort of progress so it can only be a good thing. I have that to look forward to - and funny thing is - I washed the suit this afternoon and it is hanging up to dry in the bathroom - everytime I saw it today I smiled to myself and I am really kind of excited about swimming in the morning - who knew? So I suppose I am not so blue - and getting some of my sparkle back. That is a good feeling. Thanks for the kind words..