Two days ago my W called me at work and said that her IC would like to meet me to see if we were ready for MC. This IC has been against MC, feeling that the timing, so close to Dday, would be a disaster. I believe that she may have a valid point. As it turns out,it's my W who asked if we were ready for MC, telling me that it may be time since we are in two very different places despite being under the same roof.

By the way, the timing of this confuses me. 5 days ago, she told me that she was in love with OM and she refused my request for a "date night", saying she wasn't ready.

Here are my questions/concerns:
1) what is the GOAL of MC???
2) If both parties are not committed to
reconciling the M, isn't MC an exercise in
futility??
3) Is MC a good idea when spouse says she's in
love with OM?
4) Should MC be postponed until W is no longer
infatuated?

A part of me says that W is willing to do this so that she will be able to say that she did "all she could" and then justify moving on. I don't know how a M can be restored through MC if both are not committed. I was hopeful that W would consider MC but it seems like a losing proposition at this point. Is the main purpose of MC to restore the M or it it something else, possible re-establish communication? All of this scares me because I'm afraid that if we "use up this bullet", there may be nothing stopping her from asking for a D. MC may be a way for her to justify her current lack of feelings for me, and loving feelings for OM. Anyone??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 1) what is the GOAL of MC??? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> MC can have many purposes, not just reconciliation. We went to an MC to work on communication through the divorce - for the sake of the kids. The MC actually told me that X had No communication skills. That certainly explained alot.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2) If both parties are not committed to
reconciling the M, isn't MC an exercise in
futility??
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> See comments on 1. Also, it can be part of the healing process, whether or not the M recovers.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3) Is MC a good idea when spouse says she's in
love with OM? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">4) Should MC be postponed until W is no longer
infatuated?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you want to be right, or to be healthy? The MC can help both of you and help your family through this difficult time. Is your 6 year old taking over and you want to hurt your W by not going to MC?

What are your goals? If you truly want to recover your M, some of the steps are counter to our emotions. Read the concepts on the MB website. Plan A seems to be all about meeting the Wayward spouses needs when your needs aren't being met.

This is where you decide how you will act and you will decide if you want to take the high road for the sake of your marriage, your children and your life. After reading the concepts, it's amazing to see how easy it is for people to "fall into" affairs.

good luck.