8mo later, I'm back where I started - 07/10/04 12:19 AM
First post: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=002327
Ok
Having put in a considerable amount of effort, I feel like I'm the only one who's aware that our marriage is garbage.
I haven't filed yet, but I've all but decided to do so as my first action after we've moved (next month).
I told W back in lat Oct to either get it together, or I was going to move on. And believe me, I struggle with the fact that making that statement makes me a complete @$$.
In the end, I'm still in for the kids (3), and the committment I made to "the other woman" I know is still lurking somewhere inside my wife.
The good:
She's the kindest person I've ever met (most of the time)
She's got a streak of innocence that can make me cry.
She is always quick to say she wants our marriage to work.
She tries to try
She say's she loves me. (I can at least say I think I love her).
The bad:
The most in-depth conversations she ever initiates usually involve the cat.. or dog.
SF every couple of months...maybe, after I've become very agitated about it. (yay.. really great SF)
Constant medical/mental issues... and I mean constant for the last 8yrs, one after another.
She's either between naps or watching T.V. 24hrs a day.
Very little domestic support (thanks to TV and Medication).
Probably the worst... she's anything but proactive in fixing her own problems (many).
The why:
I keep thinking nothing will ever change. Worse... I see my life slipping away. I don't... WON'T slog on through the rest of my life wondering if I could be enjoying life alone, or even with another woman. And, I do include my 3 kids (2 actually, one's about to move out). I honestly don't know if they would be better off without Mom 24hrs a day, and that is scary. (No, there is not even a hint of an OW).
And finally a silly one thats been bugging me. The other day a friend pointed out how odd it was that our (my) first kid is blonde, and quite frankly doesn't resemble the other two. Then I start goofing on the consideration that maybe, just maybe she had an A previous to the A I know about. NOW I'm considering a paternity test.... man I hate myself.
Ok, any questions? Fire away... I know I have it coming. Trust me, nobody on this board could do any worse damage than I do myself every single moment of every single day.
M.
Ok
Having put in a considerable amount of effort, I feel like I'm the only one who's aware that our marriage is garbage.
I haven't filed yet, but I've all but decided to do so as my first action after we've moved (next month).
I told W back in lat Oct to either get it together, or I was going to move on. And believe me, I struggle with the fact that making that statement makes me a complete @$$.
In the end, I'm still in for the kids (3), and the committment I made to "the other woman" I know is still lurking somewhere inside my wife.
The good:
She's the kindest person I've ever met (most of the time)
She's got a streak of innocence that can make me cry.
She is always quick to say she wants our marriage to work.
She tries to try
She say's she loves me. (I can at least say I think I love her).
The bad:
The most in-depth conversations she ever initiates usually involve the cat.. or dog.
SF every couple of months...maybe, after I've become very agitated about it. (yay.. really great SF)
Constant medical/mental issues... and I mean constant for the last 8yrs, one after another.
She's either between naps or watching T.V. 24hrs a day.
Very little domestic support (thanks to TV and Medication).
Probably the worst... she's anything but proactive in fixing her own problems (many).
The why:
I keep thinking nothing will ever change. Worse... I see my life slipping away. I don't... WON'T slog on through the rest of my life wondering if I could be enjoying life alone, or even with another woman. And, I do include my 3 kids (2 actually, one's about to move out). I honestly don't know if they would be better off without Mom 24hrs a day, and that is scary. (No, there is not even a hint of an OW).
And finally a silly one thats been bugging me. The other day a friend pointed out how odd it was that our (my) first kid is blonde, and quite frankly doesn't resemble the other two. Then I start goofing on the consideration that maybe, just maybe she had an A previous to the A I know about. NOW I'm considering a paternity test.... man I hate myself.
Ok, any questions? Fire away... I know I have it coming. Trust me, nobody on this board could do any worse damage than I do myself every single moment of every single day.
M.