Still Love Him. - 09/30/04 04:20 AM
No, it doesn't mean I'm going to cling to the false hope that we can be together. I just have to admit to someone, anyone, right now that I love this man I married and this divorce business so far hasn't changed that.
I met with the divorce attorney for the first time today and he was pretty sleazy. I kind of wonder if that's just a characteristic of all "family law" attorneys... But he really left me feeling weird about the whole thing. He seemed unwilling to believe that my husband wasn't going to try to litigate my @ss into the next century, despite the constant reassurance that A) we have nothing to fight over (what, is he going to sue to get my purse collection?) and B) we both agree on what we're splitting up. Still, Attorney Man seems all but convinced that my husband is suddenly going to wig out and try to, I dunno, sue to get custody of the cats or something. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
After I met with the attorney, I met with my husband and told him everything while it was still fresh in my mind. He assured me he really doesn't want anything of mine and just wants this to be as smooth a process as possible. We'd seen each other earlier in the day and aired all of the pain and suffering we'd been feeling, so this later conversation went really well. We talked for a few hours, ordered Chinese food, made arrangements to see a movie tomorrow, etc. Still, we're getting this divorce. And I still love him.
I am beyond wondering if this is the "right" thing to do. I'm beyond wondering how two people who so obviously care for one another can wind up in this situation. It just seems so messed up. I know he thinks he can't love me the way I need to be loved, and yeah, maybe we will both be better off not married to each other, but still it just doesn't seem to make a bit of difference to the inner Me who is still very much in love with him. And it isn't just the idea of him, but really, the whole package. He's a good man, a good soul... Honestly, what's not to love?
But yeah. The divorce is non-negotiable at this point. I need to be free for my own self-preservation. He needs to be free to address the things in his life he's been running from for years now. And then there's the teeny little matter of the OW.
*Sigh*
It's just so unfair on a deeper level than what we all operate on day to day. This isn't how it's supposed to happen, but guess what, it's happening anyway.
Ugh. I'm sorry. I'm rambling. It's been a long, exhausting day...
I met with the divorce attorney for the first time today and he was pretty sleazy. I kind of wonder if that's just a characteristic of all "family law" attorneys... But he really left me feeling weird about the whole thing. He seemed unwilling to believe that my husband wasn't going to try to litigate my @ss into the next century, despite the constant reassurance that A) we have nothing to fight over (what, is he going to sue to get my purse collection?) and B) we both agree on what we're splitting up. Still, Attorney Man seems all but convinced that my husband is suddenly going to wig out and try to, I dunno, sue to get custody of the cats or something. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
After I met with the attorney, I met with my husband and told him everything while it was still fresh in my mind. He assured me he really doesn't want anything of mine and just wants this to be as smooth a process as possible. We'd seen each other earlier in the day and aired all of the pain and suffering we'd been feeling, so this later conversation went really well. We talked for a few hours, ordered Chinese food, made arrangements to see a movie tomorrow, etc. Still, we're getting this divorce. And I still love him.
I am beyond wondering if this is the "right" thing to do. I'm beyond wondering how two people who so obviously care for one another can wind up in this situation. It just seems so messed up. I know he thinks he can't love me the way I need to be loved, and yeah, maybe we will both be better off not married to each other, but still it just doesn't seem to make a bit of difference to the inner Me who is still very much in love with him. And it isn't just the idea of him, but really, the whole package. He's a good man, a good soul... Honestly, what's not to love?
But yeah. The divorce is non-negotiable at this point. I need to be free for my own self-preservation. He needs to be free to address the things in his life he's been running from for years now. And then there's the teeny little matter of the OW.
*Sigh*
It's just so unfair on a deeper level than what we all operate on day to day. This isn't how it's supposed to happen, but guess what, it's happening anyway.
Ugh. I'm sorry. I'm rambling. It's been a long, exhausting day...