Good Things Happen to Not Very Nice People - Marriage Builders® Forums

Hi Everyone,

I have recently heard thru the grapevine that OW is about to receive over a Million for her silicone boob suit with Bristol Myers on a technicality where the judge presiding had flubbed.

Interesting enough, right on the heels of that announcement, OW and my ex-H are planning to wed this Feb 14th - 10 days away. They've been engaged for over 3 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I was surprised on two counts, one being my ex-H is actually marrying this unstable person (this is the woman who harrassed me during my cancer treatments) and two that the idea they are marrying bothers me. I cried.

I in no way want my ex-H back, I'm just hurt that it's her he is marrying - typical theme on this board.

I'm also bothered because this woman has scammed the government and all it's available benefits for years for a way of life - using having illegitimate children (4) with married men to further her welfare and then once that was no longer available, pretending to be deathly sick from her elective boob installation to collect disability yet not sick enough to stop frequenting bars every night. And now winning this suit.

I'm just amazed at the injustice of all this ..... but on a good note, I'm doing very well.

I could use some encouraging words.

Love,
Jo

[ February 03, 2005, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]

Jo,

It will catch up with her--

And something to think about--she may have won the million dollar lawsuit, but her lawyer will keep about 20% of it--and the government will get their portion of it for taxes--and she won't be left with much--

And then once she's out of money (mr wonderful) your ex-h will probably hit the road--because she won't have all that money--he's probably marrying her for-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hi Jo,

Sympathy and commiserations. Disgusting, isn't it? On the bright side, is the $1,000,000 before or after taxes? Lump sum or payments?

Don't worry, she'll blow it and be poor again. Probably have an extravagent VD day wedding, pay for more plastic surgery (face lift anyone?) buy some fancy trucks or cars, honestly it won't go far.

Still, it sucks. And she's marrying your ex. Yow.

double post

[ February 03, 2005, 12:19 PM: Message edited by: Bellevue ]

Well Jo, I hope the taxation and lawyers fees of her 'winnings' are high. The price all have who have had the misfortune of knowing or dealing with her has already been high.

IMHO, I doubt the $$ w/b a cure for her. It will just fling her into a realm that she will find uncomfortable. It all looks good and fun now but wait until she has to live in this new status...... think her conduct will change? Nope. She may now be able to shop at Nordstroms or Saks but she may find herself out of place. My point is that she has defined herself and to try and make herself fit in another lifestyle will be interesting to watch......to say the least.

You though, my dear don't have those type of worries. You are comfortable with yourself and no matter where you go, you are ok. In fact, you are great. Walking through a flea market/open market, strolling through the most expensive stores, is something you can move through with elegance and grace. See when one is ok with themselves, it doesn't matter where they are, they are ok. If one has to phony themselves or buy their way into a supposed better life, then it is only a matter of time, when that life turns on them.

She will have more worries than she will ever imagine. This won't be the end of her problems. Nope...... just watch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Take care, Jo..... you were and are still waaay better than any OP. I'll send you some Hawaiian popcorn if you want to sit back and watch the comedy show. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

[ February 03, 2005, 12:34 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]

I don't know the whole history on how your ex-H left, but I will say, those that do wrong, will only make you look better in the end. As long as you keep your grace and yourself in the right, God will venge for the bad things your ex-H and his OW has done. But don't harp on it. Don't wish on it. Just forget about it and move on...God will take care of the rest...

As for the popcorn, I think you will get a chance to eat it and sit back and watch the show. And what will really be interesting is when your exH comes back wanting to get some comfort out of his bad outcome with OW. Be strong and be the beautiful person you already are...I am so happy that your cancer is in remission. I have a friend going through breast cancer treatment now, and I find it really hard to harp on my H leaving me, when she is fighting for her life. So I will pray for you and hope that you stay in the clear.

Nomoregames

They've got each other! I don't know about you, but I don't see that as "good things" happening to either of them.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Smile Jo, and don't give either of them the power over you to determine your happiness or sadness.

My indifference toward my ex is actually sliding more toward pity. He has lost so much, no matter what 'face' he gives me.

From one jo to another!

Jo, it is my experience (not personal), but through people I know, that fools and their money are soon parted. I know a man who was an OM and an unabashed homewrecker who won a $2 mil award. Three years later, the money is gone, and his drinking/partying lifestyle worsened and compromised his health.

I wish you nothing but good Jo. Money doesn't buy happiness. It can buy a "lifestyle" temporarily--but not brains, health, class, or a myriad of truly important things.

Best
jo

Hi Jo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't blame you for being upset. For a little while... then take a deep breath, and work on letting it go.

"Good things happen to Nice People" - too. I was just watching a local update on the Extreme Home Makeover people that are here in our city, rebuilding a house for a very worthy family. Totally cool!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> The show will run in a few weeks.

Bad things happen to nice people too. I think I'm nice, anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . I am going through bankruptcy, thanks to the ExH. grrrrrr...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> But, I'm breaking free of the final ties to him, and can put everything behind me and move forward.

But... you and I can choose where to go from here. Lets re-focus on what we have control over - the ONLY thing we have control over - ourselves. Choose to work on yourself, and focus on yourself, TAKE CARE of yourself, and let them go. They might live happily ever after - or not. It doesn't matter. Don't let them determine your future, ok? Jo can be happy, no matter what they do.

hugs,
Faith1

[ February 03, 2005, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]

Jo,

It is tough watching them get married....but really...don't be fooled by appearances. How could it be wonderful considering the way their relationship started? Would you want to be in her situation...always having to justify how their relationship started? Yuck!

You have always given such wonderful advice...you know what is important in life...your day will come....and when that time comes, I bet you will look back on them with a whole different attitude and will be thankful that you are where you are. I admire the qualities I have seen in your posts. The hard part is to not care about them anymore---I am struggling with that also. Hang in there---we will survive this and have a good life too. (And money, though nice to have, does not equate happiness!!) Pat

Harrassed you during your cancer treatments?! And was your H's OW too?! What a loser she must be!

Hope this is encouraging to you: KARMA! We all have to live with it..sometimes that's to our benefit..sometimes it's to our detriment. If he'll cheat with her, he'll cheat on her and the same for her.

Anyone who'd do all that AND have 4 illegitimate kids with married men (plural?), can't really care about the men or her own kids. That will, as someone else said, catch up to her. Ugh!

I could go on and on. You're better off without him. I'm sure it still hurts. Being betrayed even by a jerk is the pits. I've been there!

jo,

I am thinking of you and know how strong and wonderful you are that you are going to be fine!!! And you know that!!!!

Take care and hold that head high!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Unfortuantly personal injury cases are not taxed.
But you mention a "judge" which means they had a trial? Lawyers usually get 35-45% for trials
and 33% for settlements PLUS expenses. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

What upsets me is that medical device companies have to defend these suits even after they find no medical evidence (Big business vs the welfare mom). She has no concept on how to manage money (or earn it, if she has been on welfare). The money will be gone in no time.

SOM

.. Lawyers take 40 percent. That cuts it down to $600K. Once her Financial Status changes, typically, 'Welfare' also immediately changes - she'll LOSE all that and will have only her Settlement money to live on - and yes, she DOES have to report it - if she doesn't and the government finds out - they will TAKE BACK a lot and it's not pretty.
Her and her man will be broke within a year. Peeps like that can't save money, nor do they know how to use it wisely - just ask my ex...
SDLOM

Thanks everyone.

I don't have much detail regarding the legal details of the lawsuit's outcome. The only upside regarding this awarded monetary fraud is that Ryan (OC) will hopefully somehow benefit from it. I pray they will invest in his future education for college, although not likely.

We all talk about how a relationship born in adultery fraught with lies and deceit will fail, but I wonder if the people in them ever really look back or are affected by those facts. I'm starting to believe they skate through it and come out smelling like a rose.

I thank you all for your support. It really helps me reading your words of encouragement.

God bless All!

Love,
Jo

Resilient,

--We all talk about how a relationship born in adultery fraught with lies and deceit will fail, but I wonder if the people in them ever really look back or are affected by those facts. I'm starting to believe they skate through it and come out smelling like a rose.

TR--That depends some do, some don't--

As a Christian I believe that those who die w/out Christ will one day pay for their deeds--AND that
what they receive in this world--is ALL they will ever receive--in this life and the next--

And if by chance they accept Christ as their Savior before they die--most will at least try and make amends to those they hurt the most--even if by writing them a letter--or telling someone else

Hi TR,

OW touts being a Christian and had accepted Christ. She voice paged my husband during their affair and said "God won't give you your future until you accept it" ... in desperate support of him leaving me, which he did do.

And now they have accepted their future together in the name of Christianity.

So although what you have witten sounds right TR, how do you explain her believing that him leaving me for her was a Christian thing to do and blessed?

p.s. I consider myself Christian. But I must be a different type of Christian than OW, as what she considered blessed by God seems distorted to me. But who am I to judge.

[ February 06, 2005, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]

Resilient,

I'm curious do they go to church??

Are they planning on getting married in the church? If so, maybe you could call the pastor and let HIM know about how their relationship started--

And no, that is not being vengeful, but it's allowing HIM the option to marry them or not based on knowing ALL of the truth--and maybe even confront them with what the Bible says--

No, they do not attend church. And YES, they are getting married in a Christian non-demoninational church by a pastor.

They are having a big white Christian wedding with all the trimings.

I do know they both lie (by omission) that my husband was ever married to me. During a custody battle for Ryan against his mom, they documented a testimony which I read eluding that my husband was single until he became engaged to OW. They both pretend I never existed.

Jo

Resilient,

Get your divorce documents to prove them wrong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{resilient}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am praying for you. I know it must be tough knowing X is getting married and pretending all is right in the world.

My X is getting married this summer sometime. He told me before around July, but I dont know if that is for sure. I have 4 kids who are struggling with this event. Will they go to wedding? They didnt go to his "spongebob" birthday party, but theit heads are so mixed up they dont know what is what..and they are older.

It isnt easy no matter what age the children are.X has forever messed up every event the children will have for the rest of their lives.

I dont want him back either, but it is so painful surrounded by all this turmoil

Anyone's mind can be distorted and manipulated, even as Christians. We can even do it to ourselves. Sometimes we want something, someone or some way of life so badly that God gives us over to, as the Bible says, "a reprobate mind."

Think of all the people who kill abortion doctors "in the name of God." Heck, think of 9/11. OSB thinks he's doing God's work. There are many cases of people doing the wrong thing, thinking either that they are doing God's work or that God is blessing them.

Having said that, just because she thinks she's being blessed doesn't mean she will be.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by TooInvolved:
Sometimes we want something, someone or some way of life so badly that God gives us over to, as the Bible says, "a reprobate mind."<hr /></blockquote>Would it be "God" that gives us over to that reprobate mind-set, or is it a human condition fostered by rationalization/justification?

Jo

[ February 06, 2005, 09:26 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]

Resilient,

Would it be "God" that gives us over to that reprobate mind-set, or is it a human condition fostered by rationalization/justification?

TR--I'll just refer you to Romans Chapter 1 verses 28-32

"Married 9.1.85, Divorced 6.13.2001"

Resilient, you have been divorced from this man for over three and one-half years. Why does anything he or the OW do , matter to you anymore?

I don't wish to sound harsh, but I suggest it is time to develop a healthy indifference to him and the OW. It is time to concentrate on your life.

You are still letting him pull your strings even though you should be very indifferent to what he does.

Think indifference.

Remember: Living Well Is the Best Revenge.

Justin,

Without having to go into the history or reasons, as I'm sure you are very unaware of my sitch, moving on is not as simple as the words one types.

Please don't be offended Justin but I'm well aware of the standard divorce cliches you offer.

I rarely post for myself anymore and have been here helping others for many years - paying it forward.

Everyone has their own egg timer for healing. No one person is cookie cutter in this respect, it cannot be forced. You should try and remember that when attempting to support people in the future.

Thank you and God Bless,
Jo

[ February 07, 2005, 01:04 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Resilient:
 Thanks everyone.

We all talk about how a relationship born in adultery fraught with lies and deceit will fail, ...I'm starting to believe they skate through it and come out smelling like a rose.
<hr /></blockquote>No I would not say they come out smelling like a rose. They are the only ones who 'really' know what goes on behind their closed doors. Of course they put on a nice little SHOW for others to see - my ex-Wife and her new husband did the exact same thing - let me tell you this: it's all built on... LIES. And a house built on lies will soon enough begin showing cracks until it falls down.. JUST GIVE IT TIME... Time.. and patience. Think about a slow motion train wreck - you're watching the beginning of one... just give it time, pray for yourself and your children and give yourself some PERSONAL time - get a nice Massage, Pedicure or Manicure. Try one of those healing spas. Pamper yourself some. Nothing really extravagant, just some care for your physical and spiritual self. It DOES help.
It helped me.
God bless,
SDLOM

By the way, are you allowed to see Ryan? Did they ever relax their stance on keeping you away from him? Do you know how he is doing?

Thanks SDL, when I think of how things have gone with those two I just look at it like I'm learning about how life works. I accepted their togetherness a long time ago. I just become amazed at how some people live their lives stealing from others and doing unethical things throughtout their lives yet seem to do quite well.

I know I'm blessed and I'm happy with my life. I have so much to be thankful for.

Jo

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Bellevue:
 By the way, are you allowed to see Ryan? Did they ever relax their stance on keeping you away from him? Do you know how he is doing? <hr /></blockquote>Hey Bellevue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Nope, I'm not allowed to see Ryan. I pursued that possibility and was told OW was dead-set against it. Her reasons were I was no longer his step-mother and it was confusing to him.

I don't know how he's doing. His grandmother died from cancer and his mom is back in rehab. Those were the only two people I could contact to find out.

Thank you for asking about him. You always post to me and help me and I really appreciate your friendship.

Jo

[ February 07, 2005, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]

I withdraw my comments.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Resilient:
 Justin,

Without having to go into the history or reasons, as I'm sure you are very unaware of my sitch, moving on is not as simple as the words one types.

Please don't be offended Justin but I'm well aware of the standard divorce cliches you offer.

I rarely post for myself anymore and have been here helping others for many years - paying it forward.

Everyone has their own egg timer for healing. No one person is cookie cutter in this respect, it cannot be forced. You should try and remember that when attempting to support people in the future.

Thank you and God Bless,
Jo <hr /></blockquote>

Resilient- If you believe in the Bible (and I think you do) then you will see that ex and OW are not living the high life.
Luke 6:46-49. He asks, "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

1Cor6:9-10

"Do you NOT know that the unrighteous WILL NOT inherit the Kingdom of heaven. DO NOT BE DECEIVED, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, or homosexuals, sodomites, nor thieves, covetous, nor drunkards, revilers, or extortioners, will inherit the Kingdom of God."

Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity" Matthew 7:22,23.

Proverbs 6:32 - He who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself.

Sounds pretty depressing to me. This life is so completely short compared to eternity. And I know JustinExplorer upset you and I am definitely going to try not to. BUT I have been divorced almost 2 years and I still hurt about it. I went to see the Wedding Date Sat. though and an interesting comment was made in the movie that I really am thinking about- "every woman has the love life she wants. When she is ready to let go of one another will open" or something to that effect. I do pray for my ex and his OW and OC, and I sometimes DO wish that we could reconcile (which I know you didn't say) and I KNOW it would hurt me badly if they got married- whether 10 days or 10 years downt the road- just because their relationship destroyed so much - but I also know God has plans for me- and for you- plans to prosper and not to harm- to give you hope and a future. So maybe it is time to ask God to help you let go of the hurt/pain and sorrow and ask Him to be with you and to show you His goodness. I think He will bless you for it.
Take care.
Adgirl48

Thanks Adgirl.

I really have been doing great all on my own. Don't think about ex much at all.

From day one after the divorce my goal has always been "indifference" towards him without having to buffer my goal by filling the void with someone else. My goal has always been heal first then be whole so I am worthy of a new relationship. Post-divorce counseling with Harley taught me this is the best way to enter into a new relationship.

Then, when I hear this kind of news regarding my ex marrying it bothered me and that surprised me. Those old demons raised their ugly head.

I'm a work in progress, always. And when I think of it, I do pray for OW and Ex. And I miss the OC greatly. I also pray for forgiveness toward OW/Ex, which for whatever reason answers to those prayers are taking a very long time to receive a response. lol

Anyway, thanks for sharing your insight and story.

Best,
Jo

Hey Jo...

I rarely post here these days but can't resist catching up with another "old timer."

I think your feelings are perfectly normal and it's just one more issue to work thru in this whole road to recovery.

There's a reason it's called a road because it is more process than destination.

As you have worked thru all the other issues related to your Ex and the OW....I am know you are smart enought and strong enough to handle this just fine.

As I said...I think how you feel is normal and given the same situation I am sure I would have similar catch in my heart....it's only human and if we learn anything here it is how to be human and how our feelings have importance...

I have always admired your strength and the way you have dealt with all that's been sent your way....I know you will handle this with the same grace and dignity that you have always shown to us here...

My best to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

E

Resilient, you have a good attitude about this. I know it hurts somewhat to see that 'they' are getting money, etc. - kinda like the Lotto, but bad habits and bad people do not keep money - that old saw, 'a fool and his (or her) money are soon parted. And I just don't see how a relationship born of lies and vow-breaking can last.. personally, I'm watching (like a SOAP OPERA) for my ex-Wife and her hubby to crash & burn... And as for the quoting Scripture for their evil, anyone, yes anyone can take a 'single' verse OUT OF CONTEXT and you can justify anything you want to with it! Peeps do it all the time. It is so much like what a lot of us do now - we hear (or interpret) things that we WANT to and we do it OUR way.. The reprobate mind is an excellent verse - Personally and this is just me - I believe it is coz God gives us a free will to do as we want and when we continue in evil, then God 'gives up on us' and he lets us crash and burn. Sure, He could force change, but He is not a God who wants ROBOTS - he gives us a free will so we make our choices and live with the consequences of them..
Sounds like you have made a good choice and you are moving on with your life and choosing to put this crap behind you and look towards the future.
Time will blur the sharp pain(s) of this injustice done to you by them. And their religious spouting crap - ha! You can blow that off as a bunch of lies and more MISINTERPRETATIONS on their part!
SDLOM