{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{resilient}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am praying for you. I know it must be tough knowing X is getting married and pretending all is right in the world.

My X is getting married this summer sometime. He told me before around July, but I dont know if that is for sure. I have 4 kids who are struggling with this event. Will they go to wedding? They didnt go to his "spongebob" birthday party, but theit heads are so mixed up they dont know what is what..and they are older.

It isnt easy no matter what age the children are.X has forever messed up every event the children will have for the rest of their lives.

I dont want him back either, but it is so painful surrounded by all this turmoil

Anyone's mind can be distorted and manipulated, even as Christians. We can even do it to ourselves. Sometimes we want something, someone or some way of life so badly that God gives us over to, as the Bible says, "a reprobate mind."

Think of all the people who kill abortion doctors "in the name of God." Heck, think of 9/11. OSB thinks he's doing God's work. There are many cases of people doing the wrong thing, thinking either that they are doing God's work or that God is blessing them.

Having said that, just because she thinks she's being blessed doesn't mean she will be.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooInvolved:
Sometimes we want something, someone or some way of life so badly that God gives us over to, as the Bible says, "a reprobate mind."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Would it be "God" that gives us over to that reprobate mind-set, or is it a human condition fostered by rationalization/justification?

Jo

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 09:26 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Resilient,

Would it be "God" that gives us over to that reprobate mind-set, or is it a human condition fostered by rationalization/justification?

TR--I'll just refer you to Romans Chapter 1 verses 28-32

"Married 9.1.85, Divorced 6.13.2001"

Resilient, you have been divorced from this man for over three and one-half years. Why does anything he or the OW do , matter to you anymore?

I don't wish to sound harsh, but I suggest it is time to develop a healthy indifference to him and the OW. It is time to concentrate on your life.

You are still letting him pull your strings even though you should be very indifferent to what he does.

Think indifference.

Remember: Living Well Is the Best Revenge.

Justin,

Without having to go into the history or reasons, as I'm sure you are very unaware of my sitch, moving on is not as simple as the words one types.

Please don't be offended Justin but I'm well aware of the standard divorce cliches you offer.

I rarely post for myself anymore and have been here helping others for many years - paying it forward.

Everyone has their own egg timer for healing. No one person is cookie cutter in this respect, it cannot be forced. You should try and remember that when attempting to support people in the future.

Thank you and God Bless,
Jo

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 01:04 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong> Thanks everyone.

We all talk about how a relationship born in adultery fraught with lies and deceit will fail, ...I'm starting to believe they skate through it and come out smelling like a rose.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No I would not say they come out smelling like a rose. They are the only ones who 'really' know what goes on behind their closed doors. Of course they put on a nice little SHOW for others to see - my ex-Wife and her new husband did the exact same thing - let me tell you this: it's all built on... LIES. And a house built on lies will soon enough begin showing cracks until it falls down.. JUST GIVE IT TIME... Time.. and patience. Think about a slow motion train wreck - you're watching the beginning of one... just give it time, pray for yourself and your children and give yourself some PERSONAL time - get a nice Massage, Pedicure or Manicure. Try one of those healing spas. Pamper yourself some. Nothing really extravagant, just some care for your physical and spiritual self. It DOES help.
It helped me.
God bless,
SDLOM

By the way, are you allowed to see Ryan? Did they ever relax their stance on keeping you away from him? Do you know how he is doing?

Thanks SDL, when I think of how things have gone with those two I just look at it like I'm learning about how life works. I accepted their togetherness a long time ago. I just become amazed at how some people live their lives stealing from others and doing unethical things throughtout their lives yet seem to do quite well.

I know I'm blessed and I'm happy with my life. I have so much to be thankful for.

Jo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bellevue:
<strong> By the way, are you allowed to see Ryan? Did they ever relax their stance on keeping you away from him? Do you know how he is doing? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey Bellevue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Nope, I'm not allowed to see Ryan. I pursued that possibility and was told OW was dead-set against it. Her reasons were I was no longer his step-mother and it was confusing to him.

I don't know how he's doing. His grandmother died from cancer and his mom is back in rehab. Those were the only two people I could contact to find out.

Thank you for asking about him. You always post to me and help me and I really appreciate your friendship.

Jo

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I withdraw my comments.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong> Justin,

Without having to go into the history or reasons, as I'm sure you are very unaware of my sitch, moving on is not as simple as the words one types.

Please don't be offended Justin but I'm well aware of the standard divorce cliches you offer.

I rarely post for myself anymore and have been here helping others for many years - paying it forward.

Everyone has their own egg timer for healing. No one person is cookie cutter in this respect, it cannot be forced. You should try and remember that when attempting to support people in the future.

Thank you and God Bless,
Jo </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Resilient- If you believe in the Bible (and I think you do) then you will see that ex and OW are not living the high life.
Luke 6:46-49. He asks, "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

1Cor6:9-10

"Do you NOT know that the unrighteous WILL NOT inherit the Kingdom of heaven. DO NOT BE DECEIVED, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, or homosexuals, sodomites, nor thieves, covetous, nor drunkards, revilers, or extortioners, will inherit the Kingdom of God."

Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity" Matthew 7:22,23.

Proverbs 6:32 - He who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself.

Sounds pretty depressing to me. This life is so completely short compared to eternity. And I know JustinExplorer upset you and I am definitely going to try not to. BUT I have been divorced almost 2 years and I still hurt about it. I went to see the Wedding Date Sat. though and an interesting comment was made in the movie that I really am thinking about- "every woman has the love life she wants. When she is ready to let go of one another will open" or something to that effect. I do pray for my ex and his OW and OC, and I sometimes DO wish that we could reconcile (which I know you didn't say) and I KNOW it would hurt me badly if they got married- whether 10 days or 10 years downt the road- just because their relationship destroyed so much - but I also know God has plans for me- and for you- plans to prosper and not to harm- to give you hope and a future. So maybe it is time to ask God to help you let go of the hurt/pain and sorrow and ask Him to be with you and to show you His goodness. I think He will bless you for it.
Take care.
Adgirl48

Thanks Adgirl.

I really have been doing great all on my own. Don't think about ex much at all.

From day one after the divorce my goal has always been "indifference" towards him without having to buffer my goal by filling the void with someone else. My goal has always been heal first then be whole so I am worthy of a new relationship. Post-divorce counseling with Harley taught me this is the best way to enter into a new relationship.

Then, when I hear this kind of news regarding my ex marrying it bothered me and that surprised me. Those old demons raised their ugly head.

I'm a work in progress, always. And when I think of it, I do pray for OW and Ex. And I miss the OC greatly. I also pray for forgiveness toward OW/Ex, which for whatever reason answers to those prayers are taking a very long time to receive a response. lol

Anyway, thanks for sharing your insight and story.

Best,
Jo

Hey Jo...

I rarely post here these days but can't resist catching up with another "old timer."

I think your feelings are perfectly normal and it's just one more issue to work thru in this whole road to recovery.

There's a reason it's called a road because it is more process than destination.

As you have worked thru all the other issues related to your Ex and the OW....I am know you are smart enought and strong enough to handle this just fine.

As I said...I think how you feel is normal and given the same situation I am sure I would have similar catch in my heart....it's only human and if we learn anything here it is how to be human and how our feelings have importance...

I have always admired your strength and the way you have dealt with all that's been sent your way....I know you will handle this with the same grace and dignity that you have always shown to us here...

My best to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

E

Resilient, you have a good attitude about this. I know it hurts somewhat to see that 'they' are getting money, etc. - kinda like the Lotto, but bad habits and bad people do not keep money - that old saw, 'a fool and his (or her) money are soon parted. And I just don't see how a relationship born of lies and vow-breaking can last.. personally, I'm watching (like a SOAP OPERA) for my ex-Wife and her hubby to crash & burn... And as for the quoting Scripture for their evil, anyone, yes anyone can take a 'single' verse OUT OF CONTEXT and you can justify anything you want to with it! Peeps do it all the time. It is so much like what a lot of us do now - we hear (or interpret) things that we WANT to and we do it OUR way.. The reprobate mind is an excellent verse - Personally and this is just me - I believe it is coz God gives us a free will to do as we want and when we continue in evil, then God 'gives up on us' and he lets us crash and burn. Sure, He could force change, but He is not a God who wants ROBOTS - he gives us a free will so we make our choices and live with the consequences of them..
Sounds like you have made a good choice and you are moving on with your life and choosing to put this crap behind you and look towards the future.
Time will blur the sharp pain(s) of this injustice done to you by them. And their religious spouting crap - ha! You can blow that off as a bunch of lies and more MISINTERPRETATIONS on their part!
SDLOM