I am sure this has already been addressed...but... - 01/13/06 01:51 PM
I needed some help with some legalities.
Very quickly: My story in a nutshell (or a couple) my DH had an affair while we were dating. He told me about it, and OW insisted on talking to me to see if he had told me. She was pregnant, but was seeing other men, so we had to have a paternity test done. Sure enough, (my luck) DH was found to be the sperm donor. We moved on, got married and have a DS along with my DDs and DH's sons by our previous marriages.
We do not have contact with this child (a girl)...I would not have stayed with my DH if he had contact...thankfully he never wanted anything to do with that child, and told XOW from the start that this child would not be her way of trapping him. She has a chunk of his check, but thats it.
In almost all aspects we have dealt well with this. DH had some fears that I would disrespect him for having no contact, because he did not know how much I was AGAINST contact, I had left it up to him, with me knowing that if he chose contact I would leave. He and I do attend church. He has been very open about our situation, knowing he might be condemned for it. One pastor talked with him about it and agreed that if he felt such distaste and disinterest in the OC, that it was better that he not have contact. DH did let the pastor know that many people (such as co-workers, friends) feel that DH is "wrong' for not having contact...however, the pastor assured DH that it may actually be envy...envy that he can make a decision such as NC, and actually stick to it, despite the fact that society thinks its "wrong"...
Anyway, thats my story...I am over it now, except for the occasional feeling of anger toward DH...and really, OC child support is just another bill that we must pay...As for our children (his, mine and ours) the older ones know about OC, but have no interest in seeing her. The younger ones have no clue and wont until they are older. Our families support NC, because thats what we want. Despite EOW trying to contact my in-laws in the hopes of them wanting to see OC (which was met with a "ummm...no thanks...you wanted a baby, you GOT a baby--doesnt mean we have to have any part of this"...did I mention that I LOVE my ILs for doing that? I KNOW they're in our corner)
Anyway, my question, after that epic post...is one about life insurance.
None was ever ordered by the courts...and DH wants to make sure that OC and XOW do not benefit from it if something were to happen to him. He wants me and "our" kids to be taken care of, without intrusion from XOW...
I know he probably would have to disinherit OC...would it just be safer to disinherit all of the children? He thinks perhaps he should just leave everything to me. As of right now, each of the kids (his mine and our son) have been left an item of sentimental value with me getting "everything else", and 50% of his life insurance goes to me, with the rest being split by our kids equally...he wonders if the life insurance should just be put in my name only, specifically disinheriting all of the kids...or should he leave each child a token amount...I say $100.00 to each of them, but he says he is fine with leaving them $5.00...
He is very worried that if he dies, and things are as they stand now, that XOW would swoop in and attack at my most vulnerable, like the vulture that she is.
I know we should address this with an attorney, but I wanted to ask all of you now...
PS I have been lurking a while, so I do know some of you...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Very quickly: My story in a nutshell (or a couple) my DH had an affair while we were dating. He told me about it, and OW insisted on talking to me to see if he had told me. She was pregnant, but was seeing other men, so we had to have a paternity test done. Sure enough, (my luck) DH was found to be the sperm donor. We moved on, got married and have a DS along with my DDs and DH's sons by our previous marriages.
We do not have contact with this child (a girl)...I would not have stayed with my DH if he had contact...thankfully he never wanted anything to do with that child, and told XOW from the start that this child would not be her way of trapping him. She has a chunk of his check, but thats it.
In almost all aspects we have dealt well with this. DH had some fears that I would disrespect him for having no contact, because he did not know how much I was AGAINST contact, I had left it up to him, with me knowing that if he chose contact I would leave. He and I do attend church. He has been very open about our situation, knowing he might be condemned for it. One pastor talked with him about it and agreed that if he felt such distaste and disinterest in the OC, that it was better that he not have contact. DH did let the pastor know that many people (such as co-workers, friends) feel that DH is "wrong' for not having contact...however, the pastor assured DH that it may actually be envy...envy that he can make a decision such as NC, and actually stick to it, despite the fact that society thinks its "wrong"...
Anyway, thats my story...I am over it now, except for the occasional feeling of anger toward DH...and really, OC child support is just another bill that we must pay...As for our children (his, mine and ours) the older ones know about OC, but have no interest in seeing her. The younger ones have no clue and wont until they are older. Our families support NC, because thats what we want. Despite EOW trying to contact my in-laws in the hopes of them wanting to see OC (which was met with a "ummm...no thanks...you wanted a baby, you GOT a baby--doesnt mean we have to have any part of this"...did I mention that I LOVE my ILs for doing that? I KNOW they're in our corner)
Anyway, my question, after that epic post...is one about life insurance.
None was ever ordered by the courts...and DH wants to make sure that OC and XOW do not benefit from it if something were to happen to him. He wants me and "our" kids to be taken care of, without intrusion from XOW...
I know he probably would have to disinherit OC...would it just be safer to disinherit all of the children? He thinks perhaps he should just leave everything to me. As of right now, each of the kids (his mine and our son) have been left an item of sentimental value with me getting "everything else", and 50% of his life insurance goes to me, with the rest being split by our kids equally...he wonders if the life insurance should just be put in my name only, specifically disinheriting all of the kids...or should he leave each child a token amount...I say $100.00 to each of them, but he says he is fine with leaving them $5.00...
He is very worried that if he dies, and things are as they stand now, that XOW would swoop in and attack at my most vulnerable, like the vulture that she is.
I know we should address this with an attorney, but I wanted to ask all of you now...
PS I have been lurking a while, so I do know some of you...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />