I needed some help with some legalities.

Very quickly: My story in a nutshell (or a couple) my DH had an affair while we were dating. He told me about it, and OW insisted on talking to me to see if he had told me. She was pregnant, but was seeing other men, so we had to have a paternity test done. Sure enough, (my luck) DH was found to be the sperm donor. We moved on, got married and have a DS along with my DDs and DH's sons by our previous marriages.

We do not have contact with this child (a girl)...I would not have stayed with my DH if he had contact...thankfully he never wanted anything to do with that child, and told XOW from the start that this child would not be her way of trapping him. She has a chunk of his check, but thats it.

In almost all aspects we have dealt well with this. DH had some fears that I would disrespect him for having no contact, because he did not know how much I was AGAINST contact, I had left it up to him, with me knowing that if he chose contact I would leave. He and I do attend church. He has been very open about our situation, knowing he might be condemned for it. One pastor talked with him about it and agreed that if he felt such distaste and disinterest in the OC, that it was better that he not have contact. DH did let the pastor know that many people (such as co-workers, friends) feel that DH is "wrong' for not having contact...however, the pastor assured DH that it may actually be envy...envy that he can make a decision such as NC, and actually stick to it, despite the fact that society thinks its "wrong"...

Anyway, thats my story...I am over it now, except for the occasional feeling of anger toward DH...and really, OC child support is just another bill that we must pay...As for our children (his, mine and ours) the older ones know about OC, but have no interest in seeing her. The younger ones have no clue and wont until they are older. Our families support NC, because thats what we want. Despite EOW trying to contact my in-laws in the hopes of them wanting to see OC (which was met with a "ummm...no thanks...you wanted a baby, you GOT a baby--doesnt mean we have to have any part of this"...did I mention that I LOVE my ILs for doing that? I KNOW they're in our corner)

Anyway, my question, after that epic post...is one about life insurance.

None was ever ordered by the courts...and DH wants to make sure that OC and XOW do not benefit from it if something were to happen to him. He wants me and "our" kids to be taken care of, without intrusion from XOW...

I know he probably would have to disinherit OC...would it just be safer to disinherit all of the children? He thinks perhaps he should just leave everything to me. As of right now, each of the kids (his mine and our son) have been left an item of sentimental value with me getting "everything else", and 50% of his life insurance goes to me, with the rest being split by our kids equally...he wonders if the life insurance should just be put in my name only, specifically disinheriting all of the kids...or should he leave each child a token amount...I say $100.00 to each of them, but he says he is fine with leaving them $5.00...

He is very worried that if he dies, and things are as they stand now, that XOW would swoop in and attack at my most vulnerable, like the vulture that she is.

I know we should address this with an attorney, but I wanted to ask all of you now...

PS I have been lurking a while, so I do know some of you...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi!

I am dealing with a possible OC as a results of my fwh A right now. K, to confirm you may want to consult your lawyer–I am guessing you had one to set up CS, right? But my understanding is that if the courts did not order it as a condition of CS then your husband will not be required to get it. In the event of your husband's death OC would receive benefit from SS. Some states however do require it ( life insurance to cover the amount of CS till OC is 18 in the event of your husband’s death) and other states do not require it. I found a web site that showed what states required what before I consulted our lawyers, but I am sorry I can not seem to locate it just now, perhaps if you do a search.

With regards to the will, you may be able to cover yourself with your husband leaving the estate to just you and none of the kids, but what of the event that both of you were killed in a untimely accident? Then OW could contest the will and see that her child get a fair share equal to all your children, I believe. To be safe what I have been advised by lawyers in the event that there is OC is to write OC into the will and leave them a specified amount which can be as little as $1.00. This way the will can not be contested and my children’s inheritance can not be held up. And to be safe here this is another question that you really should ask your lawyer about, K.

Hugs to you,

Ok, thank you for the advice...Yes, you are correct, CS was set up and no mention was made of life insurance..so if DH were to leave the OC even as little as $1.00, would it matter if the other children receive much more? My concern is that even my DDs (who are from my 1st marriage) are in my DH's will and stand to inherit a share equal to that of DH's sons (his and our DS)...I am afraid that XOW would cry "foul" (which she does now, every time she contacts us about a co-pay or medical bill) she reams DH because he is a "dad" to my DDs but not to hers...

Anyway, I wasnt sure if it had to all be equal or if it was ok if there is a huge discrepancy in the amounts given to our kids vs. OC...

We will speak to the attorney about it.

Thanks for your input, and any other would be appreciated from those who have BTDT...

PS...Sleepless... I am sorry that you are embarking on this journey...my heart aches for you, as one who has been there. I cannot believe that DH and I made it...and we are so much stronger for it. He has made it his goal to always make me feel secure and loved by him, and he meets that goal daily.
I hope the best for you...

Thank you for your support and I am inspired by your recovered relationship. Just want to say states may vary, but in my state all that has to be left is $1.00, K. The only point being here is that the OC was mentioned in will, so Oc or more’s the like OW can not attempt to convince court by way of contesting that your fwh “just forgot”and had good intentions otherwise. Sometimes this ploy works and sometimes it doesn’t–in either case it can and will tie up the estate and eat at it with legal fees, so to be safe and evert this from happening best advice I received was to mentioned the OC with a nominal amount of $1.00. Also no concerns as to your child from your first marriage, your fwh can leave what ever he wants to whom ever he wants as long as it is in the will. An exaggeration and or urban legend perhaps, but this is how an eccentric gets away with leaving it all to the family pet! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugs,

From what I understand, and others more experienced with this can chime in, but all you have to do is leave the $1.00 and the OC will be taken care of. As far as the OW coming after anything else, she cant as long as it is stated in the will. how old is the OC? If your H doesn't put it in the will, then I believe the life insurance will be split equally between you and all the children. NOT YOURS...only his and your together! kwim? I'm not sure on all the laws though, but you can do a google search on it and see what it comes up with!

good luck

Well, as of now, the life insurance will be split between his 2 sons, my 3 DDs and "our" son...and me...thats the way it stands NOW...however, no mention was made of the OC which he WILL be changing ASAP...he has an appointment for next week...he will be leaving OC $1.00 bill--as long as the attorney concurs that thats all that is necessary (which after reading here that is the consensus)

It just makes me sick to have to even mention that child in the will, but I know that we have to protect ourselves...

You know, exOW tried contacting my ILS AGAIN...to ask them if they would like to see OC...my MIL had to AGAIN explain to her that although they know that the child is innocent, that they have no desire to see her (OC) and especially exOW...I think exOW wants to somehow FORCE DH to have contact...maybe hoping that his parents would ask him to bring OC to them...but no, they do not desire contact either...my MIL says that she has prayed on this and asked for forgiveness, but that she just cannot accept OC...I know it must be hard on her, because she only has 3 grandsons (from DH) and of course has my 3 DDs...but she assures me that they are quite enough...and for that, I am...well, I am truly grateful that I do not have to deal with OC ANYWHERE except as a debit on our checking account...

I think that having to deal with the will and what to leave OC so that we are not harassed if anything happens to DH has brought some angry feelings to the surface for me...I guess ANY energy that I have to expend on dealing with this whole OC issue just ticks me off....

sigh....Thank goodness the weekend is coming up and there are basketball games to go to and birthday parties to attend...

Thanks for all of the advice...

The OC will still be able to collect Social Security. Sometimes the OC gets more SS than the COM/BW from what I've read. (I think in the story I read the OC got $1100/mo and the W & (three) COM combined only got $1300/mo in totality when th xMM died.)
In some cases, death of the MM would prove to be more financially beneficial than OC's CS- since SS takes over and pays $.

Way to go CLO - you again shared some of your cheerfulness on a BW sitch!

And this story about the OC getting more than the W and COM - what's the source of that? (Probably a scorned OW and we all know how reliable, honest and truthful they are?????)

TchrMom - disregard the last post . . . CLO loves to stir things up. You are doing/have done the right things in this sitch. Hang in there and keep posting!

Perhaps the laws have changed since I last worked as a paralegal (about 2 years ago), but at that time all children received the exact same amount of SS and the wife's payment was a separate entity.

Shortcake -

That sounds more reasonable. I doubt very seriously one child can recieve more SS than another one.
Thanks for sharing your professional experience.

Trying

tryingtomakeitwork:

No problem. SS happened to be my specialty. The best part about it is that the laws are the same for every state.

Wow cheerful...I really dont care WHAT OC gets from SS...although, as the others have stated...its doubtful that ONE biological child would receive more than another. That just wouldnt be...oh, I dont know...FAIR...isnt that what the OW always wants...for things to be FAIR when it comes to the COM and the OC?

Thank you to those who have given me more insight...

BTW, my DH wanted me to ask...when/if he should adopt my DDs (I am currently in negotiations with my exH to allow this--as it would get him off scott free from paying child support--dream come true for him, huh?)...then social security would consider them as "entitled" as his sons and the OC--when it comes to getting benefits, correct???

Just a question...in case shortcake is still reading and might know the answer to...

Yup, they would be just as entitled. When a child is adopted, it is consider to be, in the eyes of the law, as if the child were born to the adoptive parent and the biological parent never existed. So, your DDs will receive the same amount of SS as the sons and the OC.

My grandfather had a clause added to his will that if anyone contested the will they would automatically lose all rights to any assets!

Step-children ARE entitled to SS. They do not have to be legally adopted. My DIL collects SS for her oldest son and my 2 grandchildren since my sons death. He never legally adopted him, just ours in our hearts. She also collects child support from his natural father.