It's twiisty again, for the oldies and some newbs, some advice. - 11/23/06 06:14 PM
Hey y'all, touching base with my oldies and those who successfully reached "recovery."
I'm engaged to a wonderful man who has put up with my insecurities more then I can give him credit for. But I think I really messed things up this time. As y'all knew about my situation with Mr."T" that I was blindsided when the OW called me about her and OC. Our marriage ended in divorce and he married OW#2 (I found out that he was seeing OW, OW#2) while married to me and sleeping with OW#2 while OW#1 and I were pregnant.
My problem is this....I've never had this problem before. I posted on the dating after divorce forum and didn't get alot of advice, but....
I'm a wreck. I'm treating my fiance' as if he is cheating on me and he is not. Nothing that has come up shows any indication that he was/is/or ever cheating on me, but I have this vague uneasy feeling and I'm scared. I'm scared of pushing him away, so in order for me to not be "blind-sided again" I was trying to see if there was "anything" going on. There isn't. He's understandable upset when I did confront/ask him about an old account. He feels that I don't love him and I do. I can't shake this irrational fear that I'm going to be hurt again and I know I'm not.
This is the repurcussion of what Mr."T" did to me and my family and affects my relationship with "B" now.
I love "B" with all my heart, the fact that he is still with me speaks volumes.
He says I don't trust him, I do to a point, but I understand why he doesn't believe me when I tell him I do.
He is questioning my love for him now because I 'went looking for something.' It's not that I don't love him, I want to make sure I'm not blind-sided again. I'm being irrational and don't want to push him away, but that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'm tired of this vicious cycle. I thought with the divorce, I'd be able to move on with my life. I never had this problem before. I always trusted and took people at their word.
It's amazing when something like this happens your world doesn't seem safe anymore. I love "B" with all my heart and want to spend my life with him forever, if he'll have me.
But I think I really messed it up this time.
my question is...has anyone else experienced this (those who ended up divorced and moved on.) or for those who successfully recovered and are still married to their spouse, how did you overcome this deep dis-trust and fear?
Did you do any stupid things thinking it was rational at the time?
Any help, advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated and sorely needed. I think I might have ruined the best thing that ever happened to me now due to my stupidity and irrational fear.
Oh, I am in counseling, we are working on this. The counselor feels that what Mr. "T" did to me was the straw that broke the camel's back so to say. She thinks it will take time, but I will heal, but I hope it's not at the cost of my relationship with "B". I love him so much. That's why I'm posting this. I want to get rid of this crap once and for all so I can move on with my life.
Twiisty
I'm engaged to a wonderful man who has put up with my insecurities more then I can give him credit for. But I think I really messed things up this time. As y'all knew about my situation with Mr."T" that I was blindsided when the OW called me about her and OC. Our marriage ended in divorce and he married OW#2 (I found out that he was seeing OW, OW#2) while married to me and sleeping with OW#2 while OW#1 and I were pregnant.
My problem is this....I've never had this problem before. I posted on the dating after divorce forum and didn't get alot of advice, but....
I'm a wreck. I'm treating my fiance' as if he is cheating on me and he is not. Nothing that has come up shows any indication that he was/is/or ever cheating on me, but I have this vague uneasy feeling and I'm scared. I'm scared of pushing him away, so in order for me to not be "blind-sided again" I was trying to see if there was "anything" going on. There isn't. He's understandable upset when I did confront/ask him about an old account. He feels that I don't love him and I do. I can't shake this irrational fear that I'm going to be hurt again and I know I'm not.
This is the repurcussion of what Mr."T" did to me and my family and affects my relationship with "B" now.
I love "B" with all my heart, the fact that he is still with me speaks volumes.
He says I don't trust him, I do to a point, but I understand why he doesn't believe me when I tell him I do.
He is questioning my love for him now because I 'went looking for something.' It's not that I don't love him, I want to make sure I'm not blind-sided again. I'm being irrational and don't want to push him away, but that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'm tired of this vicious cycle. I thought with the divorce, I'd be able to move on with my life. I never had this problem before. I always trusted and took people at their word.
It's amazing when something like this happens your world doesn't seem safe anymore. I love "B" with all my heart and want to spend my life with him forever, if he'll have me.
But I think I really messed it up this time.
my question is...has anyone else experienced this (those who ended up divorced and moved on.) or for those who successfully recovered and are still married to their spouse, how did you overcome this deep dis-trust and fear?
Did you do any stupid things thinking it was rational at the time?
Any help, advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated and sorely needed. I think I might have ruined the best thing that ever happened to me now due to my stupidity and irrational fear.
Oh, I am in counseling, we are working on this. The counselor feels that what Mr. "T" did to me was the straw that broke the camel's back so to say. She thinks it will take time, but I will heal, but I hope it's not at the cost of my relationship with "B". I love him so much. That's why I'm posting this. I want to get rid of this crap once and for all so I can move on with my life.
Twiisty