Mrs Job: You have explained how I have justified staying to myself. I have asked myself,as Kelski does: why I keep staying when I have never taken any kind of crap from a guy in my life. My marriage was good, we had mutual respect & the freedom to grow as individuals. We worshiped together, and had lot of friends together & we've done alot of adventureous & fun things in our 26 yrs together. We are both considered well adjusted & successful people in our community. When I learned @ the A... (after having disregarded the signs for @4 minths because he had never given me any reason to distrust him, and I thought he was "too honorable of a man to do such a thing")... I was in shock, as most must be. I thought our marriage was stronger than it really was. In talking with H we realized how much stress & pressure we were both dealing with...and neither of us very well. We own our own business which was struggling for the 1st time in 10yrs. Our 17 yr. old was being very rebellious, we have a disabled son whos health was deteriorating to the point of needing his first major surgery, add a few other things as well, & it was a receipe for disaster! Prior to A we went thru @ a year of withdrawing from each other..not wanting to add anymore burdens to each other, less talking, more independent time...time alone to give each other space...and that opened the door for H's A. When I understood that, it was easier for me not to throw away the 24 yrs that were good. Easier to see that our problems were fixable if he was willing. But it has been hard, because during the time he was w/ OW he convinced himself that what we had was gone for good. He developed strong feelings for OW & pity for her horrible past & guilt for leaving her preg. (supposedly w/ his child... paternity to be done soon. OC was born 3 days ago) So for the 6 mo. since D-Day I feel like I've been selling myself & our life to him, bringing out things @ OW I know he would never be able to live w/ & having to deal with his indecision, and the fact that he isnt sure he loves me enough, and he doesnt want to completely committ because hes afraid of hurting me further in the future. I was so angry at him on Tues when OC was born that we got into a yelling match, and things have been weird since. I know he wants things to work between us if for no other reason than our son. But I dont want him to stay for that. I want him here for ME and he knows it. So just tonight we decided to separate for a while. Im not crazy @ the idea. Some of our most productive talks have been late at nite, & I dont know how people work out their problems if they're not together, but I feel the time is right if we're ever to do it. It makes most sense for me to go, because I am not physically able to care for our son by myself and H is. Also financially it will be better. My friend lives only a few blocks away, and I will take, & p/u kids from school and stay with them till H comes home from work. I wonder so many times like Kelski if in some way Im being disfunctional by not just ending it. I hope it teaches the kids that you can have really serious problems in your life & find a way to work them out, & if you cant at least you did what you could, then you can have peace of mind when you go on w/ your life. So many people cut-&-run when the going gets tough. When I 1st learned of A I stayed w/ same friend overnite. She told me "It will be hard w/ him & it will be hard w/out him, the first thing you should do is try to save your marriage." It was the best advice I got & I feel in trying Im doing the right thing for ME. I think thats how a person lives w/ themself...they do what they think is right for them. For some this may not be the right way, and like Mrs. Job I dont intend to hang-in-there for ever. If I dont see some real effort from him soon I will feel forced into ending things. I hope it doesnt come to that though, because take away the A, & hes a great guy, I was very happy with him, & hope to be again one day. BUt Im smart enough to know too, if we split up, Ill be sad because I know Im losing some very good things that he brought to the marriage, but I can be happy too because Im also losing his bad traits & qualities. You know what they say "Life is 10% what happens to you, & 90% of your attitude toward it." Try to keep a good attitude