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I heard of this site in a recent post at I.com and when I visited here I found that this may be the place I fit in a little better. Although I.com was very helpful, there just didn't seem to be many ppl there dealing with the an OC. I have just recently (2 weeks) ago found out about my H one night stand with OW when she called me to inform me she was having my H child.Since this time, I have been digging deep inside of me to do what I can to salvage what is left of my marriage. At first, my H denied everything but has since come clean with the truth. I have made a list of expectations I feel will be the start of this long and agonizing start to working on us. He has agreed to everything and said he will do whatever it takes to make it work and I believe him. But I am still struggling inside wondering if I have what it takes to make this work. We are uncertain if the OC is for sure his and a part of me thinks that if it is I would have to leave. I don't know if I can handle the constant reminder of the A and having horrible feelings towards the oc that is so innocent in all of this.A brief history of me and my H...we have been together for 10 years married for almost 5, he is 29 and I am 27. Two beautiful girls 8 and 3. I guess I'm here one for support and advice from others that are experiencing the same feelings I am. And I would also like to hear if there are couples that have survived this and went on to build a stronger marriage.Thank you for any advice

Jules,Well, I am on the other side of the spectrum, so to speak. I am the one who got pregnant from an A, but my H and I are raising her as our own, with our other 2 children.I just wanted to welcome you and let you know that others will be along soon. There are many wonderful women here, in many different stages of recovery. All of them willing to help in any way they can.Tigger

tiggerThank you so much for the welcome!
I'm not happy that I'm here but it feels good to know that there is someone to talk to that can relate in one way or another. I went to the bookstore yesterday, and the book I bought "Surviving Infidelity" makes no mention of an A that results in an OC. Have you and your husband been able to locate a book that touches on this?

Hi Jules27,
sorry to have to welcome you to this site under these circumstances.I found out about my H's adultery which resulted in a OC six months ago. It was the result of three incidences of sex within a one month period.
(although I call it three separate one-night stands)
The OW called me herself to tell me. (my story is long and is on this board if you are interested.)My H wanted to give the child up for adoption. We understand that OW didn't. We had a dna test and it didn't rule out my H.(99.5%)We are in marriage counseling. We chose to have no contact with the OC due to the OW being a fatal attraction-like woman (she deliberately got pg with H's child to try to keep him in her life). I do not blame the OC, she is innocent. We had to make some painful decisions that is best for ALL parties involved and that included the four innocent children that are at home with us.You will find here on the boards, people who have chosen contact with their OC and their joys and sorrows. I applaud those that can do that. It takes courage to be able to do that. You will find people who have all sorts of different ways of dealing with their OC/OW. Our decision was made by much thought and prayer. We mutually agreed as per the Joint policy agreement. We pay child support and a percentage of health insurance and that is it. There are many ways to handle this situation. There is nothing set in stone and I had to sit down, pray and really examine myself to decide what I would and would not do. No one way is right or wrong and several wonderful people here made me realize that. There is no "one-size-fits all" for this situation. This is the most painful thing anyone has to face. There will be anger, hatred, love, disgust, sorrow, grief that you feel towards everybody involved...and on some days, the whole world itself! (I know, I feel that way at times). You have a right to your feelings. I will pray for you. I am six months post d-day and I see things getting a little bit better. I have good and bad days.(our OC is two weeks older than H's and my daughter we have together.2 years old)This is a good place to come to for support and advice and to vent. Hope things work out for you. As for finding books on A with OC, I haven't found any...thinking of writing one myself...heh heh...Let me know how you are doing, OK?Hugs,
Twiisty

Jules,Unfortunately, I don't believe there are any books on this subject. I do know that there is one being writen, as I have been a part of that. I don't know when or if it will get published. It will be stories of how couples handled this situation. I'm not sure how many stories will be from my point of view, as most of them will be from W's dealing with H's OC.I would recommend looking into the Harley's books. They are amazing, and even though they do not deal directly with the aspect of the OC, they do deal with your emotions and needs, and are VERY helpful. I wish I had better advice for you, and if/when that other book is out, I will let everyone know it's name and stuff, as I'm sure others will do, if not the author's friend who alerted us to this opprotunity.Tigger

twiistyWow! our stories are very similar. I received a phone call 15 days ago from OW telling me she was pregnant with my H child. She says that she thought I already knew but I know that was a lie. She also told me she didn't want anything from my H. But after 2 days of hell with my H lying to me about it ever happening, he finally admitted it to me and told me she had called him not long after the night and told him she thought she was pregnant. He said he begged her to please take care of it he would pay for it and also give her extra $$ but she told him know she was going to have it so she could get more $ out of him!! I just don't know what to think anymore and I will be a mess till the truth comes out b/c my H thinks it could possibly be her H she was married at the time but has since divorced so I just don't know!! The unknown can be torture! My husband, like yours, also wants no contact with oc/ow and he has made that very clear to her but I wonder if that is possible...will he change his mind later in life...again another unknown. It is encouraging to hear that another in my situation is coping and here helping others that so desperately need it. I can't thank you enough you are a very strong woman and I admire that.tigger,That is wonderful that you are sharing your experiences and hopefully (fingers crossed) working with someone on getting a book published that deals with our situation. I would also like to thank you for all your help in this time that I need it..I never thought I would find myself her but then again who does? I am happy to see you and your husband like cdcollins working with what you have and making the best of it its encouraging.

Welcome Jules,
Unfortunately there are no books on OC situations. Ch-support varies by state. Harley stuff highly recommended, esp. the 2 quizzes you can find elsewhere on MB (Emotional Needs and Lovebusters). Another excellent book is After the Affair by Janis Abram Spring. No mention of OC but just great for recovery. We will be happy to share our experiences here re: OC; and you and H will have to make decisions based on your own situation.Prayers for your recovery.
It can be done!
Jenny
recovery 3+years [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Jules27: This is the place to be. I joined this site just weeks after learning of OC. OW was only 2 weeks pregnant at the time of d-day. It's been almost 2 years now and I can honestly say I've come a long way. Personally however not in my marriage. I've fought for 2 years to save my marriage and my H has come up with several more affairs. I don't want to worry you that's just my situation.If your husband truly wants to repair the marriage it truly can be done. Just remember why you chose and fell in love with him. That man is in there somewhere. But try to look forward and come here whenever you need support. I am 30 now almost 31 and I have a 3 year old daughter. When this happened 2 years ago right when I wanted to have another child it was devestating. The OC in my life was born in February of this year. My husband has only seen him a few times and the OW asked that he get out of their lives and let them move on with her new live-in. Anyway keep your head up and stay strong. You little ones need you most of all. Take care of yourself and treat yourself to whatever makes you happy. It will help tremendously. Take Care. LSM

Jenny,Thank you for the suggestions. I have heard a lot of metions on the book "After the Affair" so next trip to the book store I will pick that one up. Also thank you for welcoming me! Lost,I am so sorry to hear about your marriage not going the direction you had hoped for. I read your earlier thread and seen that you are moving to AZ so you and your kids can be with your H. I hope this man sees what an amazingly strong woman you are and makes all the right choices for you and your family...my thoughts will be with you and your family on your move.Jules

Jules27,Hi and unfortunately Welcome to our little family here. I remember how i felt when I first found Marriage builders and began asking questions in this forum. I was uncertain of what to expect but truly it has been a place of refuge for me. I hope we can make it that way for you to by encouraging you and just being there for you whenever you need us.My story goes something like this... H is 28, I am 28, I found out about affair via a cell phone bill, then h told me about her being pregnant 3 weeks later. She is now 4-5 mo. prg and i am basically going through hell that no one deserves to go through, I know you know what i mean. She told my h too similar things like "i am going to get you for everything you have". OW is still in love with my h and still calls him and guilts him into seeing her about the baby, wants her to go to office visits and says that the baby and her are a package deal, that he can't have one without the other. As of recently h told me that he is willing to never see oc/ow again if it means saving marriage, but i have a feeling that will change. We have other issues too, but just wanted to share a little bit with you about my nightmare. I don't know where you are spiritually, but since you already have children, I am certain you can appreciate the miracle of life everyday that you look into their eyes. I don't have any children of my own (1 miscarriage), but I do know that God is more powerful than our trial at hand. For whatever reasons He has allowed this horrible thing to occur in "our" marriages, it is for His purpose, and i am not going to say that I agree with His purpose, but I do trust it and I trust Him. God has soley brought me this far. I found out about oc on Sept 9. It is Nov 19 today and i haven't slept well since, I have fits of rage and nervousness, I am temporarily suicidal, but God doesn't let me out of his reach. He just keeps getting me through the days and I love him for that. I pray right now that He will comfort you and delivers you from this sadness/horror - He is willing and able to get you through this and bless your marriage 100-fold.God Bless, we will get us through this.
Julia[ November 20, 2001: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]

JuliaYes, I do know what you mean about going through hell! The emotions I feel change from day to day. I'm only 2 weeks into this but I swear it feels like it has been an eternity with ups and downs that change minute by minute.Before this happened to me, I never even gave thought that someone out there was dealing with something so horrible. When I came here and seen all the hurt but I have also seen the strength that many men and women have and they help by sharing their stories and encouragement. I'm so sorry that you are going through this yourself and I'm not sure of your details but if you would like to share, I am here to listen and lean on like many ppl including yourself have been for me.Thank you for your response

Jules,Like everyone else sorry to find you posting on the board. If you do have to deal with this situation this is a great place to vent.I'm 29 H is 29 we've been together 12 yrs married 9 1/2. D-day 14 months ago, I went through a year of he-- exOW is a fatal attraction like Twiisty's. Her sister came to my house and told me about the affair which consisted of booty calls after H left the bar. Few and far apart (once every 2 to 3 months) per exOW. It lasted about a year or so.exOW to this day has no problem with H! But has attacked me in everyway possible she's lied to the cops had me arrested and more. H decided no contact because of exOW antics his choice not mine. I went through months of feeling guilty, then I woke up one day a few months ago and said enough! I've move forward with my life OC is not my responsibilty she's my H's. And if he chooses no contact until exOW moves forward with her life then it's his choice. We have 3 children 2 S's 10,7 and a D 20 months. OC will be year next month. My relationship has improved a 100% it took me a year but I feel in love with my H again. I'm more happier than I've been in a long time. Just to let you know most of us think about leaving our H's, I served mine with divorce papers three days after D day. My H really was remorseful and did everything to show he was truly sorry. Keep praying that's what got me through this and good luck! 
Unsure

unsure,I can honestl say I have been praying everyday that this is not his child! I'm hoping for that small chance it could be her H. She was married at the time but has since divorced...so we have been told but who knows this woman has been caught in many lies and I'm not quite sure of anything right now. I am sure that I believe my H is sincerely remorseful and has gone out of his way to try and make me feel a little better. In the short time that I have known, I have seen a drastic change in my H. He is much more attentive to me the kids the house and everything else that goes along with being a family unit. Have you or anyone else experienced that and if so was it just temporary? Thank you for your kind words they do help!

Jules, 2 yrs 7 months mine is still doing all the things that a man should be doing that wants his family together and happy.
I can remember thinking the same thing is this for real. Is it going to last or is it a trick just to win me back. It took all of two yrs to for me to let my guard down and believe.
It takes some time but when you finally get there its worth it. Glad you found us jules.
with love flowerseed

flowerseed,That is woderful to know! He acts like he did when we first met and I don't want it to end. It makes me sad though that his A is what made him realize what he has and what he could have lost.I'm so happy for you and your H and wish you two happiness that lasts a lifetime! The stories of living through one of the toughest times of our lives is more encouraging than any book I think I could ever read. Thank you so much!

Jules, I feel that I need to respond to your post because your story sounds so similar to mine!First, let me say that we are trying to recover and build a stronger marriage.I didn't find out about oc until the child turned 3. Ws figured that I'd never find out and he had no intentions of telling me. I went and asked the ow and she admitted to it. I confronted WS and he denied it. In fact, he told me to call her and ask. Thank you for adding insult to injury!!! I said mean and hurtful things to him and planned on filing for divorce. I kicked him out for a couple of days, but since we work opposite shifts, he had to come back to care for the kids.When he came back, he was remorseful and crying all the time, begging me for my forgiveness. I was cruel and told him to quit crying or I was kicking him out again. I couldn't go anywhere without him trying to hug me and cry. This was from a man who *never* cries! He started cleaning and demanding respect from our children (towards me), among other things. It was a honeymoon all over again, almost. We began to communicate like never before, we cried and hugged held each other. I was scared that it was all going to end...this honeymoon stage. It did. I felt that it was all surface stuff that was changing, not deep, down to the core stuff.Things were back on the upswing (now on the downside again! it's only been since June) and I attribute that to both of us listening to His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley Jr. I have seen big changes in my husband that have lasted over 1 month! I think that that is a good start! We also both started taking Prozac. I feel that it has helped me.I am going back down that rollercoaster now and I'm sure that it's because we don't know for sure if the oc is really his. From what I've been reading, most men pray that it's not(we wives too!), but most likely it is. I just can't figure out if I should push the DNA thing or not. Then, I read a post here, I believe from Resilient and she said that the future is eminent. It *will* arrive. My ah-ha moment! I don't want to be living in fear for years. I just feel like I need all my cards laid out on the table. If I keep pushing, I might push WS and/or ow into choosing to do something that they may not have been planning to do. For instance, I might make WS think that he's a bad person for not having contact and then he'll have contact and I will be miserable. I might push ow into asking for cs when she never intended on doing it in the first place. UGGGG!!!! I hate having to be responsible for my husband's night of lust, for his weakness. It just totally ticks me off that me and my kids might have to do without because he wanted to get laid. Sorry [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I do have to say, that most times I feel that our marriage is getting stronger and we are doing much better than we were before I found out. I also have never found a place or a book that mentions affairs and o/c. I was getting angry about that! Then a friend recommended Harley and I found this website. I am soooo thankful for the support that I have received here.peace~
tinlizzy

tinlizzyAll I can say is...have you been reading my mind? I have been going through the same feelings of do I push the DNA or not. My H says if it is his he wants nothing to do with oc/ow. She told me she wants nothing to do with my H and nothing from him but tells my H that she is out for money. So yes, if I push it and it does prove to be my H and not her xH then we have to deal w/ the cs (which I think I have come to the conclusion that I will D my H and file cs but we'll live together).Then the unkown and for some reason that seems to be the easy way out but if you think about it, there never is an easy way. Because I start to think if we keep this from everyone including our girls and say so many years later she decides to press the issue then we have to tell our kids we have been living a lie.I'm beginning to wonder if they have a spot reserved for us on Sally Jesse Raphael LOL Anyway, please keep me posted on what decisions you and your H make I am very curious to everyone's outcome and when I have mine I will air for all to see. And hopefully learn from.It is wonderful that you and your H are on your way back up and I hope nothing but the best for you both.Jules

Jules,I know that you only recently found out, but i was wondering if you knew how far along the ow is? I am just curious because I am wondering how long it will be for you before you have a dna test done etc. I found out when ow was only about 2 months pregnant and at first, I just convinced myself that she was going to have a miscarriage, she had to! Then after the 3 month mark, she began spotting and she went to ER, but everything was fine... Now she is 4-5 mo and it is becoming more and more a reality that this fetus will be born, but i would be lying if I still didn't wish that she would miscarry or be in a really bad car accident. There is still a shread of hope that she could miscarry, but I know i am only dreaming.My cousin went in for her 9 month check -up and they couldn't find a heart beat. They took the baby out right then and there and it was stillborn. I know how hard that was to deal with for my cousin, but now that i am going through this, I selfishly still have hope that ow meets this fate. I know this isn't the christian way to think or moral way to think, but I am just being honest and am not in any way proud of my thinking. I don't know how cs works in your state or if it varies state to state, but in MN only h's income will be deducted, not mine at all. So if this is the case for you, you guys wouldn't have to get a divorce and just live together, you could stay married still and they can't touch your income, I think that is how it works. If anyone has any info on this please share.God Bless,
Julia[ November 20, 2001: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]

Julia Well OW is 7 months pregnant so that puts her due date right around the time of my birthday and anniversary...YIPPEE!!!I have had thoughts like yours also but she is too far along to miscarry so my thoughts have been a little on the extreme side. And I am in no way a violent person but sometimes you just don't have control over feelings like that.In my state my income is not considered. However, the thing with me getting a divorce is just simply making it where she doesn't get as much money as she would if we were together. I would divorce him and make his CS payments to me the highest we could get them and here when they go to calculate her CS she will get less b/c they have deduct the amount he is already paying in then consider his gross income hehe so that is my plan just not sure if it will work. I will be calling a lawyer next week to find out all I can.It just makes me mad that she told him the only reason she was keeping the OC was so she could get $ out of him so this is why I want her to get the least amount possible.That is a good idea about setting up an email account just for this site I think I might do the same thing.I know this is a horrible thing to say and I am so sorry that anyone has to go through this, but I am so glad I found all of you and know that I am not alone. We are keeping this a secret so I have no one to talk to really.Hugs
Jules

It has been a week and a half for me finding out OW is pregnant. I have been with my husband for 10 years , married 6 years we do not have any children of our own.Since D-Day, my husband has gone back and forth with the decision to either stay and work on our marriage or be with OW and OC once born. For him to even consider this as a decision has torn my heart to pieces. My husband has now decided that he wants to be alone, but yet he is still home with me. I am still confused, I have been suicidal. I love my husband very much and I still have faith that we will get strong and be happy again. I continue to look to the lord for strength. You have come to the right site for support, if it wasnt for the people on here that give you so much hope by sharing their stories I do not know where I would be right now.
Jessica

Jessica,I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. Its bad enough that we have to deal with the A and the OC.We do have a lot in common I've been with my H for 10yrs and married for almost 5 and I found out a little over 2 weeks ago. Although, we do have 2 beautiful daughters together.I'm curious, why is it that you have no children together? Where you not ready or are you unable to have kids of your own? Is the reason he is torn between you and ow/oc because she can give him a child? I am so sorry that you are going through this I know that talking about it here has helped me so much. I have even used some of the ideas that I have read in other threads that my H has responded to the way that I was hoping.You are in my thoughts
Jules

Well actually, it just had not happened, and we were not really trying. He says he has no feelings for her other than she is pregnant with his child. But we will see where this all goes.

JulesI am about 8 months past D-Day. H finally confessed that at that time he had one OC and another one on the way. So I understand the waiting process. I was told when OW was 7 months along. This has been quite an uphill battle for us. We have comitted to trying to make this marriage work. We have been married for 26 years. I can honestly say that since dday my H has changed for the better. We are also going to a counselor. We are changing counselors, and trying one that deals more with the family issues. We have chosen to have contact with OCs, but I have yet to see the infant yet. The visitations were going well in the beginning but now we have come to some problems with the 3 yr. old not wanting to come to our house, so visitation is on hold till we can talk to the new counselor and get her input how to proceed. Like you, I struggle daily trying to decide if I can make this work. We have good weeks, and we have really terrible weeks sometimes. Right now we are in one of those tough weeks. I also bought the book "Surviving Infidelity" I just finished it, and now H is reading it. He needs to try to understand where these "tazmanian devil" outburst come from. We are here for support, and everyone here has given me so much wonderful advice, and have helped me thru some difficult times. Tina

Jules,Oh I see your plan about divorcing him, collecting cs and seeing that she doesn't get all that she would get if you were married... That sounds like an excellent idea, but do talk to a lawyer first to have your questions answered. I would probably consider that too if i was in your shoes, but i would really have to pray about it because for me, I would feel God's conviction about the whole divorce issue (sin). I was ready to divorce my H, but God got a hold of my heart and let me know that he hates divorce, any way you slice it. Well, hope you are doing well. And ya know, i have been thinking about how this ow was married at the time - and i just really hope that she got pregnant by her ex-husband. In 2 months when that dna test is done, I really hope that we get a post from you saying that it turned out to be her ex's. We will all throw a party for you!! I don't mean to make light of this situation, but how great would that be?! I hope and pray that it is not your h's. But even if it is, God can still bless your marriage.Julia[ November 20, 2001: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]

Tina,I am so happy for you that you were able to stay in your marriage and are currently working on making it better. I'm sure that is something that will last a lifetime and I wish the best for you and your family. I don't know if its me being selfish, but I know that there is no way that I could ever be involved with the oc. I am having a hard enough time dealing with the A. And like I posted earlier H wants nothing to do with oc/ow and who knows if that could change. I try to put myself in that position and think could I actually create a child then have nothing to do with it?? This is all so very hard and confusing I just hope that there will come a day that I can go at least a day without thinking about all this. I am starting to see the affects this is having on me at work and at home. Its wierd I have lived here all my life but since this has all happened I find myself taking wrong turns and forgetting how to get where I'm going. I wonder if I'm going crazy!But, it is strong people like you and the many others here that have offered their support to me that has given me a lot of hope when I thought there was none.Julia,Yes, I have been seriously considering the "divorce" idea and when I tried to talk about it with my H yesterday, he just didn't take to it very well. He says we can make it through this w/o having to get a divorce. I just don't know how?? We both work hard and we make enough to live a somewhat comfortable lifestyle and I know that will change if she comes in trying to suck us dry so my kids in the end will suffer b/c of all this and it angers me so much!I too am hoping like crazy this is her H child or that she is telling him it is even if it were my H so maybe she will never push a DNA test and he will take responsibility for the oc and we can be done with that whole mess. But for some reason I just don't think its going to be that easy...why else would she be calling me looking for my H?? I do have a question that I wonder if anyone can help me with...she says she is right at 7 months pregnant and she had the nerve to tell me the night she called that she knew that date she conceived it was May 1...so does that add up? Sorry, I have had 2 babies but my mind is no longer in a function status [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Thanks everyone
and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Jules27,If she did conceive on May 1st, that means that she is exactly 6 months and 21 days along, so close to 7 months but not quite. On Dec 1, it will be exactly 7 months. You can tell what kind of woman she is by calling you and filling you in on all the details of her pregnancy. Unfortunately, there are women out there like that and I wish i had really understood that before i ever left my husband alone for 2 weeks at a time while i visited family in CA. I know what you mean about your mind being in a weird funk right now. I sware, i couldn't even tell you what 2 + 3 was when i first found out. Hang in there... tonight i went to evening church, just a wonderful time of worship and praise...gives me peace (although brief, it still is something) and one thing really stuck with me... It was about living for Jesus. In this big, huge mess of my life, I sometimes forget who i am living for. Is it for my h? or ow? myself? No, this heart is living for the Lord only. And once i allow my own sadness and needs to overshadow what God wants of me, I have begun to live for myself. I don't know, it is hard, but start asking God to take the focus off of your h and the situation at hand. Just lately, i have noticed that my days aren't as sad. I can function better. Of course, once the baby is born, it might be a different story. But for now, the Lord sustains me and will continue to, I am confident of that.Big hugs,
Julia

Jules27, I'm late in responding to you. Two weeks into this? You have a long road in front of you. I do hope you'll get into counseling if you haven't already.You had calls from ow? She sounds like our ow. Wanting "nothing" for a baby then turning around and asking for everything....hospital bills, cs, insurance.....the list goes on.I think they substitute those payments for revenge. Once H's run scared and drop them they still think a baby will be the cure all attraction to sustain their "love". Usually never happens here. Especially when H is remorseful and W is willing to start over.My H was still torn over what he had done at 2 weeks and was determined to have c in our lives. Over our marriage and my "murdered soul", as Jenny put it.Thing gradually changed over the months as ow became an attacker of me and unwilling to allow ME to set things up.Long story made short we will now begin our 18 year sentance of payments to ow as she gets to dictate our fates.Again I'd like to pass some lawto not allow this act of revenge to take place. If H had wanted baby and ow didn't , again he has no rights!!!!There I go blowing off steam again.....sorry.We'll be here for you.love
Debi

Hi there! I have a pregnancy wheel and if she conceived on May 1st, the due date would be January 22nd. I hope that this helps. The date that ow gave me tells me that the baby was born 3weeks LATE! Wish I had the nerve to call and ask her if oc was born on time, early or late! Dh denies the date of conception but does not deny the affair. I hope that this day is better for you. It's a very long road ahead....and you'll be o.k. no matter what happens!

gemini1,ok...where is the dotted line I need to sign on to get this law passed?? LOL I have a horrible sick feeling that OW in my situation is going to be the same way. I'm still praying that this oc is not my H I can at least hang on to that hope and make it through the holidays a little easier.Julia & tinlizzy,Thank you guys for the help I have a feeling it is going to be around the end of January too. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
I know that however this turns out I can make it through this...not only do I have God on my side but I have found all of you and I see you surviving everyday THANK YOU AGAIN!!!I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving

Jules,
can I offer you a word of advice? I hung on to the hope of that the child wasn't my H's and when the paper came in, and said "father cannot be ruled out 99.5%" I added a few new holes and a broken finger to my life at that point.
It's great to hold out a "little" hope, but I wished I really just assumed the worse until I was told otherwise. I wish I just planned on it was his to begin with. I got really sick to my stomach. My H already assumed it was his and didn't really get too emotional. I was the one worse off and it seems to have affected me emotionally for quite a while.
I really hope and pray for you that you get to be one of the fortunate ones. I will pray and keep my fingers crossed for you.As for working up a law, I want to getinvolved and do that too. I know we cannot legislate morality, but we sure can be a voice that cries out in the wilderness and make some way to protect spouses and children at home from being robbed again by the courts and vengeful OP's.
It's amazing that the law will allow you to abort, adopt or what-have-you, but in our case a "one night stand" type of thing and you get a life sentence. But on the other hand, I do understand the state saying, "we don't want to pay for OC with taxpayer money"...it's a hard situation. We will come up with something!!!! We need to get our heads together and start working...heh heh...Hugs to y'all,
Twiisty
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Jules,I just wanted to give you a late welcome. I have been off the boards lately since this is our busy season at work. I'm off tomorrow, so I'm doing some catch up on the boards.I like to make it a point to welcome new "family" when the come to the board. I remember so well my first posting here and I was welcomed with open arms by the most wonderful, compassionate, and understanding women in the world.I took such comfort in knowing there were others like me and that I wasn't some freak of nature who's husband turned her life upside down.My one year anniversary of d-day is coming next month. Just two days after my birthday.I'm happy to say H and I have found a new spirit and life in our marriage. It was a long road and by no means smooth. But well worth it.I remember the first thing a friend said to me when I broke down and told her on d-day. She said, "first question, do you love your husband?" I replied, "yes." She said..."then we are going to fight for your marriage." I kept fighting, even through an emotional affair (on his part). But by the grace of God, we both were awakened from a sort of sleep and realized, hey... this marriage thing is work. Now we are finally reaping the benefits of hard work. I hope your healing and grieving allows you to come out in a better place in all this mess. Keep coming back. There's always someone to say just the right thing.Z.

twiistyI think you are right...I am probably just going to make matters worse for me in the long run by being in "denial" about it now. If in fact it does turn out to be my H I will probably be back at square one with all the emotions!! Its funny how the smallest things make me sick at my stomach anymore...songs, baby commercials seeing pregnant women. I swear I think I need to just go see my doctor and see if he can give me something to smoothe me out. Thanks for the advice I am going to work on it [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] zebrababy,Thank you for the welcome. I really appreciate it and yes, everyone here has been so helpful. I love hearing stories like yours where you and your H have become stronger and made your marriage work. I hope in a year from now I will be posting the same thing. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday...unfortunately, its back to work tomorrow.Jules