Advice please (and hurry!) - 06/27/02 02:23 PM
I'd really like some advice from those of you with experience. Let me refresh your memory on our situation.<p>I found out in November that H has a 5 yr. old daughter with OW. (We've been married 19 years and have four children of our own.) He had been secretly visiting her during those five years, OW hadn't wanted any support (only visits) but her financial circumstances changed and we now pay CS through a private agreement.<p>Our recovery is going fairly well (H is doing and saying the right things). My dilemma is this: he had an affair during our first yr. of marriage also and had promised it would never happen again. He had given himself to God about 10 years ago (five years before affair) and continued to promise me that he could never do that to me again and things like that all the time it was happening, etc.! His family history is very similar, his father and older brother also have two families, two of his sisters have children with MM! Yeah, I should have seen it coming, right???<p>I'm beginning to think he can't stop his behavior and won't be able to until he works out his past. My security blanket was the fact that he hated his father for what he had done to their family so I never thought he could do the same thing.<p>I love my H and believe that he loves me, however he has problems dealing with conflict resolution and consequences (obviously). He had originally said he would go to counseling with me, but of course, can't bring himself to do it. I have been seeing a counselor for the past six weeks and am working on individual issues. <p>My biggest fear is this: if H never has to look at the situation he has created and deal with the consequences I don't believe he will ever truly be able to stop the behavior. I plan to talk with him about him getting counseling or me getting out of the relationship because I am too scared to wait around and see if it happens again or to see if he starts visitation secretly again.<p>Please give me advice on this before I do something or say something that would send him backward in his recovery.<p>Thanks!
Mariachi Mom
Mariachi Mom