D-day feelings and an update on the new Unsure and family. - 09/12/02 02:56 AM
I didn’t want to post today. Because of everything that’s going on today. The building I work in used to have a clear view of the twin towers. Anyway this is my D-day week yes week. 9/10/00 I heard a voice mail from H’s next potential OW on his cell phone. I was checking the phone to see if he had already listened to my message I left him. 9/11/00 exOW sister came to my house and told me about the affair and OC. I file for a divorce. 9/12/00 H breaks down crying etc…. realizing losing me he has no life etc….. 9/13/00 I talk to exOW on the phone for 2 ½ hours I learn a few more things H omitted/left out from his version. My last day at my job was 8/31/00 I left my bread and butter I would have been earning over 6 figures had I stayed. It took me a year to get over the fact he allowed me to quit my job knowing exOW was pregnant. Now that I’ve vented. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I can honestly say I’ve grown as a person. I now have returned to the go getter I used to be. I’m no longer that shadow of myself I remember thinking man I wish these two years will hurry up and get by so I can return to my old self. I still am not the old Unsure I don’t think I’ll ever be her. To be honest I’m not sure if I want to be her. I like this new older wiser version of myself. I’ve turned into a wonderful mother dealing with this situation. I don’t think I was a crappy one before but working 50 to 60 hours a week I didn’t spend as much quality time with the boys that I should have. Being home with them these two years and watching my oldest son battle with the exOW/OC situation was a hard hurtful time but also a loving close time we really bonded. OS is no longer in therapy and for the first time in a long time I know in my heart he doesn’t need it and he’s happy. I’m so proud of him as I watched him catch the bus to Middle school this year he’s in 6th grade I was so proud of him he’s 11 and 5 feet tall and built not fat just a big tall kid for his age. He has his father’s curly hair and my light brown eyes he’s so gorgeous lol everywhere we go people are always telling me you going to have to watch out for that one the girls are going to throw themselves at him and they already are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> O.k. I won’t brag anymore but if you saw the shaken kid who was a shell of his former self two years ago you would know why I’m so proud of this smart intelligent kid who just got accepted in this Magnet school that’s hard to get in. I just go the news yesterday. YES! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
As for my relationship with my H. It’s a rollercoaster ride but it’s one where we take the time to get off and talk to each other. Recently I felt like he wasn’t meeting my EA’s and I was feeling really vulnerable. Even though at the initial conversation I felt like he wasn’t taking what I was telling him serious he has really turned around and has been a great H. I don’t know if he felt me dealing with my D-day triggers but he been really attentive and loving and caring. Heck as I told Z we’ve been humping like rabbits. lol He did something stupid a week or two ago but after discussing it recently I realize he was dealing with a lot of crap from his job that he wasn’t sharing with me. I can honestly say that no matter what happens in my marriage if we stay together or part I can handle it. The one thing about dealing with an affair is that you either let it break you or you learn to be a better person for you. WS’s and OW’s will never understand what it’s like to a BS who’s H has an OC. It’s something I would never wish on my on my worst enemy not even TAH/exOW. Anyway it already happened to her so no need to wish it on her again.
As for OC I could say we moved on with our life since H decided on NC and that he never thinks about her but I can’t. He does think about her and he does care for her but he says, “exOW wasn’t mature enough to handle the situation so he doesn’t feel guilty for putting his family needs first.” The one thing I’m glad about is that I never made him decide I told him I had to be a part of it 100% but beside that and how he handle contact with exOW it was his choice. He can never throw in my face you are the one that didn’t want him to be apart of OC life etc… Some of you who remember my earlier posts know how guilty I felt for OC I felt like every child deserved a father etc... Now I’m glad we have NC when I realized how much exOW would be involved I wanted to back out of visitation then I realized her actions would push H away and they did. Although I have compassion for OC for the first time in a long time I feel selfish. I’m glad my D doesn’t have to share her father. She’s our youngest even though she’s 8 months older than OC she’s our baby and I don’t want her to share that position right now. (I never told H that of course) H and I agreed that when OC is able to talk and exOW can’t lie and said we hurt her etc…that if he wanted to he could try and pursue visitation. I’m sorry but if he never brings it up neither will I. I pray and hope exOW finds someone to love her and her 4 children. If she doesn’t whenever OC wants to contact her father and if she’s willing to at least listen to both sides of the story our/my door will always be open for her. I do not hate her I see her for the innocent child she is.
As for exOW I can care less about her she means nothing to me or my marriage. I don’t even try to figure out why she thinks the way she does. Z was joking with me about having a job and she said now you make enough money to keep repairing you car after exOW damages it. And you know what I truly honestly believe what goes around come around. I feel good knowing I can look my children in the face everyday and know I didn’t stoop to her level and risk getting arrested for something so bogus. After her false phone harassment charges and going to court for that I will never put myself in a position that risks going back and forth to court. When it all panned out in the end it’s not who has the guy it’s who has self respect and self esteem because of the almost daily new reports and new people coming up to me and looking like they are in mourning because of my situation. lol (I'm sorry but I can laugh about it at this particular moment tomorrow I may not) I can only assume she's still telling everybody and I don’t care! I hold my head high I did nothing to be ashamed of. And everyone that approaches me or my family always says doesn’t she realize how stupid she looks. I think that’s her punishment she goes around trying to make me look like this crazy wife and people who know me shake their heads in disgust and feel sorry for her. O.K., I’m going to cut this short I haven’t posted an update in awhile and every time I was post it’s always when she does something to my car. Lol for you newbie’s my marriage isn’t perfect but it has improved 95%. I can honestly say I’m no longer the person I was 2 years ago. Do I still think about it? Yes, but it doesn’t affect me as much as it used to do then. Good luck to all and keep praying that's the only thing that helped me get where I'm at.
Unsure
PS-I forgot to mention my YS he’s doing great (except for his darn asthma) he’s 8 now. He was just nominated for the AT program Academically Talented. H and I spent the night playfully arguing why he so smart. We all know it’s from me. And the baby is doing great she will be 2 1/2 on the 15. If you’ve read this entire post thanks it felt good to vent and to share.
Tee
I can honestly say I’ve grown as a person. I now have returned to the go getter I used to be. I’m no longer that shadow of myself I remember thinking man I wish these two years will hurry up and get by so I can return to my old self. I still am not the old Unsure I don’t think I’ll ever be her. To be honest I’m not sure if I want to be her. I like this new older wiser version of myself. I’ve turned into a wonderful mother dealing with this situation. I don’t think I was a crappy one before but working 50 to 60 hours a week I didn’t spend as much quality time with the boys that I should have. Being home with them these two years and watching my oldest son battle with the exOW/OC situation was a hard hurtful time but also a loving close time we really bonded. OS is no longer in therapy and for the first time in a long time I know in my heart he doesn’t need it and he’s happy. I’m so proud of him as I watched him catch the bus to Middle school this year he’s in 6th grade I was so proud of him he’s 11 and 5 feet tall and built not fat just a big tall kid for his age. He has his father’s curly hair and my light brown eyes he’s so gorgeous lol everywhere we go people are always telling me you going to have to watch out for that one the girls are going to throw themselves at him and they already are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> O.k. I won’t brag anymore but if you saw the shaken kid who was a shell of his former self two years ago you would know why I’m so proud of this smart intelligent kid who just got accepted in this Magnet school that’s hard to get in. I just go the news yesterday. YES! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
As for my relationship with my H. It’s a rollercoaster ride but it’s one where we take the time to get off and talk to each other. Recently I felt like he wasn’t meeting my EA’s and I was feeling really vulnerable. Even though at the initial conversation I felt like he wasn’t taking what I was telling him serious he has really turned around and has been a great H. I don’t know if he felt me dealing with my D-day triggers but he been really attentive and loving and caring. Heck as I told Z we’ve been humping like rabbits. lol He did something stupid a week or two ago but after discussing it recently I realize he was dealing with a lot of crap from his job that he wasn’t sharing with me. I can honestly say that no matter what happens in my marriage if we stay together or part I can handle it. The one thing about dealing with an affair is that you either let it break you or you learn to be a better person for you. WS’s and OW’s will never understand what it’s like to a BS who’s H has an OC. It’s something I would never wish on my on my worst enemy not even TAH/exOW. Anyway it already happened to her so no need to wish it on her again.
As for OC I could say we moved on with our life since H decided on NC and that he never thinks about her but I can’t. He does think about her and he does care for her but he says, “exOW wasn’t mature enough to handle the situation so he doesn’t feel guilty for putting his family needs first.” The one thing I’m glad about is that I never made him decide I told him I had to be a part of it 100% but beside that and how he handle contact with exOW it was his choice. He can never throw in my face you are the one that didn’t want him to be apart of OC life etc… Some of you who remember my earlier posts know how guilty I felt for OC I felt like every child deserved a father etc... Now I’m glad we have NC when I realized how much exOW would be involved I wanted to back out of visitation then I realized her actions would push H away and they did. Although I have compassion for OC for the first time in a long time I feel selfish. I’m glad my D doesn’t have to share her father. She’s our youngest even though she’s 8 months older than OC she’s our baby and I don’t want her to share that position right now. (I never told H that of course) H and I agreed that when OC is able to talk and exOW can’t lie and said we hurt her etc…that if he wanted to he could try and pursue visitation. I’m sorry but if he never brings it up neither will I. I pray and hope exOW finds someone to love her and her 4 children. If she doesn’t whenever OC wants to contact her father and if she’s willing to at least listen to both sides of the story our/my door will always be open for her. I do not hate her I see her for the innocent child she is.
As for exOW I can care less about her she means nothing to me or my marriage. I don’t even try to figure out why she thinks the way she does. Z was joking with me about having a job and she said now you make enough money to keep repairing you car after exOW damages it. And you know what I truly honestly believe what goes around come around. I feel good knowing I can look my children in the face everyday and know I didn’t stoop to her level and risk getting arrested for something so bogus. After her false phone harassment charges and going to court for that I will never put myself in a position that risks going back and forth to court. When it all panned out in the end it’s not who has the guy it’s who has self respect and self esteem because of the almost daily new reports and new people coming up to me and looking like they are in mourning because of my situation. lol (I'm sorry but I can laugh about it at this particular moment tomorrow I may not) I can only assume she's still telling everybody and I don’t care! I hold my head high I did nothing to be ashamed of. And everyone that approaches me or my family always says doesn’t she realize how stupid she looks. I think that’s her punishment she goes around trying to make me look like this crazy wife and people who know me shake their heads in disgust and feel sorry for her. O.K., I’m going to cut this short I haven’t posted an update in awhile and every time I was post it’s always when she does something to my car. Lol for you newbie’s my marriage isn’t perfect but it has improved 95%. I can honestly say I’m no longer the person I was 2 years ago. Do I still think about it? Yes, but it doesn’t affect me as much as it used to do then. Good luck to all and keep praying that's the only thing that helped me get where I'm at.
Unsure
PS-I forgot to mention my YS he’s doing great (except for his darn asthma) he’s 8 now. He was just nominated for the AT program Academically Talented. H and I spent the night playfully arguing why he so smart. We all know it’s from me. And the baby is doing great she will be 2 1/2 on the 15. If you’ve read this entire post thanks it felt good to vent and to share.
Tee