If your OP had a motto, what would it be? - Marriage Builders® Forums

We used to have fun on this board. We used to blow off steam (keep our LBing out of our marriage) and have a few laughs. Now with all the fighting going on it seems there is no sense of esprit de corps left at this site.

Apologies in advance to K and JL who don't think these threads are helpful, but I do, so here I go...

If our xOW had a motto it would have to be (in a very whiney tone)....

"Why are all the good men married??? Waaaah....."

My H was her 3rd serious relationship with a married man by age 23 and she had destroyed one man's marriage by the time she was 18! Had an affair with her 38-year-old teacher, got him to separate from his wife and kids, set up house with him and finally filed his divorce papers for him because <blockquote>quote:<hr />he didn't have the ***** to do it himself.<hr /></blockquote>However, she is now a wonderful mother to Precious, she has been an ideal and cooperative EX-OW (empahsis). She could have dragged us to court numerous times and made our recovery misearable. Instead she has been very, very cooperative about child support and visitation. She has learned a lot and grown a lot since the pregnancy though and I doubt that she will do her man hunting amongst the married again. She got really burned this time and got her heart broken.

So, chime in and bash away. The funnier the better.

MJ

[ November 14, 2003, 09:18 AM: Message edited by: MaryJanes ]

"Wow, that hurts..."

This is in regard to when OM came over to our house during my Plan B---to help my wife deliver a litter of puppies. The female dog who had just delivered the pups (she WASN'T one of ours) jumped out of her whelping box and attacked him, biting him around the midsection (stitches and everything). When I eventually came home (weeks later), my wife warned me not to go down into the whelping room for fear for my safety. I peeked in and sat by the nice girl and her pups---petting her and them, without a problem.

My only regret---she didn't bite a few inches lower...

But hey---I am way above this kind of trashing...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by K:


But hey---I am way above this kind of trashing...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>FOTFLMAO: Diet Pepsi went everywhere. Note to self: don't read MBers with soda in your mouth.

K, I'm too am way, way above this kind of trashing of our rotten, miserable, selfish....oh wait what was I saying? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

MJ

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Our OW is the standard issue, self absorbed, full of psycho babble garbage. Her motto would be:

EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ME AND ONLY ME. NOTHING IS MY FAULT.

Petty much sums her up in a nutshell. She is just the same old, OW type.

But I too am above this type of trashing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Man, she had so much power at 18yrs old. wich means that the affair started when she was a minor. A minor forced an adult to do all that?

I bet you would have a different opinion if she was your daughter.

What's my motto? I'M NOT YOU!

I'm not you: Its quite obvious that the 18 year old girl is a slut. Period. What would you do if it was YOUR daughter? Be proud?

[ November 14, 2003, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: LynnG ]

This OW motto would be:

<blockquote>quote:<hr />You mean he didn't mean all those things he said to me? <hr /></blockquote>She actually had the guts to ask me if my H meant any of the things he said to her.

Duh!

sss

Oh, and she starting crying on the phone while asking this question...like she couldn't believe that he went NC and didn't mean anything that he told her previously.

What a loser!

sss

Let's see. It's been a while, and luckily never any contact since a fluke while Sailorman was on our old AOL messenger. xOM, like many OP still thought it was all about him!!!! So, I'd have to say that his motto would be one of the following:

"What about me?!?!?!"
"What about all the money I spent?!?!"
or
"How could you get me kicked out of housing with a dog?!?!"

Now, we had replies for the last two, Sailorman replied to the second, about the money with, "I think you've been well compensated!!!!"(yeah, it stung at the time, but I think it's hilarious now!) and we replied to the last with, "You should have been kicked out when your W and D left!!!! Find a new home for the dog and good ridance!!!!" Looking back, I can see how truly blinded by the A I really was! Also how stupid I was to do those things! I am so greatful for Sailorman, and his forgiveness, and look forward to 20+ more years with him!!!!

Tigger

I imagine we'll all hear plenty of these from Amber as the Scott Petersen trial progresses.

It was funny, the other morning. On the news they had a prosecuting attourney and a defense attorney commenting on the lies Scott was apparently telling both his W and Amber. The prosecutor was saying "See, he's a liar. He couldn't even be truthful with Amber. Nothing he says can be trusted" and the defense attorney was saying "He was having an A. Cheaters lie 2 the BS and the A partner. The lies are about the A, not relevant 2 other aspects of the case."

I imagine both sides of the case will learn a lot about human na2re and As in particular by the time this is over.

I don't have any "mottos" from Rat Meat. I think I'd rather let those memories fade now. Besides, people might think he's s2pid or something... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

♥2long

Apology in advance to those that this song is a bit of a trigger...

OW had claimed Arms Wide Open as her song, in regards to the pregnancy...
in an email she told Mr Lee...
<blockquote>quote:<hr />You're NOT the man you are supposed to be... <hr /></blockquote>Thus coming to her fav motto...
<blockquote>quote:<hr /> YOU LIED TO ME! <hr /></blockquote>Had he not lied in the first place... had he BEEN the MAN he was supposed to be...

You get the picture...

[ November 14, 2003, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]

Oh yes... and let's not forget, MY ALL TIME FAV...
<blockquote>quote:<hr /> She stole him from ME!! <hr /></blockquote>Meaning that "I" stole my own Husband!!!

Ok.. enough of this for me... I could go on all day!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I had an OW-wannabe, but can I play along?

She said to my MIL, "I don't want him to move home and be manipulated by her."

Meaning manipulated by me, of course, when she had be telling us both lies about the other for months in an attempt to get us to divorce. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Of course, those are from the words she said. If I were to ascribe a real motto to her it would be "If it moves, screw it. If it doesn't move, replace the batteries and screw it. If you can't screw it, try anyway." JMHO.

[ November 14, 2003, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]

"Look, Mista Dave, you said I could have half your bidness and your cah. I need a cah...if you don't get that divorce stahted, my sistah and mothah are gonna be upset, I swear to Gawd."

And

"Your Honah, your Honah...moh money...I need moh money."

And to me...

"You're just jealous...you're driving him away. If you call me again, I'm gonna kick your [censored]."

Which brings me to her Motto:

"I want a man to take care of me so I don't have to work and the best way for me to do this is to get myself pregnant...hey! he looks like he has money!!!"

[ November 14, 2003, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]

The first words out of my OW's mouth the ONLY time I talked to her and it was on the phone long distance AFTER my husband had told her that he had NO relationship with her to continue........

"I am so sorry that I have been so much trouble, BUT......."

And oh, did that "BUT" become a big jumpstart word to the revenge that she didn't get to get, he'd already told me EVERYTHING she thought she was going to tell me to make him lose it all!!! And like she was EVER sorry a day in her sorry life for anything she EVER did or said to ANYONE......a very typical OW. But I am above slamming her anymore......HAHA.

Deltamoon

I know this is for bashing ow, but i am sure pops would agree for our om his would be--
"next??!!"
As i found out he had many mw before me, and continued after me, as he stated "that is who I am" His life work is bringing happiness to mw. Sorry, not a nice thing to find out when you think you were special to someone, I will never make this mistake again in my lifetime, thankful I am married to a good and loving forgiving man (pops). Hope it was ok that i jumped in????

Our OW couldn't wait to "explain" herself to me when she finally had the chance!

"he told me.....blah, blah, blah"
".....I didn't know he was married" (the ring didn't tip you off, or the fact that I used to visit him for lunch)
"...he told me he was separated!" (duh, I thought that meant still married)
".... you were only living together until you finished school" (wait, I thought we were separated?)
"I'm sorry to have to tell you but OC was concieved in your home....." (what did my house look like [to catch her in psycho lies]?)
"..I just remember a couch and a mattress on the floor..." (oh, oookkkkk!, [we had a real bed!]she was NEVER in my home)

I know all about the A, she's just full of psycho lies she's been telling all her friends and family so they wouldn't see what a disrespectful homewrecker she was! What an idiot!

One time she even tried to tell me my H had "tears streaming down his face" when he first saw picture of OC....hello, I was right there w/ him...(in court)no tears...PSYCHO! "....what?... you didn't see them?"

Her motto would be an actual quote from her:

*******
"It's not my fault and it's not your fault, it's all HIS fault!"
*******

"GROW UP!" Would be my husband's OW's motto.

I've only spoken to her once on the phone. She called me to taunt me about the fact that he is having an affair with her, and that she's carrying his baby, and that he's going to be "Daddy" to her small army of children (all with different fathers), and to rub in every bad thing he's ever said about me. She is also under the impression that the stress in their relationship and the fact it's about to completely fall apart is all my fault. She ended the conversation with threats of violence to me, and shouted I need to "GROW UP!" three or four times before hanging up.

Sadly I doubt she will ever see the irony regarding that conversation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have two OW. One my H had a physical affair with and one best friend of ours that he had an emotional affair with.

PA-OW - was living with boyfriend and her other three illegitimate kids from two different daddies, screwing my husband in a car during lunch breaks. When she turned up pregnant she claimed she ALWAYS wore condoms with her b-friend but never with my H. So she was 100% sure my H was the dadddy! 1.5 years later after visitation and un-court ordered child support, DNA proves it was not H's baby!

Her motto, "Let's see, I have two dead beat dads for my three other kids, should I pick the dead beat that lives with me or the MM who takes care of his family financially. <a milli-second of thought> I'll pick the MM and see how much cash I can get out of him."

Now for BF-OW. She was a single mom, older than us. Hung out with our family two or three times per week. Helped us through recovery from SA-OW and appeared to support the re-building of our marriage. Somewhere in it all she decides that my H is everything she ever wanted in a man. Unbeknownst to me they begin talking more and more during the day on the phone. Next thing I know she and he are proclaiming they are "in love". Through the grace of God, H realizes that their relationship is dead wrong in God's eyes and he hasn't given his all to the rebuilding our marriage. He cuts contact with her and her daughter completely in order to concentrate on our marriage.

After he tells her that she cannont be in our lives anymore she says to me: "Why are you taking my best friend from me?" ... my response: "Because you are having an inappropriate relationship with my husband and both of you failed to draw a line ... so now the line is drawn .... deal with it."

Her motto: "No fair, I saw him second!" and
"Come on, leave your wife and two kids for me so that my daughter can have a daddy."

Gotta love those OP. It's all about them!
I had fun. Sorry I'm so long winded.
Take care all,
Z.

MJ feeling a little mischievious today? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And Stacia! That song! Well you know that story...Arms Wide Open....~sigh~ Forever a trigger....

Motto? Hmmm.....

"I'm the mother and "H's name" is the father and YOU ARE NOTHING!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Taken from a phone call I made to her to try to set up a visit. ~UGH!~ Talk about being a wench!

love
Debi

My H's ex-ow's motto would be this:

<blockquote>quote:<hr />IF I can't have him, I'll have a piece of him forever...no matter who it hurts! <hr /></blockquote>Twiisty

XOW: "The things that come from you [to OC] mean nothing. It's YOUR fault the OC doesn't have her father. You should stay out of it!!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

(fullhouse I think it's great you chimed in)

OW's motto in our case would be, "don't worry about me. (sigh). I'll be okay."

That's how he got sucked into the affair in the first place....trying to take care of her. And when the whole thing exploded and he chose to stay with me, she kept it up. But this time H didn't worry. He left that to her H! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

At least he learned something, eh?

My OW's motto....

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I'll Be Back... <hr /></blockquote>in as good a Governator voice as possible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

XOW's motto in our case:

BUT, I'm a good person.

HA

My OW's motto is this:

To my H: I will always love you, and be happy!

and to me: You are so manipulative- I will pray for you!

This from a woman who returned from being in another country for several months, had passionate sex with my H, and says she didn't want to get pregnant when her preferred method of birth control was the rhythm method. She conceived OC from that time. She did not want him to use condoms. So, tell me, given she was gone for several months, how was he supposed to know sex with her then was "safe?"

And I am manipulative because I kicked H out for continued contact with her and OC against my wishes. So sorry. I am just the wife. Guess the mistress always is the good girl and the one that counts.

And she prays for me because I am still angry at her and what she has done. I guess I must be so misguided-so confused. I must have been the one who willingly had sex with a married man and then pretended to be a friend to my kids.

So sorry, I guess I got my roles mixed up.

Grrr!

After admitting to stopping her pill so she could get pregnant on purpose. Saying if I knew this baby wouldn't stop him from being with you I would have had an abortion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (H still to this day 3 years later still claims the condom broke and I still don't believe him. Sad I know.)

Telling the mediator if he had told me his wife was pregnant we wouldn't have been here today.

Her screaming in court saying my youngest child wasn't my H's and he needed to get a DNA test.... LMAO!! That still makes me chuckle and upsets my H when I jokingly say hmm I wonder if that mail man is Chi Chi's father. She looks exactly like him.

Even though I filed for a D the day after D-day and was ready to serve H with in the same week. exOW motto would be it's all his wife fault she turned him against me, or how dare she interfere in my affair.

My exWS: 47 years old, decent home,nice truck, good father to his children, went to work everyday. OW, 21 years old, raised in an abusive, neglectful home, never held a job for long, lived with whomever would let her stay with them for awhile, no transportation. They met at their 12 step meetings for recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction. ExWS "couldn't abandon his OC to the streets!" Moved OW and OC into his apartment (that I made the security deposit on!) OW sat home, did nothing (according to WS), didn't cook, didn't clean, barely looked after the OC. Her motto "It's easier to let someone else do it!" Oh, and her "threat" to me "Stay away from my house. Leave my family alone!" GAGGGGGG ME!!
ADD: ExWS was recently in a bad motorcycle accident. Can never return to previous type of work and will probably be on disability for at least a year if not longer. Can't cook, clean, care for child, walks with a walker, has mutiple surgeries ahead of him....Wonder who's going to do it now?! And I'm staying away from her house and leaving her family alone!

[ November 16, 2003, 12:43 AM: Message edited by: lilymarie ]

Why is it the ow responsibility to provide the birth control. Hey her H knew that she wasn't on the pill and why did he choose this time to come inside and not protect them both. I am dealing with this right now. Being harrassed by the wife to have an abortion. That is my choice and I have to live with it for the rest of my life while he chooses to have his wife contact me. I think the husbands need to think clearly about what they are doing because they are creating the situation. Sure I am responsible too but I can't pull a 200+ man off of me when he is coming.

What the wife would say - it's all my fault and why did I screw up their marriage and everyone's lives. I don't in my heart feel I did as I believed everything he told me about their marriage and what he said to me. He treated her like crap everytime he talked to her on the phone. Ladies beware, if your husband is like this or constantly talks about the girl at work - he's having an affair!!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by J'sgirl:
 Why is it the ow responsibility to provide the birth control

=^^= Because it is the woman who has the power over her own body and whether or not there will be sex in the first place; it is her responsibility to protect her body. Men are often like Pavlov's dog. If they see an easy piece, sad to say, many might phuque it and not even think about protection. Therefore, it is always the repsonsiblity of the woman to protect her own body. If she does not, then she must have been living in a cave over the past twenty years because no one over 12 is ignorant to the fact of effective birth control means in this day and age.

Hey her H knew that she wasn't on the pill and why did he choose this time to come inside

=^^= The correct spelling is "cum" and he isn't thinking consequences...in fact, he is not thinking at all...he is succumbing to base animal response.

Sure I am responsible too but I can't pull a 200+ man off of me when he is coming.

=^^= The best protection for you is to not get under a 200 lb Married Man to begin with because if you get knocked up by one, your options narrow considerably.

<hr /></blockquote>

[ November 16, 2003, 06:30 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]

Catnip,
Thanks for the post and setting the record straight on the previous poster.

But I must tell all of you, this is the main reason it took me 2 1/2 years to be able to post on here and try to feel comfortable..... Seems there is always a site hijacker with another agenda other than what the original post started out being. And it is usually another OW who has no business on here except to make trouble for us and try and turn the knife a little harder on some WS since she hasn't got access to the WS in her situation anymore.

THIS SITE IS FOR MARRIAGE BUILDING, not for people who are clueless to what it takes to EVER be this committed to a relationship with another person. Please stay away and let those of us who want to heal and repair our marriages do so without a reminder of how hateful and manipulative and conniving life was for us at one time and why.

IMHO there ought to be some sort of "spam monitor" on here to keep these posters from infiltrating what started out being the light hearted, fun exercise that MJ wanted it to be.

Deltamoon

Well, it is a PUBLIC board which means that any of them can post here if they want to despite how incredibly rude some of them are about us posting over there. Neither one of us should post on the other board, but sometimes it is just too hard to resist for either of us. That's why we have the "Private" Board here and that IS a safe haven. They have their PM's, which is basically the same thing, I suppose.

If someone from MB goes over there and hijacks one of their threads, they call us trolls and say we are stirring up trouble; and ironically, they do the same thing...even more so. In fact, they lurk over here far more than we lurk over there, which is fine as long as they can't get on the Private Board. They get pretty outraged when we hijack which would be fine if they never came over here to stir the pot.

The Private Board was created because there were some very vulnerable BS's that were being tormented by their OW; also, because we had a lot of trouble with an OW who was very disrespectful on an on-going basis, picking fights and just being incredibly hostile and offensive. She wasn't expected to agree with the majority, but she was expected to be polite. Her inability to play nice got us our Private Board where we could be open and not so guarded. Perhaps you should sign up for the Private site.

Cat =^^=

My H's ow's motto would have to be........

Since I can't have him, I'll settle for a sizable piece of your checkbook because afterall, you owe it to me.

[ November 16, 2003, 02:35 PM: Message edited by: Jtigger ]

JTig,

Sounds like the OW in your situation is alot like ours.

Twiisty

wait a minute......is there a script out there somewhere that WS & OP are using? Why do so many OP stories sound the same? Is this for real or what?

Maybe if we find the "script" we can publish it and help others avoid this "trap". Does that mean that the OW in my H life is telling the truth or does she just have the "script" memorized?

She also just had to inform me that my H "told her he didn't even think "my C" was his"!!!!! WHAT???? Psycho!!! That one was just hilarious since any one who knows H and I, knows that we met when we were young and H was the "only" one and I was "un-lucky" enough to get preg. very fast! LOL (and lucky for her (and me since my kids were there when she said it) I'm not a fighter because THOSE were fighting words!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

And my H swears they used a condom EVERY time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I want that script, I'm telling you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok, for XMM, motto is that "we are ment to be together. God put us together for a reason. Why can't we get on the same page and continue."

These days he is truely upset cause I am working on improving myself and getting closer to the lord. Doesnt' like it one bit. Sad thing is, either does my H.

Motto for one of my H OW " He'll be a better father for our child cause I'm going to lay down the law. And the only reason why he is with me is cause your a *****"

It was a wonderful day when I got to say " I told you so" She honestly thought that he would stay by her side and be a wonderful father to their son. She seen first hand how he treated our own children, I really don't know why she expected her son to get better treatment.

Let's see,
My OW had a few mottos.
The first one was after the second time WS betrayed me the OW emailed me and said "If I was you I would kick his cheating [censored] out into the street and find someone who truly deserves you".

Of course she now has no problem of living with his cheating [censored].

The other thing she would say over and over was He never got to experience anyone else since you were his first love, and he didn't know what he was missing. Well she certainly showed him what he was missing.

And the last was "We are not bad people, we only made poor choices". Twice???? Oh spare me.

Thanks MJ.

Tina

I want to play!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Ow talked a lot so I'd have to say she has a lotta mottos' .... mouth - LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OW's motto1: 'what have I got to lose?'
(that was her latest)

OW's motto2: 'emotional adultery' is against the WS when he left the OW (is that a motto???)

OW's motto3: 'I am not an OW, I tried to send him back to his W' (as she kept lifting her skirt). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (that probably doesn't sound like a motto but hey, it's the fog!). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

MAN OH MAN,,,,,,,,,,,

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ImNotyou
Junior Member
Member # 31422

posted November 14, 2003 01:26 PM
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Man, she had so much power at 18yrs old. wich means that the affair started when she was a minor. A minor forced an adult to do all that?

I bet you would have a different opinion if she was your daughter.

What's my motto? I'M NOT YOU!
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Posts: 3 | Registered: Nov 2003 | IP: Logged |

LynnG
Member
Member # 30209

posted November 14, 2003 02:00 PM
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I'm not you: Its quite obvious that the 18 year old girl is a slut. Period. What would you do if it was YOUR daughter? Be proud?

--------------------------------------------------

if i missed something here i would sure like to appoligize in advance but if i am reading this right this "slut" was abused by a CHILD MOLESTER!!!!

lynn,, what the heck kind of attitude is that calling a child (yes even at 18 she i a CHILD) a slut when a supposedly grow and mature MAN uses her for SEX. if he started with her when she was 16
instead of giving her the "slut" treatment you should be sceaming to have this pervert locked up.

when my dd who is now 22 (and i am very proud of her) was between the ages of 15 - 18. fh and i had a very hard time with he. she fell in with a group of what she called friends. the peer pressure that they put on her was 10 fold of the upbringing and values that fh and i were trying to give her for the previous 15 years. she ended up doing things that you see on the 6th page of the newspaper. you name it drugs, sex, theft, running away and living on the street. we tried everything we could to pull her back into our care. we tried counseling, the church even the local sheriff. it was very heart breaking and awfully painful. did she have sex with mm? wouldn't doubt it but i don't know. BUT she was never a "slut". just a very confused and impressionable(sp/) CHILD being used by those around her. THIS IS NOT EXCUSING HER FOR HER CHOICES.

we ended up having to let her go. we told her don't call us if this is where you want your life to go. that we loved her more then she will ever know but watching her destroy herself was to painful so she would have to do it alone. and she left.

fh and i went to bed every night just knowing we would be awaken by a call from the coroner. a short while later she started calling asking us to come get her in a town about 4 hr up the road. the 1st three calls (about 2 weeks time) we refused as we could here in her voice that she wasn't sincere and just using us for the moment.

on her next call we knew she had hit bottom and was serious about needing and wanting help and was willng to make an effort to change her life. so we went to get her.

i am so proud of her for where she has come with her life now and the way she handles lifes unpleasant situations that i can't put words on it. is her life perfect now, no. but she has turned it around and is headed straight again.

the point is that whether she was my daughter or not she was never just a "slut". she was a misquided child that needed help.

it makes me wonder when i read a post from you in which you are so harsh towards a child. you say that you have moved on with your life but this sounds like there is still a tremendous amount of bitterness that you need to address.

again i hope i missed something and read this wrong a if so i appoligize for jumping to conclusions now.

Sincerely, pops

Here in Louisiana you are considered an adult at age 17.
That is not rape or carnal knowledge when you are legally an adult.

Misguided and stupid? Yes, but still considered an adult.

I'm sure the ages are different in other parts of the country and in other countries, but Louisiana is stupid when it comes to the age of adulthood...personally I'd like to see it be 21.

Twiisty

I joined the National Guard at 17. The average age of a servicemember on an aircraft carrier is 19. So I had to hop onto this board and comment that I don't believe an 18 year old is a child.

My apologies for nosing onto a board that I probably don't belong on.

The OW:

"Your H and I are JUST FRIENDS! If you're having problems trusting him, you need to keep your dog on a shorter leash!"

Ughhhhhhh,, still makes me see red!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

[ November 17, 2003, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]

Pep,

No feeding the trolls. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

OW motto would be
"I didnt it and thought I could get away with it."
another would be
"If the baby is a boy, can we try for a girl?"
and of course
"Im so sorry! I would take it all back if I could."
YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!
She
wanted another baby-husband didnt
husband made her get a job- ha I'll show him!
started flirting with my H
got what she wanted!
baby, revenge, and an exuce(spelled wrong, sorry)not to work.
H feels used, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

CLARIFICATION!

exOW's affair with her teacher didn't begin until she was 18 and no longer his student. Although I am sure that they made goo-goo eyes at each other long before that. She was the aggressor in that relationship, the one that followed and the one with my husband. She has told me so herself. She had serious self-esteem issues, was ignored by the dating crowd in high school, etc. I don't get it because she is highly intelligent, slim and attractive.

I don't consider her a slut and I never called her one. I actually feel badly for her that she was so messed up that she kept sabotaging her life over and over again until she finally wound up hurt by losing the love of her life (my H) and being a single mother. We actually have some sort of unusual friendship going now where we relate to each other as mothers concerned for our kids. She has turned into the most reasonable exOW you could ever ask for. She is a good mother to Precious and shows genuine concern for the financial and emotional healt of our children. We all work things out together. (Sorry to sound like a Pollyanna.)

Actually, I now feel a bit bad for holding her up to ridicule. I was trying to turn this board away from the constant BW/OW bickering that is ruining this site. I thought we could play a bit, blow off some steam, have a laugh like we used to. I know that the gallows humor we had here helped me through my darkest days. Guess it was a bad tactic as the spirit of this board, as I first experienced it is gone, apparently for good.

MJ

Mj,

You prove right there that noe all OW are these horrible moneters. That some of them actually do realize what a horrible mistake they made and do try to make things work for the best involved. I'm so glad that this rotten situation seems to be working out for the best for all involved.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by MaryJanes:
I thought we could play a bit, blow off some steam, have a laugh like we used to. I know that the gallows humor we had here helped me through my darkest days. Guess it was a bad tactic as the spirit of this board, as I first experienced it is gone, apparently for good. <hr /></blockquote>MJ..I don't think the spirit of the board is gone in the least! It just shifts from time to time. I think since we have had such an onslaught of regular OW's coming here constantly lurking and monitoring us and feeling free to post, their presence has caused some changes that we should not tolerate.

We shouldn't feel pressured to change our "style" simply because of their name calling or accusations. They don't belong here anyway and they certainly don't want us on their board. Everytime one of us goes over there (except for maybe one or two), there are five or six of them that chase us off their site, screaming that we have no business there and scream at us that their board is a OW board Only and we have no place posting there and to back off.

We don't have to cave to pressure from a few..nor should we. I'm not about to squelch my words just because some there are uncomfortable with it or think it is not productive. It's productive to me and probably to a few here as well. The people on the other board never hold back. If they come here and have a problem with us wanting to "blow off steam", they don't have to participate. Or they could stay away.

I'd rather get along with them and feel free to post and respond back and forth, but they really don't want us there although they seem to feel free to pop up here on a regular basis posting their thoughts and scolding us for things we say while calling us names and screaming at us to stay off their board.

[ November 19, 2003, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]

Pops my scathing remark was to an OW with her fangs showing. I felt her holier then thou attitude and her twisting the knife in the back of an BW was worth a scathing reply.

Your story of your daughter was heartwrenching, and warming also. You are lucky it turned out for the best, so is she.

As for the remark by the OW. She was mocking a poster when the posters husband did not have an affair with the girl when she was 18. I was baring my protective claws, which I tend to do. I really have no patience for OW who try to justify, whine, or verbally assault women on this board.

As for being bitter?? Ah, no. I am angry for all the innocent people who are hurt by these selfish acts. Reality is the way to live. I hate seeing these people swaying in the breeze as the affair beats them down. I want them to be strong and safe and happy. I don't think they need to put up with OW trash on a board that is created for them to discuss, or vent their feelings.

MJ said--"I don't get it because she is highly intelligent, slim and attractive."

MJ, mental health has nothing to do w/how you look. Sounds like XOW is acting out some childhood problems, like molestation or similar issues that make a woman completely screw her life up if she is unaware of herself; AND she might have a twisted since of what she looks like, depending. I've known other women who were smart, funny, pretty, but the most destructive taste in men! (I'm only SORTA screwed up, so I got an only sorta screwed up husband <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) It's truly a shame they don't get counseling and break the cycle.

lynn,,,, i understand completely. i guess i a the kind that stand up for the children. 0 - sometimes early 20's. i was just replying to the fact tht the ow in this case was (ad thank you mj for explaining) supposedly 16 or 17.

i guess that is why i am still here in my marriage. when i factored in all the children involve their were to many lives to be wrecked for me not to try.

dobie,,,,,, i completely understand the ages of those young men serving our country. i also remember the reason that 18 year olds were given the right to vote and be consideed adults. we wanted to have a say in who was sending us over seas to get our butts shot off in th jungles and the rice fields. early 70's.

sure i agree that those young boys enter into those extreme situations and haveto mature very quickly to survive. when they come back they are most certainly young men. i live close to camp pendelton in so. cal. i often run into young marines around town and i can tell you that when i look into those young faces many are still boys.

at that age they are fresh out of hs and haven't had to deal with reality of life for the most part. i just think that until you get out into the real world of working for a living and supporting yourself and maybe a family one can't fully understand the realities of life and relationships.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jenny:
 Sounds like XOW is acting out some childhood problems, like molestation or similar issues that make a woman completely screw her life up if she is unaware of herself...<hr /></blockquote>My counselor pointed this out to me shortly after D-day. She said it was possible to develop some empathy for her if I understood that women who self-sabatoge their lives are often playing out some previous trauma. Our exOW denies molestation or abuse, but somehow, one way or another, she got really, really lost. She got some twisted idea that all the good ones were already married and so she should do her dating in the married group. She was the aggressor, so I don't consider her the victim, even in the affair with her teacher. I knew better than that at 18. If you want the rights and privileges of adulthood you have to accept the responsibility for your bad choices. Good news is that she is getting better and is a very reasonable exOW. Glad I don't have some of the ones I see about on this board.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jenny:
(I'm only SORTA screwed up, so I got an only sorta screwed up husband <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) <hr /></blockquote>Me, too. I sort of believe that the people you hang around with define who you are. So what does it say about me that I hang around with a man who did this. I was a sort of messed up young woman but I grew and matured quite nicely thank you becoming strong and healthy. It just took him longer to come along the same trail.

MJ