How to tell if they're lying - 05/07/10 01:22 PM
Before anybody is mislead, if you are new here and/or your WS is still in an active affair, then they are lying every time they open their mouths. But there may be times during recovery or even in your memory of the recent past when you are trying to figure out if something was a lie or not.
I stumbled across and article via yahoo and I thought it might serve some educational purposes, as well as prompt some useful discussion. The article on how to tell if he's lying is meant for people dating but it does have a good list of useful tips on how to recongize it and draw out the truth. The article is here: http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/s...ing-101-how-to-tell-if-your-guy-is-lying
For the record, my WXH lied chronically in the manners decribed in the examples they used in the article. If I asked him if he paid a bill or did a specific chore, he would say it was done and I would discover later that it hadn't been (or I would catch him doing it). As annoying as it was I never dreamed it would serve as training for his waywardness which requires highly toned lying skills. Nevertheless, I certainly learned to read many of the cues described in the article.
When he became wayward those clues disappeared. He lied as naturally as he breathed. So long as the lies were about his affair. He also lied about everything else, whether it was to his advantage or not, and these lies produced many of the telltale cues.
See, the affair-related lies were all predetermined. There wasn't a question I could ask that he hadn't already thought of and prepared an answer. But other things - little mundane and unimportant things - he would be caught unprepared. But being so wayward, he was incapable of telling the truth. I mean seriously - he'd lie about the most trivial little things - even to say he didn't pick up milk when he had (so I picked it up as well and we had 2). He lied like this to everyone as well, not just me.
I'm not sure if he's still lying or not as I haven't had any contact with him other than small claims court procedures, though he did lie on both his defense and his claim there as well. I suppose I can "forgive" him for that as he did have something to gain. But I suspect he's still at it. And I suspect he will until the affair crumbles, if it ever does. It makes me wonder if OW has noticed this habit of his or not. I know she did her share of lying to OWH and others and I suspect she's still at it as well. I don't know if liars recognize each other as in it takes one to know one or if they only fool themselves.
Anyway, I'd be curious as to others' experiences with lying - especially those whose WS's earned (or are trying to earn) their "F".
I stumbled across and article via yahoo and I thought it might serve some educational purposes, as well as prompt some useful discussion. The article on how to tell if he's lying is meant for people dating but it does have a good list of useful tips on how to recongize it and draw out the truth. The article is here: http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/s...
For the record, my WXH lied chronically in the manners decribed in the examples they used in the article. If I asked him if he paid a bill or did a specific chore, he would say it was done and I would discover later that it hadn't been (or I would catch him doing it). As annoying as it was I never dreamed it would serve as training for his waywardness which requires highly toned lying skills. Nevertheless, I certainly learned to read many of the cues described in the article.
When he became wayward those clues disappeared. He lied as naturally as he breathed. So long as the lies were about his affair. He also lied about everything else, whether it was to his advantage or not, and these lies produced many of the telltale cues.
See, the affair-related lies were all predetermined. There wasn't a question I could ask that he hadn't already thought of and prepared an answer. But other things - little mundane and unimportant things - he would be caught unprepared. But being so wayward, he was incapable of telling the truth. I mean seriously - he'd lie about the most trivial little things - even to say he didn't pick up milk when he had (so I picked it up as well and we had 2). He lied like this to everyone as well, not just me.
I'm not sure if he's still lying or not as I haven't had any contact with him other than small claims court procedures, though he did lie on both his defense and his claim there as well. I suppose I can "forgive" him for that as he did have something to gain. But I suspect he's still at it. And I suspect he will until the affair crumbles, if it ever does. It makes me wonder if OW has noticed this habit of his or not. I know she did her share of lying to OWH and others and I suspect she's still at it as well. I don't know if liars recognize each other as in it takes one to know one or if they only fool themselves.
Anyway, I'd be curious as to others' experiences with lying - especially those whose WS's earned (or are trying to earn) their "F".