Need feedback on a weird situation please...long - 10/08/10 01:54 AM
I know this probably isn't the place to post this, but I know someone here will hopefully figure this out, because for the life of me, I can't...
Brief history...ExH had A, we D'd 3 yrs. ago. ExH M'd OW, they now have a baby.
It took me a LONG time to get over all of that. I finally did and thought I found happiness.
Reconnected with an old boyfriend...ya I know ex's are ex's for a reason, but believe it or not, I never had closure as to why we broke up almost 30 yrs. ago and occasionally would think about him.
Anyway he M'd, never had kids, his wife died very suddenly 6 yrs. ago.
It took us awhile to get together. I guess he wasn't ready. We emailed and talked on the phone occasionally, but finally went for dinner last fall.
Took it slow at first, then things took off. We never talked marriage, but we got along great.
It was the first time in a VERY long time that I truly laughed out loud. He made me smile. He�d text me such lovely messages. I felt like a teenager again!
We were so comfortable with each other, guess it was because we went out for 4 yrs, all that time ago, but we didn�t hold anything back.
He treated me like a queen. Something ExH never did. Flowers almost every week. Dinners, massages, compliments etc. etc. And it felt real�
We had MANY honest and open talks about his wife and my ExH and how I still had a hard time trusting etc. He said he understood. He got along great with my kids.
He has a home in another state that he bought after his wife died. He didn�t know if he wanted to stay here or not, so bought a little fixer upper that he would work on whenever he felt like it.
He would go there on the weekends. I think it�s like a refuge to him. Literally in the middle of no where. No cell phone service. One general store. Out in the boondocks.
Almost 2 months ago, he was leaving to go there to finally fix it all up so me and the kids could go visit. It�s about 5 hours away.
The day he left happened to be the 6 yr. anniversary of his wife's death. I asked him if he was OK and he said he was, but he said that it was harder this yr. as the day fell on the same day of the week that she died. He came over before he left. My birthday was the next week and he wanted to order a piece of jewelry for me and wanted to know if it was something I still wanted. It was a ring, not like an engagement or anything. I had mentioned to him I always wanted something like that. So he actually ordered it that day and was to have it delivered to his house. I gave him some food to take for the trip. He kissed me goodbye and left. He called me while enroute to chat and said he�d call when he got back, which was usually in 2 days.
Well I'm still waiting for that call, and it�s been almost 2 months. He never even acknowledged my birthday
I contacted the police when I didn�t hear from him to make sure he was OK. They told me if he wants to contact me he will. I took that as he was OK.
I contacted a relative who told me that he was still at the house.
Finally I went over to this relatives house to bring back something I had borrowed from him. I asked him to please give it to him the next time he saw him. He said he would. I told him I thought it was crappy that he just fell off the face of the earth and I haven�t heard from him. He said yeah he should have called you. He offered no info whatsoever.
So my question is what happened?
Things were FINE between us. No evidence of any issues. I honestly do not think it is another woman, just because of the way he is, I can almost guarantee there isn't.
Did he have a breakdown because it was his wife's anniversary and decided he wasn�t ready for a relationship? and was to scared to tell me because of all the pain my ExH caused me?
I would think he would be a man though to break up with me in person and not just ignore me.
I've left him quite a few voicemails, texts, nothing...
I don�t even think he�s living at his apt. anymore as his car is gone. I can�t get a hold of the landlord, he�s never around.
What do all of you think?
Would a wife�s death 6 yrs. ago cause this, or is it pure selfishness, that he likes doing his own thing and doesn�t want to be bothered with me anymore.
His father died a year after his wife, and his mother committed suicide when he was a kid, so he�s had a lot of issues throughout his life�
Even my IC told me she is totally puzzled on this...
Brief history...ExH had A, we D'd 3 yrs. ago. ExH M'd OW, they now have a baby.
It took me a LONG time to get over all of that. I finally did and thought I found happiness.
Reconnected with an old boyfriend...ya I know ex's are ex's for a reason, but believe it or not, I never had closure as to why we broke up almost 30 yrs. ago and occasionally would think about him.
Anyway he M'd, never had kids, his wife died very suddenly 6 yrs. ago.
It took us awhile to get together. I guess he wasn't ready. We emailed and talked on the phone occasionally, but finally went for dinner last fall.
Took it slow at first, then things took off. We never talked marriage, but we got along great.
It was the first time in a VERY long time that I truly laughed out loud. He made me smile. He�d text me such lovely messages. I felt like a teenager again!
We were so comfortable with each other, guess it was because we went out for 4 yrs, all that time ago, but we didn�t hold anything back.
He treated me like a queen. Something ExH never did. Flowers almost every week. Dinners, massages, compliments etc. etc. And it felt real�
We had MANY honest and open talks about his wife and my ExH and how I still had a hard time trusting etc. He said he understood. He got along great with my kids.
He has a home in another state that he bought after his wife died. He didn�t know if he wanted to stay here or not, so bought a little fixer upper that he would work on whenever he felt like it.
He would go there on the weekends. I think it�s like a refuge to him. Literally in the middle of no where. No cell phone service. One general store. Out in the boondocks.
Almost 2 months ago, he was leaving to go there to finally fix it all up so me and the kids could go visit. It�s about 5 hours away.
The day he left happened to be the 6 yr. anniversary of his wife's death. I asked him if he was OK and he said he was, but he said that it was harder this yr. as the day fell on the same day of the week that she died. He came over before he left. My birthday was the next week and he wanted to order a piece of jewelry for me and wanted to know if it was something I still wanted. It was a ring, not like an engagement or anything. I had mentioned to him I always wanted something like that. So he actually ordered it that day and was to have it delivered to his house. I gave him some food to take for the trip. He kissed me goodbye and left. He called me while enroute to chat and said he�d call when he got back, which was usually in 2 days.
Well I'm still waiting for that call, and it�s been almost 2 months. He never even acknowledged my birthday
I contacted the police when I didn�t hear from him to make sure he was OK. They told me if he wants to contact me he will. I took that as he was OK.
I contacted a relative who told me that he was still at the house.
Finally I went over to this relatives house to bring back something I had borrowed from him. I asked him to please give it to him the next time he saw him. He said he would. I told him I thought it was crappy that he just fell off the face of the earth and I haven�t heard from him. He said yeah he should have called you. He offered no info whatsoever.
So my question is what happened?
Things were FINE between us. No evidence of any issues. I honestly do not think it is another woman, just because of the way he is, I can almost guarantee there isn't.
Did he have a breakdown because it was his wife's anniversary and decided he wasn�t ready for a relationship? and was to scared to tell me because of all the pain my ExH caused me?
I would think he would be a man though to break up with me in person and not just ignore me.
I've left him quite a few voicemails, texts, nothing...
I don�t even think he�s living at his apt. anymore as his car is gone. I can�t get a hold of the landlord, he�s never around.
What do all of you think?
Would a wife�s death 6 yrs. ago cause this, or is it pure selfishness, that he likes doing his own thing and doesn�t want to be bothered with me anymore.
His father died a year after his wife, and his mother committed suicide when he was a kid, so he�s had a lot of issues throughout his life�
Even my IC told me she is totally puzzled on this...