Dealing with my wifes affair - 08/13/11 10:08 PM
Hello everyone,
I came to this forum in need to cry out for help. This is a long, and disgusting thing that happened, so I thank anyone who has the patience to read everything. All responses and advice are much appreciated. On April 27th, 2010 my wife and I lost our third child Emily Grace 6 months old to SIDS. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Within a month after her passing away, my wife became very distant from me. I tried my hardest to keep the marriage together, and to continue showing my love and support for her, and my other two children. As time went by, she stopped going to therapy counselling with me, there was no sex for almost six months. I became very suspicious of her actions, and on April 12th, 2011 I reached out to her cousins husband on facebook about my worries and concerns. I knew that if something was going on, she definitely opened up to her cousin. He had told me to call him, and he admitted that yes, she cheated and had an affair with my sons assistant hockey coach. To this day, I know that they were talking on the phone almost daily for hours while I went back to work after the lose of a child. And the pattern of phone calls continued until January of 2011. Almost a year. She admitted that he was having problems with his wife because she has a drug issue, and that he used the parents call list from hockey to reach out to her. I know alot about what happened, but I feel as if I cannot move on to this day, because my mind tells me theres more. She swears they had sex twice, and that this mans penis was pathetic and roughly about 2-3". Does that make it any better, well it sure calms the fantasies in my mind down, but still doesnt make it right. I feel as if thats a lie. Fourteen minutes after I received the call at work that our daughter stopped breathing, she called this man. Three times later that night of the death when i was asleep she called him back. To me this man was that important to you, that you had to reach out to him. Theres no way it was only twice. She swears by it. I have a hard time believing that for almost two months before her death you too were just friends and talked alot on facebook and the phone. She wants the amrriage to work, swears she loves me and is inlove with me. That was she did was wrong, disgusting, but I feel as if I've been told what she wants me to know, and thats it. But my mind says that she hasnt been honest with me. That she wants to forget about it, and move on. I myself wish it would just go away. I always say, how the hell did you have a fundraiser in October of 2010 for that baby knowing what the hell you did. We are having another one this year, but I feel as if this is the last fundraiser, that its time to let her go. The affair has taking over my mind, and the lose of a child in some ways, because the woman I loved bailed on me, and left me to cry and mourn on my own, while another married man was doing my job as a husband. I feel like how can you sit here and tell me you mourned the lose of that child, when all you thought about were your own feelings. You even disconnected yourself from your other two children. In September of 2010 the affair supposedly ended, but they continued to talk daily until January of 2011. She swears that they thought they could just be friends at that point, and eventually the conversations grew distant and eventually stopped. Everytime I drink on the weekends I have to admit, the alcohol intensifies the thought process and makes me wonder is there more. Today she left, threatend to get a restraining order on me. That tells me, you hiding something. I never went after her, just told her my doubts and said i dont believe everything she has told me. That this affair went on for way too long, to tell me it was just twice. What married man, is going to risk getting caught by his wife, only to have had sex with my wife twice within five and ahalf/ to six months. Your thoughts !!! I feel as if I need every detail to regain trust and have piece of mind with this woman I love so dearly. But the fact that you threatened me to have a restraining order put against me, tells me there is more. My mind would not keep telling me this if there wasnt. I want the marriage to work, but i need to know every detail to continue. How do I deal with this ? Thank you for your time
Jim
I came to this forum in need to cry out for help. This is a long, and disgusting thing that happened, so I thank anyone who has the patience to read everything. All responses and advice are much appreciated. On April 27th, 2010 my wife and I lost our third child Emily Grace 6 months old to SIDS. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Within a month after her passing away, my wife became very distant from me. I tried my hardest to keep the marriage together, and to continue showing my love and support for her, and my other two children. As time went by, she stopped going to therapy counselling with me, there was no sex for almost six months. I became very suspicious of her actions, and on April 12th, 2011 I reached out to her cousins husband on facebook about my worries and concerns. I knew that if something was going on, she definitely opened up to her cousin. He had told me to call him, and he admitted that yes, she cheated and had an affair with my sons assistant hockey coach. To this day, I know that they were talking on the phone almost daily for hours while I went back to work after the lose of a child. And the pattern of phone calls continued until January of 2011. Almost a year. She admitted that he was having problems with his wife because she has a drug issue, and that he used the parents call list from hockey to reach out to her. I know alot about what happened, but I feel as if I cannot move on to this day, because my mind tells me theres more. She swears they had sex twice, and that this mans penis was pathetic and roughly about 2-3". Does that make it any better, well it sure calms the fantasies in my mind down, but still doesnt make it right. I feel as if thats a lie. Fourteen minutes after I received the call at work that our daughter stopped breathing, she called this man. Three times later that night of the death when i was asleep she called him back. To me this man was that important to you, that you had to reach out to him. Theres no way it was only twice. She swears by it. I have a hard time believing that for almost two months before her death you too were just friends and talked alot on facebook and the phone. She wants the amrriage to work, swears she loves me and is inlove with me. That was she did was wrong, disgusting, but I feel as if I've been told what she wants me to know, and thats it. But my mind says that she hasnt been honest with me. That she wants to forget about it, and move on. I myself wish it would just go away. I always say, how the hell did you have a fundraiser in October of 2010 for that baby knowing what the hell you did. We are having another one this year, but I feel as if this is the last fundraiser, that its time to let her go. The affair has taking over my mind, and the lose of a child in some ways, because the woman I loved bailed on me, and left me to cry and mourn on my own, while another married man was doing my job as a husband. I feel like how can you sit here and tell me you mourned the lose of that child, when all you thought about were your own feelings. You even disconnected yourself from your other two children. In September of 2010 the affair supposedly ended, but they continued to talk daily until January of 2011. She swears that they thought they could just be friends at that point, and eventually the conversations grew distant and eventually stopped. Everytime I drink on the weekends I have to admit, the alcohol intensifies the thought process and makes me wonder is there more. Today she left, threatend to get a restraining order on me. That tells me, you hiding something. I never went after her, just told her my doubts and said i dont believe everything she has told me. That this affair went on for way too long, to tell me it was just twice. What married man, is going to risk getting caught by his wife, only to have had sex with my wife twice within five and ahalf/ to six months. Your thoughts !!! I feel as if I need every detail to regain trust and have piece of mind with this woman I love so dearly. But the fact that you threatened me to have a restraining order put against me, tells me there is more. My mind would not keep telling me this if there wasnt. I want the marriage to work, but i need to know every detail to continue. How do I deal with this ? Thank you for your time
Jim