Should I stay or should I go - 10/21/13 06:44 PM
Just like the song says...
Guess I'll get started.
I've been with my wife for 20yrs overall...married for 15 of that. We've both had deep routed resentment towards each other for many of our married years for different reasons on each side. I'm also not going to say it's been one sided. We've both made mistakes...hurt each other in our own way.
BUT the last 3yrs have been extremely difficult. It seems just when I started to really listen to her needs and tried to work on them (communication of course being the biggy) and things seemed to be better....she had an affair. We went to counseling...and I guess the damage of yrs past made her hate me enough to have an affair. Of course I was devestated and have been in pain for much of the 3yrs following...not really being a nice guy since I hated her for doing that to me. I sought counseling on my own (got a lot of nothing that helped)...couples counseling (also didn't help). She blamed me...I blamed her. So to make a long story short...she had another affair...this one with a co-worker.
I hate her friends for enabling and helping her as well. I just don't feel I can ever trust her again. I was fully ready to divorce her...but I can never seem to leave her...I love her that much...and sometimes wish I didn't so it would be easier to leave.
So this time I'm doing what I said I was going to do the last time (and I really only caught her twice...but think there were others)...I'm separating and moving out while we attempt to work on it.
I guess I'm always at a crossroads. Do I stay after 2 affairs and possibly others...and who knows....maybe more down the line...or just cut my losses and leave this marriage. Even her own friends wonder why I have stayed. They think I have some ulterior motive or something other than I have children and love my wife.
G
Guess I'll get started.
I've been with my wife for 20yrs overall...married for 15 of that. We've both had deep routed resentment towards each other for many of our married years for different reasons on each side. I'm also not going to say it's been one sided. We've both made mistakes...hurt each other in our own way.
BUT the last 3yrs have been extremely difficult. It seems just when I started to really listen to her needs and tried to work on them (communication of course being the biggy) and things seemed to be better....she had an affair. We went to counseling...and I guess the damage of yrs past made her hate me enough to have an affair. Of course I was devestated and have been in pain for much of the 3yrs following...not really being a nice guy since I hated her for doing that to me. I sought counseling on my own (got a lot of nothing that helped)...couples counseling (also didn't help). She blamed me...I blamed her. So to make a long story short...she had another affair...this one with a co-worker.
I hate her friends for enabling and helping her as well. I just don't feel I can ever trust her again. I was fully ready to divorce her...but I can never seem to leave her...I love her that much...and sometimes wish I didn't so it would be easier to leave.
So this time I'm doing what I said I was going to do the last time (and I really only caught her twice...but think there were others)...I'm separating and moving out while we attempt to work on it.
I guess I'm always at a crossroads. Do I stay after 2 affairs and possibly others...and who knows....maybe more down the line...or just cut my losses and leave this marriage. Even her own friends wonder why I have stayed. They think I have some ulterior motive or something other than I have children and love my wife.
G