Different Approach - 12/07/13 04:35 AM
Hi folks. It's been a while since I posted. H had an EA 5 years ago. We went through the motions and the emotional "explosions" on my part and he sat and took without complaining.
Fast forward 5 years: I saw email exchange between H and some woman he was introduced to by a mutual friend. I thought H was starting to flirt with her.
I confronted him and of course he gave me the usual 'friends" story. I do know for a fact ( I read the emails before I confronted ) that their interaction was just starting to take a different turn.
The last time I had become enraged and we had a few fights, so I I thought maybe H was expecting similar behavior. Well, I disappointed him. I was calm and I told him I was happy for him that finally he had found someone whom he thought was suitable for him. Someone who validated him and appreciated him more than his wife. I told him that I was not angry, that they could have each other 24/7, that there was no need for him to hide it any more, but that he HAD TO get the hell out of the house because he had made his choice. then I left the house. My behavior caught him off guard.
He sent her an email the very next day telling her off and asked for forgiveness. I had him sign a paper where I had stated my boundaries and told him that for him to get SOME of the old trust back would be next to impossible now. He's doing his best to R and I take it a step each day.
Honestly, I believe that if I had gotten angry and behaved the way I did the first time, he might have resisted NC with her.
Fast forward 5 years: I saw email exchange between H and some woman he was introduced to by a mutual friend. I thought H was starting to flirt with her.
I confronted him and of course he gave me the usual 'friends" story. I do know for a fact ( I read the emails before I confronted ) that their interaction was just starting to take a different turn.
The last time I had become enraged and we had a few fights, so I I thought maybe H was expecting similar behavior. Well, I disappointed him. I was calm and I told him I was happy for him that finally he had found someone whom he thought was suitable for him. Someone who validated him and appreciated him more than his wife. I told him that I was not angry, that they could have each other 24/7, that there was no need for him to hide it any more, but that he HAD TO get the hell out of the house because he had made his choice. then I left the house. My behavior caught him off guard.
He sent her an email the very next day telling her off and asked for forgiveness. I had him sign a paper where I had stated my boundaries and told him that for him to get SOME of the old trust back would be next to impossible now. He's doing his best to R and I take it a step each day.
Honestly, I believe that if I had gotten angry and behaved the way I did the first time, he might have resisted NC with her.