Hi folks. It's been a while since I posted. H had an EA 5 years ago. We went through the motions and the emotional "explosions" on my part and he sat and took without complaining.
Fast forward 5 years: I saw email exchange between H and some woman he was introduced to by a mutual friend. I thought H was starting to flirt with her.
I confronted him and of course he gave me the usual 'friends" story. I do know for a fact ( I read the emails before I confronted ) that their interaction was just starting to take a different turn.
The last time I had become enraged and we had a few fights, so I I thought maybe H was expecting similar behavior. Well, I disappointed him. I was calm and I told him I was happy for him that finally he had found someone whom he thought was suitable for him. Someone who validated him and appreciated him more than his wife. I told him that I was not angry, that they could have each other 24/7, that there was no need for him to hide it any more, but that he HAD TO get the hell out of the house because he had made his choice. then I left the house. My behavior caught him off guard.

He sent her an email the very next day telling her off and asked for forgiveness. I had him sign a paper where I had stated my boundaries and told him that for him to get SOME of the old trust back would be next to impossible now. He's doing his best to R and I take it a step each day.

Honestly, I believe that if I had gotten angry and behaved the way I did the first time, he might have resisted NC with her.

Is there a reason why your husband would even have opposite sex friendships? And why would he have a "friend" who introduced him to some woman?



It is pretty obvious your husband is not in the least bit serious about saving your marriage. You mean to tell me if you get angry at him he feels entitled to flirt with women and carry on opposite sex friendships?

Have you considered using Marriage Builders to recover from an affair?

I guess I don't get the point of your post since you are not in a recovered marriage.

That's not what I meant; you missed the point.

Regardless of the behavior of the BS, a WS will do what (s)he wants to do. I simply said that my behavior caught him by surprise and he knew I meant business. I do agree that I could still mean business even if I had exploded, but I think with me being calm had more impact on him.

What would have even more impact on your marriage is if you used this program to affair proof your marriage. If you did that, you might not be dealing with a husband who feels entitled to have opposite sex friendships and, by your own definition, would not end his flirtation unless you acted a certain way. That is not what I would consider a healthy or safe marriage.

If your WS will "do what he wants", ie: flirt with women and carry on opposite sex friendships, then you can "do what you want" and separate from him until he becomes a safe person.

Have you considered using Marriage Builders?

Is OW married?

No,she is not. She is a widow. I found out recently that she is dating the brother-in-law of the man who introduced her to my H. Nice lady, right?

I should clarify that H's friend did not introduce her to him for the mere reason so they " hook up." This man is an old friend from H's hometown and H gets to see him when he visits his parents twice a year. This man and this woman work together and along with a bunch of people they get together once in a while after work. When H visits, he is part of the group. I am beginning to think that this woman prefers a long distance relationship because the man she is dating now also lives in another state.

This OW has affairs with men from out of town so that no one in her town knows that she is a tramp. Exposure in town ought to reel her in a bit.

Your husband has not changed his behavior with women. I agree that not having an angry outburst probably surprised your husband, but it won't do anything to change his independent behavior either.

Have you and your husband studied/implemented MB at all?

AM

x2

I agree with HappyFuture66. This woman is dating men from out-of-state so she can keep her "good girl "image. H's friend only found out that his BIL and this woman were dating only by coincidence. Another time when the boyfriend was in town, they never disclosed that the boyfriend was staying at her place. H's friend suspected so and drove by her house where he saw his brother-in-law's car parked in the driveway. ( the BIL is a widower, no wife, no infidelity)

And to think that this woman called herself " a good girl" and she and H's friend thought I was "old school" because I put an end to their email exchange.....who's a hypocrite now?????

What EPs has he given to you?

What is EP?

Do you have the book SAA?

EP=Extraordinary Precautions
Extraordinary Precautions

What is SAA? Not familiar with many acronyms

Surviving An Affair