Stuck In Anger - 01/20/16 05:42 PM
Hello All..
I found out four months ago that my husband of five years was having an affair with whom I thought was my best friend. My husband & I both come from a previous marriage where both ended due to cheating (both of us being the victim). In my eyes, he was perfect in every form. We both had trust issues coming into our marriage, mine worse than his. I always made little remarks about him cheating and leaving me, yet he never gave me a reason to actually think he would. It was me being insecure with myself, feeling like I never measured up to his views of me, or anyone else's for that matter. Before I found out about the affair, he came to me & asked if we could go to counseling, I laughed & said he was crazy. I thought we were that perfect couple. I was obviously wrong.
It took a month of pure hell trying to do & say whatever I could to get him & her to confess. I was pushed so low I began to have suicidal thoughts. He finally confessed on a Friday night & it still me a week to get all the details out, even meeting with my friend & her husband. He says that he knew if he told me about it from the very beginning that I would leave him & he didn't want to be alone so he continued the affair. I personally think this is just an excuse. He says he just wasn't in his right mind & was being selfish. In a matter of 48 hrs they had their whole future planned out. (We also have three children, ages 12, 3 & 1). We have been in counseling now for almost three months & it seems to help during that time, but then I get home & my mind just starts wondering. He says the affair is over, he wants his marriage & is willing to do the work. I'd say right now, the problem is me. I can't let it go. The thoughts consume my mind & then I bring it up or make comments and it is like taking three steps forward & fifty back. We live in a small town, so it isn't helping there are reminders of her all the time that will trigure my mind. I can be doing so good then BAM! I'll see a car in town that looks like hers, or see her driving & it just all comes back. Im so angry right now & have been stuck here for weeks now. It seems impossible to get over. I bring up divorce & he begs me to stay & not leave him that he KNOWS I can get past this and we will be stronger. My reply to that is yea, just like you KNEW I would leave you if you told me the truth about the affair. I love him & I do not WANT a divorce. I often think though that it is best for all of us. Im always in the worst mood, trying to fake a smile for the kids just to get the day over with. Im so tired of being angry, this is not the person I want to be because I grew up with a Mother like that.
Just wanted to share my story...
Thanks.
I found out four months ago that my husband of five years was having an affair with whom I thought was my best friend. My husband & I both come from a previous marriage where both ended due to cheating (both of us being the victim). In my eyes, he was perfect in every form. We both had trust issues coming into our marriage, mine worse than his. I always made little remarks about him cheating and leaving me, yet he never gave me a reason to actually think he would. It was me being insecure with myself, feeling like I never measured up to his views of me, or anyone else's for that matter. Before I found out about the affair, he came to me & asked if we could go to counseling, I laughed & said he was crazy. I thought we were that perfect couple. I was obviously wrong.
It took a month of pure hell trying to do & say whatever I could to get him & her to confess. I was pushed so low I began to have suicidal thoughts. He finally confessed on a Friday night & it still me a week to get all the details out, even meeting with my friend & her husband. He says that he knew if he told me about it from the very beginning that I would leave him & he didn't want to be alone so he continued the affair. I personally think this is just an excuse. He says he just wasn't in his right mind & was being selfish. In a matter of 48 hrs they had their whole future planned out. (We also have three children, ages 12, 3 & 1). We have been in counseling now for almost three months & it seems to help during that time, but then I get home & my mind just starts wondering. He says the affair is over, he wants his marriage & is willing to do the work. I'd say right now, the problem is me. I can't let it go. The thoughts consume my mind & then I bring it up or make comments and it is like taking three steps forward & fifty back. We live in a small town, so it isn't helping there are reminders of her all the time that will trigure my mind. I can be doing so good then BAM! I'll see a car in town that looks like hers, or see her driving & it just all comes back. Im so angry right now & have been stuck here for weeks now. It seems impossible to get over. I bring up divorce & he begs me to stay & not leave him that he KNOWS I can get past this and we will be stronger. My reply to that is yea, just like you KNEW I would leave you if you told me the truth about the affair. I love him & I do not WANT a divorce. I often think though that it is best for all of us. Im always in the worst mood, trying to fake a smile for the kids just to get the day over with. Im so tired of being angry, this is not the person I want to be because I grew up with a Mother like that.
Just wanted to share my story...
Thanks.