I'd like to meet her, if only to give a scathing Plan FU.
Apparently after she had this last child, she checked herself into a mental institution to AVOID TAKING CARE OF HER.
I intend to keep talking to these relatives. Maybe one day I will be able to see her.
Without being too angry.
Here comes an over-share ...
Both our 2 kids are adopted.
They came from the same birth mother (BM).
Our youngest child was the BM's 9th child. BM may have given birth to more since then, I don't have any way of knowing.
BM was a heroin addict.
Other things too.
Our oldest, our son, HATES his BM with a passion.
I mean he H.A.T.E.S. her beyond reason.
One could call his emotional attachment to his BM a "plan FU".
Our son's consuming HATRED for his BM is near to ruining his life.
I am serious.
Our son is infected with his hatred.
BM grew up in foster homes. Many foster homes.
Sexualized at an early age.
Possibly mentally ill ???
Certainly self-medicating with drugs.
I do not hate her.
I have compassion for her.
For all the crappy things she did, she never aborted a fetus.
I do not encourage either of our kids to seek a relationship with BM.
I don't discourage it either.
BM is just a sad, sad lost soul.
There is no "THERE" there.
Ya know what I mean?
Our kids express some interest in meeting some of their other 7 (or more) half siblings. But, their interest seems lukewarm to me, at best.
What I encourage my children to do (and you too my dear) is to find an emotionally neutral place to put her.
I think, what angers my kids the most, and possibly you too, is the IDEA of her.
The IDEA of a warm loving mother that never was.
BM had no loving mother herself.
BM was human waste to those who should have taken care of her.
Find an emotionally neutral place ... visualize something like a plain cardboard box.
Nothing is written on it.
Put her inside.
Leave her be.
Your life is yours to live on your terms.
Start thinking about that.
What are your terms?