My H is utterly phobic about doctors. He won't go to one unless he's really sick. He hasn't had a full checkup in all the time I've known him (he's 45, we are together 17 years), he smokes, and doesn't take as good care of himself as he should.<P>He refuses to have a urological checkup, which men his age ought to have.<P>He has been having stomach trouble for two weeks. Interestingly, it started with a visit from his father in which there was NO conflice (they used to not get along). Symptoms: fatigue, nausea, need to eat almost constantly but some foods come right back up.<P>This morning he went to work, puked up his breakfast, and came home.<P>And won't see a doctor.<P>I'm only moderately concerned about it being something serious, but I would like him to at least get checked out. He fears a GI series, and is phobic about doctors, well, sticking things into places where things usually come out.<P>Any suggestions on how I can get him to go? And no, saying gently "I love you and want you to be OK" doesn't do it.<P>I tried.<P>

Hi D&C! I was going to jump in on the "weight issue" thread but saw that you were doing fine on your own...... <P>Re: your husband. I have one of those. Is there any way that you can do a warped POJA (read "bribe") on this one? ie - "if <B>you</B> go to the docs and have a & b & c tests done, <B>I</B> will <BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>be your "slave" for the rest of the day</UL> <BR>or<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>wash your car once a week for a month </UL><BR>or<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI> cook you gourmet meals and do all your errands for a month........</UL><P>??????????Could it work for you? The key may be to offer something soooooo good that it outweighs the negative feelings and "perceived" consequences of going to the doc.<P>Good for you caring enough about him to do what you can to get him there. You are 100% correct, he <B>should</B> go. Just how to get him to want to enthusiastically.........<P>Cheers,<BR>Lisa<P>

Yeah, Lisa, K surprised me over there too.<P>But it's funny how it's always assumed that a WOMAN should ALWAYS agree to losing weight as part of the POJA. What if the woman (like me) gains weight on anything over 1200 calories a day? <P>But that's not the subject at hand. <P>Regarding your suggestions: H sees "bargaining" like that as manipulative. First of all, I'm already his slave. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, negotiating with contractors, bookkeeping, budgeting, etc; all of his errands anyway. Second of all, he doesn't care how his car looks. <P>Obviously the man has a subconscious death wish, and I'm just not sure how to get around that.

It's only manipulative if it is not honestly presented. By explaining your <B>true</B> motivation - <B>HIS</B> health and your desire to live a long happy life together, he may (?) not feel as strongly on this one as being such?<P>O.k. so you are already a "good wife" (have you signed up for your implants as yet ) ...surely there is <B>something</B> that he would find difficult to pass up???? Short term pain for fantastic gain? What is something that you have found difficult to POJA on - that HE wants? Your only motivation for getting him to the doc is for his health and your long term pleasure of having him around. Nothing hidden or manipulative in that IMHO.<P>?????????<P>Cheers,<BR>Lisa <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>have you signed up for your implants as yet <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Nope. That's one side benefit to being heavier: Huge hooters. <P>Maybe that's why H doesn't bother me about my weight. When I was thin, that's where I lost most of it.