Ours was a brief, long-distance love affair...We met through the internet, via a listserv, sharing many commonalities. We saw each other three times in all -- and each time, our connection strengthened. After about eights months of correspondence, and meetings, he decided to try to make his own marriage work. We tried to remain friends, but that didn't work. I was devastated. I truly believed I had found my "soulmate" -- not just because of our commonalities, but because of a deep and abiding friendship that was allowed to grow and develop. The affair cost us a friendship that had come to mean the world to me! He saw in me potential and life, and qualities that no one had ever taken notice of before. And I miss him terribly. I have been trying to reaffirm my commitment to my husband of 13 years...but he lacks so much compared to my former lover. How will I ever survive this? Will my marriage survive?<P>------------------<BR>Take good care, Francis<BR>

Francis:<P>Quick Answer: Yes, your marriage will survive, and it can be even better than it was with your fantasy man. I know... I never thought my W could measure up either, but we have both surpassed expectations. It took a lot of work, and the tools are all here on this website. Visit every link, and take Dr Harley’s writings to heart.<P>For more detailed feedback from more folx, you might want to post this on the main “Infidelity” Forum. There’s more traffic there(hence it taking me 4 days to see this).<P>I’d wait a couple days, though... there’s quite a firestorm right now, and a post like this might be taken the wrong way by some of the folx over there, at least until they calm down a bit.<BR>

I think one of the keys to this is just to resolve to do it and then don't look back. If you keep looking back at what you think might have been, you won't have a clear head or heart for addressing the problems in your current relationship. In addition to that, it's easy to get hooked on someone over the Internet. That's how I met my current SO. For some people, it's much easier to talk to people when you don't have look them in the eye. It may seem like they're baring their souls, but some really aren't. I hope you're able to get things fixed in your current relationship, or at least recogize those things that can't be fixed, and move on eith or without your husband, but certainly without involving (and potentially hurting) a third person. Also, I think that if you're totally honest with yourself, you'll find that your husband isn't really lacking those things, they're just hidden under 13 yrs of marriage.