Just Want To Feel Loved - 12/29/04 03:05 PM
I have been married for a year and 3 months. My husband is a very kind and gentle man. He is quiet and reserved while I am outgoing and ecentric. We are total opposites, which gives us some balance but can be very frustrating at times. A couple of months into our marriage I found out that my husband was posting pictures of himself on the internet and searching of other women. I found a variety of emails between him and others in which they appeared to be arranging times and places to meet. After confronting him about it, he swore that he was only talking and that he never met or slept with anyone. He promised to stop. We started counseling but never returned after the fifth session. Over the course of our marriage I have found condomns, text messages, voice mails and phone numbers from other women. We've argued and made up always with the promise that things would get better, and I believe they have (when it comes to other women). Recently, he has focused his attention on cars and video games. He spends most of his time working on a car, playing a game, or searching for car parts on the internet. I feel like I am always begging for his time and attention. We may have sex once a week, we may go out once a month, and sometimes he'll accept friends coming over to spend time with us. I try to plan my schedule around him. If someone wants us to hang out I don't say yes until I know what he is doing. Often times I ask him what our plans are and he never answers me. It seems like whenever I stay at home he leaves and when I decide to leave he stays. He also spends a great deal of time hanging out with his friend which live (in the country) 30-45 minutes away. When I ask him to take me he simply signs or says "Oh, boy!" I spend alot of time alone at home. One of my girlfriend's parents lives across the street from me so I go visit her whenever she is there. About 6 months ago her brother moved in to help out because their father is sick. I started going over to hang out with both of them, but before I knew it I was going even when she wasn't there. I was spending every Saturday and Sunday afternoon sitting in the yard smoking cigerettes and talking to her brother. We have been out of work for our holiday break for almost 3 weeks and now I am spending just about everyday with him, while my husband in the country or at the car shop. We flirt a great deal but nothing physical has happened. I am starting to feel guilty about our relationship but I can't stop seeing him. I go to sleep thinking about him and I wake up wanting to be with him. He is so good to me. He says and does everything my husband doesn't. I have talked to my husband several times about how we should meet each others emotional needs. I have suggested websites and books that we can read about improving our marriage. He says he'll read them but he never does. I tell him about my needs and I ask him about his. Although I have asked him several times since we've been married, he has yet to tell me what he needs from me. His response to my needs is that he is trying but it's not going to happen over night. I will admit that at times I see him trying. On occasion he'll bring me flowers, be playful, wash clothes, call when he's on his way home, or fix dinner. I hate to sound selfish but I like lots of kisses, hugs, conversation, and compliments and I never get any of it without asking several times (most times I still don't get it). I am at the point now where I don't even want to express my feelings because he says it make him feel like nothing is ever good enough. I don't want him to feel that way but I feel like I am only asking him to do what husbands are suppose to do <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . I ask for quality time, conversation, and affection. If I can't get it from him where do I get it from? Do I suffer in silence, drive him crazy with ongoing request, or search somewhere else? I am stuck. I don't want to cheat on my husband but I do want to feel loved. How do I get him to love me?