Hello!
I got D'd last year, and I have been doing some dating...

I have gone out with some people that I have met, and I did sign up for one of the dating sites. The dating site is nice in the way you get to know a person by a lot of their answers, and then you move on and talk or whatever.

I have gone out with 3 men from the site (one of them 4 times, one of them, 2 times, and one I just went out with).
ALL of them were oozing the 'instant relationship vibe'... I know that I DO NOT want an instant R, I would want to take things nice and SLOW...
The one I went out with 4 times seemed really nice, until all of a sudden he was just assuming that we were together... but I had come to the conclusion that while he was nice, he was just not for me....

The next man that I dated was really nice too, a lot of fun, made me laugh a lot, we could talk on the phone for a long time, and it was nice. When we went out the first time, we had a lot of fun, and both of us did not seem to want the date to end, but since I had a sitter until a certain time, I had to go. Which was fine. Then he started to call me and text me NON STOP. We had planned a second date after the first one, and I went. It went well... I told him that I did not have time for a lot of calls and text messages (I was having to work a lot, plus with the kids..) and that I would not be able to talk for the next two days because of work (traveling out of town with other people I work with). He called me 5 times, and texted me a zillion times 'did I make you mad, why aren't you responding..." I finally texted him back that I had told him I was working and I would not be able to talk... he responded that he forgot.
The next day MORE text messages... so I had to break it off...

Now I just went on a date with the third guy. All went well... THEN he wanted to set up a second date, but he wanted to know if I was talking to any other guys, how did he DO, etc.... which turned me off.

So, is it that when a man finally signs up for a dating site, that he is in the 'desperate phase' ?

Just a thought...

Sadmo - I used to be one of those guys. After a good first date, I'd be naming our kids. I didn't realize how creepy it was until someone did it to me. From my own experience, it came from a lack of self-worth, so when I had a good date, in my mind she was always "the one." I suppose that could be equated to desperation, I'm just saying that I never saw it that way, and these guys probably don't see it that way, either.

I don't think signing up for a dating site as a man or a woman makes you desperate. It is as legitimate a way to meet someone as having grandma fix you up or going to the local watering hole. I think a better question for you might be "Why do I keep attracting desperate men?" If you're 3-3 in the type of guy you keep finding through the site, maybe its something about the type of traits that are attracting you?

Just a thought...

Well in the spirit of non-generalization (yes I just made that up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />), I would imagine not all guys who decide to sign up for on-line dating are desperate, it just seems like the guys that you've dated so far are. 3 for 3 is not looking good, but there must be some on there who are not. You've just got to keep plugging along and weeding out.

The fact that you are not desperate and enforce your boundaries is very attractive to these guys and makes them want you more, which in turn feeds their desperation. Vicious cycle yes, but eventually like attracts like.

Your instincts are right on so far! That says alot about YOU and your emotional health right now. *golf claps* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Very good observation EOTP......

Nope.

Just another thought - the common denominator in your experiences is not the dating site, but.. you. So perhaps it's time to examine how you pick these guys who turn out to be desperate, and adjust you picker accordingly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

AGG-
LOL! There are actually TWO common denominators... me AND the dating site!

It is one of those ones that you fill out the big questionairre thing...

It is interesting though. What I liked about all of these guys initially was their easy going attitudes, and their ability to make me laugh. But I do NOT want an instant R, and in the past, before I was M'd a lot of time if I liked a guy I would have that instant R... and I think now that I did not think that was the best thing to do....

But, I have decided that I will not settle for anything less than what I really want. By settling, I mean that I do not want to just keep going out with a guy because he is nice, even if there is no chemistry... or if I just don't feel it... I am not going to work on making something be there if it isn't. I know what it is like when IT is there, and I want that again.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone... I will trudge on!

It might be an age factor too. I don't know how old these men are, but I find that men my age (45) are very lonely. If they have children, those kids are now busy with their own lives. If they don't have kids, they know time is running out. And they are realizing that whatever choices may have led to their being single, they now want to spend the last half of their lives with someone, not alone.

I've also had to fend off alot of "instant relationships". ONe thing I"ve done this time around is make it clear that I won't be marrying or living with anyone until my oldest two graduate in 3 years. They just don't want another man in our house, and I can't really blame them. They don't mind me dating, as long as he "goes home". I"ve found that space to be really helpful in evaluating dates and future partners.

Sadmo, I'd consider editing your profile. Consider taking out any reference to "relationship" and stress that you are independent. I'd also consider men that seem a little "reserved" "stuffy" etc on the phone. Go outside your comfort zone since your comfort zone seems to be needy men. And have you ever noticed that men who want the instant relationship can become control freaks?

Oh, and the other thing to consider is tempering your own personality, being a little more reserved. Men may be misreading you.

I'll attest to this. At 46, one of the roughest things about the divorce is knowing that it hurts my chances of being around for any kids I might have (I have none now) for a long time. Between having to meet the right person again and go through the courtship/marriage to the 9 months of pregnancy, I'm unlikely to be a dad before I'm 50 at the earliest. That's a bit depressing to me.

GG-
How can I be more reserved? SHOULD I be more reserved? I am not a "Oh yeah, here I am baby!" type of person... I consider myself fairly normal... I like conversation, I am inquisitive, I am interested in what people have to say... But I also look to see that they are interested in what I have to say.
I DO think that I want a R, not just an INSTANT one.

EOTP-
That would be hard...
I am at the other spectrum... I have my kids, I do not really want anymore, and a few people I meet WANT kids, and I am getting older, so it is not something I really want anymore. It works both ways....

Thanks for your inputs!

AGG, A man that I adopted as my dad when my dad died (maybe he adopted me) told me my "picker was tore up", we have laughed about that more times than one; considering where I'm from, but it has done me more good than anything I can think of so far --- and as far as I can tell "my picker is still tore up!!!" Good Guys!!!!

Sadmo, I'm just thinking of what possible unintended signals your profile sends. I think online there are certain code words that have different connotations in a dating site than in real life.

If you say you want a relationship in real life, your tone and body language can express that you want a relationship eventually. Online, I think people tend to read that as "I want a relationship RIGHT NOW!"

Well, if you stereotype that men who sign up for dating sites are desperate, then what does that make the women who sign up?

I think I'd stay away from trying to apply a stereotype and just decide if you like the guys you are meeting or not.

That's the whole point of dating, to meet lots of people and see if one of them is a keeper.

going 0 for 3 is not bad, it's a start.

GG- I see what you are saying. I did tell all of them when they asked if I wanted a R, that I DID, but I did not want to jump into one.

I just want to go out with people, get to know them, decide if I like them, in due time, not feel rushed...

EE- LOL! That is a good point... I just know some guys that would rather die than have to 'go on a dating site' so I kind of thought that maybe... I do not want to stereotype... that is why I was asking!
Yeah, it is a start...

Thanks for the thoughts!

I'm just curious which dating site you're using

e-harmony

I'll throw this in - MAYBE...they think that in order to get you or any nice women into bed they need to get into a quick R...so they press, give attention, do all that "they" think adds up to brownie points !!! All that crap just to get laid...sad...

I could be wrong but its possible.

You just need to learn how to put the brakes on and keep on till you want to move forward.

Sadmo, I think maybe it's the compatibility/matching program e-harmony uses. I'd try another site. Or if you can afford it, try a service that has a human being working with you and factoring in your feedback. My sister really liked It's Just Lunch, but it's really expensive.

GG-
Thanks, but I do not have the money for a more expensive site. AND, I am finding that I do not really have the time for dating either...
I got transferred at work, more hours, longer commute. My kids feel that I am 'always at work' (I FEEL that way too!) I have been spending a lot of my off time taking care of things that NEED to be taken care of (kids, pets, house, family stuff)... SO I am kind of backing off the dating thing for now.

I did have fun, I know that I can do it now, now I will fade back into 'sadmo-ville" and keep on going! LOL!

I agree GG.
Eharmony was running a special last month. Not that I am really looking because I am not. I still feel as though I have some hurts to deal with and that my "man picker" is off, but anyway, it was 3 months for 60.00 so I figured, what the heck.

Well, at first I got a bunch of matches but they were no one anywhere near me. I am not going to do LDR again, so they all got eliminated. I have not gotten a match in weeks now, literally weeks. One match that is from Vermont I am in open communication with but there is something very odd about him. He only communicates MAYBE once a week, says he is busy with work and has to travel a lot.... And trust me, the emails are very boring, only a few sentences, and a week in between. Personally, that is a red flag to me.

When this expires, I won't renew. I live in too isolated of an area to have any dating sites work for me I think.

I'll have to do it the old fashioned way, whatever that is.

And when I have time to do it!

mlhb

That's kind of offensive to say men are desperate to date on a site. You know a woman can get a date anywhere she goes and men cant always so what's that say about woman on dating sites. Now I have been dating on sites since july off and on a girl from work, and girls I meet out. I like to lay in bed on my computer and pick a date like shopping sometimes. That way I know if we have any of the same interests.

Now about the women that met me. Well none looked like their pictures and all wanted a big public kiss to show their friends they got a hot guy to date. The drama was crazy. Most were larger than their pictures and they lied about having the same interests as me. But in time I figured it out with all them. And every one of them wanted a second date. One was a stalker from ohio that texted and called non stop begging. And the night she satyed over she wouldnt leave the next day till 6pm and made me promise to see her again or wouldnt leave. One date was so bad I left her in the store when she went to get cigarettes and I went home. And if I told the story you's would agree she deserved it.

My point being there are good and bad online daters but women can be more desperate then men. People join for different reasons. I joinded one to find people to do art with. Desperate I am not by far. And usually have my choice of many women online and in the real world. I have fun doing both. You just attract desperate ones or you have to pick them better.

hey Sadmo,

I met my fiance on a dating site. I did a lot of "weeding". I probably emailed 50 or so guys, called 10, and dated 5. First dates were meeting for coffee. I emailed a lot of weirdos, and talked to a few that were whacked, but for the most part, by the time I dated them, I had decided they were ok guys.

I found, however, that people paired off very quickly, and I stepped up the pace in the end. I went from exchanging several emails to sending one and asking for their number. Talking to them made it easier to figure out what they were like faster.

I would imagine that these guys might figure if they don't work fast that you might pick someone else.

And guys our age are lonely. The forties seem to be the decade where men decide that they're ok being alone, or that they don't want to grow old alone.

Sunny

Well...of all the nerve. :eek:

How dare she...doesn't she know that she is supposed to leave immediately following the hookup. Sheesh...

The man gets what he wants (can't stay over without an INVITE)..and she has the audacity to not get immediately up and leave.

What is this world coming to???!!!

committed

i think she obviously did not want it to be what it obviously was... a ONS...

mlhb

THAT is why you don't have sex on the 1st or 2nd date!

mlhb

I met my husband when he answered my personal ad on hotmail. I tried dating sites. But all the guys my age at the time, early 20's wanted nothing but sex right after the first date. Now this was upsetting, had one get up right after ordering his food to go to the rest room and never came back. But anywho.......when I placed my ad I had alot of answers. He answered and I kinda blew him off at first. We talked several months online, and he called me a few times. After several attempts on his part we finally went out on a date. I was scared cause in ways I wanted someone to date. We went out to eat then to the movies, and after the movie we sat in the parking lot of just talking. I asked him if he'd call me back and he said of course and kissed me. After that kiss something in the back of my head told me he's yours he's the one. Even though he lived a hour away, he came to see me alot. Some evenings he'd drive here after work just to see me. Of course he'd stay to 11 or 12 at night then have to drive home and get up in the morning to go to work. So there are good guys out there. Just gotta keep sorting through the duds to find the right one.

OK. You had to make me tell the story. She comes into town and we meet at a bar restaurant and she just stairs at me. I walked in and hoped it wasnt the one but it was. We drink and talk I'm being very nice as always and she says" I dont like you" scowling. I'm shocked and ask why? She then tells me she knows she wont see me again. I tell her I didnt even decide that yet how could she. As the night goes on the keeps telling me she dont like me but then asks to come over. The nice guy I am concidering here 1.5 hour drive say ofcourse. She askes how many woman I was seeing and I said 2 but not anymore. The she brings them up in my face all night and I dont even care she kissed a guy the day before. She made all the first moves but kept giving me digs. There was a 1.5 inch hair on her chin that she could of at least pulled out if kissing someone. I was trying to ignore it. Then when I thought I could escape in dreamland she kept waking me back up. The next day more comments how she hates me but wont leave until I promise to see her again. The night sucked and would of been better spent playing a video game. And this isnt the worst date. I screen them better now. My voicemails were full for months. Still get a text now and again wanting to meet up.

EOTP

I have To agree with U on what you say. The hardest part for me is for 14 years of marriage was an insider, and now (my D was final last month)I am an outsider looking in, right now nothing for me is familiar & not being there every day & night to help guide my kids on the right path to being the best they can through both the good & bad is depressing. It's not even that general it's the simple things of them getting an A on their spelling test and seeing how happy and proud they are or that hug & kiss goodnite that i'm going to miss on a daily basis. I think that throughs us off for a while until we find ourselfs again and work out the new routine.

It's been awhile since I've been to the site but it's good to be back.

Some are just that desparate. I have been separated with my wife for the past four months. I don't if she wants to divorce me or not. I called her a lot just want to hear from her. Some men just needed the attention like a lot of you ladies want. And I am considering going on dates, but I fear of meeting people like you're meeting and I also don't want to feel like I am cheating on her. Plus she is the sole provider for the both of us, so I feel obligated to be very faithful to her. Even though I know she goes out a lot. Plus we live in two separate states.

SA-
WOW. I just have to ask.... WHY???? Why would you have went through with it with her? You did not like her at all, she WANTED you to like her... I would have RUN the first chance I got! I think that that is one of the biggest mistakes that people make... just to go out with someone, or act interested in them, or have SF with them, just to kill time. I think that it is not very nice when people do that.

Sunny- I think that you may be on to something... It does seem that a lot of people in general move too fast in the whole R thing... And I USED to be one of those people. If I really liked someone, I wanted to be around them a lot.
But now I do not have that luxury- I have my kids most of the time, and I do not want to just introduce them to any guy I may date. They have not met anyone I have dated, and I do not want to do that to them unless I was sure that it was going to last a long time.

I am continuing my search!

SA
Honestly, how can coming together with a person in body be less entertaining than a video game? How can it be done on the first date period?

I need to be solid in the R part, before I even consider giving myself over to a beautiful act which will more than likely cement feelings of love for the woman.

I simply can not understand SF for the act of SF. There is so much more to it than that, I think

You need to be extremely cautious who you give your heart and body to. We should have all learned that in our bout with the big D

I'm not usually on this particular forum but the title caught my eye because I met my husband on a singles email list.

You need to be specific. What women mean when we say "I want to take things slow" is very different from what men mean by "slow." You need to spell things out. For example, "I will not meet anyone in person until corresponding with them on a regular basis for 3 months" if that's what you mean by slow. Or, "I need at least 12 dates before deciding if a relationship is serious" - whatever it is that makes you the most comfortable, spell it out. (The 3 months and 12 dates part is just arbitrary numbers- you plug in what will work for you.) "Slow" is a relative term. You have to define what it means to you. Of course, setting up rules like this limits the number of people who express interest but it also weeds out undesirables.

I don't get it.

You went through the trouble to post your profile on a dating website, and agreed to meet men. Now that they've met you and are interested, you daub them "desperate". I simply don't get it.

I once had an experience somewhat like that with a lady. We met on a dating site. This lady's profile was the most detailed among all the ones I saw. She sounded really interesting, and she indicated that she wanted "Any" (meaning: friendship, dating marriage, etc). After we exchanged emails back and forth, I realized that she had just been out of a relationship, and was not ready for another one.

I advised her to either remove her profile until she was ready, or make it clear that she only wanted friends. Many men are not desperate; it all boils down to poor communication from some women. And this leads to unnecessary waste of time on both sides.

I don't think anyone has business posting their profile on a dating website when they are not interested in geting hooked up. Just like a woman who dresses provocatively, and complains that men hit on her. It just doesn't make sense.

eHarmony was not set up for people who are not interested in developing a relationship leading to marriage. If you are on the site, the assumption is that that is your intention. If you have a different intention, make it known, clearly and early. There are many decent women that are in need of a nice man, and are ready for a relationship. I was once an active subscriber on eHarmony, and I met my current girlfriend through the service. The service was superb, at least in my experience.

While it is understandable that some of the guys that you met probably did not know when to let go, it would be wrong to assume that men on the site are "desperate".

Lord...I need the <rolleyes> icon.

I guess you screwed her cause you are a "nice guy" too.

This has all the makings of you being a "user"..not a nice guy.

You didn't care for her...yet you slept with her anyways...yep, user.

committed

Fairview,

You must have missed the part where she spelled out how many dates she went on first. The most patient one only got 4 days before he expected a committment! It takes a lot longer than that to get to know someone. Any man (or woman) who expects a serious relationship after 4 dates is either desperate or has a very unrealistic idea of how long it takes to get to know someone. There are exceptions, but usually those exceptions involve people who have gotten to know each other first before the first date.

Honestly speaking, what are the levels of commitment during dating? My thought is below:

I. Casual dating
II. Exclusive Dating
III. Commited and serious exclusive dating
IV. Engagement
V. Marriage

What is your thoughts. My time frame for above is casuak dating should be done within a month or so. If I don't know I would want to be exclusive with her at that point, then she is not special enough and I should let her go.

Just my thoughts

Exactly. That is the purpose of that site.

And there are more desperate women out there than men. Of that I am assured. But I wouldn't complain about someone that is looking for a commitment if I found them on eHarmony. Now, there are sites where a person can clearly spell out in their profile that they are only interested in casual dating.

I can't even tell you how many times I have been out with a woman for the second or third time...and these "casual daters" who want no commitment are ready to jump in bed or to the altar.

FV-
I do NOT want to be in an instant exclusive R when I am just trying to get to know the person, see how we mesh, etc. I DO want a R, I just do not want to rush into a R with someone, because they are willing. Do you know what I mean? I want to get to know them and let it happen. Not, Ok, we went out. We got along. We need to call, text, e-mail all the time!
GF-
I agree, I think that you should give the person some time to see if you would want to take it further, or if you just do not want to. I think that within a couple of dates, I can see if I want to be with the person or not. And I am not going to waste their time, or my time, if I just do not have 'it' for the person. Which I think is fair to both of us.

MEDC-
I am not just interested in casual dating, but I am NOT interested in an immediate R either.... and this is how it seemed to be with the guys that I went out with. Maybe I want to take things slower than most people? I don't know. But I have done the "oh we get along so well" thing and spent all my free time with the person before. But, that was BEFORE KIDS (B.K.). Now I CAN'T do that, and I am not going to expose my kids to any guy that I am just starting to get to know. They are first.

Know what I mean?

I know what you mean and I am right there with you...I just think you are looking in the wrong place for the type of relationship you want.

BTDT.

MEDC

where do YOU think are the right places?

Ronda

That's a very good question. Where do 40 and over people meet one another? It's not like the good old days when we were in college and you met people all the time. Bars were bad then and worse now. You don't meet a lot of new people at work - especially if you've been working there for a long time. And most people settled in a career at this age are already married anyway. Yoga and other excersise classes are full of happily married women with perfect husbands and perfect kids (just can't bring myself to these things yet). Volunteer organizations are all single women. Where are the men? And by that I mean the decent men, because I know where I can find them in the local pubs and gambling places.

Try church events, Chuck E Cheese with his kids on the weekend, grocery store, gym, Friday night after work hanging out at the local watering hole with some buddies (Not getting drunk playing pool), and probably many more.

You'll meet the right one when it is time, for sure. In the meantime, don't worry about it and have fun

Home Depot, of course.

AGG

LOL AGG I knew YOU would say that..but I want to hear what MEDC thinks is a good place....

Besides....we only have a LOWES here...haha

Yeah, well, that was my next suggestion

Honestly, I do not find meeting people to be much of a problem. There are a lot of women out there that have been treated poorly by their partners...so, being a gentleman and respectful of a woman affords many, many opportunities for dating. Being a full time dad makes me limit the times I go out though.

Chemistry.com is a spin off of match.com and has yielded very good results for me. Meeting people in church has also been a possibility.

I think it all depends on what you are looking for. I think certain websites, like the one mentioned on this thread seem to cater more to those looking to get married in a relatively short order. Others cater to people looking to get laid....and then there are those that fall somewhere in the middle.

Being very clear about your intentions is important as nothing is more of a turn off than someone that winds up being "not as advertised." I have come across women that have lied about their age, number of children..etc. Then there are those that seem more interested in how much money you make. Me, I just prefer a person that is proud of who they are and able to take a shot at something with meaning down the road.

i just kind of breezed through this thread as i had not read it in a awhile...

the eharmony thing.. i am so naive! i didn't realize it was a site for those who would probably be looking for marriage! that explains a lot. my 3 month special is about to end soon and i do not intend to renew. especially since i am in no way shape or form "husband hunting" at the moment! however, now i see why any men who contacted me, for the most part, were very quick to get to open communication, and some just wanted to by pass guided communication all together! and the one man i have been talking too for a few months now, yea, i would say i got the feeling of neediness from him. like he would email me several times a day. i emailed him the other day and told him i was really busy with selling my house and getting ready to move and full time work and full time classes and i just did not think this was a good time for me, etc.. and he emailed back saying understood i was busy but really hoped i could keep emailing when i could because he thinks i am just this wonderful woman, etc, etc, and still wants to meet me and on and on. ugh. but at least he has not been emailing me anymore.

as far as it being easy to meet people... maybe in the new town i am moving to as it does have about 2000 more people then where i live now. and i don't know everyone where i am moving either. in the town i live in? not happening here. meeting people at church? i am one of the youngest members! if that says anything. and the only single man is a widower who is well into his 80's. i don't do the bar scene. there are no possibilities at work.

but i do feel that it happens when you are not looking. and when the time is right i am sure an opportunity will present itself.

not been on any other dating sites nor do i plan to be. with the small area i live in, it is really a waste of my money.

and with my life, full time work and school, and 2 full time children, my time is limited as well.

mlhb

Where do you draw the line between desparate behavior and the "natural" attraction drawn by the courtship process? Over time, it is inevitable that you will want to spend more time, talk to, etc more often the person that is meeting your needs of companionship.

It is also a tight rope between "desparate" behavior and "apethetic" behavior and this is compounded with the fact that different people perceive different things. It is just very hard, I think

For me, the internet sites have not been an option so far. Not saying I won't but I have many reservations about them

i don't think you can truly tell anything about a person until you meet them in person.

that is why i am not really thrilled with online dating sites. you could talk for several months before meeting and then meet them and it is a totally different person. you also can't really tell truly if one is desperate or not until you meet them either. i am not necessarily saying the guy i was talking to was desperate, maybe overly eager is a better term.

i'd rather not necessarily be contacted every single day all day long. i'm not that needy that i need that constant communication. plus, it makes me think you have no other life if you are able to email me that much kwim?

when and if it happens for me again at some point, that would be great. i would like at some point down the line to be married again. just not tomorrow. lol

mlhb

[quote=mlhb]i don't think you can truly tell anything about a person until you meet them in person.

that is why i am not really thrilled with online dating sites. you could talk for several months before meeting and then meet them and it is a totally different person. you also can't really tell truly if one is desperate or not until you meet them either. i am not necessarily saying the guy i was talking to was desperate, maybe overly eager is a better term.

____________________________________
**This is why I can't "get" why my H was picking up women at adult friend finder and meeting them AT THEIR HOMES for sex?? He could've been a serial killer or some other freak and they'd never know for sure. How do they make this choice after only emailing for weeks and maybe 1 phone call? Gotta be desperation!!

Well, I agree - and that is exactly why many folks want to get to Open Communication fairly quickly, to avoid spending weeks and weeks e-mailing someone to whom they will not be attracted once they meet.

But then this is the very thing that makes you call them "desperate" for rushing to Open Comm . One can't win .
AGG

oh agg, you good old stick in the mud you!

you KNOW one can't ever win with me anyway! LOL

mlhb

H_A

Your comments make me wonder what kind of man would take advantage of a women that desperate? Sure, I know for sex, uncommitted sex, but still. There are moral issues all the way around on that one. It sure does suck when things become twisted and confused. The obession about snooping is one that drives me crazy at times. Then I wonder why bother? If it's just making me crazy and not really helping then I guess it's time to stop. Secrets are never a good thing in a marriage, but being obsessive isn't a good thing either.

For me, it comes across as desperate when you tell someone, "I am going to be very busy with work the next two days, so I will not be able to call or text." and the person texts you repeatedly, finally asking what is wrong, and did they do something. Totally turned me off.

When you are just getting to know someone, when you first start dating, it does not seem natural to me to immediately constantly text and call. As time goes on, more of it is ok, but to IMMEDIATELY start doing it makes me feel smothered.

Just my opinion. Maybe some people like that? I don't know. But, I do not have the time for it either. Sure, if we had dated for a while, it would be fine, but not at first.

I personally do not mind getting to open communication quickly. If I am interested, you are able to ask them more direct questions, and see if you like what they say. That way you can weed out people quicker. I do not see it as desperate.

MJ63:
This is why I believe the statement that our WS are aliens because whoever lived here for that year was NOT my H. He sat here in the livingroom while I washed dishes in the kitchen and DD and Ds walked back and forth and he searched out his connections.
This man went searching for women. Had 2 one night stands and then #3 talked a good story and batted her eyes and claimed he was her sexual and emotional match and he got hooked. They only got together about 5x in the year but the talking must've been good???
The lack of conscience is a by product to an A. It was just too easy to turn his back on a wife of 20 years and visit these other women!

now I have seen everything!

http://www.newsweek.com/id/136306?GT1=43002

geez, guess i should have been looking in penthouse!

mlhb

Well, now that there's Christian Porn it should be easier to find answers for all these sex addict, porn addict, masturbation addict threads.

Could really use the eyeroll emoticon right now

Ding...Ding...Ding... you're a winner!

That's where I am at!

Seriously speaking, they are in your malls, bookstores, church choirs, etc....in your everyday walks of life.

The reason I havent posted in a while is the day after I told the story here above she called me and said she was thinking about me out of the blue. Weird.

committedandlovi

Um. Yes. And I have done it with a few women for them. I tell them from the getgo I dont know if I want to settle down or if I will ever get married again. I am a very honest guy. One I knew she was getting attached and when she started bugging me for sex I told her it's not a good idea because I dont know what I want and it's only been 1 or 2 dates.
Well she put guilt on me, said she was crying cause I wouldnt do it to people. And even had a tantrum. OK. I wasnt really turned on. She was good looking but reminded me of my aunt so I didnt like her that way. So yes in this case two and cause the other drove far. I did it for them. Then got stalkers.

Now there have been a few I have been interested in but after I got to know them decided not to so I get marked as a user. I had a girl tell me I was a booty call. Say what you want but I never lie for sex I just be myself aand they want to. And few it was me who initiated. I was married 16 years and didnt cheat though before her dated like crazy when I was a teeneger. If I find the right one I'll stay with her but until then it's not my fault if women think they can change my mind by sleeping with me. If asked a question I always answer honestly and like my cards on the table. More people should be like me. I have many female friends now that are friends. And many women that leave the dating sites cause of creeps give me their email or phone number first and tell me I'm the only normal one.

So the LESSON here is not to label because how I say it went down it went down. NO lies. And yes sex should be with a special person and there is nothing in the world like having sex when in love but I am single now and an adult so if knock someone for casual sex knock the woman. At least men are expected to do it.

I thnk part of the answer involves the relationships men and women have with members of the same gender. Women tend to have more female friends, better family ties and thus better support. Men tend to not have as many friends and often break with the family. Thus, they are often hungrier for a relationship than the woman is. Obviously, this is a huge generalization and not true in all cases.

This is true. I though have many female friends. Some from highschool, we work out or go drink or email depending on the friend. I like to have friends that are woman. That is my secret beyond my thought I have good quality frieds men and woman who give good advice. The females give me insight into my situations from a female perspective. I know nobody on here would of though I have female friends. One is a counselor (not mine) knew her over 20 years. Almost dated her then. She gives me many insights and sometimes I'm baffled because it way off what I was thinking