That's kind of offensive to say men are desperate to date on a site. You know a woman can get a date anywhere she goes and men cant always so what's that say about woman on dating sites. Now I have been dating on sites since july off and on a girl from work, and girls I meet out. I like to lay in bed on my computer and pick a date like shopping sometimes. That way I know if we have any of the same interests.

Now about the women that met me. Well none looked like their pictures and all wanted a big public kiss to show their friends they got a hot guy to date. The drama was crazy. Most were larger than their pictures and they lied about having the same interests as me. But in time I figured it out with all them. And every one of them wanted a second date. One was a stalker from ohio that texted and called non stop begging. And the night she satyed over she wouldnt leave the next day till 6pm and made me promise to see her again or wouldnt leave. One date was so bad I left her in the store when she went to get cigarettes and I went home. And if I told the story you's would agree she deserved it.

My point being there are good and bad online daters but women can be more desperate then men. People join for different reasons. I joinded one to find people to do art with. Desperate I am not by far. And usually have my choice of many women online and in the real world. I have fun doing both. You just attract desperate ones or you have to pick them better.

hey Sadmo,

I met my fiance on a dating site. I did a lot of "weeding". I probably emailed 50 or so guys, called 10, and dated 5. First dates were meeting for coffee. I emailed a lot of weirdos, and talked to a few that were whacked, but for the most part, by the time I dated them, I had decided they were ok guys.

I found, however, that people paired off very quickly, and I stepped up the pace in the end. I went from exchanging several emails to sending one and asking for their number. Talking to them made it easier to figure out what they were like faster.

I would imagine that these guys might figure if they don't work fast that you might pick someone else.

And guys our age are lonely. The forties seem to be the decade where men decide that they're ok being alone, or that they don't want to grow old alone.

Sunny

Well...of all the nerve. :eek:

How dare she...doesn't she know that she is supposed to leave immediately following the hookup. Sheesh...

The man gets what he wants (can't stay over without an INVITE)..and she has the audacity to not get immediately up and leave.

What is this world coming to???!!!

committed

i think she obviously did not want it to be what it obviously was... a ONS...

mlhb

THAT is why you don't have sex on the 1st or 2nd date!

mlhb

I met my husband when he answered my personal ad on hotmail. I tried dating sites. But all the guys my age at the time, early 20's wanted nothing but sex right after the first date. Now this was upsetting, had one get up right after ordering his food to go to the rest room and never came back. But anywho.......when I placed my ad I had alot of answers. He answered and I kinda blew him off at first. We talked several months online, and he called me a few times. After several attempts on his part we finally went out on a date. I was scared cause in ways I wanted someone to date. We went out to eat then to the movies, and after the movie we sat in the parking lot of just talking. I asked him if he'd call me back and he said of course and kissed me. After that kiss something in the back of my head told me he's yours he's the one. Even though he lived a hour away, he came to see me alot. Some evenings he'd drive here after work just to see me. Of course he'd stay to 11 or 12 at night then have to drive home and get up in the morning to go to work. So there are good guys out there. Just gotta keep sorting through the duds to find the right one.

OK. You had to make me tell the story. She comes into town and we meet at a bar restaurant and she just stairs at me. I walked in and hoped it wasnt the one but it was. We drink and talk I'm being very nice as always and she says" I dont like you" scowling. I'm shocked and ask why? She then tells me she knows she wont see me again. I tell her I didnt even decide that yet how could she. As the night goes on the keeps telling me she dont like me but then asks to come over. The nice guy I am concidering here 1.5 hour drive say ofcourse. She askes how many woman I was seeing and I said 2 but not anymore. The she brings them up in my face all night and I dont even care she kissed a guy the day before. She made all the first moves but kept giving me digs. There was a 1.5 inch hair on her chin that she could of at least pulled out if kissing someone. I was trying to ignore it. Then when I thought I could escape in dreamland she kept waking me back up. The next day more comments how she hates me but wont leave until I promise to see her again. The night sucked and would of been better spent playing a video game. And this isnt the worst date. I screen them better now. My voicemails were full for months. Still get a text now and again wanting to meet up.

EOTP

I have To agree with U on what you say. The hardest part for me is for 14 years of marriage was an insider, and now (my D was final last month)I am an outsider looking in, right now nothing for me is familiar & not being there every day & night to help guide my kids on the right path to being the best they can through both the good & bad is depressing. It's not even that general it's the simple things of them getting an A on their spelling test and seeing how happy and proud they are or that hug & kiss goodnite that i'm going to miss on a daily basis. I think that throughs us off for a while until we find ourselfs again and work out the new routine.

It's been awhile since I've been to the site but it's good to be back.

Some are just that desparate. I have been separated with my wife for the past four months. I don't if she wants to divorce me or not. I called her a lot just want to hear from her. Some men just needed the attention like a lot of you ladies want. And I am considering going on dates, but I fear of meeting people like you're meeting and I also don't want to feel like I am cheating on her. Plus she is the sole provider for the both of us, so I feel obligated to be very faithful to her. Even though I know she goes out a lot. Plus we live in two separate states.

SA-
WOW. I just have to ask.... WHY???? Why would you have went through with it with her? You did not like her at all, she WANTED you to like her... I would have RUN the first chance I got! I think that that is one of the biggest mistakes that people make... just to go out with someone, or act interested in them, or have SF with them, just to kill time. I think that it is not very nice when people do that.

Sunny- I think that you may be on to something... It does seem that a lot of people in general move too fast in the whole R thing... And I USED to be one of those people. If I really liked someone, I wanted to be around them a lot.
But now I do not have that luxury- I have my kids most of the time, and I do not want to just introduce them to any guy I may date. They have not met anyone I have dated, and I do not want to do that to them unless I was sure that it was going to last a long time.

I am continuing my search!

SA
Honestly, how can coming together with a person in body be less entertaining than a video game? How can it be done on the first date period?

I need to be solid in the R part, before I even consider giving myself over to a beautiful act which will more than likely cement feelings of love for the woman.

I simply can not understand SF for the act of SF. There is so much more to it than that, I think

You need to be extremely cautious who you give your heart and body to. We should have all learned that in our bout with the big D

I'm not usually on this particular forum but the title caught my eye because I met my husband on a singles email list.

You need to be specific. What women mean when we say "I want to take things slow" is very different from what men mean by "slow." You need to spell things out. For example, "I will not meet anyone in person until corresponding with them on a regular basis for 3 months" if that's what you mean by slow. Or, "I need at least 12 dates before deciding if a relationship is serious" - whatever it is that makes you the most comfortable, spell it out. (The 3 months and 12 dates part is just arbitrary numbers- you plug in what will work for you.) "Slow" is a relative term. You have to define what it means to you. Of course, setting up rules like this limits the number of people who express interest but it also weeds out undesirables.

I don't get it.

You went through the trouble to post your profile on a dating website, and agreed to meet men. Now that they've met you and are interested, you daub them "desperate". I simply don't get it.

I once had an experience somewhat like that with a lady. We met on a dating site. This lady's profile was the most detailed among all the ones I saw. She sounded really interesting, and she indicated that she wanted "Any" (meaning: friendship, dating marriage, etc). After we exchanged emails back and forth, I realized that she had just been out of a relationship, and was not ready for another one.

I advised her to either remove her profile until she was ready, or make it clear that she only wanted friends. Many men are not desperate; it all boils down to poor communication from some women. And this leads to unnecessary waste of time on both sides.

I don't think anyone has business posting their profile on a dating website when they are not interested in geting hooked up. Just like a woman who dresses provocatively, and complains that men hit on her. It just doesn't make sense.

eHarmony was not set up for people who are not interested in developing a relationship leading to marriage. If you are on the site, the assumption is that that is your intention. If you have a different intention, make it known, clearly and early. There are many decent women that are in need of a nice man, and are ready for a relationship. I was once an active subscriber on eHarmony, and I met my current girlfriend through the service. The service was superb, at least in my experience.

While it is understandable that some of the guys that you met probably did not know when to let go, it would be wrong to assume that men on the site are "desperate".

Lord...I need the <rolleyes> icon.

I guess you screwed her cause you are a "nice guy" too.

This has all the makings of you being a "user"..not a nice guy.

You didn't care for her...yet you slept with her anyways...yep, user.

committed

Fairview,

You must have missed the part where she spelled out how many dates she went on first. The most patient one only got 4 days before he expected a committment! It takes a lot longer than that to get to know someone. Any man (or woman) who expects a serious relationship after 4 dates is either desperate or has a very unrealistic idea of how long it takes to get to know someone. There are exceptions, but usually those exceptions involve people who have gotten to know each other first before the first date.

Honestly speaking, what are the levels of commitment during dating? My thought is below:

I. Casual dating
II. Exclusive Dating
III. Commited and serious exclusive dating
IV. Engagement
V. Marriage

What is your thoughts. My time frame for above is casuak dating should be done within a month or so. If I don't know I would want to be exclusive with her at that point, then she is not special enough and I should let her go.

Just my thoughts

Exactly. That is the purpose of that site.

And there are more desperate women out there than men. Of that I am assured. But I wouldn't complain about someone that is looking for a commitment if I found them on eHarmony. Now, there are sites where a person can clearly spell out in their profile that they are only interested in casual dating.

I can't even tell you how many times I have been out with a woman for the second or third time...and these "casual daters" who want no commitment are ready to jump in bed or to the altar.

FV-
I do NOT want to be in an instant exclusive R when I am just trying to get to know the person, see how we mesh, etc. I DO want a R, I just do not want to rush into a R with someone, because they are willing. Do you know what I mean? I want to get to know them and let it happen. Not, Ok, we went out. We got along. We need to call, text, e-mail all the time!
GF-
I agree, I think that you should give the person some time to see if you would want to take it further, or if you just do not want to. I think that within a couple of dates, I can see if I want to be with the person or not. And I am not going to waste their time, or my time, if I just do not have 'it' for the person. Which I think is fair to both of us.

MEDC-
I am not just interested in casual dating, but I am NOT interested in an immediate R either.... and this is how it seemed to be with the guys that I went out with. Maybe I want to take things slower than most people? I don't know. But I have done the "oh we get along so well" thing and spent all my free time with the person before. But, that was BEFORE KIDS (B.K.). Now I CAN'T do that, and I am not going to expose my kids to any guy that I am just starting to get to know. They are first.

Know what I mean?

I know what you mean and I am right there with you...I just think you are looking in the wrong place for the type of relationship you want.

BTDT.

MEDC

where do YOU think are the right places?

Ronda