How do you go from a 10 year marriage.... - 08/13/14 02:24 AM
(12 years together total) and a VERY cold, angry, bitter, drawn-out divorce (took a year) to being friends in order to progress back to a loving relationship?
This is where I am with my ex-husband. LONG story and I will be more than happy to answer any and all questions in order to receive God's guidance thru others. Trust me when I say there have been MAJOR LB's, DJ's & AO's all over the place with us both over the past 3 years (the year before separation, the year of separation and divorced now 13 months).
An 'event' this weekend sparked us to see each other after almost a year. For the past 18 months, very few phone calls and mostly text exchanges were how we connected every couple of months for divorce-related items we still are dealing with.
I have prayed non-stop 24/7 for the past 3 years to bring him back into my life. I love this man more than life itself. God answered my prayer yesterday in the most absolutely, stunning, more than I could have ever hoped for, knocked me on my butt way. This IS a changed man! An atheist that told me he has even tried going to church a couple of times alone...no one pushing him! Lessons he needed to learn, he IS learning and I swore that God was wasting His time. He used to NEVER admit guilt or wrong-doing....NEVER apologized for anything. Last night, he did those things and MEANT it!!! He now understands that he can do no one any good until he gets his life together, likes and loves himself. He said that we can be friends, take things one day at a time and slow. I agreed but it's killing me inside.
I don't want to blow this. It's TOO IMPORTANT to me and I DO FEEL that God HAS answered my prayer, but it seems so complicated. I don't know how to act because I was his wife, and still am in my heart. I don't know what to do, what to say, or not say. Our 2 hour discussion last night was fairly deep...I laid out my heart and my soul and we both agree that we need to have a longer deeper discussion in order to clear the past and start fresh. He is VERY intent on what he thinks/feels. It truly DOES take an act of God to make him see/understand/feel things. He believes that he has made little to no progress in his 'finding himself'. He can't see what others do. I want to help him understand. Does any of this make sense? I feel so lost and confused and so scared of messing up and losing him again that I can't think straight. I don't want to push or make him think that I am.
Yes, at the end of the discussion, he suddenly reached over, grabbed me and kissed me like whoa! He said...you have a choice...leave now or stay the night. He initiated SF, wrapped me in his arms like he used to and we fell asleep entwined all night. I try to move away, he clings that much harder. Made a noise and I said Huh? He said....contentment. He kissed me bye in the morning just like he used to. No, it wasn't just for SF. We have texted a few times today and he called me before he went to sleep. He said that will continue. We build the friendship by talking. It seems to be a 2 steps forward, 1 step back dance. I don't dance well.
Help!
This is where I am with my ex-husband. LONG story and I will be more than happy to answer any and all questions in order to receive God's guidance thru others. Trust me when I say there have been MAJOR LB's, DJ's & AO's all over the place with us both over the past 3 years (the year before separation, the year of separation and divorced now 13 months).
An 'event' this weekend sparked us to see each other after almost a year. For the past 18 months, very few phone calls and mostly text exchanges were how we connected every couple of months for divorce-related items we still are dealing with.
I have prayed non-stop 24/7 for the past 3 years to bring him back into my life. I love this man more than life itself. God answered my prayer yesterday in the most absolutely, stunning, more than I could have ever hoped for, knocked me on my butt way. This IS a changed man! An atheist that told me he has even tried going to church a couple of times alone...no one pushing him! Lessons he needed to learn, he IS learning and I swore that God was wasting His time. He used to NEVER admit guilt or wrong-doing....NEVER apologized for anything. Last night, he did those things and MEANT it!!! He now understands that he can do no one any good until he gets his life together, likes and loves himself. He said that we can be friends, take things one day at a time and slow. I agreed but it's killing me inside.
I don't want to blow this. It's TOO IMPORTANT to me and I DO FEEL that God HAS answered my prayer, but it seems so complicated. I don't know how to act because I was his wife, and still am in my heart. I don't know what to do, what to say, or not say. Our 2 hour discussion last night was fairly deep...I laid out my heart and my soul and we both agree that we need to have a longer deeper discussion in order to clear the past and start fresh. He is VERY intent on what he thinks/feels. It truly DOES take an act of God to make him see/understand/feel things. He believes that he has made little to no progress in his 'finding himself'. He can't see what others do. I want to help him understand. Does any of this make sense? I feel so lost and confused and so scared of messing up and losing him again that I can't think straight. I don't want to push or make him think that I am.
Yes, at the end of the discussion, he suddenly reached over, grabbed me and kissed me like whoa! He said...you have a choice...leave now or stay the night. He initiated SF, wrapped me in his arms like he used to and we fell asleep entwined all night. I try to move away, he clings that much harder. Made a noise and I said Huh? He said....contentment. He kissed me bye in the morning just like he used to. No, it wasn't just for SF. We have texted a few times today and he called me before he went to sleep. He said that will continue. We build the friendship by talking. It seems to be a 2 steps forward, 1 step back dance. I don't dance well.
Help!