It's hard to say how often he would like to. When I ask him he says twice a week but he's only saying it to please me because "never" would hurt my feelings. He has low T, which is being treated. We do it about twice a week and I'm fine with that. I'd LIKE to do it twice a day but I'm not completely delusional. My expectations are in check, I think. He's 49. I'm 40. I'm not expecting it to be more frequent. I just think it would be nice if it was loving. I've been reading Boundaries In Marriage and I do get that this is my problem. I'm not requiring enough of myself or him and I'm letting this fear of hurting him stop me from speaking up. But, his ego has taken a hug hit from the Low T thing... The whole subject is embarrassing for him.
Dr. Harley recommends that a patient begin T-therapy with a boost then to decrease it a bit so that it levels out to what would be normal for a man. Is the testosterone helping at all? It should increase his desire to make love.
In marriage, the desire for an emotional need to be met is not considered to be that spouse's "problem." In a marriage of extraordinary care, spouses with good will for each other
want to be able to meet each others ENs but in a way that also makes both people happy. This goes for any EN. If I have the EN for affection, then my H has a certain responsibility as a loving spouse to learn to meet that need in a way that makes him happy, too. If you have the emotional need for sex, then your husband would ideally learn to meet that need in a way that makes you both happy.If you enjoy sex more, then he's also likely to enjoy it more. Most men want
mutually enjoyable sex rather than just a release.
Of course, there are physical limitations with sex, and if your H is having some challenges in this area, then he would be working with a doctor to see how these could be overcome.
He doesn't view porn or self-stimulate, right?
Have you already told him that you would love to be kissed more while making love? That you would love it if he looked at you?