If you like more info on my story, you can refer to my previous post by clicking here

To shorten the story my BF of 6 years A ended officially 6 days ago with OW causing him to lose his job. That was the last contact as far as I know. At that time he told me that he actually felt feelings of hatred toward OW and that he didn't think that the withdrawal period would be anywhere near as bad as previous attempts due to the betrayal from OW. Just a few hours after the last known contact, we were out having a good time when he informed me that he may have been feeling some withdrawal. I instantly became very bummed out and the good time was over. I couldn't help but think "If he's missing her already and it's only been a few hours, then I can imagine what is to come." After my reaction he explained that he wasn't sure that's what it was or if it was just the shock of the dramatic day he'd had.

For the next few days he seemed fine but for the last couple days he's been acting strange, very distant and trying to stay distracted. When I ask him what is wrong he tells me everything is fine and that he thought he had been in a good mood lately. When I explain that I find his behavior a little suspicious, he says that he's stressed because we have no money, no job, no rent and are trying to move to another state. I can understand that as our situation is very stressful. However, I find myself yearning to connect with him on an emotional level and it seems that he couldn't be any farther away. He seems to make it a point not to allow for any undivided attention or time alone together.

I tried to explain my feelings to him last night (actually, he initiated the conversation due to my attitude and depressed behavior), he finally admitted that he might be going through a little withdrawal but that his main focus was on our financial/relocation situation. I guess my questions are...Should I assume that he is downplaying the withdrawal he is feeling because he's afraid of my reaction? What should my reaction be? At what point do we start rebuilding our relationship and how will I know when that time is? What should I/we be doing in the mean time? Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to just "BE". How can I keep my desire for closeness and his lack of from withdrawing love units? Any help at all would be greatly appreciated. I have read SAA and HNHN and it explains the depression of the withdrawal process but not a whole lot about what to do until it's over and how you know when it's over at least enough to begin rebuilding. I appreciate any thoughts and your time to read my post. Thank You.

Truth is, he had to become somewhat emotionally invested in OW in order to "close the deal", if you know what I mean.

Yeah, he might have really allowed what took place at the end to sour his feelings for her, but alas, he cannot just turn them off.

He'll probably be in withdrawal for 6-10 weeks, maybe as long as six months, but it's typically less for a man than a woman. The good news is he will slowly withdraw, so long as there is no contact between them (so remain vigilant!).

The bad news is withdrawal is ever so slow to take place, it's almost invisible. It's like watching grass grow.... if you stand and watch nothing appears to be happening, but if you look away for a week, it will have made measurable progress.

Take this time to try to normalize your relationship with him. Minimize the R talk, and try to begin spending the Harley recommended 15 hours a week together, finding those things about each other that drew you together in the first place. Don't have a nice evening doing something together then "spoil" it by boiling over into a heated R talk that "erases" the good the evening spawned.

Exercise Plan A, make LoveBank deposits, limit R talks and keep them cordial, not heated, remain vigilant about contact and don't expect him to begin "connecting" with you until he's over halfway withdrawn. Time and patience are your best friends right now!

Best wishes,
SD