Finally Plan B is needed for myself and to show DD16 tjis just ain't right.

After being on this board a few years-Al-Anon-Private counseling-Working my own AA program-Lots of long lonely nites....... WAY TOO LONG--- did I give her a short letter tonight I fashioned after a mixture of MB's and tough love.

There is only at this point a clear path back to US-me and her-having any contact only when she quits drinking and works a program of recovery to support it. NO MORE EMPTY WORDS-ACTION
She also has to write BALDO a no contact letter. She has been showing me one for a week now but was at the bar with him tonight. I saw them.

Living with an active relapsing alcoholic is too much for me and I am whipped. Its been devastating to all those around her to watch the progression in health both-mental and physical decline and the constant lies-BOTH from the alcohol and A too hard to swallow.

I've been real honest with DD16 over the past year with what is going on and now that she is mobile on her own she has seen all the lies her mother tells. I know she loves her mother and I'm not going to discourage their relationship (unless dangerous) should they decide to have one. She's very mature and level headed when it comes to basing relationships on actions-not just words.
Way too many times she has come home to a note on the table stating from mom "I will be home at 5" and then gone to an activity way past 5 only to see moms vehicle and Baldos at the same bar.

I trust life will be better for both of us from this point forward.

I know this is real risky because both addictions are capable of kicking a persons a$$. There is no respect for personal bounderies from her. I just don't have the strength or energy to carry this dead horse anymore alone. Until there is definate positive action by her-At minimum 30 days of sobriety-No Contact letter written and sent by me-Then and only then will I consider Contact with her.

well said.....hang in there and stick to your plan......if you have done what Dr. H advises then I believe your life will be better. You know in your heart you can't live with the WW continuing her A ......

Nesre,

Sorry it has come to this for you. I do believe you are doing the right thing though. You're right, this has gone on for FAR TOO long and you need to do whatever you have to to protect yourself and your DD from it. Stick around, there are many good people on this board that will help you through this difficult time. Be strong...no one deserves to live the way you have. Keep the faith and hang in there...

Want2Stay

p.s. I'll pass the info along to LaLa.

nesre, she has moved out?

Thanks for yor sup[port W2S.

Just tired of the footprints on my forehead. Continual broken contact and gaslighting take a toll.

Nesre

Melody

Shes moving in 3 directions.

To a sober halfway house 60 miles away. to her parents 30 miles away, or to an apartment within eysight of our home and OM's.

EDIT-To specifically answer she moved a handful of cloths to the apartment on Saturday and has been bouncing all over the place except here. I have not let her come back to the house. If she needed something I took it to her.

I go back to the Al-Anon joke-How do you know when a drinking alcoholic is lying? There lips are moving.


Do you think PLan B is working????

15 VM's since 7:20 am.

Nesre

nesre, the letter is supposed to be given AFTER they move out. If you see her after the letter is delivered, it defeats the purpose of Plan B. Once the letter is delivered, there should be NO CONTACT whatsoever. That can't happen if you still live together.

Melody

Went back and edited my last post to be more specific. For some reason the goofballs with the apt did not make her sign a lease as of yesterday. Saw her at the bar last night with OM. Gave her the letter at about 10pm.

I gave her the letter last night. 15 VM's on my phone since 7;20 this am.

My brother will take care of them.

OOPs-#16 coming in right now.

Make sure you and your dd get a support group like al-anon to attend if you aren't already.

Going dark in plan B is rough enough....you will need as many support systems as you can get to help you.

Reading

Already there.

Went through a 4 day family program with DD16 seperate from WW in early DEc when WW went through last alcohol treatment program.

DD and myself are both involved in 12 step programs. DD's addictions intervention counselor at school is supportive with DD. We also have been talking about our situation. Counselor also is going to try to give extra support to DD.

22 VM's since 7:20am

37 VM's at 9;50 am

Gotta get out of this nut house for a while.

Going to the next town and eating breakfast.

39 vm's now

Went out for breakfast and while I'm halfway through FIL calls and says he picking up WW at the apt?? she rented?? WW wants to grab more cloths and go live at their house now.

She has no car since I parked hers saturday morning about 5 miles away from our house when she came home falling down drunk.

I told FIL to call me when he's 5 miles away and I'll leave and she can get the rest of her stuff. Finished eating and headed for home.

Get home and open the door to see WW's coat on the dining room chair. I knew WW had no keys since they are in her parked car. I look to the side door and here she broke the dead bolt and jamb on the door to get in.

So much for respecting bounderies.

I came in mainly to insure BALDO wasn't in the house. LUCKY he wasn't. I couldn't hear her so I searched the house and found her rummaging through her downstairs closet. I asked if she was OK since she looked like hangover death warmed over. She said she was OK and started t initate conversation.

I immediately left the house. Called the FIL who said he was 8 miles away. I told him what was happening. He said he would let me know when they left.

I kinda felt like "something" would happen this morning. What an entitlement attitude.

47 VM's on the phone since this morning. I'm really tempted to listen but I'll let my brother clear them. Good Lord only knows what kind of crap may be on there.

Nesre

GENERAL QUESTION

In Plan B do I do any further exposure or do I leave it alone now?

I exposed to our families and most close friends. Do you move the circle out wider or just leave it alone when in Plan B??

Thanks Pep


Brother deleted 57 vm's of crap. Only one concerned DD 16 going to town after school instead of coming home. Talked with DD direct about her plans.

Thought I had another day or so to plan so I am meeting with intermediarys tommorow am. They want more info of what is expected.

Basically a filter between us right? No emotion pass through. Only requests back and forth.

LINK to Im training thread

Share with your IMs the key points.

Thanks Pep.


E-mailed it to them.



Nesre

nerse,
haven't been thru the AA side of things but I am sure that it is important for you to take care of yourself and in my mind that is 1st protecting yourself and staying on track with AA.
Plan B is to protect what feelings you have left for the WW and to insulate yourself from her abuse!!!

I think you have done a great job....remember what your plan is...30 days sober and NC then talk..... stick to your guns.....I know you'll have dark days ahead but you take them one day at a time and you can do it..... HANG IN THERE

Thanks SC

Taking care of myself even though I don't really feel like it.

DD16 went to a lock in at a Christian Center over night and will be with friends until almost 10 pm tonight.

Kinda lost in my own home with the 100 decibles of silence.

I am going to post more later today. Ive given myself a little time here to sit on my pity pot and then I will get up and going again.

I gotta get a sig line up CS-Ours are pretty similar.




CU Later

Nesre