Over on my thread Mark said that using Plan A/Plan B is intended only for troubled marriages in which there is an affair. However, I recall reading Harley using Plan A/Plan B in other marital situations.

I would love to hear thoughts from others on this topic, because if there's no affair, then how is one supposed to get their spouse out of withdrawl? It seems to me an affair is simply an addiction that you break with nuclear exposure, in conjunction with Plan A. In withdrawl, there's not addictive relationship keeping the spouse in withdrawl, it's willful, conscious choice! Can't break that with exposure, and can't coax them out of it by meeting needs they refuse to let you meet.

Um, nevermind. I just read the rest of Mark's post. Go read my thread instead

You meet as many needs as you can, and eliminate as many love busters as you can. You get a good coach, or coaches, to look over what you are doing and help you find the love busters you are missing and the emotional needs you could be meeting. You constantly study your spouse and adjust and even experiment until you can increase the rate of love bank deposits.

I find Mark1952's story inspiring. His wife was in withdrawal, head over heels in love with another man, and he started making love bank deposits. It was slow going at first, but it worked. Here's where I copied his story: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=159447&Number=2340626#Post2340626

Yes, that was an adultery situation, but what he describes there is exactly what you have to do for a spouse in withdrawal when no adultery has occurred.


This is not true. Withdrawal is a feeling, not a decision. It's triggered in certain people when the love bank balance falls to a certain point. Some people go into it more easily than others. It is very disastrous since now it is difficult to make love bank deposits and impossible to get first hand information about emotional needs and love busters. But it's a defensive mechanism many people have to protect them from love busters. Love busters are literally more painful and damaging when they come from someone you are intimate with. Withdrawal makes the love busters less hurtful because you are no longer opening yourself up to feel intimacy.

You can't just decide to not be in withdrawal.