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Joined: Feb 2012
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2012
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Well that hurt. 
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Joined: Jul 2008
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2Guessing,
DO NOT MARRY OM, the relationship is statistically doomed. What reason has he not to cheat on you?
Apologize to your ex because it is the right thing to do to someone we've harmed expect nothing else to come of your apology, it is a good step towards re-establishing your integrity. Do the same for your children.
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 02/09/12 08:01 PM.
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Joined: May 2009
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I do think that you need to break up with your OM/fiance.
Your ex H may not be interested in going through hell again with you but you obviously are not wanting to truly marry the OM.
Whether you and exH ever reconsile and rebuild or not, OM isn't the man for you to go into the future with.
That seems the obvious first step for you.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I would approach him and see if there is any interest on his part. Are you a good option for him? If so, why? What do you have to offer him? Do you have a plan to earn his forgiveness and protect him from destructive behavior?
You can have a great marriage again but only if you follow these principles for recovery. So I would go to him with a PLAN to earn his forgiveness and recover the marriage. Otherwise, you wouldn't be a good option for him. He would be better off taking a pass.
He should reject you out of hand if you blame your adultery on a lack of need meetin.' You had your affair because you allowed another man to meet your needs. If those poor boundaries are not erased then you are not safe and he should not consider you at all.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2010
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Joined: Oct 2010
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!
Think about that!
"3 years in... My feeling for OM have wavered..."
Wanna know (something that's not) a secret?
Dr. Harley is oft-quoted that most affair-based relationships crumble around the three year mark!
Why don't you e-mail the radio show? Then you can get your advice direct from Dr. Harley himself... And a free book, to boot!
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Joined: Mar 2011
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And yes, I am willing to break it off with OM forever, no contact.
Please give me any and all thoughts. Why haven't you done this already? OM thinks you are going to marry him while you are thinking about reconciling with your XBH ???? Can you see the waywardness still at work here?
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Your problem is that OM was never able to meet all of your ENs effectively. You are now feeling the vacuum created and you have decided that you will try to get your BxH to meet your ENs and keep OM around.
First, end all contact for life with OM. Regardless if you reconnect with your BxH, the "relationship" you have with OM is toxic. End it. For good.
Then, learn how you can be the best spouse and see if your BxH is willing to date you once again.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Did you and your BH post here back then?
What were your screen names then?
On to now:
What are the ages of your kids?
Is your BH seeing anyone?
Has your BH dated at all since you left him?
Statistics: Affairriages do not last. Why embark on trip that won't be successful.
Time to grow and end the affair. By doing so you will be teaching your kids an invaluable lesson that it is never too late to do the right thing. Never too late to make amends to the ones you have hurt and repair the damage.
Too marry the OM will only teach your kids that affairs are acceptable and that it is not important to marry a man with honor.
You marrying the OM is teaching your children that it is ok to marry a thieve in the night, and man that did not care that he was stealing what was another man's wife, and that it's further ok to marry a man that willingly broke up the childrens family.
You are here because you are now becoming brave and mature enough to realise that the OM only brought evil, hurt, pain in to your's and your families life.
End this rule of evil by the OM now. Grab your clothes and go straight to your parents house. Tell you parents that you rewrote your life with BH to justify sleeping with the OM.
Ask their help to keep you strong and away from the OM.
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Also do not check in with XBH to see if he would be receptive to taking you back before you dump OM and move out.
No BH/XBH would want hear the WW/XWW asking to be their fall back plan because they want to dump the OM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Well that hurt. Oh good grief! You removed your post?  Whatever for??
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You can remove your posts anytime......... you won't be able to remove your doubts your guilt or your bad decisions.
Any long term relationship with the OM is doomed... its just the timing thats in question.
YOU can get off the train before it goes off the incomplete overpass thats waiting up ahead ... or go crashing down with it.
Your life, and again you have a critical choice to make just like you did with starting the affair or working on your marriage back when... are you going to make a better one this time?
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Well that hurt. 2guess, the way you broke you BH's heart and your kid's hearts, you have broken our's. We had so much hope for you. We wanted to be there to support you as you cleaned up your life. Sad you choose to ignore all the damge you have done, including the damage you have done to your self.
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Joined: Sep 2011
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Okay, whew, for a second there I thought I was the only non-clairvoyant on the board.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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