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Quoting from John Eldredge's book ~Wild At Heart~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A hesitant man is the last thing in the world a woman needs.
She needs a lover and a warrior, not a 'really nice guy'.
Her worst fears is --- 'I will never be really loved, never really be fought for'.
I realized that I had, like so many men, married for safety. I married a woman I thought would never challenge me as a man. I wanted to look like the knight, but I didn't want to bleed like one.
The number one problem between men and their women is that we men, when asked to truely fight for her ... hesitate. We are still seeking to save ourselves, we have forgotten the deep pleasure of spilling our life for another.
There is something mythic in the way that a man is with a woman. Our sexuality offers a parable of amazing depth when it comes to being masculine and feminine. The man comes to offer his strength and the woman invites the man into herself, an act that requires courage and vulnerability and selflessness for both of them. Notice first that if the man will not rise to the occasion, nothing will happen. He must move, his strength must swell before he can enter her. But neither will the love consummate unless the woman opens herself in stunning vulnerability. When both are living as they were meant to live, the man enters the woman and offers her his strength. He spills himself there, in her, for her, she draws him in, embraces and envelops him. When all is over, he is spent, but ah, what a sweet death it is.
And that is how life is created. The beauty of a woman arouses a man to play the man, the strength of a man, offered tenderly to his woman, allows her to be beautiful, it brings life to her and to many.
This is far more than sex and orgasm. It is a reality that extends to every aspect of our lives. When a man withholds himself from his woman, he leaves her without the life only he can bring. This is never more true than how a man offers , or does not offer, his words.
Life and death are in the power of the tongue says Proverbs (18:21). She is made for and craves words from him.
If the man refuses to offer himself, then his wife will remain empty and barren. A violent man destroys his wife with words, a silent man starves his wife.
'She's wilting' a friend confessed to me about his new bride. 'If she's wilting then you're withholding something', I said. Actually, it was several things.... his words, his touch, but mostly, his DELIGHT.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pep
<small>[ October 01, 2004, 09:12 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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Pep,
I've been plugging yhat book for a year now. Makes a bunch of sense doesn't it? I think it is a must read for all men (and their wives).
God Bless
Doug
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Pep,
Thanks for posting that.....it was beautifully written and I believe it is so true....women want a "hero" but these days women get criticized for just that because it's seen as a sign of dependancy and weakness.
My husband was my hero this weekend.
Thanks again,
Onlywords
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Ps 1. Not in plan a <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> 2. Try not to think about all thant boinking seed stuff with your WW and OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Pep:
Very cool! Only one thing I have difficulty with in that 2uote, and that is the hesitation versus fighting for her.
In THIS kind of sitch, far 2far along in the "hesitation" game, it'd be "inappropriate" 2 fight at the "appropriate" level - I'd have 2 kill RM with a sizeable nuke... ...and I just checked my garage and I can't find any nukes anywhere (and he's 2 big 2 fit in our microwave oven). It's gone that far.
It's great stuff, though.
***edit**
Last edited by JustUss; 01/07/13 05:21 PM. Reason: removed links
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Yay Pep. Think I'll go out and find a man like that today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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gave this southern girl the vapors.....
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Pep,
I have always been a big fan of yours. I think you are very insightful and offer a lot of great advice. I read your excerpt three times over a period of several hours and sorry but
IT IS THE BIGGEST COLLECTION OF HORSEAPPLES I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME
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Well, Pep, now you've done it. You've gone and pushed me over the edge. Thanks, though really, you're posts have always been a huge help and they seem to get here just in time. RH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <small>[ September 13, 2004, 07:24 PM: Message edited by: Recovering H ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Originally posted by Cymanca: IT IS THE BIGGEST COLLECTION OF HORSEAPPLES I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">~LOL~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Well.... thanks for you opinion! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> PS .... I will await your rebuttal .... one where you explain ---> what YOU think "a woman needs from a man". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <small>[ September 13, 2004, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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Hmmm,
As a man, I gotta say this passage feels like a bunch of crap babble. Honestly. A woman wants a man that will fight for her? Can it possbily be any more vague? So, if we are supposed to be knights, then the appropriate action for me would be to go confront the OM, challenge him to whatever duel I choose, or let him choose if I'm feeling giving at the moment. Doesn't matter, rage tends to win over skill in battles of that nature. Then, I lock up wife in a chastity belt.
Wow, this post just aggravates me. Makes me REALLY want to look up OM and just slowly PUNISH him.
So, what does the book say men want? I'm curious about that one. LOL.
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Pep,
Have you ever posted the reverse of this thread? (What a man needs from a woman or is it somewhere in that book?) Just curious, because I'm not sure I could come up with that.
RH
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cymanca: <strong> Pep, I have always been a big fan of yours. I think you are very insightful and offer a lot of great advice. I read your excerpt three times over a period of several hours and sorry but IT IS THE BIGGEST COLLECTION OF HORSEAPPLES I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm sorry but I have to go with my man Cy on this one! You guys don't know my whole story. I was that guy, that GREAT HERO RESCUE THE DAMSEL, BRAVE THE FIRE, SCALE THE CASTLE FOR THE FAIR MAIDEN TYPE OF AN IDIOT! I left home when I was 17 and in highschool because my GF now W wouldn't end up in a foster home. I remember it like yesterday, my GF showed up at my job at RoyRogers with allof her clothes in trash bags. She didn't have anywhere to go....so stupid me, I took her home. My mom let her stay in our house 2 days and then she ordered my GF to leave because it was a bad example for my younger brother and sister. I went into HERO mode and like an idiot I said, "Mom she has no where to go, whats going to happen to her?" My mom said "FM that's not your problem, she can go to a shelter or a group home, but she cannot stay here, I'm a christian and this isn't right!" "Well, if she leaves mom then I'm leaving. I have to look out for her!" My mom looked into my fog clouded eyes and said, "FM You're looking out for her, but who's looking out for you?!?!?!" I was an idiot. I was a hero but a dumb hero. All I created was a monster who totally relied on me for EVERYTHING, and I do mean everything! If the clouds were blocking the sun she would look at me and say, "FM MAKE THE SUN COME OUT"...if it was raining she'd look at me and say "FM STOP THE RAIN PLEASE". That's why I had an A, she was never there for me, she had no idea how to be. When I hit hard times and fell into a depression my W was no good, she couldnt function. I had to go outside to others for support. Do you have an idea how hard it is to be down and depressed and you try to share that with someone, but when you do they cry so much that you end up trying to cheer them up? That's what happens when you buy into that HERO stuff. You create someone utterly dependent on you and if you need help they cant even walk on their own because their spine, legs and other muscles have gone to mush because you've been CARRYING THEM ON YOUR BACK FOR SO LONG! I am just a man. A wonderful, strong, courageous, faulable, imperfect, not always right, not always wrong, sometimes magnificent, sometimes extraordinary always human man. My W forgot that and had no concept of me needing help, support, encouragement, etc... Me being her hero didn't get me anything special in the end. In the end you need to be more of a HERO is all. If you storm the gates and rescued the maiden last week, this week you must swim into the belly of the beast and pry her from its razor sharp jaws and for what? So she can one day say screw you and go sleep with a guy who never stormed any gates, never fought a single shark or saber tooth tiger! He ended up getting the same things I did and he didn't have to earn anything. She was just as affectionate with OM. She slept with him, and who knows what types of escapades, outfits, wild uncontrollable sex they had, because remember...He's my soulmate..HER FRIEND, HER SPECIAL FRIEND, HER OBSESSION! I'm just the old shoe with the worn stitching, he's a pair of trendy designer boots! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Pep, I'm not angry, its all very funny if you actually step outside of yourself for a second and imagine it happening to some poor schlep in a MOVIE. Too bad it's my real life. I will never again do the Hero thing, I'd rather do the OM thing and have all the fun without the investment, the sacrifice or the risks. WOW! I'm on a roll tonight, but it's true. Heroes get the shaft and I'm living breathing proof that you can rescue the fair maiden but it doesn't mean she's going to stay so fair. Opps, no one said the fair maiden could turn into a spiteful woman who tries to ruin your life after her A is over and your minding your own business trying to pick up the pieces of your life, or should I say the miserable life that the maiden left for you. This is not a good subject for me to respond to. It hits too close to home for me. Boy is our MC in for some interesting sessions with FM comes to visit. HERO RUN FOR YOUR LIFE YOU SILLY MAN!!!!! NO ONE DESERVES A PEDASTAL SILLY MAN!!!!! ....be a hero at your own peril you fogheaded sap!
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What a man needs from a woman?
Great Sex, Peace, and a decent cooked meal. Thats it. A freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets. Heck! I cook better than my W,so I don't even need her to be a culinary wiz. Alot of guys will probably storm in here and discount my blunt assessment but SF is on the top of every mans EN List. Hey put down that 4X8!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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I knew this was post was going to have some controversy over it... I decided to leave out some of the more controversial passages that discuss Adam and Eve! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I posted this for myself. My journey into my femininity has taken a turn recently. I am celebrating my H's masculinity ... I really don't think this book has much to do with ~affairs~ per se... certainly not ongoing affairs... This post is not to be applied to stopping an A or Plan A or Plan B .... nothing like that. But, I think this book has some value about understanding the masculine / feminine ying / yang in life. Years ago, in my feminist days ... MY mantra was "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" .... Gloria Steinem was wrong. I wasted many years of my life listening to the "men are bad" crap. Men are wonderful.... I enjoy the various reactions you all post, thanks so much! Pep <small>[ September 14, 2004, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> I knew this was post was going to have some controversy over it... I decided to leave out some of the more controversial passages that discuss Adam and Eve! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I posted this for myself. My journey into my feminity has taken a turn recently. I am celebrating my H's masculinity ... I really don't think this book has much to do with ~affairs~ per se... certainly not ongoing affairs... This post is not to be applied to stopping an A or Plan A or Plan B .... nothing like that. But, I think this book has some value about understanding the masculine / feminine ying / yang in life. Years ago, in my feminist days ... MY mantra was "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" .... Gloria Steinem was wrong. I wasted many years of my life listening to the "men are bad" crap. Men are wonderful.... I enjoy the various reactions you all post, thanks so much! Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your right PEPP and if I was M to a woman who thought as you think...I'd love to be her HERO. Mr. PEPP is a lucky man!! You are a rare, insightful GEM. My W was once like that...and come to think of it I'm still doing the HERO THING..after all my complaining I'm still storming the castle arent I? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> *sigh* Once upon a time I would have jumped infront of a bullet, dove on a knife, blocked a speeding locomotive with my chest...anything to express my love and protect my W. If I could click my mouse and bring back those days would I? Being a HERO is very rewarding in and of itself but the fall from greatness is H3LL!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FamilyMatters: <strong> What a man needs from a woman?
Great Sex, Peace, and a decent cooked meal. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">THAT'S NOT VERY ROMANTIC!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FamilyMatters: <strong> Thats it. A freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets. Heck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">okok, so maybe I laughed just a LITTLE at this! BUT JUST A LITTLE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Originally posted by RookKev:
[
Wow, this post just aggravates me. Makes me REALLY want to look up OM and just slowly PUNISH him.
So, what does the book say men want? I'm curious about that one.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK..... let me look it up..
~~~~~~~~ quoting from the book ~~~~~~~~
There's a photo on my wall of a little boy about five years old, with a crew cut, big cheeks, and an impish grin. It's an old photograph, and the color is fading, but the image is timeless. It's Christmas morning, 1964, and I've just opened what may have been the best Christmas present any boy received on any Christmas ever -- a set of two pearl-handled six-shooters, complete with black leather holsters, a red cowboy shirt with two wild mustangs embroidered on either breast, shiny black boots, red bandanna, and straw hat. I've donned the outfit and won't take it off for weeks because, you see, this is not a "costume" at all; it's an identity.
I am armed. I am dangerous. Bad guys beware.
Capes and swords, camoflage, bandannas and six-shooters -- these are the uniforms of boyhood. Little boys yearn to know they are powerful, they are dangerous, they are someone to be reckoned with.
Aggression is part of the masculine design, we are hardwired for it. If we believe that man is made in the image of God, then we would do well to remember that "the LORD is a warrior; the LORD is his name." (Ex. 15:3)
The boy is a warrior; the boy is his name.
Those Union soldiers who charged the stone walls at Bloody Angle, the Allied troops that hit the beaches at Normandy or the sands of Iwo Jima -- what would they have done without this deep part of their heart? Life needs a man to be fierce -- and fiercely devoted. The wounds he will take throughout his life will cause him to lose heart if all he has trained to be is soft.
This is especially true in the murky waters of relationships, where a man feels least prepared to advance. As [Robert] Bly says, "In every relationship something fierce is needed once in awhile."
Every man wants to play the hero. Every man needs to know he is powerful. Women didn't make Braveheart one of the best selling films of the decade. Flying Tigers, The Bridge On The River Kwai, The Magnificent Seven, Shane, High Noon, Saving Private Ryan, Top Gun, the Die Hard films, Gladiator -- the movies a man loves reveal what his heart longs for, what is set inside him from the day of his birth.
Like it or not, there is something fierce in the heart of everyman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pep
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Her worst fears is --- 'I will never be really loved, never really be fought for'. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True! Especially for a woman whose husband chose to find a lover instead of confronting the issues in the marriage. No sign of being "fought for" but left with the feeling that your are not loved enough to be worth the effort. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If the man refuses to offer himself, then his wife will remain empty and barren. A violent man destroys his wife with words, a silent man starves his wife. 'She's wilting' a friend confessed to me about his new bride. 'If she's wilting then you're withholding something', I said. Actually, it was several things.... his words, his touch, but mostly, his DELIGHT. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also true! Some men hold back their emotions. They never really tell you what or how they are feeling. They leave it to you to guess what they are feeling, you should know they love you, they shouldn't have to say it or show it. My husband never told me he loved me and would never be affectionate and he could take or leave sex, mostly leave it because there was always a TV program to watch or he had to get some sleep. So yeah, the "starving" wife is something I can relate to easily, I lived that for 20 years. Family Matters says: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What a man needs from a woman? Great Sex, Peace, and a decent cooked meal. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My husband had that for 20 years but didn't know what to do with it. Took an affair and almost losing his wife and family to realize what he had under his nose is what he has wanted all along. That takes us back to </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Her worst fears is --- 'I will never be really loved, never really be fought for'. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't need a man to run around beating up guys that talk to me but I do need a man that will be strong enough to "fight" for me by loving me, being affectionate with me and letting me into his heart completely. No islands allowed. Cathy
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