I have been married for just over a year. This is my second remarriage, as well as my wife. I have no children, but she has 3 from prior marriage. She is very over protective of her kids and feels noone, really has the right to say or disipline her kids even me. She likes doing things her way, as though she were still single. She even admitted to me recently she does. When I disipline her kids it is usually taking away computer or video game rights for two weeks, sometimes more. The problem is the kids (3 boys) talk back to her and me which I feel is desrespectful. I wasn't raised that why, nor was she, but she allows it. When I say or do something about it she gets an attitude. She tells me that she feels like she has to choose between her kids or me. That's not the case, I feel it is an excuse. When we got married she told me that she was going to "do this & that" to make me happy. She hasn't done anything. We have sex if I'm lucky 3 times a month, even that it seems is a chore for her. Any affection from her is so limited. I recieved more affection (hand holding, passionate kisses) before we got married. I have on many occassions attempted to address these issues with her, but I get no feeback. It is usually "I don't feel like it" talking about the problem or the best is "I don't know". We are both in our 30's. She really can't have another child without having a minor surgery. My wife and my stepsons benefit from me being in there lives on so many levels. I help with homework, I attend school meetings, I cook, clean, wash/dry and fold clothes and yes Ladies & gentlemen I have a job and I am really involved with my church. I help my wife with her school work as she is going back to college a class at a time. I'm really not benefiting on any level from this marriage. I laid everthing on the table before I married her, I'm finding out she didn't and has really no plans on making this marriage better. She has changed to a person I really don't know within a year. She says the change is because she feels I'm making her choose between me and her kids. I just want what every husband wants from his wife time, affection, romance. Sure we have busy lives outside of home, but come on. She is always worried about her sons, they are her WHOLE world, I barely exist, I nothing more that a SECOND THOUGHT. She says she can only consitrate on one thing at a time, in the mean time I going rejected, neglected, and lonely. She doesn't, by her on admission want to be obligated to noone. She wants to do what she wants to do and when she wants to. My things is why didn't she "count" up the cost of getting married again and having a man dealing with her kids on a disipline level before she said "I Do". I truly didn't think I would be going through this kind of nightmare the second time around. We live in the apartment she had before we got married and she lets people stay there without consulting me. I sacrificed getting our own place before we got married to financially give her the dream wedding she wanted. She is driving around in my car, while I am driving a very old car a relative doesn't use. I contribute financially to the house. She doesn't even make the car payments on time. She works and recieves more than $1,000 per month in child support. I'm at the point where I almost want out, but I do want to save this marriage. She knows I'm not happy. A few days ago I asked her how she makes/what does she do to make me happy, she had no reply. Someone out there please help me.

man, you gotta address the 3 times a month thing. it'll eat you up, send you packin or make you very susceptible to steppin out where you shouldn't be. you got a right, but in 'love' and kindness. it drove me out, but i didn't even know what i was missin, cuz it were none existent. see my post this eve., about a poll 'is 3-6 times per yr normal'. address the issue, its important.

Just a hint here.. you’d get more responses if you posted in the Emotional needs forum. This is not very active forum.

Topic 1:

About the step kids, I’m been a step mom for about 4 years now… I have 2 step kids (13 & 15) and my son (14)… it a hard job. Being patient is very important.

There are two schools of thought on this. One is that the biological parent is the only one who disciplines the children. The child will not accept it from the step parent and act just like yours are. But the children are to respect the step parent as they are living in that person’s house too.

The other thought is that all who live in a household are a family. The wife is the ‘mother’ of the household. The husband is the ‘father’ of the household. In the house both ‘parents’ parent all children who live there. This is the rule that my husband and I agreed to before we got married. We also agreed that we’d be a team… I’m the ‘good’ cop, he’s the ‘bad’ cop. They know that if dad gets drawn into a situation they are about to loose all of their privileges. They know that my first reaction to every thing is ‘yes’ and dad’s is ‘no’. So they work very hard to not let things escalate.

No matter what philosophy of parenting is followed, it’s paramount that the parents support each other in front of the children. And that they hold any discussion in private.

It sounds to me like you did not discuss this as a couple before you married. With no agreement and no plan you have chaos. At this point I’d advise counseling for all of you. There are very good counselors who work with a blended family to make it a cohesive family. This might be the best way to go so that you are not the one telling your wife where she is wrong.

As for the disrespectful attitudes … when any of our kids are disrespectful to me my husband tells them. “This is the woman I love. When you are disrespectful to her it gets me angry. Don’t you EVER talk to her like that.” They get the point..

As for the topic of your relationship and your sex life… I’d also advise you to read all of the material on this web site. There is a lot of good here. The books “His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters” will show you where you BOTH are going wrong in your relationship and how to fix it. You may want to start with the link in my signature block to the welcome page.

You are experiencing some very normal problems in both step-child rearing and in your marriage. This is exactly why second marriages have a higher divorce rate… stepchildren. A good book to read on that is “Step by Step Parenting”.

How often do the two of you go out? Perhaps one thing you could do is to lay off the parenting for a while. Let her do it. Trust her parenting, she did after all survive as a parent before you came along. Seems what she needs you for is that she loves you. She did not marry you to be a parent. Concentrate on being your wife’s lover. Start by ‘dating’ her. Then with some family counseling you two could develop a parenting style that works. But right now your marriage is at risk so put all your efforts there.
One thing that might be fun is a marriage builder’s weekend … I hear they are very good. My husband and I are hoping to do one as soon as his job situation settles down.

By the way, let us know if you are still here.

<small>[ May 20, 2003, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zorweb:
<strong>Just a hint here.. you’d get more responses if you posted in the Emotional needs forum. This is not very active forum.

Topic 1:

About the step kids, I’m been a step mom for about 4 years now… I have 2 step kids (13 & 15) and my son (14)… it a hard job. Being patient is very important.

There are two schools of thought on this. One is that the biological parent is the only one who disciplines the children. They will not accept it from the step parent and act just like yours are. But the children are to respect the step parent as they are living in that person’s house too.

The other thought is that all who live in a household are a family. The wife it the ‘mother’ of the household. The husband and the ‘father’ of the household. In the house both ‘parents’ parent all children who live there. This is the rule that my husband and I agreed to before we got married. We also agreed that we’d be a team… I’m the ‘good’ cop, he’s the ‘bad’ cop. They know that if dad gets drawn into a situation they are about to loose all of their privileges. They know that my first reaction to every thing is ‘yes’ and dad’s is ‘no’. So they work very hard to not let things escalate.

No matter what philosophy of parenting is followed, it’s paramount that the parents support each other in front of the children. And that they hold any discussion in private.

It sounds to me like you did not discuss this as a couple before you married. With no agreement and not plan you have chaos. At this point I’d advise counseling for all of you. There are very good counselors who work with a blended family to make it cohesive family. This might be the best way to go so that you are not the one telling your wife where she is wrong.

As for the disrespectful attitudes … when any of our kids are disrespectful to me my husband tells them. “This is the woman I love. When you are disrespectful to her it gets me angry. Don’t you EVER talk to her like that.” They get the point.. and if have to say that I like it when he says that.

As for the topic of your relationship and your sex life… I’d also advise you to read all of the material on this web site. There is a lot of good here. The books “His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters” will show you where you BOTH are going wrong in your relationship and how to fix it. You may want to start with the link in my signature block to the welcome page.

You are experiencing some very normal problems in both step-child rearing and in your marriage. This is exactly why second marriages have a higher divorce rate… stepchildren. A good book to read on that is “Step by Step Parenting”.

How often do the two of you go out? Perhaps one thing you could do is to lay off the parenting for a while. Let her do it. Trust her parenting, she did after all survive as a parent before you came along. Seems what she needs you for is that she loves you. She did not marry you to be a parent. Concentrate on being your wife’s lover. Start by ‘dating’ her. Then with some family counseling you two could develop a parenting style that works. But right now your marriage is at risk so put all your efforts there.
One thing that might be fun is a marriage builder’s weekend … I hear they are very good. My husband and I are hoping to do one as soon as his job situation settles down.

By the way, let us know if you are still here.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ May 19, 2003, 04:40 PM: Message edited by: neuschwanstein ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by neuschwanstein:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zorweb:
<strong>Just a hint here.. you’d get more responses if you posted in the Emotional needs forum. This is not very active forum.

Topic 1:

About the step kids, I’m been a step mom for about 4 years now… I have 2 step kids (13 & 15) and my son (14)… it a hard job. Being patient is very important.

There are two schools of thought on this. One is that the biological parent is the only one who disciplines the children. They will not accept it from the step parent and act just like yours are. But the children are to respect the step parent as they are living in that person’s house too.

The other thought is that all who live in a household are a family. The wife it the ‘mother’ of the household. The husband and the ‘father’ of the household. In the house both ‘parents’ parent all children who live there. This is the rule that my husband and I agreed to before we got married. We also agreed that we’d be a team… I’m the ‘good’ cop, he’s the ‘bad’ cop. They know that if dad gets drawn into a situation they are about to loose all of their privileges. They know that my first reaction to every thing is ‘yes’ and dad’s is ‘no’. So they work very hard to not let things escalate.

No matter what philosophy of parenting is followed, it’s paramount that the parents support each other in front of the children. And that they hold any discussion in private.

It sounds to me like you did not discuss this as a couple before you married. With no agreement and not plan you have chaos. At this point I’d advise counseling for all of you. There are very good counselors who work with a blended family to make it cohesive family. This might be the best way to go so that you are not the one telling your wife where she is wrong.

As for the disrespectful attitudes … when any of our kids are disrespectful to me my husband tells them. “This is the woman I love. When you are disrespectful to her it gets me angry. Don’t you EVER talk to her like that.” They get the point.. and if have to say that I like it when he says that.

As for the topic of your relationship and your sex life… I’d also advise you to read all of the material on this web site. There is a lot of good here. The books “His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters” will show you where you BOTH are going wrong in your relationship and how to fix it. You may want to start with the link in my signature block to the welcome page.

You are experiencing some very normal problems in both step-child rearing and in your marriage. This is exactly why second marriages have a higher divorce rate… stepchildren. A good book to read on that is “Step by Step Parenting”.

How often do the two of you go out? Perhaps one thing you could do is to lay off the parenting for a while. Let her do it. Trust her parenting, she did after all survive as a parent before you came along. Seems what she needs you for is that she loves you. She did not marry you to be a parent. Concentrate on being your wife’s lover. Start by ‘dating’ her. Then with some family counseling you two could develop a parenting style that works. But right now your marriage is at risk so put all your efforts there.
One thing that might be fun is a marriage builder’s weekend … I hear they are very good. My husband and I are hoping to do one as soon as his job situation settles down.

By the way, let us know if you are still here.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you for your advice. This weekend I spoke with my wife and I told her I would back off and let her be the disiplinarion for 6 months. At which time we will table this again to see how it's going. How often do we go out you asked, not often enough. She allows almost anything to do with the kids get in the way. Look, I'm a realist. Things happen from time to time that doesn't allow for us to go out at scheduled times, but she needs to prepare or have a back up plan for these things. You mentioned that she (my wife) has survived this long without me, true! Surviving doesn't mean that the manner in raising them was even good, but just good enough to get by. She rarely disiplines her kids if they talk back to her, so how am I or better yet why should I take that from kids who (A) aren't mine and (B) should really have no hand in disiplining them. If I should stay out of that arena what than do I do when a situation like this araises. Talk to her, yes I've done that with every little success.Things like this do build up a deep resentment, especially when you didn't think your second marriage would be worst than your first. How does your husband deal with these types of issues? I would really like to know his thoughts, if you don't mind <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . That for your help, any input is appreciated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Neu,

Nice choice of names. A man looking for his castle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I like that.

It is with great reluctance that I disagree with Zorweb, actually I may not disagree with her, but do see things differently. I guess because I am a guy.

I am less worried about her focus on the children (which is normal) than I am about her attitude about the marriage. I think this is a reason for a very deep talk, yup including the sex issues. She wants the benefits of the marriage but the perogatives of being single. AS you said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She has changed to a person I really don't know within a year. She says the change is because she feels I'm making her choose between me and her kids.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you can put this to rest, by focusing on the real issues and strongly suggesting that she have a talk with the kids about respect for people. It is fine for her to allow them to disrespect her, but she should INSIST that they act properly toward you, especially if she has taken your ability to discipline them out of your hands.

Marriage is about balance and there seems to be little in yours right now. So negotiate with her about these issues. But clearly if you think this marriage is way unbalanced then your resentment will eventually end the marriage.

The time is now to address these things. No threats, "or else's", or "yes but's". Just this is how I feel, this is what I would like, what do you think? Type of an approach. These are serious issues you need to consider. If she really won't deal with it, I respectfully submit that you might need to move on.

Zorweb states that a blended family is very difficult. I don't personally know about that, but I am sure she is right. However, it seems you have just been brought on as the "help". Her life is the same, same kids, same apartment, same schedule, less cost because you are helping out.

If you can get some counseling about this and see if you two can "balance" up things a bit.

God Bless,

JL

<small>[ May 19, 2003, 08:32 PM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

We are a blended family. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and we have two kids together. In the beginning I was reluctant to allow my H to discipline my daughter. I was over protective in a way. She was never allowed to disrespect him but if and when she did it was my job to put her back in her place. Until they developed a relationship. I believe there has to be some trust and mutual respect there between the step parent and the step child for there to be effective discipline. The more I noticed a relationship forming between the two of them the more disciplining rights I allowed him. Now he can discipline her all he feels is necessary without my getting upset over it. They have that bond now and that trust and mutual respect.
As parents I think we all want our children to be treated with respect but they're not going to get that unless we teach them about respecting others too. I see alot of parents around me who seem to forget that. Your wife sounds like one of them. You need to develop a relationship with these kids that is yours and there's seperate from her and then start working on showing them how mutual respect works. I also dont think you should look at these kids as "not" yours. That can get in the way.
ASide from that, have you ever stopped to think that she married you out of convenience?

This topic has been moved from the Other Topics board, per user request.

neuschwanstein:

I'm not in a blended family yet, but soon will be..and my pastor gave us a few books to read on step/blended families..

Creating Harmony as you build a New home life, Blended Families" by Maxine Marsolini
(it's christian based)

Chapter six is about "Whose in Charge"

It gives some great information..

Another book is "The Smart Step-Family, Seven steps to a Healthy Family" by Ron Deal
(also Christian based)

It goes over how the marriage should be the top priority and the roles of parents and step-parent
it discusses the Ineffective Step Parent, and the Effective Step-Parent..

These are some of sub-topics--on the step parenting issues..

Ineffective step parents rush into parenting..

Effective Step parents step into their role..

Ineffective Step parents attempt punishment before having a relationship..

Effective Step parents gradually move into disciplinary roles--

Ineffective step parents try to replace the non-custodial parent..

Effective step parents encourage step children to maintain contact w/ non-custodial parents (short of them being abusive)

Ineffective Step Parents Take on the Peacemaker role..

Effective step parents accept difficulties and face them...

And then the other one I haven't read yet..or even really glanced through it is called
"Winning the heart of your stepchild"

the books also talk about how even after the marriage they feel like they have to choose between their natural 'non-custodial parent' and the step-parent..

and about the conflict that arises inside the kids..that nobody expects, like..the fact that it really makes it final for them that their parents will never get back together again..(even if they knew it...it brings those feelings to the surface)

Maybe you would consider reading some of those books...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She rarely disiplines her kids if they talk back to her</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not everyone thinks that there is anything wrong with "talking back" to one's parent.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just Learning:
<strong>
It is with great reluctance that I disagree with Zorweb, actually I may not disagree with her, but do see things differently. I guess because I am a guy.

I am less worried about her focus on the children (which is normal) than I am about her attitude about the marriage. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JL,

Actually I agree with you that Neu’s main concern right now should be his marriage. That is one of the main reasons I advised that he back off disciplining the children and concentrate on being his wife’s lover and husband.

------------------------------
Neu,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Neu:
<strong>Surviving doesn't mean that the manner in raising them was even good, but just good enough to get by. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What you see as ‘not good enough’, is what your wife thinks is ‘good enough’, if not good, parenting. I’m sure see sees you as being critical of her parenting, and therefore critical of her. That is not going to win her over… it will do what it has done… push her way.

How did your wife react/respond to your discussion this weekend?

By the way, how much time do your step children spend with their father?

Backing off right now is wise. Putting most of your energies into your marriage is the place to start.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Neu:
<strong>How does your husband deal with these types of issues? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My husband is not able to post right now. I did ask him your question. His response was that you and your wife have to back each other up. Show the children a united front. Discuss your parenting differences in private. POJA all of our differences.

For example if my husband dishes out a discipline that I think is too harsh I support him in it. Then in private we discuss it. But since he is the one who dished it out, it is his choice if he wants to then ‘reduce’ the punishment. I do not second-guess him.

(A caution here, I would not support him if he did anything that is physically or emotionally abusive. That is a totally different issue.)

There are times when my husband disagrees with my decisions. But he stands behind my decisions just the same.

Nellie1,
Do you have a problem with a child "talking back" to You?

Zorweb,
I feel like you are putting me in the place of the bad guy here. I understand you are coming form a woman/mothers point of view. However, you haven't mentioned things that bother me. As per my W reaction to the suggestion I made over the weekend she seemed happy.
In your oppinion, what do I do in terms of my feelings of her parenting, just keep my mouth shout and let it eat me up inside. Especailly when I can see do the road some issues that she didn't deal with now coming back in "kicking her in the can" which in turn will effect our relationship to some degree anyway.
As I read your first response. I do try to be the Lover and passionate and compassionate. Alas, I have little patience for those how refuse sound advice.
I spend anywhere from 2 plus hours per day with my step sons.
You said what I am doing or have done is push her away. Don't you think if your spouse told you things in the beginning of the marriage that he was going to do this and that, and a year later hasn't followed through on none of those things. You not feel that your husband has pushed you away for not meeting your needs in areas to which he said to you. Those things you never asked, nor forced him to stay.
I told my W if we, she and I are doing well as a couple the entire household will benefit from that, but if we aren't the household will feel the effects of it. She agrees, but when the time comes to deal with a situation she doesn't want to. Again, it is either "I don't feel like it", "it's too late at night to deal with this", or "I don't know". Why not deal with it tomorrow you may ask. Well that's because my W will not want to or will forget. In any case it is a lost cause of something that needs to be discussed.
I am tired of dealing with the same issues and same arguements for the past 9 months with no response or help from her in how to fix/deal with the situations/problems we have.
How would you feel if we you were dating your husband and he wanted alot of affection and time from you. You were happy to do it for him because you love him and enjoyed it as well. Now less than a year into your marriage the same man who wanted the things from you said you "I feel that you are somthering me", "after a time you can get tired of someone"! How would you inturrept that? So when I give her "space" time to herself, than she wants to know where I am, what I'm doing? It's like she wants her cake and eat it to. I want to time and affection only when I want it, when it comes to you, well you're out of luck. That's how I feel.
Let's take another example. My W before we got married told me "I don't care if you are mad at me or each other you will kiss me before you leave for work" and now the story is "That's what you wanted". I've never asked for that, nor did I make such a statement.
How much do they see there father, often! the one thing I have told the kids from day one is "no matter how you may feel about your dad, he is your dad, and I will not allow you (kids) to disrespect him in my presence".
I feel I'm being put to where I should act like the bio-dad in terms of support, finanical, emotional and so on, but in the same breath told you are yet limited as to what you can do. I not talking about physical or emotional harm mind you. I feel as JL stated that this is not balanced fairly.
I help with homework, talk, advise when asked by the kids support in any way I can. Since my W and I started dating I have missed only one school performance. When my W or the kids dad could not attend a important school meeting of one of the kids I took off from work to be there.
I try to schedule H & W time. to date and be lovers, however it is always something with the kids and as I stated in a previous post. I understand that every now and again things happen, true, but 93-96% of the time where it interfers with our time. She doesn't try to rescheule, so my needs go lacking to the point where it is common place. So, I do to some degree take offense when I'm advised to be more or her husband/Lover. When I've tried that again and again with no success. I've talked to her about it and it is like the words go in one ear and out the other.
I understand that kids have needs and somethings a parents needs go lacking for a while, but come on for a minute. How long should a H have to wait for his needs to be met?
About a month a ago my W told me, well you're not there father. Now, I do know this, but was that neccsary? Though it didn't bother me before we got married about having my own children. Know she can unless she gets some minor surgery, I have never thrown it in her face. Though at times, more so lately, I would like my own. However, I am very good at hidding my feelings on that one. I don't resent my decidision in marring someone who I know, right now can't have another child. So resentment doesn't play any part in this.
Do you or do you not feel given the infomation I have just noted she is pushing me away as you feel I am pushing her away?

Throned Rose,
Thanks for your post. I will take this useful advise. Pray for me and my wife.
God Bless <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

neuschwanstein:

I think what Zorweb is trying to say, is talk to your wife in private about these issues..

And you also have to remember, she's been a single mom for a long time..doing it all..and my not know how to accept your help..

She may take it as critism..and not helpful..

You need to let her know your there for her..

It sounds like she has a problem following through on discpline..you can't make her do that..

can the two of you sit down and discuss some consequences to certain behaviors?? And then have HER sit down with the kids, with you supporting her..and discuss what the two of you have come up with..

Like what behavior should warrant taking away the computer and tv, and phone for two weeks??

and why two weeks?? why not first time two days,
and if it happens again..then a week..then third offense two weeks??

It sounds like she wants you on the side lines for moral and financial support but dont butt in, I dont know if i could do that. raising todays kids is tough, since you dont have any of your own, you only draw on how YOU were raised, I can tell you how you were raised is out the window, todays kids tend to talk back and are generally spoiled, mine are no different,RESPECT is taught but the only way your going to see much of it is when they deal with other people, todays kids push parents to their limit, the world and all its choices have taken something away from kids in my opinion, too many mixed messages, and us parents are tired, we work harder and we play harder,and we fail to demand the respect that our parents demanded of us because it takes away from our " play time" to properly disapline kids. Your wife is a classic example of a "today" parent, your not going to change her or her kids, and your not going to win that battle, she's already made up her mind as i see it. If I was you I would turn over all controll of the kids to her, take all the "quality time" with the kids if you get along with them and let her be the bad guy when its needed, Thats what SHE wants, if she asks why your not helping with the hard stuff tell her thats how she wanted it, and its how you want it too.The only thing you should demand is courtesy and respect from the kids, be a guiding light but only as a friend to them. As for your relationship, is it possible your pushing for PARENTING rights has soured her some, that happened in my relationship wit a blended family, stop pushing and work on you two, see if that helps her loosen up some. good luck.

you can’t change the past so let’s not talk about that. You married a lady who has 3 kids by a previous marriage. It doesn’t look like it’s working, and I have a feeling it will get worse. She seems like a selfish, inconsiderate person. From what I have experienced, it seems like it is a mother’s nature to put her children ahead of anyone else. That’s why I never got real serious with a lady who had young children. I know this in itself may seem selfish, but I wanted my wife to give me what I would give to her - number one priority. Anyway, this may not be your case. I would have a long and serious talk with her alone. Tell her exactly how you feel and let her know you do not want to continue a married life in this manner. People harm themselves and their children by letting the children run over them. Married people should respect their mates and appreciate the thing they contribute to the marriage. It doesn’t matter if it’s washing the dishes or bringing home $100,000 per year in wages. I was raised in a household where I had to do a ton of things. My mom and dad made me help to clean the house, mow the lawn, wash clothes, cook, wash the car, write checks for the bills, pick up dog duty in the back yard, and every other thing related to life’s chores. I don’t have any children, but I know that getting your children involved in the things I’ve mentioned above will be very beneficial to them when they become adults.

I have posted this statement several times at this site, but what do you think your wife would do if you treated her in the same way she treats you? Ask her that question and see how she replies. I wish you the best.

Fortyone & ThronedRose,
As of Sunday I have stopped all the "parenting stuff". Now what? I keep reading about her possible point of view, how about mine. Aren't my feelings on the other issues I've spoken on matter?
Yes,yes,yes I have tired to speak with her, alas most of the time it's like speaking to a wall. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

QUESTION!!!

It appears/seems to me some of the suggestions I have been given is be supportive in certain ways needed like a PERENT, without really being a Parent? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by neuschwanstein:
<strong>QUESTION!!!

It appears/seems to me some of the suggestions I have been given is be supportive in certain ways needed like a PERENT, without really being a Parent? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Neu,

I'm at work so cannot respond in length right now. But quickly...

Could you give an example of what you mean here?

By the way, I think we all understand where you are coming from and feel for your predicament. I think we are talking about her point of view mostly trying to brain storm to help you. Not because there is anything wrong with your point of view.

I for one hate when kids are disrespectful...

<small>[ May 23, 2003, 06:42 AM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>