I wrote several days ago about what had been going on in my marriage - I wasn't sure then and I'm still not sure.

Over the last month, my husband has been acting strange. He has said things indicating that he is not sure about our marriage. I have thought that he was seeing someone else so I put a tracker on his vehicle to find out.

What I discovered, was that he has been going to a condo for several hours several days a week. Thought it was to see another woman. My 19 year old son wanted to see where it was so we went there while he was at work. My son regognized it as a place that belonged to a friend of his at work, and he and my son had done an air conditioning job there several months ago and it was vacant. It occured to us that maybe my husband was buying it.

Over the last month, my husbad has put me through pure hell. He has told me everything I've done wrong in our 20 year marriage. We haven't slept together for 1 1/2 years but we have been the best of friends, really enjoying each others company. Over the last month, I've been told by him that I needed a "wake up call" about our marriage. Because of this, I've have tried to change all of the things about myself that he had problems with. He went along with this, and just kept saying that he had a lot of thinking to do and was confused.

I have been a total wreck trying desparately to save my marriage and he knows this. Over the last 10 days we have actually slept together for the first time in a long time and he even wants to sleep next to me in bed. During this time however, he has not been willing to commit to try to make our marriage work. He keeps saying that he just needs time to think and sort things out in his mind and doesn't know what he wants.

I realize since I found out that he bought to condo, that he has lied to me repeatedly. Every time we try to talk, we end up arguing and get nowhere. I now think that his mind has been made up about leaving me all along. I told you all last week that he took everything out of our spare room and supposedly put it in storage but would never tell me where this storage was. Now my son and I have found out that he moved this stuff into his new condo. When I confronted him, he said we might work on it together and rent it out. I feel now that this whole thing has been a big scheme to trick me and get what he wants no matter who he hurts or how underhanded he does this.

Last night, it all came to a head. My son had written him a letter telling him how much this is affecting him and telling him how he feels. I also wrote my husband a letter, pouring out my heart, telling him all of the changes I am willing to make to help our marriage work. They were all concessions on my part except that I told him the one thing I expected from him was to not see anyone else while we tried one last time to make it work.

He read my sons letter first and discussed it with him, explaining that he loved him and that this had nothing to do with him. He also slipped and made the statement, "You should not have to be involved in our divorce"

Then I read my letter to hime. When I finished, he basically told me that it was very sweet but that he wanted to be honest that he needed time to think about things before he committed to anything.

So then, I quietly asked him when he planned to leave. He kept saying "I don't know" I asked again, telling him that I felt like I had a right to know when this was going to happen so I don't just come home one day to find him gone. All of a sudden, he got very angry and walked out and drove to his condo. My son realized that he was gone,and followed him and went in and talked with hime for 2 hours.

After he left, I suddenly felt like I had been played and schemed against so I packed up about $30,000 worth of his guns and $10,000 worth of his guitars and left town just to get out of this house and think.

I put these things this morning in a safe place. At about 3:00 he came in acting very nice like he came to visit. I told him how hurt I was that he had done things in such a sleezy underhanded and dishonest manner. He then realized that the guns and guitars were gone. Even though I told him that I was not planning to keep them permanently, and that they were in a safe place, he was so mad that he stormed out and drove off. Now he won't answer my phone calls or anything. I said, "Is that the only reason you came was to check on your things? and he said no but now I'm not going to say what I came to say and left mad.

I tried to make him understand that I have a right to have some pretty bad feeling about the way this whole thing has gone down and a right to express this to him but he never heard a word I said. It was all about me taking his things.

I feel like I don't even know this man anymore. He lies and acts so confused, nice one minute and mad the next.I don't know what to think about anything anymore.

Have I blown any chance I may have had to work out my marriage or has he just been playing me all along? Was it a hugh mistake to take those things and has it blown any chance I might have?

RN,

Well, first take a deep breath and calm yourself.

WH is talking fog babble.

You were encouraged on this forum to do a nuclear exposure to halt this A. The reasons for this were explained well.

Did you expose?


PS please don't start another thread, it gets really confusing.

You need a plan.
You need to stop flying by the seat of your emotions.

YOU NEED A PLAN.

No I have not exposed because I still don't have any proof. All the proof I have is from July 2007. The only proof I have now is 2 1 minute phone calls. It's hard to go to your employer when you don't have the proof you need.

I thought the condo was about seeing her but now I'm not so sure....

Didn't OW send a sexy video to your husband?

Sorry about the new post. I'm new here and don't know how it works.

Yes, but that was a year and a half ago and my husband erased it.

He is getting the condo so he can see OW uninhibited

"After he left, I suddenly felt like I had been played and schemed against so I packed up about $30,000 worth of his guns and $10,000 worth of his guitars and left town just to get out of this house and think."

Good girl!!!!!!!! You protected yourself.

Take your time and settle down. Hubby is having an affair for sure.

Do you think there is any chance for us after all that has happened?

Oh yes, you are just at the beginning. The first thing is to protect yourself financially. Then you need to Plan A, which includes snooping to get evidence and then exposure.

You don't have a chance without a plan.

Taking his crap & putting it in storage will not ruin your chances. Exposing adultery to the HR where all 3 of you work won't ruin your chances.

NOT having a PLAN is ruinous.

Have you read ANY Marriage Builders books?

Too bad about the video. Did you happen to write down the text messages or send them to your phone for safe keeping?
The only other info is the 2 short phone calls.

If she sent him one video, she maybe sent him more or cards/letters. Go through everything in places where your WH spends time alone, basement, garage etc.

In addition to what others have suggested for snooping, have him followed by a PI, a friend or yourself. Snap some pics.

Find out what he is doing and develop a PLAN. There is absolutely no reason to be guessing this long. FIND OUT. Hire a P.I. GEt the OWs name and complete background.

Your only hope is to FIND OUT the truth. You have to find out the FACTS in order to develop a PLAN. You need a PLAN.

I'm not sure how to post here without starting new topic so I'll just post by replying to last post here.

Last night, I had to call husband because my son was acting strange, took some money out of our account and took one of the guns that was left behind. My husband finally located him and met him to talk.

When my son never came home, I called my husband at 1:30 am to ask. At first he was pleasant and assured me that son OK but then asked "Is there any thing else you've done besides taking my guns and guitars that I need to know about?"

I very calmly explained that there was nothing else, and that he would eventually get his guns back. I said that because of the way he has done everything, I felt I had to take guns as they are part of community property and that if we do end up divorcing, I didn't want to get screwed. I said that he had basically showed no regard for my well-being by the way he has taken things for his new place behind my back and lied so much.

He started getting real mad again, insinuating that he had come to talk yesterday but that when he found out I took the guns, he no longer wanted to talk.

I said that there were going to be a lot of things we would have to talk about if we were going to get a divorce such as splitting up bills, etc.

I then asked, "Are you ready now to get a divorce?" He wouldn't answer the question but just kept ranting about the guns and finally hung up on me.

Is this man still just playing me and is just more concerned about his things than talking to me about our marriage? When he left, Wednesday he kept saying that he probably wouldn't even like living alone and would probably be back - just needed some time away from all of this.

Have I declared war and ruined all my chances with him by taking the guns and making him so furious with me?

Please see my last post on this as I don't exactly know how to post where it shows at the top of the thread...

RN:

This question:

So, someone who has bought/rented a new place, moved his stuff to it, and wonders where the other "stuff" is, is furious.

Well, he declared WAR first. He even started bombing your Peral Harbor without letting you in on it.

Guess what, your NOW in it to WIN IT.

Next time you talk to him, let him know that the condo is marital property. That should cheer him up.

Oh, and BTW, when he said "I came by to TALK yesterday... BUT"

You will get that ALOT. It's ALL YOUR FAULT.

IF only you had... Blah, blah, blah.

If he "Wants to Talk" then say "lets Talk"

Learn as much about Plan A as you can around here. You need to show him your BEST RNMom for the next two months.

You may be heading for divorce, MB has plans to help you restore and recover your M. Your WH is flying by the seat of his pants, and "thinks" that he is one step ahead of you. But MB will get you two steps ahead of him. The frustration in WH when you get there first all the time in the future is interesting to watch.

Now: Open a new bank account, in your name at a new bank. Withdraw cash from your existing accounts, and move the cash there. DO NOT TAKE A CHECK, to easy to trace. If you have investment accounts, please contact them and advise them that you believe that your SSN's has been compromised and someone may try to move funds electronically without permission. Everything must be done in writing, and in person in a local office.

Lock up your assets so your WH can't make off with them. Because in his state, he will think "she took the guns, I better get (fill in the blank)" You get there first.

This is WAR. HE declared it. You get to WIN it. As Admiral Yamamoto said after Pearl Harbor:,"We have awoken a sleeping giant"

That's YOU!

LG

RNmom

You're doing the posting correctly. It's not going to add to the top of the thread--it will just keep adding to the bottom. So, you're doing it right. But like someone else said just keep to the same thread.

Your H is trying to turn this all around on you and you can not let that happen. It is not your fault. He is trying to pull one over on you--just remember that.

I still believe that you should put a voice activated recorder in his car if you can...and, find out what is really going on. You do need to expose.

And, don't be concerned right now about whether this is going to make things worse because the direction he is headed--it couldn't get much worse. Does that make sense?

You need to snoop, gather info and expose.

RN,

My H talked the same fog babble when he wanted to move out. He wanted space, he wanted to take care of himself, pay bills by himself -- Maybe he would hate it but wanted to try it.

I not knowing that OW was waiting in the wings for him to be free.

Within 2 weeks, H was saying I am never coming home, if everything goes alright in a few months we will get a divorce.

Understand -- fog babble..they lie, they cheat.

If I had a better grip and plan at that time I might be in a better place than I am today. I should have exposed earlier if I had known about OW sooner and before H moved out. Now D papers are served and I just don't know.

Hire a PI, follow what these vets say. They know.