The mark of a good person is their sense of guilt when they know they are doing something wrong.

All good points, and I agree.

My EXWW had some run of the mill qualities, but for the most part fell into category 2.

I like the assesment, where'd you get it? People's Court?

Bwhaaaaaaaaa - YOU KNOW I was on People's Court, in the 80's.

this was me for the most part except OM was a co-worker I knew for several years.

Do you think this list could be applied to run-of-the-mill FWHs too?

That is just what i was about to post.

I'm not sure, but I don't think it would be exactly the same. Try to make one for WHs yourself. Or, we could work on it as a team.

I have been thinking about this "run-of-the-mill WW" list for awhile.

In my opinion, it's not an "all from one list" sort of thing, but more like what Cajun said ... which list has the most similarity TO A GIVEN SITUATION ... KWIM?

Beau Knows!!

Her adultery choice gnaws her conscience!

What are the implications for the marriage?

What makes the first kind of WW “run-of-the-mill”?

Is she run-of-the-mill because such WWs outnumber the other kind, and if so, how do we know that?

Is it that her adultery was “accidental” rather than a lifestyle choice?

Does her conscience make it easier for her to stop by herself?

Is it more likely that she will stop when the affair is discovered (or soon after), or less likely?

Is she more likely to respond to Plans A/B by stopping, or less?

Is she more likely to be a walk-away wife?

Is it more likely that she will go back to a particular OM? If a particular OM can be dealt with (using legal means!) does the marriage stand a good chance of recover using Harley methods? Is it likely that the “run of the mill” WW will not find a new OM, and quite likely that the other kind will?

Much of it did for the Wookie.

What do you think Sugar?

If the categorisation "run-of-the-mill" has anything to do with frequency, then I would guess that the types are directly reversed for men and women. I would guess that the routine adulterous H is a cake-eater - type 2 - and the less common one is type 1.

Actually, for me, this post is just a way of organizing my thoughts about how best to help the BH approach their WW.

I love getting all this feedback. It helps me organize my mind.

Well, Pep, I think it is still important to clarify what makes you describe type 1 as “run-of-the-mill”. That term suggests that they are nothing special and not extraordinary. We have seen their type many times and we can deal with them. The other type might, on the face of it, seem more like hopeless cases because they are not cut out for marriage. They seem certain to repeat the behaviour with anyone who provides flattery and attention.

I wonder, though, whether the first type is actually harder to deal with because they go some way towards falling “in love” before committing adultery. The fact that they alter their beliefs to justify their behaviour might make them more committed to OP. This first kind is at the extreme end of the continuum that Dr Harley describes, that starts at one end with the person who forms no attachment to the OP and can easily have one-night-stands, to the other end where the person leaves the marriage for the OP.

Perhaps I’m looking at this wrongly because either can be relatively easy to deal with, or hopeless. Perhaps what matters is the mix of characteristics.

Great juxtaposition list Pep. This helps explain some stuff.
Thanks!

Oh, I think that looking at the affair behaviour and all the cirumstances before giving advice is terribly important. I saw the thread that prompted you to start this one, Pep.

Me too. I was thinking today, while hanging out the washing in the garden, about starting a thread called "theory class". Its purpose would be to help me understand the many parts of Harley that I would like clarification on, and to discuss how to apply theory to hypothetical situations. Perhaps I don't need to start it anymore!

Interesting reply!!!! I think i may have to agree.