I too went through this phase of "nothing left to give".

Riz, stick to the thursday appt with Steve.

RMX,

ElC only plan is PLAN-D. He said that he had nothing left to give, plus that his only hope was shattered when he read my last foggy wayturd posts. He got tired of me not following the MB plan, plus comitting the IB Lbuster. He had enough, he lost the faith that I can change. Based on my track record who wouldn't.

I didn't realize that we were on the verge of D. For me it was easy to see a better future, even though I knew that there was a lot to be done, because I am the WS. So if we missed on UA time or SF, I would be like, is OK, next week we'll catch up. But I failed to realize that for him being the BS, following the MB program on a daily basis was a matter of life or death, because he had LOST my trust!(With a lot of reason of course). God what a terrible doctor, I led my patient bled to death.

I spoke with Steve today. I have to work on a plan that will help him realize that I can change. I cannot expect anything. If the plan works great, if not at least I'll know that I try my best.

I won't be posting anymore though, because I don't want him to read my posts. I will be working with Steve and Sandy.

I won't give up. I will show him with actions, that there are still options. We can make this happen.

I hope I didn't sound too foggy!

Good luck, Rizos!

Thanks, MelodyLane

We are moving to VA, but we are not going to be living together. ElC is going to have his own apartment.

Even though he's on plan-D, I will leave my family and friends behind so that he can be with DD's. The thought of being alone in a place that you don't know anybody is scary. I've been thinking about what will happen if I have an accident, or get very sick! ElC has clearly stated that financially DD's and me will be OK, but other than that, in a personal level he doesn't want anything to do with me. Still I'm moving because I know that he has never been happy living in PR, and I don't want him to have to stay in PR for DD's. I'm the one who broke the M, so I should be the one making the sacrifices, NOT ElC. Plus, I'm still hoping without expectations that our M can survive.

Thanks for your support, as always. I thought I had said that I was not going to posts anymore! I will log off right away...

He estado mirando su historia. �Dice que relaciones p�blicas y su marido dice que ingl�s no es su lengua materna, as� que asumo espa�ol?

En Junio, cuando quiero NC con OM pero no tuve la fuerza, fui a Costa Rica por dos semanas para estudiar espanol. Lo siento si mi gramatica esta mal�. Quiero regrasar para estudiar por una mes, pero no se si mi esposa concordar�.

I am speaking to you as a WW and a mother of a daughter. This is not MB sanctioned advice � if there is MB advice specific to mother/daughter relationships, I haven�t seen it.

I believe the mother/daughter bond is the strongest bond in nature.

I have a D21 who last year was involved in an emotionally and ultimately physically abusive relationship. My D is stunningly gorgeous, smart, engaging, charismatic, and kind. Last summer I asked her �why do you allow him to treat you that way?�

Light bulb moment: she learned at the feet of the master � me.

She did what I modeled.

Your D's will do what you model. Nothing you say will ever overcome what you actually do.

I don�t know whether there is enough left to work with to save my M � we are both so wounded. I�m not even sure at this point I care enough to try, but I don�t have to decide that right this minute.

I do know this: I will be radically O & H with my kids. I sat my D down, looked her in the eye, and told her about the A. I told her it was 100% my responsibility. And then I told her all the factors that went into it � my years of stuffing stuff, my anger, her dad�s anger at me, all of it.

I will model MB concepts for my D and two S�s. I may not be willing to do that for my BH, but there is nothing I won�t do for them. They are motivating me when there is not enough hope for my M to motivate me.

My A and the possible death of my M are a tragedy, truly. The only worse tragedy is if our dysfunctional relationship is modeled by our children.

Look at your DD�s. You had an A because you were broken. You clearly still are � me too. Don�t set them up to have the same experience as you. You may not be able to save your M, but you ABSOLUTELY can show them a different way of living.

If you are looking for strength, hope and a plan, I would suggest you read everything that JL, GloveOil, & Mark1952 have posted on any thread *****EDIT**** but for me those three have been the best sources of the things I need most: hope, a plan, and the occasional kick in the head. I have been blessed to have all three of them on my thread, but I read them on all threads and have set up files on my desktop for each of them so when I encounter something that has meaning so me, I can save it and go back and read it again and again. Those three will give you more than enough to work with if you take the time to reflect.

I'm not posting on my thread anymore so getting mad at me for posting on Rizos thread is pointless.

God bless you and keep you in your journey. And remember � we walk through the valley of darkness -- it isn't a life sentence.

Saddest,

It was/is a very good bit of information you have given Rizos. I hope she listens to you and takes it to heart.

Rizos, I hope that things work out for you. Don't give up hope.

God Bless,

JL

Rizos - keep up the awareness and action and don't give up. If you want to see how things disintegrate when a wayward doesn't see softening or reciprocation, read LawfulGood's story. I think there's hope in your situation in contrast to LG's wife's situation because the last straw was broken by a lovebuster, not another D Day.

Change because it's the right thing to do - for you, for your children and for whatever relationship you have with ElC.

Rizos,
Keep your appt with the Harley's, work on a great plan......make sure your husband knows that you have not given up and you are willing to do anything to work things through, you must show remorse and you must know that you some how have to convince your husband he can believe in you.....Your husband does not believe you at this point...your words mean nothing, actions are everything, they will mean everything to him......
Nothing at this point should be more important than your husband and your marriage.
If you can convince him that moving is best for everyone I would go with him, hard to think of being on your own and starting fresh but I think your only shot at a chance of getting him back on board......
He will see that as a big step on your part.........show him everything, don't expect anything in return..........treat me like he is the most important person in the world, love him no matter what he does..........
good luck

TJ/

In case people wonder what SW was saying:



Translated through Google (probably partially accurate):


BTW: I think it is rude to post in another language that others don't understand, especially when the OP clearly speaks English.

/TJ

Not bad Google.

I am so sincerely sorry -- I did not in any way mean to dismiss anyone's posts. There is SO much information here that I found myself wandering from thread to thread without really processing anything so I picked three to really study. It has helped me stay on task. Since English is not Rizo's native language, I thought a similar approach might help her.

Please accept my apology.

As for my Spanish -- well, obviously I have a long way to go. I didn't intend to be rude at all. I just thought it might be nice for Rizos to see a greeting in her native tongue (plus I don't get to practice much, obviously!) as it seems she has a lot on her plate right now. To those that found this offensive, I am again sorry.

The message I was trying to send Rizos was to become the best her possible, to work to heal those things in her that are so broken she had an A, and if she can't do that for herself, her BH or her M, do it for her daughters -- mothers will do things for their children they won't or can't do for anyone else.

Threadjack over.

I actually think it is nice, if you can, to post to someone in their native tongue. Perhaps you can continue to do that but provide the English translation for those who do not speak Spanish? At this point, with so much disruption at this site lately, people are understandably upset about random advice they can not understand.

I think it is a nice gesture FWIW.

Saddest,

Thanks for your support. I once told you to keep posting, and that the advice that we received from MB members although sometimes harsh, it is still a great advice, and they always mean well. As you can see, sometimes I don not handle it in the right way, or with an open mind, and I end up hurting my M more. I tend to get more upset with BH, instead of with myself. It's easier to make someone else responsible for our own stupid mistakes! And see how I'm now, alone... and hoping to have another chance from my BH.

I am not giving up just yet! ElC is worth fighting for, and I will change for ElC, my DD's and myself. Because we all deserve better.


I do hope that you keep and open mind, and start posting on your thread again. Seeing what you and people post to you has help me a lot. That's how we all learn. Don't give up hope, we all can have a great M. It just takes times, and a lot of effort.

Thanks, KaylaAndy

I will read the story that you mentioned.

I know, I have to act a whole lot MORE! Not having ElC around, has made me think about all the mistakes that I have done. I was too passive, I needed to put more attention to the details. I didn't realize how important my actions are being the WS! I was being too selfish, expecting to receive in order to give. I didn't realize how much I had already received by just having a chance to recover our M. ElC didn't even had to give me a chance, but he chose to, and that should have been more than enough from his part. I've definitely GOT that NOW! I won't give hope. I spoke with Steve, and I've got a plan.

Thanks, again...

My God, Jessitaylor, great advice!!!! It's all true...

I'm going to change, and I will treat him like he has always deserve to be treated, no matter what he does.

I have to figure out this, no matter with whom I spent the rest of my life with, so why not do it for the father of my kids!!!!! I've got that one right!

Good luck....no good effort to you. I am praying for you.
BC

Barbiecat, I didn't understand this. What do you mean, with no good effort to you.

I meant not that it is up to luck... it is up to your good effort! positive.

I only hope positive for you

Thanks, Barbiecat

Sorry, English is my second language. I really didn't understand it. It's clear now. Yep, good and a lot of effort.

Rizos, did you keep your appointment? Are you in contact with your MB coach? With MelodyLane? Anyone?