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Realized reading this thread tho that I'll probably never be a vet. You're a vet, CV. 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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cv you are a vet. 
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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Some of you truly amaze me the way that you have picked up everything so fast. You may not have been here as long as others but you surely get it. IMO, an MB vet is based on merit as opposed to longevity. Some of you may not have been able to save your marriages, but you sure have saved yourselves. Then there are people like me, who arrive after it's all over, and who only wish they'd gone the MB route back then.
And some of you are hilarious!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Realized reading this thread tho that I'll probably never be a vet. Not because I don't understand or use the material, but because my posting style and personality limit me to certain types of postings. I realize that I probably only click with a very limited group that comes along. That's OK CV, you can take my spot. I limit my postings these days .... for personal reasons. I need a wing-man. Pep, You better not go! You know you help everyone who is along the broad spectrum of recovery, right?
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Dr. Harley's article describing a good counselor can give some tips on vet-like behavior: How To Find A Good Marriage CounselorSo a good coach may be called on to do these three things: (1) to help you avoid or overcome painful emotional reactions to the process of solving marital problems, (2) to motivate you to complete your plan to restore romantic love to your marriage, and (3) to help you think of strategies that will achieve your goal. In other words, they are the ones who "guide you through (1) emotional minefields, (2) motivational swamps and (3) creative wildernesses." I'm sure some of us are better at some of these items than others. I've seen some problems though when some people thought only one of these was important. I understand this article originated as a section in Dr. Harley's workbook, and I've seen that it's been reworded and included in his book Effective Marriage Counseling, addressed to the counselor. That book would be really good for anyone aspiring to "vet" status. Or perhaps we should say anyone who aspires to be good at coaching people in their marriages. For that matter, they could also be useful to anyone trying to decide whose advice to listen to here. Effective Marriage Counseling, p. 44 When a couple gives a coach the right to direct them toward recovery, and are willing to follow the coach�s orders, the couple will see rapid improvement�if the
coach�s plan actually works.
When I coach a couple, I let them know from the beginning that I expect them to follow my assignments. If they fail to follow them, I focus on their failure rather than on the marital problems themselves, until they comply. We have here the plan that works - Dr. Harley's. We can help people by motivating them to follow the plan. Of course, they can volunteer to follow the plan or skip it, and they can give up after starting. But if they aren't following it, the best thing we can do for them is to focus on that fact. These articles might also be insightful: What is Marriage Coaching?The Coach (by Steve Harley, M.S., Dr. Harley's son) Finally, in my opinion, nobody is a "vet" if they do not hold to the foundational positions of Marriage Builders: Romantic Love: Is it a Realistic Goal for Marriage Therapy? (by Dr. Jennifer Chalmers, Dr. Harley's daughter)
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Pep,
You better not go! You know you help everyone who is along the broad spectrum of recovery, right? Will you be my wing-man when I am not able to be here?
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Pep,
You better not go! You know you help everyone who is along the broad spectrum of recovery, right? Will you be my wing-man when I am not able to be here? You got it. (says polishing his trusty new hardwood 2x4) Cv
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Or why striking your remorseful husband is not considered an appropriate recovery action. Ditto ramming WH with a pickemup truck. (I did not do this. Probably no one else has, either; it just strikes me as a bad idea.) CLICK HERE: A Real Vet
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Anyone who understands the concepts of Marriage Builders. No matter how long they have been here. I know people who have been here for 12 years who have never owned a book and wouldn't know the POJA from a PITA sandwich. On the other hand, I know people who have been here for 2 months who know as much or more than me, read almost every book, been through the course and listened to hundreds of hours of the MB radio show. It is not an exclusive club at all. We have good folks who show up here every day who know alot about Marriage Builders. Anyone who knows the program and is willing to help others is an invaluable asset to this board, no matter how long they have been here. And I call them all "vets.." Bump. Thank you to Marriage Builders vets, both old and new.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Where is Doormat_No_More? Does anyone know? He's another excellent poster that I used to follow.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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No I don't, but I sure wish he'd come back!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I wonder if the terms evangelist and mentor are more apt descriptions?
Folks volunteer to preach to those who will hear and mentor those who would follow.
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I am a little stuck on HHH saying:
Maybe one day I can follow... sadly, I am very gentle outside of text...
/shrug
Gentle is NOT a word I would use to describe you HHH! Inside of text, at least...
And ML, I doubt you have ever seen the movie The Incredibles, since it is a cartoon. In it, Elastagirl believes her H Mr. Incredible is having an A. At the moment she discovers her H has been lying to her for months about his job/whereabouts/etc. she is in the presence of Edna E. Mode, a very wiry, sassy seamstress. Elastagirl is lying on the floor sobbing...he's cheating...he's cheating... Edna picks her up, slaps her once, backhands her once, and says something along the lines of "snap out of it!, you need to remember that you are ELASTAGIRL, and it is time you remind Mr. Incredible of that too!" (or something like that I totally misquoted it...). Have always loved that Edna. She's one spunky lady. I have Edna in my mind whenever I read a post from you.
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My take on who a vet is. As a newbie, when you see a 'vet' has posted on your thread, you feel honored, nervous because you know you will probably get your a$$ handed to you for something dumb you said (especially if you are stubborn and idiotic like I tend to be), and excited to hear what they have to say because you respect and value their opinion so much. All at the same time.
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Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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No I don't, but I sure wish he'd come back! Me too. I had the same take you did on him " he writes like what Dr. Harley might say".
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Whoah !!.... does this mean that I am considered a vet? I am not sure about that.. but my marriage was turned around with MB principals and is FAR better than any of my previous years together.
*shrugs*
ANyhow .. I just wanted to post my thanks to the vets and for this great place.
MNG
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