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Today is a terrible today for me as well.. My husband of 27 years is involved in an affair and has chosen not to end the affair. I began the process with Plan A and now it has progressed to Plan B. This may sound foolish but I'm so afraid of losing him forever. I'm still love in love with him. I tried my best to make it work but he seems to be in another world. I just can't get through to him no matter what I do. I really hope that I can avoid all contact with him.
Last edited by Fireproof; 10/04/11 05:18 PM. Reason: started thread for Faith
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Faith, can you give us more information? Has the affair been exposed? Does your husband live at home? Who is the OW? What have you done to kill the affair? How long has it gone on?
What do you mean by has "progressed to Plan B?"
Did your husband move out?
Do you have children? How old?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Of course you love him! You are not a robot. Plan B is a very loving act too. It cares for you, gives your marriage a chance at recovery and your fogged h a taste of the real world so he can make an apt decision based on experience.
Please share your details as Mel requests. The first weeks of Plan B are VERY tough and there are vets like Mel and other Plan Bers (like me!) who would like to help.
But we need the info....
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yes, the affair has been exposed. I actually went to the house and the OW was in bed with my husband. We separated three months ago. We have two homes, he living in one and I'm living in the other. I'm not sure how long the affair has been going on. He said a few months but I don't believe him. I guess I chose the wrong word but when i said progressed, it was because its so difficult for me to tell him that I would avoid all contact. I've been with my husband since the age of 17. I was so hopeful that he would change his ways by my actions. I have three adult children who are aware of everything and will continue to inform family and friends.
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I really needed to hear that. Thank you for the additional info on Plan B. It's going to be a dark time for me but it so good to know I'm on the right track.
Thank you!
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Yes, the affair has been exposed. I actually went to the house and the OW was in bed with my husband. We separated three months ago. We have two homes, he living in one and I'm living in the other. I'm not sure how long the affair has been going on. He said a few months but I don't believe him. I guess I chose the wrong word but when i said progressed, it was because its so difficult for me to tell him that I would avoid all contact. I've been with my husband since the age of 17. I was so hopeful that he would change his ways by my actions. I have three adult children who are aware of everything and will continue to inform family and friends. Faith, do they work together? How do they know each other?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Yes, the affair has been exposed. I actually went to the house and the OW was in bed with my husband. To whom has the affair been exposed? Has the OW's family been informed? Who is this skank? What does she do? I guess I chose the wrong word but when i said progressed, it was because its so difficult for me to tell him that I would avoid all contact. It is real important that you begin Plan B by sending him a Plan B letter tellnig he may not contact you in any way until he ends his affair and commits to the marriage. Have you demanded that he end contact? And have his parents and your children asked him to end his affair? Will his mother contact the OW and try to run her off?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He said they don't work together but I don't known what to believe. I don't know how they know each other but I found a picture of her at a bar playing pool.
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He said they don't work together but I don't known what to believe. I don't know how they know each other but I found a picture of her at a bar playing pool. Have you investigated her? Is she married? What does she do? Does she have a facebook page? Faith, I am forming a conclusion that you have been very complacent in this ordeal. Am I wrong?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He received my Plan B letter today and the affair has been exposed to my children, and my mother thus far. I plan to inform his siblings and friends as well. My husband's parents are both deceased. My daughters have been in conversation with him but they didn't ask him to end the affair directly. They told him that he needed to be by himself and not involved with anyone during the separation. I don't know anything about the OW and he is not open to providing me with any info.
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I don't know anything about her, I don't even know her name and he would not provide me with any information.
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I don't know anything about her, I don't even know her name and he would not provide me with any information. Can I ask why you don't find out??  Don't you think it might be important to know who she is? As far as your daughters, are they interested in helping you save your marriage? If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could they please tell their dad how disappointed they are that he is shagging some skank and has left their mother for his filthy affair? The fact that they have said NOTHING is very disturbing. Do you not find that a little to the extreme of conflict avoidance? Family members can be extremely helpful by applying pressure to the adulterers.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He received my Plan B letter today and the affair has been exposed to my children, and my mother thus far. I plan to inform his siblings and friends as well. My husband's parents are both deceased. My daughters have been in conversation with him but they didn't ask him to end the affair directly. They told him that he needed to be by himself and not involved with anyone during the separation. I don't know anything about the OW and he is not open to providing me with any info. Will they all SPEAK TO your husband? Exposure is meaningless unless these people use their influence and try and persuade him to end his affair. That is the point of exposure. If they don't bring up his stinky affair, what is the point? It is a missed opportunity. Your DD's are in a position to cause HUGE conflict in his affair. If I were your daughter, I would paying that old wh*re a personal visit to run her off. I would tell her there is no future for her because she will be eternally hated by your children and other family. Your kids can apply enormous pressure to this skank. And again, I am very confused about why you wont' find out who the OW is. That is normally the first thing a betrayed spouse needs to know. You need to know!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How would I find out that information about about the OW? My daughters have had numerous conversations and will continue to express their disappointment and ask him direct to end the affair.
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You find out by snooping. A fast way would be to hire a PI to get her name and run a background check. Does she go to his house? If so, get her license plate #s and have her plates run.
Why cant your daughters get her name?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My daughters have had numerous conversations and will continue to express their disappointment and ask him direct to end the affair. Here is what you said above: " My daughters have been in conversation with him but they didn't ask him to end the affair directly" My point is that they all should be raising helll about this. But get her name so you can look her up on Facebook and expose to her family. She might even be married.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't know anything about her, I don't even know her name and he would not provide me with any information. I suggest you hire a PI to get the goods on her. That's your fastest horse, and it'll be worth every penny. In the meantime, I would encourage your daughters to be very honest with their father in expressing their disgust and disappointment in him because of his pig-rutting, affairing ways. They are disgusted and disappointed, aren't they? Do they understand that he left you and moved so he could indulge in this affair without any interference from you?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I'm making my list of family members and friends however, I do have a question. My WH closes friends were all involved in infidelity. Would you contact them and if so, how is this helping my situation?
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I'm making my list of family members and friends however, I do have a question. My WH closes friends were all involved in infidelity. Would you contact them and if so, how is this helping my situation? I wouldn't bother with any loser friends. Stick to the good ones. But FIRST, find out who the OW is. You will need to know so we can help you expose to her family and friends on the same day you do the other exposures. You can't afford to do a trickle exposure at this point. It has to be a TSUNAMI, so it needs to be done on the same day in a strategic, methodical way. Please find out who she is and then come back here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ITA with Mel. Faith, it's good to start lining up your ducks, but you need to find out who OW is before you can expose. "My H is having an A with some anonymous woman" isn't going to pack the punch of naming names. Please hire a PI to get this done.
ETA: Finding out who she is will also give you more names for exposure. Git 'r done, Faith.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 10/05/11 05:22 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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