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You'd be surprised at the level of love, support, and strength you will get by being honest with people!
Exposure can do so many things: shatter the illusion of the fantasy world the affair creates, put pressure on the wayward spouse and/or affair partner to end the affair, and provide you - the betrayed spouse - with support from people who will back you up.
My husband took it hard that his children thought poorly of him for his choices. That had a BIG impact on his waking up. He truly thought they would "be fine" about all of it. Real shock to him that they weren't. They expressed their displeasure to him - all 3 of them - as well as their sadness over what he had done to our family. It was not easy, but it was THEIR truth: this is your daughter's life too that he's messing around with!
Don't get me wrong: you don't want to lean on your kids as you are the parent here - but it sure doesn't hurt for kids to express to the wayward spouse how the affair has hurt them by killing their family!
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Joined: Sep 2011
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Sunny, I found you at recovery & leave some post, I thought I'm there, but I come back.
He said it's one side, ok, I believe, since the woman didn't accept & quit & move
He said even he doesn't know if it's affair, I believe it is, just different level
He said he'll open all account couple times, but he didn't, 3 days before, I ask password, & he said he don't like the way I ask, he said, I could let you look, then I'll change it, & I could delete the #, but it's in my heart.
when I read the post "DMH's Recovery Thread" at recovery, I find my siuation just like that, I feel his attitude:
for recovery, I should work out by myself, because he doesn't have this feeling to comfort; if all these years couldn't work, this time couldn't work for him either; if I want to back, I have to give up a lot; if I couldn't forgive, he don't want to live in the past shadow (did I create this "half affair" shadow?).
I'm tired. I don't want to think, & don't want to do anything now.
Last edited by heart2; 10/08/11 08:44 AM.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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If he is not honest about the passwords, he has things to hide, it will still be his vehicle of continuing the affair. Been there, done that, the affair reignited big time after that. Don't put yourself through more hurt.
Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr
A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.
The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow
Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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Joined: Sep 2011
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brief story: he ask her teach him language once per week this year, mid of august, after we had a argue at home, about 8/17, he suddenly found he fall in love with her, & told her, she didn't accept, ask him go back to me, about one week later, she quit job & move to other state with her two kids.
when I finally got password, nothing unusual, I thought I past this, & move to MB101, but he doesn't want online course right now, so we read all the book.
he told me he would commit 100% to MB, we don't have SF problem before & now, but he don't want to show affection, even I ask him call me when he in the office, he told me he doesn't have this feeling, he keep ask me lower my expectation, tell me he need time to find the feeling.
we talk a lot about our marriage, the LB we feel, & other things, I told him I'm very depress, he couldn't help, again, he doesn't have the feeling.
2 days before, I took some copy (the language he learned, nothing special) from his bag, he is very mad, ask me return to him, I told him, it's a trigger to me, I'll feel safe if I keep it & I'll return back to him after I recover. he told me: you think you keep this will make you safe? how about I watch her empty desk everyday ..., & he insist keep it by himself. it's really broke my heart
he said how difference between her & me, at this EA, she choose to leave & ask him back home, how noble she is, how respectful she is. but what I did is so lower level. I told him, I didn't against her, I against you, you decided come back, but you put her in your heart, how could I move in, how to MB? what I did is for protect my family.
one more time, he ask me understand him, his heart with her is because he feel guilt, his word made her family suffer, he just want to help her, make sure they are ok. I told him, I understand, maybe after we MB well, when I see her, I'll thank her, but not right now.
then he said he need time to think stay or leave again, he told me there is something missing in our marriage, he try to figure out & see if he can live with it, so we end up stay in different room.
I drop back the black hole again, please tell me what happened, I really don't like this dance.
-----------------
Me BW (45)
WH (45)
MD (14)
married 17 years
EA Discovery: 9/21
WH decide back: 9/27
WH reconsider: 10/18
confused BW: now
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Joined: Sep 2011
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who viewing post at this time, just like me, can't sleep, please help, it's weekend again.
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