Ok, so it sounds as though you made a stand. Good for you.

Have you spoken with an attorney? I'd be concerned about your finances if you are relying on your WH.

Next should be a Plan B letter, wouldn't you say?

And, to explain the separation, re-expose to everyone the reason why you kicked him out. His next task is going to be to make you to be the nutcase and himself the innocent victim.

Explain that he is still cheating on you (mention the bar girl) and that you and the children must remove yourselves from this drama as his behavior has already started to impact them. Ask (if you want) for them to use their influence to get your WH to straighten up.

We'd understand, of course, if you just called it a day with this guy.

he is ready, he is coming out of the fog, he is ready to begin the steps for R. He had a major breakdown this week, it was a turning point. I still love him, I know he can change, he is already beginning. He has started IC, he is going to look for a new job and if R is going well we plan to move after he finds a new job. The move is not huge, just probably 30-40 miles, but we will be closer to my family and sitters for our kids so we will be able to have more 1 on 1 time. That is going to take time, but he is ready. I am giving him a week or two write out a full confession. He has already contacted my uncle to apologize, he said he is going to apologize to my entire family for what he has down. It is like he has turned into a completely different person, I see it, and feel it is real. I am being cautiously optimistic. He has said he will begin reading the MB books, and I told him he needs to read through them all and do the workbook questions, and hopefully he will follow through, and will be moving back in to our home again. I still love him, and I love our family. I am seeing the changes I need to, he is ready to downgrade his phone and do all the other things I have asked of him to begin feeling safe again in this marriage and rebuilding trust. I am grateful for this site as the other site I have been on lately seems to be a little more negative, but I truely believe is the program, and know that with an open husband ready to R, we will make it through this valley of our M.

Refresh my memory, was he having an affair with a co-worker?




Define a firm date for him to satisfy these requirements because, as the dust settles and the high diminishes, he may slack off on some of these things. "Ready to begin" isn't quite the same as actually starting or doing something. You'll need to have a very final "or else" ready, though, in case he balks.

Stay at the wheel on this and you run the show...not him. I hope that makes sense, and it's good to hear that you've gotten some good news. I hope it sticks!

Have a good weekend.

not so great news:: I have posted on another board occasionally, but my WH has been lurking there so I cannot post much there anymore.

Here is a summary of what has unfolded: WH moved back in in february. THings were good, we went on a couple dates, WH started IC and I felt as though we were making lots of progress. I had begun to work on my anger issues and was not bringing up the A constantly. We still had some occasional issues, but overall I thought we were doing good. After a few sessions of IC WH said we had to do MC so I went in for a few sessions and it was horrible. WH got mad and said we would not do any IC or MC anymore because I thought I was right about everything and wouldn't listen to the MC. We tried to start MB but that was a big bust, he was mad at my low ratings I gave him in the first questionaire so that was quickly stopped.

Then by end of march WH decided he wanted to quit his job and find a new one. I was okay with since OW#1 came into his old work sometimes. He ended up next door at a different business. So things were okay and by april he was learning a new job and I was busy and the whole month went like that. Then I started to notice he was not wearing his wedding ring. He seemed cold, distant and seemed just off. He refused to talk, and he even canceled our date that I had planned. So 2 weeks go by with out us really talking about anything.

He knew I was a bit suspicious of a female coworker, I had asked him to not engage with her and at one point I caught him by him admitting she had texted him and then I realized he had deleted the texts because I never saw the text he mentioned. He then went on to have the female coworker help get my mother's day gift. This woman he knew for a month! I had only met her in passing. So I had talked so much about his boundaries being weak and he would not admit it. And Anytime he wanted to be affectionate, I would ask him to talk about why he has been so upset and he just ignored me. I told him I could not live like this, so he retreats upstairs, puts his phone on lockdown and all but says it is time for an in house separation, and then bam a few days later he does a complete 180, he wants to love me etc. But by this point I am just so detached. I felt like I was discarded for over a month. So I give it a few more days and then tell him I need some time to think about us. He does not like that, he wants me to be okay with being emotionally abandoned and then the second he is back he expects me to pretend like nothing was ever wrong. He got frustrated and ran off to the casinos and even left his phone there with me and didn't take it. This was while on vacation when our baby was sick and i was left there for 7 hours with no way to get a hold of him. Well when he decided he wanted to be with me again he unlocked his phone. SO I took the opportunity to check it and he cleans it pretty well but made a mistake. I found a saved draft to a male friend, the draft said "maybe we should not girl". SO i searched and sure enough the male friend had 2 saved numbers. I don't let him know anything and then when home do some online digging and find that the number belongs to a different young female coworker at his new workplace, not the one previously mentioned. I am still floored. I am also leaving out a ton of info here, pretty sure we are headed straight to D. I cannot keep going around in these circles. I found some more minor evidence of a possible other affair with a coworker from the previous job but not enough to pan out. I am so so confused and upset and not sure what my next should be.

Have you exposed?

Prepare for Plan B.

I would do Plan B for your own sanity.

Putting an affair partner's name in your phone under an opposite-sex name is pretty common. What you think you know is likely only the tip of the iceberg.

Plan B and leave the drama with him.