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Agree.
Porn is one thing, combing personals and dating sites is another... unless he is only doing so to fuel his masturbatory fantasy.
Both things have to go.
Refresh my memory, has he ceased SF at home, or has he had issues with performance with SF?
Usually quite obvious with men...
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Joined: Sep 2010
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Agree.
Porn is one thing, combing personals and dating sites is another... unless he is only doing so to fuel his masturbatory fantasy. ....and when he is watching porn or talking to OW and pleasing himself..(which he is)...he is NOT thinking about you.  hence, he is having sex w other women. Not "ok" in my eyes. ....this is a whole other can of worms to be discussed after you find out what is really going on. PS. when you get the time, I suggest the book "every mans battle" it's a real eye-opener.
Last edited by Lgtex1; 11/16/11 04:19 PM.
BS(me)
FWH
M '91
DS x 3
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.
Col. 2:8 (NLT)
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
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Joined: Oct 2010
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Agree.
Porn is one thing, combing personals and dating sites is another... unless he is only doing so to fuel his masturbatory fantasy. ....and when he is watching porn or talking to OW and pleasing himself..(which he is)...he is NOT thinking about you. hence, he is having sex w other women. Not "ok" in my eyes. ....this is a whole other can of worms to be discussed after you find out what is really going on. PS. when you get the time, I suggest the book "every mans battle" it's a real eye-opener. The modifier is in relation to using the sites as a fantasizing tool versus actively seeking an adultery partner. Neither is "ok." Both are damaging to the BS and the marriage, as well as damaging to him (though, like a good drug addict, he wouldn't admit it).
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Also, I am reading Codependent No More and think I'll also join a 12-step program like Al-Anon. I don't think he's an alcoholic, but his drinking has increased recently and I feel like the golf is an addiction as well. I'm bumping this because you are again posting in the Surveillance Forum about your husband using an app to hide text messages from you and photos from you. my question is, in weeks since your posted the post above, have you attended an Al-Anon meeting?
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No I haven't gone to Al-Anon yet. But I'm sure it will be part of what I'll be doing soon, as soon as I have info on his actions. I didn't want to see all this but I have to now.
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No I haven't gone to Al-Anon yet. But I'm sure it will be part of what I'll be doing soon, as soon as I have info on his actions. I didn't want to see all this but I have to now. Al-Anon has nothing to do with your husbands actions. It is treatment for you, because spouses of alcoholics become affected by the disease of alcoholism. Here is a letter from Dr. Harley regarding spouses of alcoholics, and he encourages spouses of alcoholics to join an Al-Anon support group: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5048a_qa.html
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