I’ll try to make as easy to follow as possible:
My question is “Should I end it?”

I’m in my mid 40s; one child. I’m on my second marriage (separated for two years); husband’s third. My child is a teenager from first marriage but second husband adopted.

I was separated/divorced for 2.5 years and dated no one until I met my husband. He was divorced from his first wife (nasty divorce and post divorce) and mother of his 2 children (one boy/one girl) for one year when he married someone else. He cheated on his first wife and might have been involved w/the second wife before the divorce was final; I have my suspicions. The second marriage lasted about 1.5 years and ended in divorce because of his kids. There were several women in between the second divorce and me. He was divorced from the second wife about three years when we met. The second wife was still in his life; took care of his checkbook,etc.

We dated 7 months before we married. There were family ties on both sides between us so an immediate comfort level was established. I was in church and he was just getting into church. I was lonely and had been praying that God would put someone into my life. I just knew he was God's answer to my prayer.

He is a double standards kind of person. Okay for him to have a past but not me. I admit I lied about a lot of my past to him because I felt I would lose him if he knew the truth. Nothing illegal; just some poor choices as a teenager. Remember, I was in my late thirties when I met him. We’ve been together 9 years so we’re talking about 30 plus years ago.

Less than one year after we married, he had an affair with a woman 10 years younger. She was a co-worker of his sister’s. Things weren’t going well w/us and his kids were playing games like not coming because of me and my child; would come if we weren't going to be around; would come if they could do X. I found out about the affair. Initially he denied but the next day admitted it. I decided to stay because I was so in love with him. So, the marriage has been rocky from the beginning. His children ruled the roost; the ex’s and ours. They played games with us. The son moved back and forth between our two houses almost a dozen times in three years and it was nasty each time. I have no relationship w/kids;both now grown but not gone. Bad, bad situation.

We evolved into a marriage with no relationship. We spent no time together. He took up little time w/my child and blatantly chose his over mine. There were fights over money. He lost a longtime job due to downsizing. From there we opened a company that we sold in a couple of years; bad decision to buy. He always has to have new vehicles, new clothes, etc. I drive old vehicles, more conservative. He did a few jobs for a few months each and then, 2 years ago, opened another business that is doing pretty good.

At 16, his son got a girl pregnant. They married after the baby was born. The son came to work for my husband over my objections. Over my objections, he allowed the son/wife/baby to move into our house. I told him “no” before he did it but he did it anyway. Excuse was that I had finally confessed to a lie I had told about something I had done as a 15 year old and he didn’t care what I thought. When he moved them in, my child and I moved out about 3 weeks later.

I left my pay in a joint account. My money still goes for mortgage, utilities, food, etc. I have the health insurance. He constantly threatens to take everything. He talks about the people he knows who could have me fired from my job. I am financially fine w/out him. I have great family support.

I’ve asked him for a divorce at least 3 times and, each time, he threatens to commit suicide. He accuses me of having an affair with someone at church. Not true but I have developed a friendship with the person and believe the person to be someone I could have a relationship with if I wasn’t married. He stopped going to church altogether about a year before I started talking to this person. After he found that out, he started a friendship back up with the second ex-wife. There has also been a relationship with someone he met via the business; lots of late night phone calls; lots of threats that he was going to be wtih her. All the while though he curses me like a sailor, calls me all sorts of names (slut, bit__, etc.) threatens to reveal my past to everyone, etc. Says he’ll make my life a living ******. Like he hasn’t already.

So, for the question. Do I stay married and go back home and continue to put my child into the situation with his kids and the relationship that exists between me and them; horrible. The mental abuse he has put me through from the first affair to now has been horrible. Do I try to make it work or do I go through with a divorce? We have a draft set of papers from an attorney.

Counseling – we met a couple of times w/pastor where I attend church;didn't help. We met w/a psychologist two times but he thought he was blaming him so he wouldn’t go back. We have individually talked to counselors both of whom have told us to end it; they had our side of the story only though.

Praying to God for guidance – I have been. I’ve prayed all I know to pray. I’ve asked for signs. Things will be going okay; getting along okay and I’ll ask God to show me what to do. Within hours he’ll call and we’ll get into an argument over absolutely nothing. God’s sign or a coincidence? My counselor said there are no coincidences w/God and that was a sign. Two-three others have said the same thing. I could write pages on the stuff that has gone on; mental abuse, tiny bit of physical; more throwing things than anything.

Advice, please. Do I end it for the sake of my child and my sanity and get on with my life?

I want desparately to move on and start dating. Nothing heavy, just casual friendship - dinner, movie, etc. If ever I am lucky enough to remarry I want to take my time and ensure as much as I can that I have found a good mate.

The years I've lost for no good reason. Sad stuff.

I'm interested in dating again - have been for some time, but short of resorting to online dating, I really don't know where to meet anyone.

living_well,
Would love some on-line dating tips. I look there,but have never contacted anyone. I don't want my photo out there for all to see.

So, which on-line dating sites are best? I am a young at heart 54 year old, but the last few years have added a lot of lines to my face! I am in good shape, I am financially stable so am not looking for someone to take care of me, but also do not want someone that wants me to take care of them.

Like I said - bitterly sour grapes!!
I don't know her, but some of the stuff he said to me when he first started working on her house was that she reminded him of me in that she tried to do stuff around the house on her own and some projects worked out and some didn't.
So now he is going to have someone - like me I presume - that will do the housework, do the yardwork, help with the paperwork, take care of laundry and cooking and whatever else and he will be himself.
He will get rid of his house that has some major foundation issues and move in with her.
He has landed on his feet once again. Not that I want him to fall on his face - although I guess that is what all this sounds like - but he always seems to land in a nice soft bed of feathers instead of a thornbush.
He is incredibly charming to the right woman and he always seems to land someone that has the means to support him in his endeavors.
Sour grapes , sour grapes.
I just want to find someone myself and move on, but I have been asked out zero times since he and I divorced. And I don't know why. I'm not ugly. I'm not beautiful but I am not ugly by any means. I am active - work out and run - and take pretty good care of myself.

I want to move on too but that just doesn't seemt to happen for me and it just ticks me off. I don't know what to do with myself. I found it very hard to sleep last night - maybe got 3 - 4 hours. And he's getting married in 27 days.