Your marriage CAN be saved, but recovery is a very narrow path.

No recovery is possible if you are in contact with your OW.

After No Contact is established, the next step would be up to your wife. She is going to have to completely eliminate angry outbursts for the rest of her life.

Here's what the first couple of steps would look like:

1.) Write a letter of No Contact based on these templates Here Then make sure you eliminate every way she can contact you. If this was a workplace affair, one of you must leave the job.

2.) Expose to your friends and family that you had an affair and need their help in ending the affair and staying away from OW.

3.) Write a loving letter to your wife giving her a copy of the No Contact letter that you sent to the OW. Explain to your wife that you are sorry for the pain you have caused her and that you would love to be able to recover your marriage. Explain that you would love to have a marriage with her that is loving, passionate, romantic, and safe. Tell her that you don't feel safe living with her at this time because of her abuse and that the first step in rebuilding the marriage would be for her to attend anger management.

If she has such a problem with abuse, why are your children with her and not with you?

Did she ever hit you or swerve a car at you before she found out about your affair?

The No Contact letter should be reviewed by your W before it gets sent, and SHE sends it to make sure that it gets delivered.

Again.....

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Will you go No Contact with your affair partner?

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If not, then there is No hope for your marriage And for your children to have the best life possible.

A 100% Dad would be at home nurturing a marriage and family lifestyle that the children can learn positive traits from.

LTL

Lyons your marriage can't be saved whilst you are still in an A/contact with OW.

I wanted to refer to an earlier post to emphasise the futility of A - 95% of affairs fail, it's only 5% that lead to marriage and from this small percentage 85% end in divorce ..... hardly worth pursuing an A when you could follow the MB plans and have a romantic mutually satisfying marriage.

Which will you choose? Will you end contact with the OW and rebuild your marriage and family?

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but you have to "sleep" on whether or not you will end contact with your AP?
How will you save your marriage while you remain in contact?

I will end all contact, i will be back when letter is done. i am a very sad and ashamed person right now. Please pray my wife takes me back, even though i dont deserve that

yes, that was my prior MB post in 2007, so messed up in head i didnt even remember the year

I have prayed for your marriage.

thank you. i cant live away from them anymore not sure i will ever be forgiven

My plan is to do NC letter, and move out of co habitation, then contact my wife to advise what steps i have taken.i have no idea what I need to do after that. Should our only discussions begin with a counselor present? i will live alone for as many years as it takes to get my family back Please help

You live with your OW?

yes

Good grief, I'm speechless. Why didn't you tell us this before? We've spent days posting to you without knowing this crucial fact! What were you thinking? Is this just a minor detail to you?

no sorry, thought i said!

WHERE????

Definitely move out of place with OW.
Once you have your stuff out......
give her a letter that says you are done with her for all time and to never contact you.

Then. Have a third party tell your betrayed wife that you have come to your senses and are willing to make up things to her however you need to and wait for a future time when she may be willing to let you.

You can not force it, control it or be assured it will happen BUT it is your only chance AND you must never be involved with OW again.

If your wife never takes you back to rebuild, you will eventually have to either live alone into the future or start a relationship with an all together different female to be your partner.

That is just the way it is.

No wonder you were vague about whether you would go NC! We were asking a simple question, unaware that the answer was not simply "yes" or "no".

NC for you is more complicated than writing a letter to your OW. You need to move out, and do so in such a way that she is unable to track you down and send you messages. You need to make sure she does not have your new address, and also change your email and mobile phone details. Since she knows where you work, you will have to find a way to block her incoming calls and emails at work. Your wife should not take you back if there is any chance that contact continues, and you should not lie to your wife that there is complete NC if there isn't, and since workplace contact is the easiest to keep secret from a spouse, you must close down that avenue. You might even need to change jobs.

Does she by any chance work at your employers? How did you meet her? In fact, it's best to get all the missing details of who she is and how you conducted your affair out to us now, because our advice will be a waste of time if it is based on a false premise. If OW turns out to be family member, for example, or if she goes to your church, then you will need to take different steps from someone who met OW in a bar.

Since you and OW are living quite close to your marital home now, you need to prepare to widen that distance by a long way if your marriage is to be restored. You must hope that she moves out of the place you are renting and moves far away, but if she doesn't, you and your wife will have to move house. Your wife will need to know that you have thought this through and that you are serious about making it impossible for you and OW to get together again, if she is to take you back.

No wonder you haven't so far convinced her that you are serious about restoring your marriage. You're living with OW! Didn't it occur to you that this was a significant problem?

You've created a significant problem by moving in with that tramp and it won't be easy to put that right. The repercussion go through yours and your wife's entire lifestyle.

Like I said.......

Heavens above, I missed that at the time.

Lyons, are you having a laugh, posting that you are desperate to get your family back, that you cannot live without them - while living with OW and telling us that being with her is "all you have left"?

Seriously, is this a joke?

Don't make the same mistake you did then of tackling a big job without any tools or knowledge. Do it right this time. Still living with your co-criminal would be an obvious non-starter to even the barest novice. You'll get nowhere until you start making things right step by step.