I feel like my world is going crazy
I have been married for 10 years but we have been together for 15 we have 2 beautiful kids but as time passed we got like really angry at each other, I could tell he wasn't happy n no matter what I tried fight, love him, cry, scream but our communication was just horrible all we did was fight I wanted him to show love talk to me n do things with the kids.
He told me over n over to stop it but I hated how our life have become, I don't think it was our love life it was more the connection I know he loves me n I love him very much I don't think is the love the problem but something was missing.
A few months ago we had a couple of bad weeks and one night he just told me he couldn't do it anymore n left
He came back n stayed with me one night n left the night after a week latter I told him if there was someone else I would stop asking him to comeback n he screamed in my face "don't you see is you the problem" but I took his phone n notice he had texted a girl n I saw all the things they said to each other like they where moving in together n that she couldn't wait to have kids with him.
It broken my heart n told him to go
He returned like a week later but stayed 2 nights left n comeback on and off for 2 months he keeled doing this n everytime I took him n when I know he was going back to her
Because I don't want him to go I love him but after 5 times he left I decide to go on a date maybe because I was angry who knows why n sex almost happened he found out n he was devastated till this day he thinks I had sex with the guy he came back n try really hard for a month to fix things but on Valentine's day Ihe was acting odd so I took a look at his phone n I notice he called the same gir it broke my heart n of course he left again for a week n came back we had counseling but we fought a bunch of time is like we both have this anger about the hole thing a couple of days ago he decided to tell me he miss her n that they have so much in common n it broke my heart he left again n now he is back because he misses me but he told me he really doesn't know what he wants
I told him I love him n that all we need is work hard but I started to feel like am doing wrong by taking back like maybe he is right n starting fresh with someone new is the best but I just love him so much n I love my little family I just don't know what to do anymore

Nataly, there is a very specific path to recovery. And if your husband won't take this path, you should change your locks and not have anything to do with him until he ends his affair. The first thing he has to do is end all contact for life with the OW. IT sounds, though, that she either lives or works nearby which is why he keeps going back and forth.

What do you know about the OW. Where did he meet her? Does she live close by?

They meet at a coffe shope he is 37 n she is 25 I think is the hard part he just doesn't want to cut ties with her when he does he goes for like a few days n does it again I do understand why doesn't he just make his mind because I feel like am losing it am sad all the time n the kids have to see him go every time

She lives like 30 mins from here Sometimes I feel like maybe I should be the one to let him go but it hurts so bad when he is gone I don't want a divorce n I know I want my family together but am the one always working hard to fix it n when he get "angry" about the hole situation he packs n go..... Right now all his things r inside his truck n he told me he needed to talk to his family because he doesn't know what he wants he love us but he doesn't know how to deal with it but I would think it should be like I love you n let's work it

Nataly, it sounds like you are following his plan. I would make a decision and take your life back. Sitting around waiting to be his option makes you look very unattractive to him and does not help the situation. I would give him a list of conditions and if he doesn't end his affair and guarantee he will never see this woman again, I would change the locks and not see or speak to him again until he ends his affair for life.

In your situation, you are probably going to have to move to another town to get away from the OW. If I were you, I would move to another town/state and when he ends his affair, he can follow you there. If you stay there, he will keep seeking out the OW and your marriage will have no chance.

I would start by giving him the checklist below and tell him he has to comply or you need him to leave. Additionally, I would expose his affair to everyone. Especially the OWs parents, family and friends. Go read my exposure thread for instructions.

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.
_________________________

Thanks